Confrontation is the clashing of ideas. It’s often seen as unfriendly, aggressive, or even hostile, and makes most people uncomfortable — but it shouldn’t. Confrontations can be very beneficial and sometimes necessary to clear the air. They can also benefit both parties. For example, maybe a team member’s performance has slipped and it’s impacting your workload. Or maybe different work styles are causing conflicts, or job roles are unclear. In many different situations, confrontations can end conflict and lead to resolutions.
Luckily, practical skills and strategies can help you feel more confident when confronting people at work. Empathy, active listening, and clear communication are key skills that can be learned.
To better understand how to navigate confrontations successfully, we asked the Young Entrepreneur Council for their best tips on how to handle confrontation head-on. Here’s what they had to say.
1. Don’t Wait to Handle The Confrontation
Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. Unresolved conflicts can create tension, hinder work productivity, and build resentment. Address issues quickly to prevent escalation, but only after carefully planning what to say and when.
“When confronting adversity, big or small, it’s important to tackle the root causes quickly. That doesn’t mean reacting without thought or planning, but be prepared to prioritize these problems quickly and identify the real source. If left on the backburner, the adversity grows, fear and doubt set in, and control of the situation or options diminishes. So inhale, identify, plan and tackle.”
—Matthew Gellis, Keystone Solutions
Tip: The next time you must confront someone, set a specific time and a neutral place so both parties will feel comfortable discussing issues freely.
2. Feel, Then Deal
Want to be good at confrontation? Approach calmly. Everyone has emotions, but if the other party senses negative energy, they’ll likely be defensive, and a positive outcome is unlikely. Taking a step back to release any frustration leads to more thoughtful communication, which can help workplace challenges turn into opportunities for professional growth.
Author, speaker, and creator of The Dig®, Erin Weed says, “Take a few minutes to accept and process the feeling resulting from the adversity before fixing the problem. Writing a page in a journal to vent on paper or doing some tapping (also known as the emotional freedom technique) for a few minutes can help move the emotion out of the body. This allows a leader to handle the confrontation with wisdom and neutrality versus fear and adrenaline.”
Tip: Practice what you want to say to remove emotion. Write down key points and recite them in the mirror, or better yet—role-play with someone else.
3. Deal With Confrontation In Person
Don’t communicate via text or email when approaching a confrontation at work. Talk to people directly. Context, delivery and even body language can prevent words from being misinterpreted.
Jordan Fliegel, co-founder of CoachUp Inc. says, “If there is an issue—any issue—it’s always best to ask the person to go out for a walk or coffee and hash it out. Bottling it up and not addressing it is the worst course of action. And never try to talk it out over email. If it’s really important, it needs to be addressed in person.”
Tip: If an in-person meeting isn’t possible, opt for a video call. It’s the next best way to handle confrontations at work effectively.
4. Express Empathy
Voice your key points, but also listen to theirs. Empathy is key to resolving confrontations. When you’re done talking, breathe and let the other person respond. These simple strategies make you better at confrontation, leaving you more likely to find a resolution.
Miles Jennings, founder and COO of Recruiter.com shares, “When confronted with adversity, it’s important that you don’t just try to create a solution as quickly as possible and risk neglecting someone’s feelings or point of view. Take time to understand their side of the story and show this sense of understanding clearly. Then, work together to reach a middle ground. Do not sweep opinions under the rug, but spend time working with them.”
Tip: When starting a difficult conversation, admit that it might be uncomfortable for both parties, but then get to the point.
5. Identify Your Goals
What is your ideal outcome from this confrontation? Set a clear goal. Communication about what you specifically need can lead to a more constructive conversation, whether that’s setting boundaries, feeling heard, or finding a resolution.
“Before heading into a bad situation, make sure you understand it and that you’re fully prepped,” says co-founder of AcousticSheep LLC, Dr. Wei-Shin Lai. “Then figure out what you want to walk away with. What is your goal after handling the confrontation? Remember that it’s about the business performance, not about a person’s personality or something that you can’t change. Work toward your goal with a positive attitude, knowing the limits of what can or cannot change.
Tip: When handling confrontations, keep your goals focused on solutions, not emotions. Identify what you realistically want to achieve.
6. Remember, Handling Confrontation Is Part Of Your Job
Like any professional skill, effective confrontation takes practice. Communication is a two-way street and requires both parties to stay calm during times of chaos. Explain the problem, offer solutions, and hold yourself accountable for what you can do to help reach a resolution.
Joseph Walla, co-founder and CEO of HelloSign shares, “Whenever I approach one of our advisors with a problem he often says, ‘It’s your job to deal with hard problems,’ which sounds harsh but true. Dealing with adversity and overcoming it is a huge part of starting and running a company.”
Tip: Learn more about how to deal with confrontation in books to boost your communication skills. Another fantastic read is Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.
7. Make Friends With Adversity
Confrontation is a normal part of human interaction. Sure, expressing differing opinions might feel intimidating, but being assertive and learning to listen to others can lead to resolutions and personal development.
“Be prepared and understand that adversity is something you’re going to have to face every day,” says Mark Samuel, founder of IWON Organics. “If you believe that business is full of highs and not so many lows, then you won’t be in business for long. Be constantly aware and willing to fight adversity in all aspects of your business every day.”
Tip: Every confrontation is a chance to develop communication and problem-solving skills. Always think, “What can I learn from this experience?”
8. Remember, Bad News Travels Fast
Transparency is key. Communicate bad news before it spreads, leading to rumors, misunderstandings, or uncertainty. Immediate actions foster trust and help everyone stay aligned moving forward.
Nick Braun, founder of Cloud Water Filters says, “Whenever you face adversity, it’s important to communicate as quickly as possible to all relevant stakeholders (investors, partners, customers, etc). Entrepreneurs are born problem-solvers, but it doesn’t mean you should keep problems close to the vest because they will fester. Rip off the Band-Aid, face reality and focus on how to confront and overcome the issue with your stakeholders.”
Tip: Develop a communication plan so that when bad news hits, you know exactly who to contact and how to reach them.
9. Remain Positive When Handling Confrontation
Staying positive is one way successful people stay calm. If you feel angry or defensive, take a deep breath, listen and think positively. Do your best to understand their perspective and work with them to achieve a solution.
Thomas Cullen, founding director of the Entrepreneurship Center at St. Bonaventure University says, ““I always think about the worst-case scenario in situations that I’m in. I make sure that that worst case is something that I can handle. That way, I can be positive and smile through adverse situations. Life is good!”
Tip: Podcasts, like Simon Goode’s “Conflict Skills” offer more practical tools for learning to manage conflicts.
10. Communicate From The Top
Communication skills make you a better leader, especially when managing a team. Clear and direct conversations build trust, negate misunderstandings, and help everyone move forward on the same page.
“Take the lead personally,” says Ross Cohen, co-founder and COO of The Lifetime Value Co. “It’s extremely important that all of our team hears directly from the founders on any issue of confusion or change of direction that comes up. A quick email from the CEO can immediately answer any questions and provide confidence to the rest of the team.”
Tip: Prioritize regular communication. A quick update from a leader goes a long way in building team morale.
11. Take One Day At A Time
Don’t get overwhelmed by the long road ahead. Break down challenges into achievable goals. Tackle them one by one, including confrontations. You’ll see growth, especially when prioritizing communication.
Uassist.ME founder Alfredo Atanacio says, “It’s not an easy road. Outsiders may think, This is a well-established business!, but it didn’t used to be. It started small—they all do. So it’s vital to motivate young people to believe that things can go well and that their businesses will grow with time and effort. Each day comes with problems, so why stress about tomorrow?”
Tip: Write down your goals for each day. Goals are easier to accomplish when they’re organized.
Key Takeaways to Get Comfortable With Confrontation
With practice, managing confrontations gets easier. The next time you face a confrontation, apply these top tips to ensure a productive and respectful outcome for both parties.
- Don’t delay, but take a moment to process emotions and clarify goals.
- Practice key points in front of a mirror or with someone else.
- Meet in person in a neutral location to ensure both parties feel comfortable.
- Be empathetic and stay calm.
- Listen to each other’s perspectives.
- Focus on resolution, not emotions.
Dealing with confrontation doesn’t have to be intimidating. Learned skills and strategies can help you handle difficult conversations with confidence. Remember, diving into confrontations can be an opportunity for personal and professional growth.
This article was published in February 2016 and has been updated. Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock
