It has been said that the moment we set a goal, we should tell everyone as a means of securing success. That making a commitment to the world will ensure that we have the added pressure to see that goal to completion. But is that always the best approach?
Here are a few people who you must be careful to share your goals with:
1. People Who Don’t Pursue Their Own Goals
Every person has belief systems about what is possible or impossible, forged by a person’s upbringing. There are many people who will suggest you lower your targets to something that sounds reasonable to them, given their perception of possibility. By doing so, we commit to living socially acceptable lives instead of pursuing the inventions, businesses and behaviors that can lift an entire society out of the status quo.
A person who doesn’t pursue their own goals may suggest you don’t need to change. It is the selfish desire of a person who wants to feel equal by keeping you down. This is incredibly pernicious, as it will cause you to settle instead of strive. In this way, their beliefs are never challenged, and your goals are never fulfilled.
Even more subtle is the person who verbally agrees to your endeavor, but nonverbally disagrees. It has been stated that we communicate 93 percent nonverbally. By way of mirror neurons, our brains can pick up everything that isn’t being said, at the very least subconsciously. A person who verbally believes in you but nonverbally doubts you will cause you to question yourself. You will feel doubt as you are thinking about your goal, and that has the potential to derail your progress before it even begins. As our goals are still developing, we need to make sure they are not kept in the company of people who live in disbelief.
Solution: Share your goals with people who have already achieved success in that area of their life, or people who are currently pursuing success in their own lives. They have the belief systems that doubters, naysayers and average thinkers do not possess. These are the select few who will disagree with you when you begin to doubt yourself, the ones that will fight your limiting beliefs and will hold you to a higher standard of life.
2. People Who Praise Your Goal Instead of Your Commitment
Since we are social creatures, we often want to be accepted by the people we keep near. Our well-intentioned friends and families attempt to boost our self-esteem by praising the goals we set. This, however, is ineffective as it can create validation on intention instead of action. Psychologists have proven that praising the process instead of performance is more beneficial for self-worth and goal attainment. The act of setting a goal and pursuing the path to greatness is an uncomfortable one. If we feel comforted by the acceptance of peers for just setting the goal, we may never find the follow-through to reach that endeavor. We’ll descend back to our familiar comfort zone instead of that higher plane of success.
Solution: Remember that setting a goal does not set you apart. We need to be careful of the comfort that a compliment can produce. If you do share your goals with loved ones, remind yourself that you still have a long way to accomplishment and that follow-through will always feel better than validation. If a person congratulates you for setting a goal, restructure the compliment in your mind as though they are congratulating your continued commitment to seeing that goal through.
3. People Who Are Critical
The critic isn’t necessarily toxic, but he isn’t the person you want to be speaking to while your goal is still in it its early stages.
You may have all the confidence in the world, but you must still consider that your vision is in infancy and needs to be protected. At this stage, momentum is key. Oftentimes, the critic means well; they don’t want to see you traveling down the erroneous path. But we can easily misinterpret that advice for perfectionism. Place their opinion too early in the process and it only serves to procrastinate our journey or halt our path to success altogether.
Solution: These people have mindsets that can be incredibly useful to edit our manuscripts, review our products and hone our skill set. It is essential to keep these people in our circle, but we can only share our goals with these people when we have gained sufficient traction. At that point, we can solicit the feedback of a critic who can help increase the quality of our pursuit.
Diego Cassina is a thought leader and public speaker on the topic of human connection, emotional mastery and social serendipity. Diego overcame childhood trauma and social anxiety by meeting thousands of strangers. In doing so, he learned patterns of human behavior that he now uses to help people connect at a deeper level in their relationships, in their businesses and with themselves. He believes if you love yourself fully, you can conquer any limitation, live the life of your dreams and love at the highest level. He is the founder of Bumping Into Love. Keep up with Diego on Facebook.