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Chatting with David Paul Kirkpatrick is similar to being captivated by a bingeable Netflix series. It doesn’t matter if you’re sipping cappuccino across from him in a café or perched in a tiny virtual Zoom square, the entertainment value is always bubbling under the surface, waiting for an opportunity to deliver a laugh or make a connection.



As a script reader for MGM studios, then later as president of production at both Walt Disney Pictures and Touchstone Pictures, and ultimately as president of Paramount Pictures, Kirkpatrick developed an expertise for spotting and telling a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-makes-a-good-story/">great story</a>—a skill that served him well in executive roles, too. He estimates reading more than 80,000 scripts during those years, plucking some of Hollywood’s most beloved and iconic films from the pile along the way. He shepherded several award-winning films into creation, including Ordinary People and Terms of Endearment, blockbusters Top Gun and The Hunt for Red October and franchises including Indiana Jones and Star Trek. By 2006, The New York Times had dubbed him a “kingmaker.”



It’s true that his career experience has given him incredible material to work with. But what elevates Kirkpatrick’s storytelling ability—and other movie legends like him—is his knack for forging entertainment from the seemingly innocuous and mundane moments of everyday life.



The same masterful storytelling techniques that create onscreen magic have practical applications for the workplace and the dinner table. In fact, it’s often the most tedious and dreaded tasks, like afternoon conference calls and data-heavy presentations, that deserve a dose of captivating <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/once-upon-a-time-in-marketing/">storytelling</a> the most.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-a-good-story-in-three-acts">A good story in three acts</h2>



Avid movie watchers know the “three-act structure” by heart, even if they don’t know it by name. Almost every great film opens with something going wrong that propels a character into motion, followed by even more things going wrong and, just when all appears to be lost, the character finds their way out (or doesn’t). It’s a simple undulating plot structure that hooks the viewer with tantalizing uncertainty and, if done well, reels them in for more until the final payoff.



The beauty of this model is that it translates to almost any medium. It’s the backbone to great jokes and the scaffolding for viral TED Talks, but it can also be potent fuel for watercooler banter and sales pitches. Positioning challenges within a narrative framework leaves room for triumph and a clear vision for how to overcome the perennial challenges of being a leader.



“Over the years, I got new programs approved, new buildings built and new divisions started by weaving narratives into presentations,” Kirkpatrick says. “Open with a question, wrap it around a story and hit it home with a satisfying resolve.”



For executives and entrepreneurs launching startups and leading companies within today’s economic landscape, this story architecture provides the one thing that consistently tested well and delivered high audience ratings for Kirkpatrick’s projects: hope.



“The promise of the three-act structure is that order will be restored,” he says. “That’s what really good <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-power-of-storytelling-in-business/">storytelling</a> does. It leaves us with hope.”







<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-connection-begins-with-relatability">Connection begins with relatability</h2>



When Kirkpatrick walked into a meeting as a studio executive, he knew his job title would create immediate resistance from the writers, producers, directors and actors who saw him as a “Hollywood suit.” The talent behind films had ideals about what the story should communicate, but it was his job to keep them on task, on time and, above all, on budget. To combat that friction, he built a habit of entering every meeting with a personal anecdote, even if it was just a quirky coincidence that happened to him on his way up the elevator.



“I would tell a story that was real and authentic, so they would see I was a human,” he says. “If I’m selling, I’m going to set up a story about myself right away, so that I can connect with my buyer, so they can understand who I am and trust me. Story is the great leveler. There is no better bridge than an emotional connection between two people in a story.”



Michael Eisner, Kirkpatrick’s mentor for many years and the former chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Company, once shared with Kirkpatrick that what audiences really want from a movie is to be transported, saying, “Storytelling is about traveling, but emotion is the ticket.” That tenet has become a cornerstone for how Kirkpatrick views the power of story and its ability to connect people across demographics and locations.



“They’ll never forget you if you can tell them a story that moves them emotionally,” Kirkpatrick says.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-why-your-stories-matter">Why your stories matter</h2>



Many of the films within Kirkpatrick’s purview created a lasting and meaningful impact on people. The Little Mermaid and Father of the Bride in particular have become generation-spanning fan favorites. In Kirkpatrick’s eyes, they also helped younger generations use their voice in new ways.



“I have found over the years in entertaining millions of people that, when people come into that little crystalline cocoon of two hours, they can leave refreshed because they are able to see something different for themselves,” Kirkpatrick says.



This is the power of story both on and off screen. It can spark social change, weave an enduring cultural tapestry and help spiritual wanderers derive meaning from their lives. If nothing else, they make inescapable Zoom calls bearable.



“We are wired to tell stories,” Kirkpatrick says. “It’s the human language.”&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-kirkpatrick-s-7-tips-for-boosting-your-storytelling-ability">Kirkpatrick’s 7 tips for boosting your storytelling ability</h2>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-choose-your-adjectives-and-nouns-carefully">1. Choose your adjectives and nouns carefully.</h3>



When working at Disney, Kirkpatrick learned from the parks that it was never a “zoo”; it was a “kingdom.” It was never a “place”; it was a “land” or “world.” Word replacements can make or break a story.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-find-the-connection-point">2. Find the connection point.</h3>



What matters to your audience? Identifying the deeper meaning of your story will create value for your listener and build connection.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-remember-that-everything-is-entertainment">3. Remember that everything is entertainment.</h3>



Don’t assume data and performance can’t mix. Be playful when appropriate and utilize metaphor when possible. Even PowerPoint decks need “juice.”



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-workshop-your-punch-line">4. Workshop your punch line.</h3>



Try out your go-to anecdotes on family and friends, and take note of when the emotional moments hit or what descriptive language amped up a laugh. Good storytelling takes practice, and it’s normal for it to take a few tries to get it right.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-listen-to-your-own-story">5. Listen to your own story.</h3>



Record yourself reading your first draft or leverage AI tools like <a href="https://elevenlabs.io/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ElevenLabs</a> to create audio versions of your writing. Kirkpatrick does this with each draft cycle to notice blind spots that need polishing or plot structures that need tweaking.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-follow-your-flow">6. Follow your flow.</h3>



For Kirkpatrick, 4 a.m. is his golden hour for creativity. Scour your calendar for your most distraction-free window and protect it ruthlessly.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-lean-into-your-community">7. Lean into your community.</h3>



Find others who can help and inspire. Kirkpatrick now runs <a href="https://www.storysummit.us/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Story Summit</a>, a school that connects seasoned mentors with promising emerging writers to provide support while helping students grow their storytelling craft. Writing is a solo activity, but it’s much more productive and enjoyable when it happens in community.



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/subscriptions/">January/February 2025 issue</a> of SUCCESS magazine.



Photo courtesy of David Paul Kirkpatrick

Discover 7 Hollywood-approved storytelling tips to craft compelling narratives. Learn techniques to captivate any audience.

Discover 7 Hollywood-approved storytelling tips to craft compelling narratives. Learn techniques to captivate any audience. | SUCCESS

Former Paramount Pictures President David Paul Kirkpatrick Shares How to Tell a Good Story

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7 Tips for Crafting Compelling Stories | SUCCESS

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Sarah Paulk is a freelance writer known for her interviews with the thought leaders behind multimillion- and multibillion-dollar brands. Her cover stories and feature articles have appeared in Success from Home, Direct Selling News, Empowering Women and more. Sarah is also an author and ghostwriter who helps her clients bring their memories and research to life in book form. Connect with her at her website www.sarahpaulk.com.

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Sarah Paulk

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Elevate your lifestyle for success and happiness

New Year’s resolutions are a chance to fire up the willpower that waned in the previous year. They're a chance to resolve to make ourselves do better, live more fully and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/10-daily-habits-holding-you-back-from-success/">stop holding ourselves back</a>. That resolve can go a long way—but only if it’s backed up by action items that are tailored to who we are and what motivates us to change. Using the Enneagram, we can set goals and craft New Year’s resolutions with an understanding of why we act the way we do and what it will take for us to transform our habits. 



Sean Palmer is a sought-after keynote speaker, teaching pastor at Ecclesia Houston and author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3VYJOjR" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Speaking by the Numbers: Enneagram Wisdom for Teachers, Pastors, and Communicators</a>. He describes how using Enneagram knowledge can help people set goals and make resolutions that stick.&nbsp;



“We all know what to do, we just don’t want to,” Palmer says. “It’s an emotive, soul-level push that <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-tips-to-open-your-heart-mind-and-life-to-change/">gets us to change</a>.”



<h2>How the Enneagram Impacts Your Goals</h2>



That push is different for each personality. Fives, for instance, have trained themselves to live with less. They will have to experience high levels of frustration with themselves or a system before they decide a change is worth the effort. A Seven’s resolutions might come easily since they are much more in tune with what they want. Though, their resolutions will be subject to change throughout the year as they grow bored with the process.&nbsp;



“The Enneagram reveals to us what our compulsions are, and that the best thing about us is also the worst thing about us,” he says. For Palmer, who is a Three, that means that his drive to achieve is useful in his career. It can also come at the expense of family time. “What makes you great and beautiful and useful and a gift to the world is the same thing that robs the world of who you are.”



No two types approach a situation in the same way. So, understanding how the Enneagram affects our perspective allows us to offer compassion to others. The trick is <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/a-helping-hand-how-high-fives-with-your-reflection-can-teach-you-self-compassion/">offering that same compassion</a> to ourselves. Whether you work in a “no margin for error” profession like health care or spend your days leading a large organization, being compassionate and kind to yourself <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-importance-of-self-forgiveness/">when you fail</a> is actually the most efficient way to succeed.



“You’re free to succeed in more ways and in more areas once you <a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-overcome-fear-of-failure" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">get over your fear of failure</a>,” Palmer says. “Until you fail, you don’t know that the people who love you and care for you will still be there. That’s why you have to fail.”



As we set goals and look toward the new year, Palmer emphasizes that this year comes with a dichotomy of difficulties and opportunities for each Enneagram type. “There are ways we can do business, help people and influence others that we’ve never had before,” Palmer says. But since those opportunities are coming as a package deal with troubling and chaotic challenges, Palmer says comforting ourselves in whatever way our particular Enneagram type responds to best will be essential, even as we’re striving toward change. “It’s a time to be creative, but also to be cautious,” he says. “Whatever it is <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-good-self-care-looks-like/">we do for self-care</a>, we need to double down on that to where it almost looks extreme because we are in such elevated levels of stress.”



<h2>Setting the Best Goal for Your Enneagram Type</h2>



The driving force behind <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/12-techniques-for-setting-effective-resolutions/">successful New Year’s resolutions</a>, the Enneagram reminds us, isn’t simply the constant push to the top. It's also the willingness to be compassionate toward ourselves and accept that mistakes are part of the process.&nbsp;



“Embrace failure,” Palmer says. “Your dream wasn’t big enough if you haven’t failed.”



Read on to learn how you can set <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-youre-going-to-break-your-new-years-resolutions/">New Year’s resolutions that stick</a> by matching your unique Enneagram personality to goals that will keep you motivated.&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-type-one-the-perfectionist">Type One: The Perfectionist</h3>



Habit worth changing: Fixing things that aren’t yours to fix.



A One’s life may not be alphabetized and labeled. However, when disruption strikes, they are at the front of the line, ready to set things right again. Ones are deeply motivated by being ethical and correct, so this fixing is less about order and more about a desire to improve their world and rescue those they love from unmet potential. In conversation, this often comes across as criticism. In reality they are simply trying to call others to a higher sense of purpose.&nbsp;



New Year’s resolution to consider: Forgive yourself and others when mistakes happen.



<h3 id="h-type-two-the-helper">Type Two: The Helper</h3>



Habit worth changing: Playing the martyr.



As stress levels and anxieties soar during another incredibly uncertain year, the world needs the nurturing and loving friendship of Twos more than ever. Twos have a penchant for recognizing the needs of others and can soothe family units and workplace cultures. However, this can send them into an obsessive people-pleasing spiral. Because they want to be the helper everyone needs, Twos will sometimes refuse support from others who also want to serve. But then, they'll become frustrated or resentful when they crash out of fatigue. Twos may think helping makes them the hero, but never asking for or allowing the contributions of others can actually lead Twos to feel and act like the victim.&nbsp;



New Year’s resolution to consider: Ask for help with your most emotionally taxing chore, like the dishes at home or filing at work.



<h3 id="h-type-three-the-achiever">Type Three: The Achiever</h3>



Habit worth changing: Cutting corners to get there faster.



Threes are masterful shape shifters. They can adapt and become endearing to the personalities around them in order to fit in or make a sale. Success is what drives a Three. They often chase it at their own peril, sometimes ignoring their own true happiness to do so. Threes can find it difficult to settle into family game night or playful team-building exercises that don’t result in tangible triumphs. But their craving for achievement makes them natural born cheerleaders for others who are striving toward success.



New Year’s resolution to consider: Do at least one fun activity every week that doesn’t result in profit or Instagram likes.&nbsp;&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-type-four-the-individualist">Type Four: The Individualist</h3>



Habit worth changing: Playing hard to get.



Fours remind us through their expressive and sentimental perspective that our feelings are valid, not data points to be dismissed. This emotional approach can send Fours into a darker side than most people can weather during times of crisis. Allowing room for self-care will be essential to avoid relational damage. If Fours feel like others are drawing too close, they will often withdraw simply to see if their loved one will chase after them. This game of cat and mouse is less about attention and more about testing their relationships for authenticity.&nbsp;



New Year’s resolution to consider: Develop a routine so you tend to tasks or relationships even when you don’t “feel” like it.&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-type-five-the-thinker">Type Five: The Thinker</h3>



Habit worth changing: Paralysis by analysis.



Fives are unlikely to make a resolution without researching it first. Intensely cerebral, Fives make sense of the world and current events through reading and study. There is always more investigation that can be done, so Fives often struggle putting their research to work through everyday decisions and problem solving. Fives make families and workplaces better for their wisdom. However, if an Enneagram Five is going to set a goal for the new year, they’ll need a willing accountability partner to make it happen.&nbsp;



New Year’s resolution to consider: Tell someone about your goals and give them permission to check up on you.&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-type-six-the-guardian">Type Six: The Guardian</h3>



Habit worth changing: Assuming the worst.



Sixes are responsible and trustworthy troubleshooters who can spot a loophole or pitfall before anyone else. In spite of this, Sixes struggle to trust themselves and others, and seek reassurance from more dominant personalities or leaders. This tightrope of loyalty and suspicion can breed anxiety. It is important for Sixes to ground themselves in what is real and what is the fiction they’ve constructed out of self-preservation and distrust.&nbsp;



New Year’s resolution to consider: Make a list each week to clarify what you know versus what you imagine to be true.



<h3 id="h-type-seven-the-enthusiast">Type Seven: The Enthusiast</h3>



Habit worth changing: Running from commitment.



The fun-loving and playful Seven might have a difficult time narrowing down their resolutions to just one. Their spontaneous nature makes Sevens the life of the party. It can also prevent them from fully committing to relationships or careers out of a fear that they might want to change their mind later. If an Enneagram Seven sets a goal to save for a vacation, for instance, they will need a deadline and someone who is willing to call them out when they order takeout for the fourth time in a week.&nbsp;



New Year’s resolution to consider: Recognize your coping mechanisms and use them as a signal to tune into your emotions.&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-type-eight-the-boss">Type Eight: The Boss</h3>



Habit worth changing: Talking over others.



Eights are often thought of as powerful and heavy-handed. This is more about their self-confidence and indifference toward criticism than an actual domineering attitude. Eights fear being controlled and will push back aggressively to maintain their personal sense of authority. This autonomy is an incredible resource when they resolve to challenge injustice, but as they run over people on their way to right wrongs, they can sometimes create new ones.



New Year’s resolution to consider: Invite others to share how they feel and listen to their responses.



<h3 id="h-type-nine-the-peacemaker">Type Nine: The Peacemaker</h3>



Habit worth changing: Silencing your opinion.



Easygoing Nines have a knack for listening without judgment, but have a difficult time engaging when the tables are turned. They notoriously downplay their worth. So, pairing a Nine with an assertive go-getter at home or at work will allow them to shine as a leader who hears all sides and preserves peace. That conflict avoidance also makes them professional procrastinators, so Enneagram Nines should set bigger goals than they think practical.



New Year’s resolution to consider: Start each day by tackling the task you dread the most.&nbsp;



***



Most resolutions are focused on the finish line—like the desire to lose 10 pounds, reduce anxiety or read 30 books in a year. Palmer encourages people to look at what motivates them, and make achievable goals that focus on action rather than results.&nbsp;



“You can’t control the results, but what you can control is your habits,” Palmer says. “I can control whether I exercise for 30 minutes a day, five times a week. I can take a day for Sabbath every week or sit down for 30 minutes and read. That’s how I approach goals and that’s how people change—little by little over time.”



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Want to learn more about how the Enneagram affects you and your success? Read our full Enneagram series here:



<ul><li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-enneagram-at-work/">The Enneagram at Work: What Number Are You?</a></li><li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/take-the-enneagram-checkup-are-you-the-healthiest-version-of-you/">Take the Enneagram Checkup: Are You the Healthiest Version of You?</a></li><li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-undo-success-sabotaging-habits-using-the-enneagram/">How to Undo Success-Sabotaging Habits Using the Enneagram</a></li><li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-your-enneagram-number-brings-to-the-holidays/">What Your Enneagram Number Brings to the Holidays</a></li><li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-enneagram-in-love-how-your-number-impacts-your-relationships/">The Enneagram in Love: How Your Number Impacts Your Relationships</a></li></ul>



This article was published in January 2021 and has been updated. Photo by GaudiLab/Shutterstock

Supercharge your New Year’s resolutions by setting goals that are tailored to your unique Enneagram personality type’s motivations.

Supercharge your New Year’s resolutions by setting goals that are tailored to your unique Enneagram personality type’s motivations. | SUCCESS

New Year’s Resolutions by Enneagram Type: Which Number Are You?

Enneagram Goal Setting: How to Pick Your Best Resolution | SUCCESS

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The holidays will seem cozy and magical for some, while <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-to-do-when-youve-got-the-holiday-blues/">smothering and excessive</a> to others. And odds are, both perspectives will be staying under the same roof.&nbsp;A little stress is inevitable in a season that creates lots of together time. Luckily, an ancient personality tool called the Enneagram can serve as a guide to alleviate tension at Christmas and year-end holidays. It can help us understand not just how but why we behave the way we do during the holidays.



Sarajane Case is the author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3Dc4E6B" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Enneagram Letters</a> and host of the <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enneagram-coffee/id1447982978?mt=2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Enneagram &amp; Coffee</a> podcast. Case describes our Enneagram type as what we learned we had to be in order to survive, get attention or earn love when we were children.



<h2 id="h-understanding-enneagram-and-your-personality">Understanding Enneagram and Your Personality</h2>



“It’s the tactics we chose in order to get our way,” Case says. “When we go home for the holidays and we are around our families of origin for any extended period of time, [our number] becomes more vivid and amplified.”&nbsp;



Once we know to look for it, the pattern of behavior we turn to when we aren’t getting what we want is easy to spot in ourselves. We’ve spent a lifetime perfecting it. Whether that behavior means taking over or fading into the background, constantly trying to serve others or winning at all costs, picking a fight or shutting down, the strategies we rely on are the ones that we sometimes unknowingly use when our needs clash with the demands of the people around us.&nbsp;



“Recognize that this is a tactic,” Case says. “Then recognize that everyone else is doing the same.”



This is the reason why some relatives seem to constantly press our buttons. It's why it’s confusing when friends don’t respond to connection or conflict in the way we think they should. All of us are clinging to the lifeboats we built as children, just trying to get what we need to survive. When we can see these often-irritating tactics for what they are—a signal that the person is feeling unsafe or unloved—we can look beyond their actions and move to a place of compassion.&nbsp;



“Own your part in it,” Case says. “If we say, ‘This is my stuff and I’m working on it,’ it creates more safety for the people around us to do the same. If we are aware of our own patterns, other people don’t have to hold them for us.”&nbsp;



<h2>The Impact of Enneagram on Christmas and Holiday Gatherings</h2>



In these moments of holiday friction when we’re feeling trapped, unheard or simply want to get our way, Enneagram knowledge can help us muster the compassion and sometimes awkward vulnerability necessary to prevent small differences from escalating into relational damage.



“If I, as a Seven, expect to be happy and optimistic all the time, I will push that onto other people in my life,” Case says. “The Enneagram really shows us how we expect other people to think just like we do. Our needs, when we’re not communicating them, seem confusing to the people around us.”



This Christmas and holiday season, the gift of the Enneagram is language to clearly communicate what we need to feel happy, safe and steady with the ones we love, while offering them the space to do the same.



Read on to discover what your number brings to the season and how you can honor the peculiar differences you see in yourself and others as you gather around the Christmas tree this year.



New to the Enneagram? <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-enneagram-at-work/">Click here to read Part 1</a> of our Enneagram series and identify your Enneagram number.



<h3 id="h-type-one-the-perfectionist">Type One: The Perfectionist</h3>



Ones know how to turn the hurry of the holidays into a structured, easy-to-follow schedule, complete with breaks for photo ops and hot cocoa. They’re the uncles who create spreadsheets on their iPhones to tally points during game night. They're the cousins who keep the family heirloom recipes digitized. They're the sisters who post a printed map to show guests how to properly load the dishwasher. A One's attention to detail is impeccable. Their longing to do the right thing is admirable, but their focus on how to improve the world can sometimes come across as being a little too “particular.”&nbsp;



A One’s unique ability: Creating order amid chaos.&nbsp;



Best gift for an Enneagram One: Release control and let them take charge of the things that matter to them.



<h3 id="h-type-two-the-helper">Type Two: The Helper</h3>



When Enneagram Twos are hosting, Christmas morning includes personalized gifts, guest rooms with fluffy pillows and everyone’s favorite foods already on hand. Twos are naturals at sensing the needs of others. They can feel it is their duty to meet those needs, even if it requires sacrificing their own energy. This makes them hospitable and warm hosts and houseguests. It can also quickly drain them if they don’t communicate their own needs.



A Two’s unique ability: Sensing the needs of others.



Best gift for an Enneagram Two: Notice their efforts and say thank you.



<h3 id="h-type-three-the-achiever">Type Three: The Achiever</h3>



When Threes come home for the holidays, they’re often pulling new matching luggage behind them and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/tips-to-keep-your-holiday-spending-in-check/">carrying the biggest gift</a> to place under the tree. It’s not that Threes are materialistic. It's that they truly care about the way others perceive them and are constantly striving to improve themselves. If you’re celebrating with a Three, look forward to what will likely be a next-level holiday experience. Just understand that it can sometimes come with unrealistic expectations for everyone involved.



A Three’s unique ability: Crafting unforgettable experiences.



Best gift for an Enneagram Three: Verbally express the ways their efforts succeeded.



<h3 id="h-type-four-the-individualist">Type Four: The Individualist</h3>



The holidays can be an emotional and magical time for a Four. With a penchant for nostalgia and a flair for the dramatic, they can often be found watching from the fringes, gazing wistfully as though every moment is being stored away like a sepia-toned Polaroid. Being around family or in their childhood home can stir warm memories of holidays past. But it can also serve as a reminder of all the things a Four believes they lack or have yet to become.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;



A Four’s unique ability: Creating emotional experiences to share.



Best gift for an Enneagram Four: Don’t ask about their five-year plan.



<h3 id="h-type-five-the-thinker">Type Five: The Thinker</h3>



If you want to know the history of Saint Nick or the origin of the Christmas tree tradition, the Enneagram Five in your group is a good first stop. Fives serve as the family encyclopedia. Their eagerness to learn and have thoughtful discussions is endearing. While Fives genuinely enjoy being around people, their energy levels are limited. It’s common for them to disappear from the group for an hour or two each day. It’s important to remember that this sudden disengagement is not a rejection of you, but rather <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-good-self-care-looks-like/">a self-care strategy</a>.&nbsp;



A Five’s unique ability: Boldly setting boundaries around their energy and time.



Best gift for an Enneagram Five: Remind them that their presence is important. Just don’t take it personally if they need alone time.



<h3 id="h-type-six-the-guardian">Type Six: The Guardian</h3>



Sixes tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves around the holidays. As hosts, they have backup dinners planned, extra shampoo in the bathroom and have already filled the car up with gas in case someone needs a ride to urgent care. A Six is the most loyal of the nine types. They want to be there for friends, family and partners without letting anyone down. That is, of course, impossible. But when they <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/all-you-have-is-this-moment-how-will-you-choose-to-spend-it/">allow themselves to be present</a>, they can cast off their stress and become the witty and warm individuals we know and love.



A Six’s unique ability: Preparing for every holiday crisis.



Best gift for an Enneagram Six: Don’t downplay their anxieties or concerns.



<h3 id="h-type-seven-the-enthusiast">Type Seven: The Enthusiast</h3>



Sevens are easy to spot at a holiday party. Fashionably late and never the last to leave, Sevens show up when fun is at its peak and leave before the boring cleanup process begins. At a family holiday gathering, Enneagram Sevens are the aunts who bring fireworks to Christmas. They're the grandmothers who serve ice cream for dinner. They're the brothers who declare a spontaneous outdoor scavenger hunt in the snow. Sevens bring the fun. But when they can’t gamify the drab or still moments of a gathering, they can lash out or become restless.



A Seven’s unique ability: Only looking at the bright side.



Best gift for an Enneagram Seven: Allow them to seek entertainment, even if it means stepping away from the group.



<h3 id="h-type-eight-the-boss">Type Eight: The Boss</h3>



A lack of leadership is painful for an Eight. They will take over out of a sense of duty if they sense a weakness in this area. Eights might announce a family activity without discussion or decide on a meal plan without input because they don’t feel they need a committee’s help to make the holidays run like clockwork. Celebrating with an Eight can be comforting, since everything is taken care of for you. It can also leave family members chafing against the commanding rule of their beloved Eight.



An Eight’s unique ability: Comfortable making rapid-fire decisions for the group.



Best gift for an Enneagram Eight: Communicate that you have a plan and are capable of handling the situation so they can relax.



<h3 id="h-type-nine-the-peacemaker">Type Nine: The Peacemaker</h3>



Nines are prone to piddling. It’s common to find them nibbling on cookies near the sink, flipping through an old photo album they found on the coffee table or hovering leisurely over a puzzle for a few days before announcing on Christmas Eve that they still haven’t wrapped presents. Low stress is the Christmas vibe an Enneagram Nine wants. If other family members try to hurry them, they can withdraw or become passive aggressive. When the rest of the group is willing to slow down, they’ll witness how deeply aware the Nine is of how other people are feeling and experiencing the events around them.



A Nine’s unique ability: Intuiting the feelings of others.



Best gift for an Enneagram Nine: Pay attention when they speak.



***



Just as we can feel stifled or misunderstood during the holidays, so too can others feel overrun or overlooked by our misconceptions of who they truly are. Our personality’s preferences are not always in line with the needs of others. We need to dig deeper to understand the motivations and desires of the ones we spend the holidays with. Otherwise, we’ll unknowingly create a tinderbox of tension waiting for ignition. Thankfully, the remedy is simple: Ask questions.



“I think the best gift you can give people in your life is compassionate curiosity,” Case says. “If you can show up to give no answers, but bring lots of questions, you will do so much healing in those dynamics and you will create a safe, loving environment for them to be able to show you who they are right now in this season of life.”



This article was published in December 2020 and has been updated. Photo by Halay Alex/Shutterstock

When gathering for Christmas, learning about each Enneagram type in your family can lower stress and strengthen relationships.

When gathering for Christmas, learning about each Enneagram type in your family can lower stress and strengthen relationships. | SUCCESS

What Your Enneagram Number Brings to the Holidays

What Your Enneagram Type Brings to Christmas Gatherings | SUCCESS

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Cashing In Without Selling Out: Bob’s Red Mill

Business &amp; Branding

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Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

Bob Moore was supposed to be retired when he launched the biggest entrepreneurial achievement of his life.



A serial entrepreneur, Moore built a string of business ventures, including owning gas stations in the 1950s, but a new path was born in 1961 when Bob and wife, Charlee, became captivated by a way of eating that was <a href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition/whole-foods-diet/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">based on whole foods</a>. Sourcing these healthier ingredients meant traveling to specialty food stores back then, but the two were dedicated to finding and developing whole grain recipes for their family.&nbsp;



“Always in the back of my head was this thought, ‘I wonder if I could make a living doing this?’” Moore says.&nbsp;



To make this dream come true, the couple started a milling business in 1972 in Redding, California, around giant, antique quartz stones from the 19th century that they used to grind grains. 



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Six years later, after leaving the mill to their sons, the couple retired to Oregon, where they planned to spend their golden years learning how to read the Bible in its original Greek and Hebrew languages.&nbsp;



And then Moore stumbled on an old, abandoned mill a mere mile or two from their new home.



“I couldn’t believe it,” Moore says. “I didn’t know there was another one in the world. It had been sitting there, closed for 25 years, and it really boiled down to not being able to resist it.”



Only a few months into retirement, Moore was back in business and Bob’s Red Mill was born in 1978.



<h2 id="h-modern-milling-the-ancient-way">Modern milling, the ancient way</h2>



Local news stations were enamored with the heartfelt story of a historic mill restored, and Moore’s charismatic personality and whole-grain evangelism <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-get-people-to-care-about-and-support-your-business/">captured consumer attention</a>. Two weeks after opening, Moore looked out the store window to see that the parking lot was full.



Bob’s Red Mill was on the leading edge of a cultural whole foods movement. Locally, the company was thriving, but true momentum came after major grocery chains discovered the whole grain products at trade shows. Distribution contracts were put in place, grocery stores were eager to stock Moore’s unique products and business was booming.&nbsp;



Then, in one night, after 10 years of successful business, it all went up in flames—literally. In mere minutes, and under cover of darkness, an arsonist destroyed the mill—what Bob and Charlee had spent decades learning to build and operate.



“You’re thinking in the back of your mind, ‘My whole world is burning down and what will I do?’” Moore says. “As with any situation, if you’re open to continue, there’s always a way to keep going. So, we went back to work.”



Bob’s Red Mill relocated to a larger 20,000-square-foot building, then a 50,000-square-foot warehouse, as customers like grocery chain Fred Meyer waited patiently for him to rebuild.



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“We modernized everything except the mill part,” Moore says.&nbsp;



The company continued to grow exponentially, and today requires a combined 800,000 square feet of office, milling and warehouse space for its operations. But the core of its processes remain reliant on the slower, antique method of grinding grains on millstones that Moore learned decades prior. It’s a meticulous process that churns out product slower than a more contemporary approach, but it’s also a juxtaposition that reflects Moore’s own leadership style. On one hand, he has scaled a truly enormous, efficient business that radiates a calculated and strategic vision. And yet, it is Moore’s down-to-earth personality, his jovial laughter and an old-world Biblical commitment to “doing the right thing” when it comes to his <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-put-your-employees-well-being-first/">employees’ well-being</a> that remain the heartbeat of Bob’s Red Mill.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-bossgoals">#BossGoals</h2>



In the company’s earliest days, long before annual revenues climbed well beyond the $100 million mark where they reside today, investors from both inside and outside the company were knocking on Moore’s door. Employees were asking for a way to buy into the company and conglomerates wanted to buy him out, but Moore wasn’t ready to relinquish control of the business.



“I thought I [still] had some pretty good ideas, and I guess it turned out that I did,” Moore says.



Instead, he made the unconventional choice to launch a profit-sharing program in the early 2000s. Each month, Moore divvied up a portion of his profits among his then 25 employees according to their tenure and hourly wage.&nbsp;



“That to me was fundamental and basic,” Moore says. “Yeah, I could have put the money in my pocket. I might have even been able to keep my people, but it just seemed like the right thing to do.”



It didn’t take long for his employees to see a direct link between their efforts, the company’s bottom line and their own profit-sharing checks, but Moore wanted to involve them even more. Slowly, he worked to incorporate an <a href="https://www.esop.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Employee Stock Ownership Plan</a> (ESOP). He couldn’t afford to do it all at once, so he gave the employees one-third of the company at a time over the course of a decade, until Bob’s Red Mill was a 100% employee-owned company in 2010. Today, all company stock is owned by employees, and when they leave, the company buys it back from them.



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Packaging-Line-Granola-2-1024x682.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-63993"/></figure>



This employee-ownership choice hasn’t proven popular among many competitors. It’s common—even expected—that company founders in the same echelon as Moore would become extraordinarily wealthy without any obligation to spread that wealth to lower ranking members of the staff. It is, after all, Bob’s Red Mill. Would anyone blame him for keeping the spoils of his hard work and ingenuity to himself? But Moore says staying aware of who keeps an operation growing is vital to its success.&nbsp;



“I couldn’t do this without 750 people,” Moore says, “so why should I take it all?”



<h2 id="h-reimagining-retirement">Reimagining retirement</h2>



At 93, Bob is still an active member of the company’s executive team. He comes to work every day, starting with a steaming bowl of his signature steel cut oats at his desk with long-time assistant Nancy, and then gets to work on projects. Each day involves greeting employees, staying informed on the previous day’s sales numbers and meeting with the company’s CEO and CFO to do his share of keeping the company on track.



Retirement, he believes, is doing all the things you’ve wanted to do but couldn’t because you were working. “There’s not too many things like that in my life,” Moore says.



Moore does have interests outside of the mill’s walls, including <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-create-an-exercise-routine-that-doesnt-suck/">an exercise regimen</a>, a voracious reading habit, a travel schedule and a love for playing the piano. All of these elements, including a lifelong love story with wife Charlee, who passed at age 90, have allowed him to crack the code on longevity in business. But while many people see retirement as their great escape, for Moore, work is the thrill he chases.



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“I’ve enjoyed all of this—the energy, the creativity, the success,” Moore says. “Success is so sweet. It really is sweet.”



More than four decades after launching Bob’s Red Mill, that success is undeniable. From the outside looking in, however, it can be easy to wonder how his method—a stark contrast from so many large operations—could be so effective. Most titans of industry hoard power and wealth, but Moore, it seems, is actively pursuing ways to rid himself of both.



Through the ESOP, he gives away a good measure of his power and control to his employees, but that action appears to have <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/to-lead-is-to-serve-others/">empowered him as a trusted leader</a>. Multi-decade careers with Bob’s Red Mill are common.&nbsp;



Every month he hands over a hefty slice of his own profits, but that generosity has only increased his return. The company’s value and revenues continue to climb.



“Big companies swallow little companies, and bigger companies swallow big companies,” Moore says. “This is a love of power and money and, honestly, the best way to break out of that is to have some kind of faith that you’ll be taken care of if you work and share success with the people who make it possible.”



Moore’s name and recognizable smile now line grocery store shelves around the world. It’s one more uncommon approach in business that he insists is important for leaders: refusing to hide behind the brand and truly “stick his neck out,” as he describes it.



“My image, in a sense, is a way of answering, ‘Who is responsible for this product?’ And there’s my picture—I am responsible,” Moore says. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be personally responsible, but as of today, I’m still responsible, and I hope you like my products.”

Only a few months into retirement, Moore was back in business and Bob’s Red Mill was born in 1978.

Only a few months into retirement, Moore was back in business and Bob’s Red Mill was born in 1978. | SUCCESS

Cashing In Without Selling Out: Bob’s Red Mill | SUCCESS

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Future of Work

Future of Work Archives

Future of Work | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Success

Success Archives

Success | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

There’s a moment during a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-training-for-a-marathon-pushed-me-to-seek-more/">long distance run</a> when the body begins to beg for mercy. It’s then, as the muscle cramps and exhaustion take hold, that runners have a choice to make: quit or keep going.



For Chuck Goetschel, an extreme runner and serial entrepreneur, that “hitting the wall” feeling has become an integral part of his success both on and off the racetrack.



“If I’m running a 24-hour race, after four hours of running, your feet hurt and your legs hurt and you’re tired and want to stop,” Goetschel says. “So how you do run for 20 more hours? You come head-to-head with yourself. You have a battle.”



The key is choosing those battles, rather than waiting for them to come to you. Goetschel, who was recently approved to compete in the <a href="https://www.marathondessables.com/en" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Marathon Des Sables</a>, a six-day, 156-mile race in the Sahara Desert nicknamed the Toughest Footrace on Earth, has found that it’s in these grueling moments—when he is forced to supersede the limitations of his mind and body—that he is able to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-ways-to-build-grit-when-you-need-it-most/">tap into the grit</a> that can only come from experiencing the extreme.



“In the most extreme elements, you get an opportunity to grow yourself and to push to another gear,” he says. “I can’t do that sitting on the couch. Putting myself in those extreme moments gives me a chance to find out how tough I can be internally and to grow that tenacious muscle to a higher level.”



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-full"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Corner-Office-Feature-2.png" alt="" class="wp-image-62457"/></figure>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-problems-are-the-answer">Problems are the answer.</h2>



Those muscles have come in handy for Goetschel, who began his entrepreneurial career at age 10 and has since built multiple businesses spanning categories and channels—all of which required extreme perseverance and effort. His experiences have led him to write two books—<a href="https://amzn.to/33uFxxV" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Anatomy of a Comeback</a> and <a href="https://amzn.to/3qo7aS9" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Simon Says: Living Your Life Purpose… and Not Just Following the Crowd</a>.



Early in his career and looking to supplement his work as a professional athlete, Goetschel joined a company with a network marketing business model and discovered that the business, in his opinion, was built around an antiquated system. To provide a solution, he assembled a small group of talented team members and built a process that was easy to replicate. His small organization ultimately grew into a $40 million worldwide business, a feat that earned him a spot on the company’s advisory board of directors.



But after a leadership dispute, Goetschel and a few others parted ways with the company. Over the next few weeks, approximately 75,000 distributors followed his lead, and the company sued Goetschel for $100 million—litigation that would tie up his finances and energy for years.



“Building the first big thing is not so bad, but building the second big thing, when you are literally bankrupt and have no money, that’s really hard to pull yourself back up,” he says. “<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-start-over/">Starting over again</a> with all of that on your back is probably the greater accomplishment.”



Although his first big success resulted in a dire financial situation, it also revealed his two greatest strengths: identifying problems and delegating the solutions to talented people. As he scrambled to get back on his feet, Goetschel says, he went back to basics, asking himself how he could combine his own gifts and passions to create solutions that would help or serve others.



For Goetschel, the answer made his next steps obvious. With a degree in computer science and a heart for entrepreneurship, he launched an <a href="https://www.successacademy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">online university that taught entrepreneurs</a> how to engage customers during the early days of the internet. Goetschel gathered 30 professors from around the world and the school appeared to be a success.



Then he read the graduates’ exit surveys.



“Almost all the graduates said, ‘Now I know what I should be doing, but I’m still not going to do it,’ ” he says. “I realized, that’s not solving a problem, that’s just knowledge on ice.”



He launched Paradigm Marketing Alliance as a remedy, creating social media content for those entrepreneurs and other franchise brands. The next problem? Creating all of that content was expensive, so Goetschel built Rallio, a social media technology platform, in order to automate numerous processes that were previously manual efforts. The company is also working to take the guesswork out of social media and allow users to pinpoint fine details such as which posts have generated the most revenue by category. Among its existing B2B partnerships is the app NOW, which provides a social selling toolbox for solopreneur users, offering automated sampling and digital commerce solutions.



This pattern of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-art-of-problem-solving-4-creative-strategies-to-tackle-your-biggest-obstacles/">identifying the problems within the problems</a> defines Goetschel’s approach to life and business. It’s not great ideas that change the world or build successful businesses, he believes, but rather problem-solving.



“To come up with an idea is so backwards thinking,” he says. “Stop thinking of ideas and start looking for solutions and for problems to solve. Spend all of your mental energy finding and defining the problem, and then solve it.”



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-don-t-be-boring">“Don't be boring.”</h2>



Rallio’s culture and operating practices echo Goetschel’s extreme style. Company mugs bear the slogan “Don’t be boring,” and employees are encouraged to take vacation days whenever they like as long as their work gets done. Ping pong tables and office parties are the norm, and company executives are often plucked from obscurity for their talent rather than career pedigree. For example, Rallio employees picked a barista from the Starbucks across the street to join the marketing team as an intern because he made them laugh each morning with his quick wit and humor. Soon his creative approach earned him a position providing entertaining copy to the marketing team and acting in their numerous videos.



“I appreciate loyalty and longevity, but you don’t move up ranks based on the timing of your annual review,” he says. “That’s not the best thing for the whole team. The best thing is for you to be constantly trying to grow and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-30-days-of-kindness-made-me-a-better-person/">become a better person</a> so that you obviously rise up and are needed at a higher level. Promotions are based on who you are becoming.”



Big picture optimism and an encouraging work environment are important to Goetschel, but so is what he describes as necessary pessimism, a mindset that allows his team to constantly look for what’s missing and anticipate worst-case scenarios.



Living in the tension of these extreme opposites—a fun, inclusive working environment mixed with a heightened sense of what could go wrong—have become Goetschel’s secret sauce.



“We’re looking for extreme people,” Goetschel says. “If you have a collection of extreme people, who are passionate about a vision, something good is going to come out of it.” 



This article originally appeared in the January/February 2022 Issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photos by Paksit Photos and courtesy of Chuck Goetschel

This pattern of identifying the problems within the problems defines Goetschel’s approach to life and business. It’s not great ideas that change the world or build successful businesses, he believes, but rather problem-solving.

This pattern of identifying the problems within the problems defines Goetschel’s approach to life and business. It’s not great ideas that change the world or build successful businesses, he believes, but rather problem-solving. | SUCCESS

Bankrupt and Facing a $100 million Lawsuit, This Entrepreneur Learned the Power of Grit

From Bankruptcy to Grit: Entrepreneur's $100M Lawsuit Lesson

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Professional Growth

Professional Growth Archives

Professional Growth | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Do you know your Enneagram number?&nbsp;



When a potential employer asks that question during a job interview, you want to know the answer.



But whether the Enneagram comes up during the hiring process, in an office training session on group dynamics, or not at all, gaining more self-awareness through the Enneagram can only serve to improve your personal development and boost your career.



Click “Start” to test your Enneagram knowledge and, remember, the Enneagram doesn’t serve to define how we behave, but rather why we behave the way we do. No quiz can replace patient study and self-examination.



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If you’re new to the Enneagram or would like a quick refresher, check out the SUCCESS Enneagram series here:



Part 1: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-enneagram-at-work/">The Enneagram at Work</a> Part 2: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/take-the-enneagram-checkup-are-you-the-healthiest-version-of-you/">Take the Enneagram Checkup: Are You the Healthiest Version of You?</a> Part 3: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-undo-success-sabotaging-habits-using-the-enneagram/">How to Undo Success-Sabotaging Habits Using the Enneagram</a>

The Enneagram test is as much about your knowledge base as it is about self-awareness. Ready?

The Enneagram test is as much about your knowledge base as it is about self-awareness. Ready? | SUCCESS

[Quiz] Test Your Enneagram Knowledge

[Quiz] Test Your Enneagram Knowledge | SUCCESS

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Patrice Washington Is Redefining Wealth By Scaling Joy

Money

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Achieve financial success and freedom

Patrice Washington was on food stamps the day she <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-i-turned-down-a-full-time-job-for-freelancing/">turned down a job offer</a> from Steve Harvey. Sleeping on her brother’s couch and desperate for steady income, Washington remembers sitting across from the entertainer and his manager, grateful for the offer, while the words “I can’t do it” spilled out of her mouth almost automatically.



To be clear, Harvey and his team were like family to Washington, who had worked as Harvey’s intern years earlier while studying at the University of Southern California. “I was supposed to be there for 60 days and ended up staying for two-and-a-half years,” Washington says. “It was an amazing experience.”



In the years that followed, Washington built a booming seven-figure real estate and mortgage brokerage. It was an impressive feat to accomplish right out of college and one she skillfully crafted through her own ambition, work ethic and intelligence. And it was gone overnight.



The <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-my-motto-is-do-it-anyway/">crash of the housing market</a> in 2008 and subsequent recession decimated her business, leaving her on welfare and food stamps and—eventually—sitting across from a generous Harvey who offered to create a job with the sole purpose of helping her get back on her feet.



“I went in excited and, as I was listening to the opportunity, it didn’t sound like it had anything to do with personal finance education, which is what I really felt led and called to do,” Washington says.



In the back of her mind, Washington was also mulling over a call she received just moments before arriving at Harvey’s office. The president of the nonprofit where she volunteered as a personal finance educator for kids wanted her for a new role as a financial management consultant, where she would help people with their budgets and credit reports. The catch: It wouldn’t be available for nine months.



”I didn’t even ask how much money it would be,” Washington says. “I thought, This is a dream! When can I start?”



So, as she sat across from Harvey, Washington knew her answer needed to be no.



“In true Steve Harvey fashion, he said, ‘You’re broke, ain’t ya?’” she says. “I told him I didn’t want to come in and commit and have him create this space for me, and then not stick with it because it’s not what I want to do. It was an opportunity I knew my family needed, but I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘yes’ and get trapped in a scenario I knew I would not <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-success-doesnt-mean-youre-living-a-fulfilled-life/">be fulfilled</a> in.”



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Patrice-Washington-2-748x1024.jpg" alt="Patrice Washington" class="wp-image-61953"/></figure>



It’s this courage to say “no”—to opportunities, to money and to fame—when it doesn’t <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/do-your-actions-match-your-values/">align with her values</a> or her calling that has shaped Washington’s career in the face of adversity and uncertainty. Turning down an attractive and timely opportunity with Harvey’s organization is one of many times throughout the years that she has stood her ground against the odds.



“People sometimes ask me if I feel like that was the most responsible thing,” Washington says. “It’s the thing that got me here, so I don’t regret it at all. It’s a choice I would make over and over again, and it’s a choice I have made at different junctures in my career when people have made me offers, or tried to give me opportunities that look great and sound wonderful on paper, but aren’t in alignment with what I feel called to do. I’ve turned down hundreds of thousands of dollars, easily, over the last five years for this same reason.”



<h2 id="h-blind-spot-protection">Blind Spot Protection</h2>



Saying “no” as she did takes guts and no small amount of confidence, but Washington is transparent about the fact that she has not always been so self-assured. As a child, she remembers a relative telling her she was “the ugly one” in the family, a nickname that embedded itself deep into her psyche and impacted her well into her adult years.



“I grew up feeling very ugly and insecure,” she says. “I was the ugly duckling in the family and I was not the cute friend. I really leaned into achievement because, if nothing else, I was the smart one or the one who could figure it out.”



In her early 20s, her husband, who was still her boyfriend at the time, recommended she try therapy to address the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-steps-to-change-your-self-limiting-beliefs/">impact her limiting beliefs</a> were having on their relationship. It was this first step toward relinquishing the stranglehold of past hurts that unlocked the possibility of her future.



“I learned to adopt a new definition of forgiveness, which is giving up the possibility of a better past,” she says. “The past is the past; there’s nothing I can do to rectify that. I can only go forward.”



Emotional labor through therapy sessions was a key component of Washington’s ability to earn her first seven-figure income at the age of 25, and confidently close sales in her mid-20s. It’s also why she continues to invest in external support, checking in with her personal therapist on a biweekly basis and joining her husband Gerald at couples therapy every other month to avoid what she calls “blind spots” in her life, relationships and business. When a crisis pops up, she increases the frequency of her sessions even more. Personal finance and therapy may not seem to go hand-in-hand, but in her experience, those who ignore their traumas are often the ones who end up making <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/10-money-habits-that-are-leaving-you-broke/">poor money management decisions</a>.



“Greatness is not created in isolation,” she says. “There is no way we can do it by ourselves and there is always someone who knows more than you do who can be of support to you. So, I’m going to have therapy until I die.”



<h2 id="h-redefining-wealth">Redefining Wealth</h2>



Hitting rock bottom was clarifying for Washington. She reached a defining moment in 2009, when she discovered a revelatory Bible passage in Proverbs 17:16 that reads, “What good is money in the hands of a fool if they have no desire to seek wisdom?” Washington realized that while she had been armed with knowledge and had access to money, she had not been acting wise.



As she began digging into the meanings of the words she had chased for so long, a surprising definition from the 12th century caught her eye. Wealth meant material possessions, of course, but it had also been synonymous with well-being and happiness. It was a turning point that ignited a passion and a new business path.



“What I really wanted was peace,” she says. “I think that’s what a lot of people desire when they say ‘I want to make six or seven figures.’ So, for me, the pursuit of wisdom is asking how I can live my life in a way that I’m well, happy, fulfilled and peaceful. And, at some point, ask how I can allow myself to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/you-can-choose-happiness/">be content</a> with that and not in a constant relentless pursuit of more and more and more.”



<a href="https://patricewashington.com/listen/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Redefining Wealth</a>, Washington’s international community of people committed to weaving together their career, health, home and personal finances, was built on this new holistic definition. It was a seismic pivot from real estate, and while she felt confident in her new direction, the nagging feelings of self-doubt continued to plague her.



“I’ve never considered myself fearless,” she says. “I’ve learned to coexist with fear or cooperate with it and allow it to be more fuel and acknowledge it. I don’t want to stuff it down and it sabotage me later.”



Metabolizing fear, rather than allowing it to take root, is an exercise she describes in her most recent book, <a href="https://amzn.to/2X1jdsH" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Redefine Wealth for Yourself</a>. In one exercise, a “What If vs. What Is,” she asks readers to fold a journal page in half lengthwise and write the “what ifs”—or things that create anxiety and stress—on the left, and write the “what is”—or things that remind them of what they have already overcome, who they have served, and what their belief system says about the situation—on the right.



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Patrice-Washington-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-61952"/></figure></div>



“That usually is the thing that lets me get up from my <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/create-a-bulletproof-routine/">morning quiet time</a> recharged, knowing I’ve got this,” she says.



And if the “what ifs” do come true, Washington has found that listing them out makes her uniquely prepared. With contingency plans at the ready, worst-case scenarios are not the end of the story, but rather one more plot twist.



“Sometimes you may have the best idea in your head and then you put it out there and the market is like, ‘Yeah, I don’t want that,’” she says. “If that worst-case scenario happens, guess what? You can pivot and turn it into something else. That’s how I live my life. I’ve had too many lows at this point in my life to just let anything knock me out and keep me down. I’m always going to find a ‘what is’ and get back up.”



<h2 id="h-the-wake-up-call">The Wake-Up Call</h2>



For the past decade, Washington has been known as America’s Money Maven, helping people shift from debt management to money mastery. She has written five books, appeared on national TV shows, been featured in national media outlets like CNBC and Essence, and hosted her own radio segment on a nationally syndicated show. But even transformational career shifts that are born from scripture and rock-bottom experiences can be subject to pivots, and it was one of those flashy guest appearances—this time on The Dr. Oz Show—that signaled to her that her <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/31-things-that-happen-when-you-finally-decide-to-live-your-dreams/">calling was shifting</a>.



“We were having this conversation about saving on groceries and it was one of those still, small voices that hits you, and I thought, I don’t want to talk about saving on groceries anymore,” she says.



To really move the wealth needle for people, she knew she needed to address bigger concepts than coupons, credit scores and budgeting. In other words, she believes they need to be consciously living.



“When I went from having a seven-figure business to scraping up change in the last recession and ended up on welfare and food stamps, I had to do more than just save on groceries,” she says. “The truth is, in order for me to rebuild my life, there were so many other things that were going on behind the scenes. It wasn’t just the surface things I kept being asked about.”



Her new approach meant the conversation would be about <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/i-stopped-chasing-money-heres-what-happened/">chasing purpose not wealth</a>, and teaching others about the “six pillars” she’s defined that impact financial behaviors. Each of the pillars—Fit, People, Faith, Space, Work and Money—are constructed to help people see how their mental fitness, relationships, beliefs, the structure of their life, and what they spend their days doing, dramatically impact their connection and engagement with money.



Her new aim is to help people move into a more meaningful direction, where they find themselves aligned with their own purpose and pursuing not just the type of wealth that builds nest eggs, but the wealth of a life well-lived.



“I think there’s an opportunity for many of us who <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-is-success/">define success</a> beyond just money and material possessions to truly build great careers and businesses based on leading with purpose,” she says. “I don’t have a desire to be a public success and a private failure.”



<h2 id="h-opportunity-full-circle">Opportunity, Full Circle</h2>



Washington turned 40 earlier this year. These days, she is leaning into the unknown. Untethered from any particular modality, she finds satisfaction in all of her work—from hosting a podcast to writing books—but insists that if she feels led to end any of those endeavors tomorrow, she will. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-signs-youre-addicted-to-ambition/">Achievement addiction</a> is something she has battled most of her life, and her newest challenge is to discover what it is like to simply love herself apart from what she has accomplished.



That’s a big ask for someone who made her first sale in the third grade and has continued to reinvent her career ever since, but Washington is committed. As a personal finance expert, refusing to find her identity in unnecessary numbers was the most important (and difficult) place to start.



“I realized I was making unhealthy attachments to certain numbers, whether that be the number on the scale or my credit score,” she says. “I don’t want to be driven by all these things.”



She’s also settling back into the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/saying-no-to-more-why-giving-your-brain-space-to-wander-improves-your-productivity/">power of saying no</a>. For now, that means taking an entire month off of work and trusting that the team she empowered to run her business can handle their tasks. It means rearranging the family calendar to bring her daughter or husband with her on location when appropriate, to give them an understanding of her work and the impact it has on the world. And in the fleeting experience of parenthood, it means <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Asuccess.com%3A+digital+detox&amp;rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS942US944&amp;sxsrf=AOaemvJabWeDysR6XexaUAeKCg08Q8cv8w%3A1631004602078&amp;ei=uic3YfaSBIadkwW8z4DIBA&amp;oq=site%3Asuccess.com%3A+digital+detox&amp;gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EANKBAhBGAFQ9SlY9zRg-TRoAXAAeACAAbMCiAGVC5IBBzEuMi4zLjGYAQCgAQHAAQE&amp;sclient=gws-wiz&amp;ved=0ahUKEwj217vPvezyAhWGzqQKHbwnAEkQ4dUDCA4&amp;uact=5">silencing her phone</a> to celebrate every moment, often with her teenage daughter’s latest flavor obsession at the local Crumbl Cookies store.



Responsibly taking a break from work to enjoy life’s simple moments has required just as much bravery as walking away from attractive but misaligned opportunities through the years. Those experiences, however, have taught Washington that saying “no” now doesn’t mean the answer will be “no” forever.



In 2014, while in the process of launching her second book, Washington revisited the Steve Harvey organization—this time as a guest on his radio show. Her one-time interview was a hit, and soon she was invited to lead a weekly segment on The Steve Harvey Morning Show, a partnership that lasted four years.



“If it doesn’t fit where I am or what I desire in this stage of my life, it’s OK to say ‘no’ because what’s for me will be for me,” Washington says. “The Steve Harvey opportunity came back around years later, bigger and better than I could have imagined, but I had to say ‘no’ and release any attachment first, and then allow it to come back around. If something is supposed to be for you, it will find its way back to you.”



For Washington, pursuing wealth that is rooted in conscious wisdom has given her a chance to devote time and resources to her life’s most important investments: well-being, joy and, most of all, family. Pivoting, she has discovered, isn’t quite so scary when you know who will be there waiting for you when the dust settles.



“At the end of my life, I’m going to remember the fun I have in the car eating Crumbl cookies with my daughter,” she says. “So, I’m trying to figure out: How do I scale joy? I’ve figured out how to scale my business, but <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/i-stopped-worrying-then-happiness-showed-up/">how do I scale joy</a>? That’s what I want to do this next decade and beyond.”



This article originally appeared in the November/December 2021 Issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photos ©Bobby Quillard

Pursuing wealth that is rooted in conscious wisdom has given her a chance to devote time and resources to her life’s most important investments: well-being, joy and, most of all, family. Pivoting isn’t quite so scary when you know who will be there waiting for you when the dust settles.

Pursuing wealth that is rooted in conscious wisdom has given her a chance to devote time and resources to her life’s most important investments: well-being, joy and, most of all, family. Pivoting isn’t quite so scary when you know who will be there waiting for you when the dust settles. | SUCCESS

Patrice Washington Is Redefining Wealth By Scaling Joy | SUCCESS

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Professionals celebrate their achievements with a high five

Culture &amp; Workplace

Culture &amp; Workplace Archives

Culture &amp; Workplace | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Jennifer Johnson

Learn how the Enneagram at work can improve team dynamics, boost emotional intelligence and create a more resilient, collaborative workplace.

Learn how the Enneagram at work can improve team dynamics, boost emotional intelligence and create a more resilient, collaborative workplace. | SUCCESS

The Enneagram at Work: Which Number Are You?

Using the Enneagram at Work to Build Stronger Teams and Careers

Use the Enneagram at Work to Build Stronger Teams | SUCCESS

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Are You Ready to Hire a Virtual Assistant?

Allowing employees to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-working-from-home-can-make-you-more-productive/">work from home</a> will definitely zap company culture and drain productivity.



Or at least that’s what many entrepreneurs believed just one year ago. Since then, the labor landscape has shapeshifted and, in what felt like a global case study for remote work, virtual workers proved that they did not succumb to distraction or slack off when given more autonomy and flexibility.&nbsp;



In fact, rather than working less, most remote workers reported putting in more hours and becoming more productive when they ditched the office. <a href="https://www.rescuetime.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">RescueTime</a>, a time tracking and distraction-blocking software company that serves millions of users, found that remote workers spent <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/work-from-home-productivity-data/#:~:text=While%20this%20might%20seem%20like,hours%20spent%20on%20core%20work" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">58 more hours on core work</a> over the year and were 20 percent more likely to complete their daily tasks than in-office workers.



For established companies who rely on a remote workforce, like <a href="https://belaysolutions.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">BELAY</a>—a staffing company that provides virtual support teams—this rush of productivity is no surprise. For the past decade, BELAY has been witnessing this phenomenon firsthand through its network of contractors who supply virtual support as assistants, bookkeepers, web maintenance professionals and social media strategists. Not only are their virtual teams productive, they’re also happier, earning “best workplaces” honors despite not actually having a workplace, per se.



It’s this distribution of talent across geography, lifestyles and interests that makes up the virtual assistant model’s “secret sauce” and helps companies increase profit margins and productivity while boosting enthusiasm and satisfaction for employees. In its fourth quarter of 2020 and first quarter of 2021 financial reports—while many other companies were experiencing layoffs and frantically downsizing—BELAY announced record-breaking numbers. Virtual assistants, it appears, are part of the new normal.



<h3 id="h-delegating-the-overwhelm">Delegating the Overwhelm</h3>



The question executives and entrepreneurs launching startups often ask is, “When should I hire an assistant?” BELAY’s CEO Tricia Sciortino believes the answer is simple: As soon as you can afford it.



“You do not need to be managing email and invoicing and bookkeeping,” she says. “If you’re growing, or want to grow, someone has to take off a load.”



Handing the minutiae of backend support tasks off to a qualified professional allows leaders the calendar capacity to focus on their company’s growth and, more importantly, their own personal peace of mind.&nbsp;



“A lot of what we serve into is overwhelm,” Sciortino says. “There are so many moving parts: the finances, the sales, the marketing, the billing. We want to come in and say ‘You don’t have to hold all of those plates. We have people who can take some of that off of you so we can <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed/">reduce your overwhelm</a>, and so you can lead from a place of health—both mentally and physically.’ ”



Most leaders could benefit from an assistant, but <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/could-you-work-in-a-virtual-reality-virbela/">why virtual</a>? Simply put, because virtual assistants only work when there is work to be done. Unlike an in-office staff, virtual assistants don’t show up to the office for a predetermined number of hours each day. Instead, they leverage their working hours to the benefit of their own work-life balance and the executive they serve, which lowers overhead and boosts productivity for both parties.



“Honestly, the flexibility is unbelievable,” Sciortino says. “My assistant takes care of so much for me that allows me to be an executive, to strategize, to plan, to lead and to make complex decisions. She relieves me from things I don’t need to be doing like email, booking travel and project planning. I love all of that stuff, but I also don’t want to be working 70 hours a week.”



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Image2_Virbela-1024x682.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-60852" width="767" height="511"/><figcaption>Why stop at a virtual assistant when you can have an entire virtual office? <a href="http://virbela.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Virbela</a>, a SUCCESS sister company, aims to be the workplace of the future. Visit <a href="http://virbela.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Virbela.com</a> for a tour.</figcaption></figure></div>



<h3 id="h-building-long-distance-trust">Building Long-Distance Trust</h3>



Conservatively, finding and hiring a new employee takes companies an average of eight weeks to complete. Not to mention the added burden of sifting through stacks of résumés, arranging interviews and painstakingly checking references. Most virtual staffing firms can cut that timeline in half because they come prepared with a database of vetted, ready-to-go contractors and an analytic process for matching client needs.



But even with these advantages, entrusting a stranger takes some adjustment. It can be easy to take for granted the nuances of in-person work relationships and how much camaraderie and loyalty is built through insignificant interactions like water cooler banter and carpooling to events. Even knowing what someone’s office looks like, how tidy they keep their desk and what pictures fill the walls of their cubicle, can provide a level of comfort. Those subconscious signals evaporate in an online-only collaboration.



So, instead of skipping straight to sharing sensitive material, Sciortino suggests scaling the handoff of responsibilities to a new virtual assistant at a pace that allows both parties to feel secure. This means starting with the task you most want to get rid of and gradually adding new layers of work. If your most taxing office burden is scheduling, hand over the keys to your calendar and trust your assistant to send the emails and make the calls necessary to keep meetings from double-booking. From there, develop a priority list of what you’d like taken off of your plate—travel planning, follow-up phone calls, research, filing, inbox management—and take baby steps until those are comfortably transitioned over. The key is making sure that you empower as you entrust to prevent sabotaging both of your efforts.&nbsp;



Confident team-building happens slowly over time, and in a digital-only working environment, that development will require engagement from both employer and assistant. That can be accomplished through a standing appointment each week to talk over video chat, where tone and body language are better expressed than they are through emails or text, or a bi-weekly video chat appointment to replace the communal vibe of an in-office staff lunch. The goal is to meet as normally as possible, even though you’re potentially miles—or even oceans—apart.



“Relational capital is huge, especially in assistant relationships,” Sciortino says. “Executives need to be part of that trust process…. Invest in the relationship and trust will follow.”



<h3 id="h-the-future-of-the-virtual-office">The Future of the Virtual Office</h3>



Working with a virtual assistant does have a learning curve. Digital office culture requires different boundaries, since the lines between work and home are often significantly blurred, and digital fatigue is a real problem that leaders need to be aware of. But creatively designing guardrails for the benefit of both the team and the bottom line happens whether employees are in the building or out. If your team is trustworthy and skilled in their roles, productivity will be a given, and that’s true whether they work autonomously or just down the hall.&nbsp;



The choice to send workers home felt temporary in 2020. Remote work seemed like a pandemic-induced stopgap then, but it’s now becoming apparent that global acceptance of a virtual staff—especially assistants—is here to stay. Solopreneurs and business leaders alike now have the unique opportunity to take that leap while the trend is still emerging.



“As far as virtual assistant services, the need is greater than ever,” Sciortino says. “More people are turning to workforce support and we’re seeing the industry expand in places we have never seen before. We’re seeing opportunity for where virtual assistants can support run the gamut of every industry.” 



This article originally appeared in the July/August 2021 issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock

Hiring help is the first big leap for an entrepreneur.

Hiring help is the first big leap for an entrepreneur. | SUCCESS

Are You Ready to Hire a Virtual Assistant? | SUCCESS

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10 Female-Led Podcasts You Should Subscribe to Today

In a world that often drowns out women’s voices, podcasting has become a space where women get to speak first and, if they get shouted over, have the editing power to still get their message across to a wide audience. It’s a medium where presentation, length and style are as unique as the host, and its free-for-listeners format levels the playing field in a way that other mentor or education opportunities can’t match.&nbsp;



Through narrative artistry and data-backed research, the women behind the 10 podcasts on this list teach us by example how to powerfully speak up as they spark controversial conversations, delicately traverse painful topics, boldly walk toward hot button issues and take charge of interviews. Among them are experts, professors, authors, entrepreneurs, therapists and storytellers—each with their own brand of brilliance.&nbsp;



Discover worldviews you’ve never experienced and gain insight for a happier personal life by subscribing to these influential thought leaders’ podcasts today.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-everything-happens-with-kate-bowler"><a href="https://katebowler.com/podcasts/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Everything Happens</a> with Kate Bowler</h2>



A historian, author and associate professor at Duke Divinity School, Kate has a magical way of weaving everyday stories into life-changing lessons that are rooted in academics and fascinating interviews with guests. Named after her book, <a href="https://amzn.to/399xXsv" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved</a>, which chronicles what it was like to be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at 35 in a culture that treats tragedies like a test of character, each episode features a deep dive into what can be learned from the darkest seasons in our lives. Kate is an expert on how to live a beautiful, full life even when the future feels uncertain—a timely gift for a world living through a pandemic.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-s-work-with-esther-perel"><a href="https://howswork.estherperel.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How’s Work?</a> with Esther Perel</h2>



Esteemed relationship therapist Esther invites listeners into her office to eavesdrop on recordings of real therapy sessions between coworkers and colleagues who are <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-characteristics-of-a-great-company-culture/">navigating workplace dynamics</a> and conflict. A spinoff of her award-winning show <a href="https://whereshouldwebegin.estherperel.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Where Should We Begin?</a>, which reveals raw and intimate counseling sessions between couples, How’s Work? takes the approach that no one leaves their relationship habits at the office door. Esther seamlessly helps her clients see how their disagreements over contracts or tension in a family business can all be traced back to the relational ties that bind (or separate) us.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-journey-to-launch-with-jamila-souffrant"><a href="https://journeytolaunch.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Journey to Launch</a> with Jamila Souffrant</h2>



Jamila is on a mission to help everyday people gain financial freedom. After making her mark as a blogger chronicling her journey to saving $85,000 in 12 months, the podcast became her new home for financial wisdom, savings tips and goal setting. Jamila uses her experience as a certified financial education instructor to help listeners navigate the confusing waters of investing, credit scores, emergency funds, taxes and early retirement, but more than that, each episode is a reminder to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-steps-to-achieve-your-dream/">dream big</a>, design a plan and then make it happen.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-professional-troublemaker-with-luvvie-ajayi-jones"><a href="https://luvvie.org/podcast/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Professional Troublemaker</a> with Luvvie Ajayi Jones</h2>



It’s not that the outspoken and brave ones among us are fearless—they’re just willing to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-courageous-people-have-figured-out/">choose courage</a> in moments of fear. Through truth-telling and candid conversations with people on the rise and those already in the mix, Luvvie shows listeners how to be change agents and trailblazers in their fields and how to push past moments of self-doubt in order to do scary things that make the world a better place. With Luvvie’s encouragement, discover how you can rock the boat, take action and learn how to “get into good trouble.”&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-red-table-talk-with-jada-pinkett-smith-willow-smith-adrienne-banfield-norris"><a href="https://redtabletalk.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Red Table Talk</a> with Jada Pinkett-Smith, Willow Smith, Adrienne Banfield-Norris</h2>



Mother, daughter and grandmother sit down for these captivating conversations that don’t hold back when it comes to social and cultural issues. With an intergenerational approach, Jada, Willow and Adrienne tackle tough topics like the mom-shaming epidemic and sexual consent, and invite celebrity and expert guests to weigh in with their own perspectives. Discover new points of view and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/52-ways-to-get-out-of-your-comfort-zone/">challenge yourself to grow</a> as you listen in on discussions about some of the most provocative topics of the day.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-success-stories-with-kindra-hall"><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/success-stories-podcast/">SUCCESS Stories with Kindra Hall</a></h2>



Ever wondered how successful entrepreneurs get their start? Kindra, SUCCESS magazine’s Chief Storytelling Officer and best-selling author, chats with both established and rising stars in the business world to gives listeners a behind-the-scenes look at what it takes to build a successful brand. Listen in to hear the stories behind success that you won’t hear anywhere else and discover how you can follow in their achieving footsteps.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-t-errible-thanks-for-asking-with-nora-mcinerny"><a href="https://ttfa.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">T</a><a href="https://www.ttfa.org/about" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">errible, Thanks for Asking</a> with Nora McInerny</h2>



Grief isn’t funny but Nora’s quick-witted and self-deprecating hosting style somehow give us permission to laugh through tears. Her tender narration as she interviews guests about their real-life tragedies and heartaches is a mix of lighthearted banter and gut-wrenching empathy as she listens to the retelling of people’s most painful moments. Having lost her husband when he was only 35, a baby and her father all within the span of six weeks, Nora gets grief, and that gives guests and listeners alike the freedom to listen in comfortably and learn hard lessons about how to survive or offer support when the unthinkable happens.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-the-enneagram-journey-with-suzanne-stabile"><a href="https://www.theenneagramjourney.org/">The Enneagram Journey</a> with Suzanne Stabile</h2>



Whether you’re hearing about the Enneagram for the first time or ready to dig into stances, triads and orientation to time, Suzanne is the perfect guide for the journey. The author behind <a href="https://amzn.to/3d4dnec" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Road Back to You</a> and <a href="https://amzn.to/31dvZTr" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Path Between Us</a>, Suzanne is the go-to expert in the field of Enneagram research and a sought-after speaker. Her wisdom, experience and insight are unmatched, but it’s her compassionate voice and skillful teaching style that masterfully turn a complex topic into an accessible tool that can improve your relationships and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-self-awareness-is-important-and-how-to-develop-it/">expand your self-awareness</a>.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-the-marie-forleo-podcast-with-marie-forleo"><a href="https://www.marieforleo.com/marietv/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Marie Forleo Podcast</a> with Marie Forleo</h2>



It’s true, Marie is gifted at teaching creatives and entrepreneurs how to make their brands stand out, but she’s also a beacon reminding people to show up and bring their unique gifts to the table. With a whimsical sense of humor, Marie shows people how to authentically infuse their personality and heart into their work, and pushes back against the belief that there is a one-size-fits-all template for success. Episodes cover a wide range of topics—like career advice, healthy living, happiness and failure—but they all lead to helping listeners find the inspiration they need to create better businesses and personal lives they love.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-unlocking-us-with-brene-brown"><a href="https://brenebrown.com/podcast-show/unlocking-us/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Unlocking Us</a> with Brené Brown</h2>



She’s the voice behind the vulnerability movement and the research professor whose TED Talk shook the internet with her studies on shame. In her unapologetically Texan accent, Brené teaches listeners how to set healthy boundaries, speak up for the marginalized and own up to their defense and coping mechanisms. Some episodes include interviews with celebrities who require no introduction, while others are simply full of Brené’s wisdom and decades’ worth of data as she teaches listeners to lean into courage, compassion and, of course, vulnerability, as they embrace this messy, imperfect, beautiful life.&nbsp;



 Photo by Gutesa/Shutterstock

Tune into these thought leaders to supercharge your personal development and revamp your mindset.

Tune into these thought leaders to supercharge your personal development and revamp your mindset. | SUCCESS

10 Female-Led Podcasts You Should Subscribe to Today | SUCCESS

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Happy couple hugging in their kitchen because they understand the importance of enneagram relationships

If love were like the movies, having similar tastes in music and long walks on the beach would be enough for love to last. In real life, committed relationships demand time, compromise and juggling the expectations that come with merging two independent lives into one home—where we share schedules and medicine cabinets, but not the same opinion about how they should be arranged.&nbsp;



To combine the multitude of differences that two people bring into a relationship, a healthy dose of self-awareness is crucial, but it can be difficult to acquire. With the guidance of an ancient tool called the Enneagram in relationships, couples can unearth the motivation that’s hidden behind their behaviors and prevent hurtful and incorrect assumptions from taking root.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-enneagram-relationships-looking-behind-the-behavior">Enneagram relationships: Looking behind the behavior</h2>



Suzanne Stabile is an Enneagram expert and the bestselling author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3SX7vbJ" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Road Back to You</a> (a must-read for anyone seeking to identify their Enneagram type) and <a href="https://amzn.to/3HXCOhh" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Path Between Us</a> (an Enneagram guidebook for relationships). She explains how the Enneagram illuminates the unique ways each person in a relationship approaches conflict and their day-to-day decisions.



“We are highly focused culturally on behavior, and because we move at such a fast pace, we don’t question what’s behind the behavior,” Stabile says. “We simply look at the behavior and judge it as good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate. And behavior appropriateness and rightness differ depending on what your motivation was for the behavior.”



Daring to look beneath the surface to investigate why we behave or respond the way we do can set the table for a wider conversation that adds lasting understanding and compassion for ourselves and the ones we love. It is also a reminder that the way we view the world is not necessarily how our partner experiences it.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-does-our-enneagram-affect-relationships">How does our Enneagram affect relationships?</h2>



This becomes especially clear when we consider the three centers of intelligence within the Enneagram—thinking, feeling and doing—which determine the lens through which a person views the world at first glance. It’s this filter that informs whether a person’s immediate response to a situation is to consider the way they feel about it, how they think about it or what they’re going to do about it. In conflict, asking a partner for their emotional response when their information processing priority is to rush to action will create an inevitable divide. Acknowledging that disconnect can prevent us from unfairly forcing our expectations onto the ones we love.



“Each number takes in information differently,” Stabile says. “You can’t change how you see; you can only change how you do with what you see.”







In spite of our differences, there are no two types that—when healthy—can’t develop a successful partnership. The key is working on ourselves, rather than pointing out areas for improvement within our partners, and learning to articulate our needs while listening to the other person’s desires as well.



“We need to take responsibility for speaking for ourselves,” Stabile says. “You need to ask for what you want and need, and if you haven’t asked for it, then work really hard not to have an expectation that you’ll get it.”



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-understanding-enneagram-numbers-to-strengthen-relationships">Understanding Enneagram numbers to strengthen relationships</h2>



As you consider the Enneagram and how the resources it provides impact your experience within romantic relationships, remember that it is a tool meant to point inward, for reflection and personal growth, not outward as a tool to fix your partner.



“One of the things that happens when people start to learn the Enneagram is they start to work on other people,” Stabile says. “Knowing someone’s number is designed to help you have space for their differences, not for you to tell them how they can be better. Use what you learn to be as healthy as you can be. After that, meet someone where they are.”



There is more to the Enneagram than the motivations underneath our behaviors, but understanding why we act the way we do can give us a shared starting line. As we seek to understand and put language to the ways we prefer to receive love from our partners, we’ll also learn to leave room for others to be fully and truly themselves.



Read on to learn how you can <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-undo-success-sabotaging-habits-using-the-enneagram/">use Enneagram wisdom</a> to build stronger romantic relationships, and discover new ways you can honor the person you choose to share your life (and closet space) with, until death do you part.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-one-the-perfectionist">Type One: The Perfectionist</h3>



Center of intelligence: Doing



Within a One resides a critical voice that constantly scolds them for mistakes and is quick to point out any area of life that could use improvement. This exhausting mental flagellation makes it so they yearn for perfection, sometimes leading them to expect it from those they love as well. Although this pattern of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-manage-perfectionism/">correcting and perfecting</a> creates an unwelcome habit when left unchecked, Ones are typically much harder on themselves than their significant others. A loving partner will have compassion for the steady stream of mental criticism they endure and refrain from using condescending or patronizing language.



Way to honor an Enneagram One in your relationship: Don’t make fun of them.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-two-the-helper">Type Two: The Helper</h3>



Center of intelligence: Feeling



Twos are naturally intuitive to the feelings and needs of others around them, and they can sometimes confuse their partner’s feelings as their own. Relationships are essential for Twos, who seek it in interactions big and small, and this can split their focus from their primary partner. On a date, this looks like distracting conversations with waitstaff or chatting with a nearby stranger out of an innocent desire to connect with others. Twos are full of feelings and a longing for relationship, so as they take risks offering their heart to their partner, they’ll need to be mindful that they aren’t attempting to love enough for the both of them.



Way to honor an Enneagram Two in your relationship: Generously offer affection.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-three-the-achiever">Type Three: The Achiever</h3>



Center of intelligence: Feeling



Although Threes need to be loved and respected for who they are rather than what they do, their knack for achieving can make it challenging to separate the two. Partners of Threes will have to make concerted efforts to verbalize their appreciation often and with intentionality so that these compliments won’t be lumped in as a response to their many triumphs. Because the overachieving Three is always dreaming and planning for the next big goal on the horizon, keeping trips down memory lane brief is key to keeping them engaged in conversation.&nbsp;



Way to honor an Enneagram Three in your relationship: Celebrate their accomplishments.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-four-the-individualist">Type Four: The Individualist</h3>



Center of intelligence: Feeling



Fours seek beauty and creativity in every corner of their life, which can lend them to melancholy and disappointment when the world is, well, ordinary. The mundane is tiresome for them, and a loving partner will learn how to help them complete the daily tasks of life without attempting to fix their problems. Fours feel things deeply, so it is unrealistic to expect them to maintain the same disposition all day long. When their moods begin an inevitable cycle of drastic ups and downs, loving them means being available without getting sucked into the drama along with them. In other words, don’t get on the roller coaster, but stay in the park.



Way to honor an Enneagram Four in your relationship: Help them see the beauty in the ordinary.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-five-the-thinker">Type Five: The Thinker</h3>



Center of intelligence: Thinking



Fives generally have a field of expertise or an interest that they have studied extensively. Because their feelings are attached to what they know, partners of Fives can show love by <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better/">listening respectfully</a> to their niche knowledge and remembering information to recall in future conversations. Although their knowledge seems infinite, their energy levels are decidedly not, and they will chafe at a loaded schedule. Respecting a Five means encouraging their autonomy to decline or limit social engagements.



Way to honor an Enneagram Five in your relationship: Clear the calendar from time to time.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-six-the-guardian">Type Six: The Guardian</h3>



Center of intelligence: Thinking



Sixes spend a lot of mental energy planning for worst case scenarios. In relationships, this translates to curiosity, and partners who brush off their questions will be met with a Six who assumes there is a hidden agenda lurking behind the silence. Showing respect for a Six’s concerns is an act of love and when their worries are acknowledged, it’s often apparent that their anxiety is rooted in a concern for the common good of the relationship rather than irrational fear. Being trustworthy and helping a Six trust themselves is the surest way to their heart.



Way to honor an Enneagram Six in your relationship: Reassure them frequently through words and actions.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-seven-the-enthusiast">Type Seven: The Enthusiast</h3>



Center of intelligence: Thinking



Sevens need spontaneity. As the life of the party, Sevens often obscure their depth behind a fun exterior and an armor of self-protecting humor and unfailing optimism. Asking questions and listening to their experiences will help them reveal themselves more authentically. Sevens think they are in tune with the full range of their emotions, but they only access the happy half, so sadness is not natural for them. If they share sorrow or painful memories, it is not an open invitation for their partner to do the same.



Way to honor an Enneagram Seven in your relationship: Only impose schedules when it is absolutely necessary.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-eight-the-boss">Type Eight: The Boss</h3>



Center of intelligence: Doing



Eights crave intensity, and if they can’t find it at home, they’ll look for ways to create it through risky adventures or unwarranted debates. Flattery falls flat with them—they’d rather hear the cold hard truth—so partners can show love by getting straight to the point without cushioning it with excessive praise. They often appear dominant because of their fearless approach to conflict, but Eights possess a tenderness that is only shared when they feel safe. Partners who are given access to this <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/benefits-of-being-vulnerable/">vulnerability</a> should receive it as a gift without making an awkward show when they discover that it does, in fact, exist.



Way to honor an Enneagram Eight in your relationship: Take up space and own your opinions.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-type-nine-the-peacemaker">Type Nine: The Peacemaker</h3>



Center of intelligence: Doing



Nines need time to make decisions. Their slow cadence and easygoing nature are not always an accurate reflection of their opinions, and a loving partner will learn to make room for them to name their preferences at their own pace. Nines have a strong desire to avoid conflict and ironically procrastinate by doing, so they’ll need to remind themselves that saving difficult conversations for later isn’t always a healthy solution. Of all the Enneagram numbers, Nines have the least amount of energy, but their generous spirit means partners will have to be intentional about not taking advantage of them.



Way to honor an Enneagram Nine in your relationship: Be clear with your expectations.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-enneagram-is-a-tool-to-help-improve-relationships">Enneagram is a tool to help improve relationships</h2>



Fruitful relationships require healthy communication and conflict, and the Enneagram has a way of softening the sting of hard conversations with our partners.



“It’s part of the mystique of the Enneagram,” Stabile says. “You can use numbers to say things that you could not say using someone’s name without hurting them or making them feel angry or impatient.”



Although unhealthy arguments naturally dissolve into finger pointing and asking “What’s wrong with us?” or, worse, “What’s wrong with you?” Enneagram wisdom teaches us to shift our focus toward reaching the other side of conflict with our relationship and connection intact. With that understanding, the question becomes “How do we bridge this disconnect?” and “How do we find each other?”



“The first thing you have to do is let go of wanting to be right and wanting the other person to be wrong,” Stabile says. “The goal has to be bridge building, not winning.”



This article was updated February 2024. Photo by PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock.com

Looking for insight into your partner’s behavior? Read these enneagram relationship details to help you be sensitive to your partner’s needs.

Looking for insight into your partner’s behavior? We’ve rounded up the most useful enneagram relationship details to help you be sensitive to your partner’s needs. | SUCCESS

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You are a creative person. Even if you think your imagination stalled out in elementary school, and even if your indecipherable stick figure drawings make you everyone’s last choice for Pictionary, creativity is an essential part of who you are.



We often assume that creativity is limited to people with a gift for painting, an eye for décor or a natural ability to spin an everyday story into an engrossing tale that makes others want to lean in. But creativity is so much more than whimsical design or right-brain thinking. It’s creativity that we turn to when we need to organize a haphazard closet, solve conflict at work, and turn a month’s worth of pay into food on the table and a safe place to live. Creativity is in everyone.



In a pandemic world, however, our search for the spark that inspires us to action or art can leave us feeling empty-handed. Working virtually means we don’t have access to the watercooler chatter and work lunches that input language and the nuance of body language into our days. Curbside pickups, outdoor seating and takeout at home have worked to keep us safe, but they have also limited the innocuous interactions that come with people watching and chatting with baristas.



Then there’s the deletion of calendar-specific events that keep our brains turning the page. Concerts, neighborhood gatherings, family reunions, summer vacations, spring break plans—their postponement is only temporary, but the momentary impact of their absence is real.



As winter settles in, and the isolation of the pandemic continues, you might find yourself commiserating with Bill Murray’s character in the movie Groundhog Day, who woke up to find himself living the same day over and over again.&nbsp;



The monotony of waking up, working, celebrating, eating and relaxing within the same four walls can drain us emotionally and creatively, but even if you wouldn’t describe yourself as artistic, finding ways to inspire the creativity that naturally runs through your veins is crucial. Whether you design engineering marvels, write poetry or manage complex supply chain logistics, the world needs your creative perspective.&nbsp;



If living in your own version of Groundhog Day has left you feeling a tad uninspired, try these creativity catalysts to reignite the spark of your imagination and tap into the innovative spirit that only you can offer.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-redefine-creativity">1. Redefine creativity.</h2>



Creativity injects magic into the mundane. Toothbrushes come in a rainbow of colors not because it makes them more effective at cleaning teeth, but because they are meant to catch our eye as we’re shopping for a pretty straightforward tool. Art and functionality go hand-in-hand and it fills every corner of our lives. There is artistry in what we choose to wear, the meals we make and the jokes we tell over (socially distanced) drinks. If we limit creativity to finite categories, we deprive ourselves and others of the resourceful beauty that makes pedestrian tasks more enjoyable. Skillfully crafted works of art meant for museums and color-coded spreadsheets that make meetings run smoother both draw from the same well of imagination. Tune in to the unique ways you make everyday tasks shine and you’ll discover your own brand of creativity.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-develop-creative-muscle-memory">2. Develop creative muscle memory.</h2>



Monotony can drain our imaginative energy but it can also serve as fuel when harnessed properly. Pay attention to when you feel your work flow rising and the mental blocks against creativity fading away. What do your surroundings look like when that happens? Is there music or total silence? What time of day is it? Are you sitting or walking, in a group or alone, outside or in? Arranging these small factors with intention and repetition can create a daily rhythm so that eventually, the surroundings do the heavy lifting of signaling to your mind that it’s time to commit to creativity and avoid distraction.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-unravel-your-rhythms">3. Unravel your rhythms.</h2>



Once you’ve developed a pattern of how and when you create, turn it upside down every now and then. If you usually sketch in the mornings, brew a pot of coffee and draw by lamp light. Change up your lunch order, listen to music instead of podcasts during your afternoon workout, take a different route to work or cook something you’ve never tried before. All of these simple tweaks may seem silly, but turning off autopilot can be the key that unlocks a creative solution to a crisis at work or offers clarity for a project that has left you stuck.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-always-always-take-notes">4. Always, always take notes.</h2>



Everyone knows the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night with a brilliant idea only to discover it has vanished from memory by morning. Some of our most visionary ideas are lost simply because we failed to jot them down, but taking notes doesn’t have to be time consuming or cumbersome. Utilize the Notes app to tap out quick ideas while in line at the store and record your brainstorms on the go using Voice Memos on your phone. Evernote or OneNote offer digital storage solutions to keep your notes and thoughts organized, even if they start out as scribbles on the back of a receipt. Don’t rely on a crowded mental list. When inspiration strikes, take note.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-travel-outside-your-comfort-zone">5. Travel outside your comfort zone.</h2>



Our most creative moments happen when we voyage into the unfamiliar. Staying within the safety of what we do best rarely leads to revelations or wow moments. It’s pushing ourselves into a category we don’t know how to expertly navigate that forces us to leverage our creative skills. Professionally, that means daring to work outside of your specialized niche. If you’re a grant writer, try your hand at fan fiction. If you’re a vegetable farmer, plant one bed exclusively filled with flowers. The goal isn’t to become an expert in a new field, but rather to poke and prod what you’re already great at from a new angle to find the innovation that is lurking underneath the surface.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-try-to-fail">6. Try to fail.</h2>



Anyone you consider an expert today was a bumbling novice when they started. It takes time and practice to be accomplished, which means you’ll have to be willing to be truly terrible for a while. Acknowledging that failure is part of the process opens the door to creativity in bold ways because it prevents us from demanding excellence in order to start. When we decide that perfection is meant for the finish line, we allow the beginning to be full of necessary mistakes. Offering ourselves the privilege of failing gives us the freedom we need to fly.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-put-deadlines-to-work">7. Put deadlines to work.</h2>



Pressure and creativity make a powerful pair. It is remarkable how inventive and industrious a person can become when they are racing against the clock. If your project doesn’t have a deadline, set one. Tell a friend or announce it to your team to add an additional layer of urgency and accountability. Endless amounts of time don’t breed clever solutions, but time constraints and healthy peer pressure do.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-8-close-the-programs-running-in-the-background">8. Close the programs running in the background.</h2>



Sometimes the programs burning up the most CPU and memory on a computer are the programs we don’t even know are running. Like a computer, you are processing and managing multiple things each day and diminishing your bandwidth for visionary or imaginative thinking. To unplug, take a walk without headphones and pay attention to the intricacies of the world you encounter. Listen to the way the wind sounds as it blows through the leaves. Pause and pay attention to the way a duck glides on a lake or a squirrel nibbles on acorns. Focusing intently on surroundings that ask nothing from you in return can serve as a reboot and clear out the mental clutter that slows us down.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-9-find-the-fun">9. Find the fun.</h2>



A few scrolls through social media can make it seem like creativity comes easy, but that’s not real life. Ditch the creativity comparison game and get back to basics by creating simply for the fun of it. Paste memories together into a colorful scrapbook, reupholster an old chair, make DIY fishing lures—whatever hobby provides so much enjoyment that you lose track of time. Separate creativity from unrealistic expectations and watch it roar back to life.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-10-burn-excess-energy">10. Burn excess energy.</h2>



There is an uncanny connection between our physical movement and mental progress. Warming up our muscles and causing our heart to beat a little faster has the ability somehow to clear the fog of confusion or apathy. Go for a walk, dance to music, do jumping jacks in the living room—anything that gets your body moving. It’s important to listen to your body, but you can’t hear it unless you give it a chance to speak.



 Photo by stockfour/Shutterstock.com

10 ways to reignite the spark of your imagination and tap into your unique brand of creativity

10 ways to reignite the spark of your imagination and tap into your unique brand of creativity | SUCCESS

How to Stay Creative When Every Day Feels Like Groundhog Day

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Like everything else in 2020, the holidays are in upheaval. Even a visit to see Santa means a socially distanced photo complete with face shields and masks. But unlike everything else in 2020, gift giving has not been postponed. In fact, maintaining simple traditions like wrapping and gifting presents can be an incredible stabilizer when it feels like the world around us is anything but.&nbsp;



The trick in this chaotic year is to find gifts that are meaningful and relevant. A lot of people on our lists are working from home, eating takeout at home and ordering their essentials from home, so gifting anything that signals dressing up or going out is bound to gather dust. Concerts, movies, wine tastings—events that make us crave a shared experience with strangers—don’t make much sense this year, and diamond earrings don’t exactly match the house slippers and sweatpants that have become a part of Zoom call chic.&nbsp;&nbsp;



What Christmas in 2020 calls for is an upgraded gifting experience. We need the enduring traditions that celebrate those we love, while acknowledging the unsettling effects of this difficult year, and the intensifying needs and suffering around us.&nbsp;



Generosity is always important, but in the wake of an industry-crushing pandemic, shopping as compassionate consumers who use their money to honor loved ones while making a positive impact on the people and world around us is the redeeming gift that 2020 has been waiting for.



<a href="https://packedwithpurpose.pxf.io/c/3535807/1283970/15751?trafsrc=affiliate&amp;u=https%3A%2F%2Fpackedwithpurpose.gifts%2F" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" id="1283970"><img src="//a.impactradius-go.com/display-ad/15751-1283970" border="0" alt="" width="728" height="80"></a><img height="0" width="0" src="https://imp.pxf.io/i/3535807/1283970/15751" style="position:absolute;visibility:hidden;" border="0">



Don’t worry, philanthropic gifting doesn’t have to mean a one-size-fits-all donation to a charity that your recipient might not feel connected to. Shop this customized catalog of ideas to find perfectly tailored gifts that give back for every person on your list:&nbsp;



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-your-boss">Your Boss&nbsp;</h3>



Make a wise investment in your career and in the lives of underserved women microentrepreneurs with the unique Kiva gift card that allows your boss to choose from a wide variety of qualified borrowers, make an investment, and help other business-minded leaders from around the world get their venture off the ground. When the loan is repaid, they can cash out or choose another borrower to invest in, keeping the cycle of loans that change lives growing for months or years to come.&nbsp;



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-www-kiva-org"><a href="http://www.kiva.org">www.kiva.org</a></h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-kids">Kids&nbsp;</h3>



Have you ever considered wrapping a flock of chicks, an alpaca or even a water buffalo? Heifer International provides animals to kids and families across the globe that will create sustainable food and income sources for generations to come. Choose a pig, duck or hive of honeybees, or give a gift card so kids can choose an animal and learn about how their choice will improve the lives of children just like them. Not only will kids learn how their choices can help end poverty, they’ll also begin the journey of discovering how they have the power to change the world—starting now.



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-www-heifer-org"><a href="http://www.heifer.org">www.heifer.org</a></h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-teens">Teens</h3>



The next generation cares deeply about social justice and bettering the world around them. They also know exactly how hard life can be inside the walls of their high school. Show them you care about their experiences with a donation to Teen Life, an NGO that works with schools to create on-campus small groups that provide a safe place for students to talk about their anxieties, stress and loneliness with trusted adults. Sponsor individual students or an entire campus and empower the teen in your life to become a change-maker at their own school.



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-https-www-teenlife-ngo-give"><a href="https://www.teenlife.ngo/give/">https://www.teenlife.ngo/give/</a></h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-the-foodie">The Foodie&nbsp;</h3>



The restaurant industry has been hit particularly hard this year, but donating to the LEE Initiative, who has been working hard to provide free meals and essentials for unemployed restaurant workers, can let your loved one become a partner in keeping the dining industry afloat. If you love seeing something special wrapped under the tree, the LEE Initiative has also partnered with Maker’s Mark Bourbon to create a limited-edition CommUNITY Batch to support relief efforts for restaurant workers. Maker’s Mark is even donating the cost of production of these small-batch bourbons, so every single cent goes to service industry workers in need. And, as always, a shot of bourbon pairs beautifully with a gift card to your foodie’s favorite local dive.



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-www-leeinitiative-org-holiday-gift-guide">www.leeinitiative.org/holiday-gift-guide/</h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-animal-lovers">Animal Lovers</h3>



For the people who love their furry friends, a holiday honor gift to the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) allows you to mail a card letting your recipient know of your donation to protect displaced pets. Many local SPCA offices also publish wish lists of items their state-specific locations need. Search for the SPCA in your loved one’s home state and click to order dog food, blankets, leashes and more that will be sent directly to their regional office. You’ll demonstrate that you care about what concerns the pet lover in your life, while helping the four-legged friends they love so much.



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-https-www-aspca-org-ways-to-give"><a href="https://www.aspca.org/ways-to-give">https://www.aspca.org/ways-to-give</a></h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-the-fitness-buff">The Fitness Buff</h3>



Have an exercise enthusiast on your list? Surprise them with prepaid entry fees for two at an upcoming fundraising 5K, half marathon or marathon—depending on their (and your) stamina. You’ll burn calories, support a worthy cause and invest sweat equity into your friendship. A few races to consider: <a href="https://www.komen.org/how-to-help/attend-events/race-for-the-cure/">Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure</a>, <a href="https://carryforward.woundedwarriorproject.org/">Wounded Warrior Carry Forward 5K</a> and the <a href="https://www.wingsforlifeworldrun.com/en?viewerCountry=US">Wings for Life World Run</a>, which offer virtual entry so you can skip the crowd and run safely no matter where you live.&nbsp;



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-adventurers">Adventurers</h3>



With most leisure travel off limits for a season, surprising a loved one with plane tickets on Christmas morning isn’t feasible. Instead, choose their favorite travel spot and donate to support the arts, national monuments or city parks in that area so that they’ll be ready for your arrival when vacations and work trips pick back up where they left off. A few ideas: <a href="https://www.statueofliberty.org/support/">The Statue of Liberty—Ellis Island Foundation</a>, the <a href="https://www.npca.org/">National Parks Conservation Association</a>, <a href="https://knoma.org/">Keep NOLA Music Alive</a> and <a href="https://www.conservationnw.org/">Conservation Northwest</a>.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-for-her">For Her</h3>



Whether she loves to get lost in a luxurious at-home spa day or redecorate her space, Thistle Farms offers plenty of gift options for women who love to make a difference. With ethically sourced tea and coffee from around the world, handmade textiles and décor designed by marginalized artisans, and jewelry handcrafted by survivors of abuse, Thistle Farms uses proceeds from sales to help women seeking to escape trafficking, prostitution and addiction live healthy and financially independent lives.



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-https-thistlefarms-org"><a href="https://thistlefarms.org/">https://thistlefarms.org/</a></h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-for-him">For Him</h3>



Combine his love for that first morning cup of joe with his favorite spirit and support firefighters in the process. Fire Department Coffee infuses the flavors of bourbon, whiskey, rum and tequila with their bold coffee beans to create a unique flavor profile that can be enjoyed any time of day. Run by active and retired firefighters, 10% of proceeds go to support first responders who have been injured mentally or physically on the job.



<h6 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-https-www-firedeptcoffee-com"><a href="https://www.firedeptcoffee.com/">https://www.firedeptcoffee.com/</a></h6>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-stocking-stuffers">Stocking Stuffers</h3>



Generosity is just as important even when it’s stocking sized. Try <a href="https://www.handinhandsoap.com/">Hand in Hand</a> soap, crafted by a sustainable soap company that provides soap and life-saving hygiene resources to children in Haiti and Cambodia; <a href="https://www.lushusa.com/body/body-lotions/charity-pot/05236.html">Charity Pot</a>, a body lotion by Lush, who donates 100% of the price to support grassroots charities; <a href="https://consciousstep.com/collections/water-org">Socks that Give Water</a>, fun patterned socks by Conscious Step, a company that funds access to clean water for impoverished communities;&nbsp; <a href="https://www.maccosmetics.com/vivaglam">MAC Cosmetics VIVA GLAM</a>, of which 100% of the proceeds support frontline partners working to change the world; and <a href="https://www.lifestraw.com/products/lifestraw">LifeStraw</a>, a personal water filter perfect for the camping enthusiast that also purchases one year of safe drinking water for a child in need.



Photo by @mockingbirdstudios/Twenty20.com

Multiply the joy of the holidays by celebrating loved ones with gifts that give twice.

Multiply the joy of the holidays by celebrating loved ones with gifts that give twice. | SUCCESS

10 Ways You Can Put Your Money Where Your Heart Is This Holiday Season

Holiday Season: 10 Ways to Align Your Money with Your Values

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Just be yourself! is a pep talk many of us have given or received at some point in our lives. And yet, we can all think of situations that were made worse by whatever response or behavior came naturally to us in the moment. Unfortunately, our knee-jerk reactions to problems can sometimes create an even bigger mess. So how do we remain authentically us while unraveling decades of destructive patterns?



The answers become clearer when we turn to a unique personality tool called the Enneagram to help us understand why we behave the way we do, and to identify the strengths and soft skills that are common for our specific Enneagram type.



As we light up the world with these supercharged skill sets, the Enneagram teaches us to also be aware of the shadows they can cast when we lean too hard into the habits created by these singular strengths.



<a href="https://www.instagram.com/integratedenneagram/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Seth Abram</a>, host of the Enneagram-focused Fathoms podcast, explains how all of us come into the world with a specific sensitivity or gift, represented by each Enneagram type, and that we form our personalities around this gift in order to highlight our strengths.



“Personality in any Enneagram type is what has split us off from the rest of who we are,” Abram says. “It’s a mask we wear that helps us get our needs met.”



This strategic use of our skills to get what we want out of the world sounds prudent, but Abram advises that zeroing in on a specific aspect of who we are can cause us to reject the rest of ourselves. So that whenever a challenge arises, we end up forcing our “gift” onto the world through a set of unhealthy patterns of behavior, even if our gift isn’t the right response or solution to the problem.



“It’s like the old saying, If all you have is a hammer, then all you’ll see is nails,” Abram says. “Our personalities become problematic when our view is so rigid that we can’t engage issues in a different way than we always have.”



If we can recognize our propensity to repeat the same flawed patterns—the ones we have trained ourselves to turn to again and again when under stress—we can identify the ways that we use our strengths to actually hold us back. What’s more, we’ll be able to access the resources we already possess, but typically deny ourselves in order to keep the disguise of personality firmly in place.



Uncover your own success-sabotaging patterns by reading excerpts from our interviews with people from each Enneagram type below, and expose the toxic rhythms that might be manifesting when you allow your strengths to overrun and mask your most authentic self.



New to the Enneagram? <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-enneagram-at-work/">Click here to read Part 1</a> and identify your Enneagram type. Then be sure to take the Enneagram Checkup by <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/take-the-enneagram-checkup-are-you-the-healthiest-version-of-you/">clicking here to read Part 2</a> .



***



<h3>Type 1 – The Perfectionist</h3>



Strength: Integrity and goodness Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Legalistic perfection



“When I over function, I usually don’t trust anyone to accomplish tasks as well as I do—no one will help me like I need them to, and I take on more than I can handle. This produces a lot of loneliness but also a self-righteous feeling of ‘I’m the only one who can do it; I have to show them I can do it.’” — English E., Type 1



Ones often feel personally obligated to be the “fixer” who swoops in to perfect everyone else’s mistakes. When they step away from their resentment, they can see how this sense of compulsion is actually voluntary, and that they—and the people and corporate structures around them—are free to be content with good enough.



<h3>Type 2 – The Helper</h3>



Strength: Empathy and intuiting the needs of others Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Attempting to buy relationship with service



“When I notice that I’m altering my own needs in order to soothe or change someone else’s feelings, it’s a sign that I need to have a “come to Jesus” meeting with my ego. I’ll ask myself, ‘Does devaluing yourself make you or anyone else feel better about you?’ It helps me stay true to who I am.” —Earlene F., Type 2



If people don’t like them, Twos can often believe they’re unlovable. By breaking their routine of frantic people pleasing, Twos can discover their value exists even if they aren’t providing profit, pleasure or emotional stability for someone else.



<h3>Type 3 – The Achiever</h3>



Strength: Ambition and winning drive Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Confusing success with dignity



“One of my strongest superpowers is the ability to work efficiently and multitask like a champ. The flip side of that, unfortunately, is that I also expect the same of others—wanting 10 jobs done at once and turned in yesterday, or it’s too slow. I can lose patience quickly.” — Marilee T., Type 3



Their success screams Look at me! so the spotlight of the podium is a comfortable place for Threes. When they pause to acknowledge that their climb may have come at a relational or corporate cost, they can see their success at face value and realize their true worth (and the worth of those around them) exists whether they cross the finish line first or never start at all.



<h3>Type 4 – The Individualist</h3>



Strength: Intensely in tune with authenticity and truth Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Always esteeming emotion over logic



“I have an abiding sense that something is wrong with the world and, if I’m honest, with me, so I seek to fill the void by receiving affirmation for my uniqueness. This lack of fulfillment can propel me to create—music, art, writing—in hopes of expressing myself, but can also lead to me be emotionally needy and have trouble maintaining emotional boundaries.”— Jeremy H., Type 4



Heart over head and feelings over facts, Fours intuitively gravitate toward whatever stirs their emotion and sense of individuality. Acknowledging that their specialness isn’t dependent on their peculiarity will allow them to find contentment even when uniformity is required, and to offer romantic or friendly advances that reflect the other person’s interests, rather than their own need for grand and dramatic gestures.



<h3>Type 5 – The Thinker</h3>



Strength: Gathering and synthesizing information Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Denying emotions and connections



“Because I want to feel like an expert in whatever I do or talk about, I will often avoid trying new things or certain situations. This results in me missing out on a lot of opportunities.” — Holly P., Type 5



When Fives feel disconnected from the security of their logic or expertise, it can send them into a scarcity mindset tailspin that requires them to pull away until they feel equipped for the moment. When they open themselves to connection, they can grasp that engaging with the world (and the people in it) is often the best teacher.



<h3>Type 6 – The Guardian</h3>



Strength: Discernment for who or what can be trusted Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Looking to others for security and reassurance



“I tend to be very loyal, and so I’m the friend who is always there and the customer who sticks to certain brands because they’ve ‘earned my trust.’ Sometimes this can lead to one-sided friendships, not trusting new things or questioning my own voice. It’s hard to make decisions without the impact of others because I really care about what they think and I want to remain loyal to them to maintain my sense of security.” — Katie M., Type 6



Safety and security are a Six’s top priority, which can lead them to turn to harmful relationships or entities if they believe they can provide refuge. If a Six forces their racing mind to pause, they will realize their own inner voice is the most reliable guide and authority they can turn to.



<h3>Type 7 – The Enthusiast</h3>



Strength: Fast-paced optimism Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Not slowing down for pain or sadness



“When I’m faced with difficult emotions or situations, I can seek ways to escape pain by trying to look on the bright side or plan for a future that is pain free. That’s when I realize that I am confusing happiness with joy. In doing so, I not only deny myself the fullness of life that comes with experiencing all of my emotions, but I can also minimize others’ need to grieve.” — Denee K., Type 7



Habitually bouncing from one thing to the next may prevent FOMO for a fun-loving Seven, but it simultaneously traps them in a limiting world that prevents them from truly connecting to the people and things they desperately want to experience. Sadness can’t be rushed, and sometimes processing failure is an integral part of success.



<h3>Type 8 – The Boss</h3>



Strength: Confidence in the face of challenges Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Using control to avoid vulnerability



“One of my superpowers as an Enneagram Eight is the ease with which I can harness my abundant energy and drive to get things done. In excess, I can move too fast and fail to listen to others. Even though my goal might be accomplished, the relationship can be irreparably damaged. Every day I have to ask myself, ‘Who and what am I not listening to?’”— Heather H., Type 8



Rushing to take charge is so natural for Eights that relationship damage is inevitable if they don’t know how to catch themselves. Harnessing their powerful energy to create sustainable success will mean learning to temper it with both patience and vulnerability. True authority can only be given to you, not taken by force.



<h3>Type Nine – The Peacemaker</h3>



Strength: Unifying, easygoing presence that sees all sides Success-Sabotaging Pattern: Stifling personal opinions to avoid disruption



“I hear alarm bells when I realize I’m doing menial tasks that have no immediate importance. Sometimes I’ll stick to these activities to the point of physical pain just to avoid a conversation that I am sure will result in conflict. If I will just engage in that conversation, the relationship usually improves instead of disintegrating.” — Rhesa H., Type 9



Nines are not only harmonious, they are masters of deception—signaling their agreement to the world when, in reality, they are quieting their own hearty dissent. To remain true to themselves will require realizing when “productivity” is simply a disguise for passivity.



***



How do we fix these success-sabotaging patterns? Knowing what to look for is the first step. From there, Abram recommends creating a physical replacement habit, like breathing or tapping yourself on the hand, that reconnects you to the present moment and prevents you from slipping into autopilot.



“When I notice a pattern in myself, I take a few really deep breaths so I can ground myself in the present moment,” he says. “Our Enneagram type is what shows up when we don’t. The more you notice your patterns and return to the present, the more you can cultivate your capacity for response, rather than relying on your regular reactive patterns.”



Photo by @esspeshal/Twenty20.com

Is your strength your greatest weakness? | SUCCESS

How to Undo Success-Sabotaging Habits Using the Enneagram

How to Undo Success-Sabotaging Habits Using the Enneagram | SUCCESS

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