Worried About Money? Here’s How to Stress Less

Matt Beatty didn’t see his spending habit for the slippery slope to misery that it was. Not until much later. By then he couldn’t sleep more than an hour or two a night. He recalls lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours—chest tight, heart pounding, seized by dread and fear. “I would lie there and catalog the things I had bought over the years that now made absolutely no sense to me: that luxury car lease, that tech gadget, that suit, that watch, that ridiculously expensive bottle of wine.” (And all that fancy coffee: over $1,000 worth of it per year, in retrospect.)

Eyeball-deep in debt and on the verge of disaster, all Beatty (not his real name) could think about was money. “It was eating me alive. As far as everyone could see, I had this great job, a perfect family and a beautiful home. I was the only one who saw my life for the teetering structure that it really was.”

It even baffles him. Beatty was—and is—the picture of all-American success. Hailing from humble beginnings, he grew up in a loving family. He worked hard, attended a prestigious college and caught some lucky breaks. After a decade of increasingly senior posts, he is now a well-paid New York City executive at the top of his game—which is why his financial struggles are even harder to grasp.

Money and Stress in America

Beatty is hardly alone. For years money has been a leading cause of stress for most Americans. Since 2007 the American Psychological Association has conducted an annual survey called “Stress in America.” The survey, released in February, reported that money worries continue to plague us, even as the economy steadily improves since its 2008 collapse. Money worries served as a significant source of stress for 64 percent of adults in 2014, ranking higher than the other three major sources: work, family responsibilities and health problems. Nearly three out of four adults said they felt stressed about money at least some of the time. More than a quarter reported that their stress was extreme and that they fretted about money most or all of the time.

Debt plays an overwhelming role in this stress. “For me, it started with one less-than-ideal job transition,” Beatty recalls. “I got into debt, but didn’t reduce my spending. It snowballed to the point where I had to continue to service the debt because I couldn’t find a path to establish stability.” It became a toxic cycle of stress that tainted everything, including his marriage.

Psychologist Elizabeth Dunn, author of Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending, calls debt “one of the most potent joy killers.” Dunn continues that debt can invade every aspect of life: work, home, personal relationships, even your hopes for the future. Research shows that people who suffer from high levels of debt stress have health risks ranging from ulcers and migraines to heart attacks.

And yet the economic recovery we are reportedly experiencing comes courtesy of debt (and along with it, stress). The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that roughly two-thirds of our economy—71 percent as of 2012—is fueled by consumer spending, much of it in the form of credit card debt. One recent survey by the credit card comparison website CardHub observed that the U.S. has seen six consecutive quarters of year-over-year increases in credit card debt load. $57.1 billion in 2014 and projected to reach $60 billion this year. The report cautions that we must “strive to remember the corrosive impact of debt on household finances during the recession and work to get out from under its influence before the burden becomes unbearable again.”

For many it’s too late.

Sustainable or Not?

Anyone who says money does not matter is either delusional or a trust-fund baby. Research tightly links money with well-being. And poverty is commonly known to be a potent and toxic stressor. “More money does not necessarily buy more happiness, but less money is associated with emotional pain,” says Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman in a study he co-authored. For millions living in the grips of financial strain, however, the issue is less about living below poverty lines and far more to do with habits and practices that are not sustainable economically, socially, environmentally or spiritually.

Modern stress is, in some ways, a cautionary tale of personal sustainability. Because for far too many of us, spending and accumulating have become stand-ins for happiness—automatic, thoughtless and, when we fall into debt, the fast track to misery. Media, marketing, advertising and other cultural messages that constantly bombard us don’t help. They serve as a gaggle of bad influencers egging us on to turn to purchases for happiness: You know you want it! You deserve it!

Our predicament becomes even more tightly knotted when outer markers of wealth and affluence—and the unsustainable consumption that comes with it—become the metrics by which we measure success, accomplishment and self-esteem, leading us to neglect our most vital protective factors during times of adversity: family, friends, community, purpose and service. And this is where the house, car, schools, fancy weddings and enviable vacations strangle people with debt.

So how much is enough?

A pretty solid number is $75,000 a year. Based on their extensive study of health and well-being data collected from almost 500,00 Americans, Kahneman and Princeton colleague Angus Deaton found that’s about where a person reaches a comfortable standard of living as well as where the benefits of money peak and its beneficial effects taper off dramatically. Ultimately, though, sustainability requires a personal calculation that takes into account many factors, including hard numbers and deeply introspective decisions.

What is your history when it comes to money? What are your core beliefs? Your attachments? Your patterns? Journaling can help unearth unhealthy triggers:

1. Write down every belief you have about money, no matter how small or inconsequential. Think deeply and cast a wide net. Examples may include: “There is never enough money,” or “I am great with money.”

2. Draw a time line on a sheet of paper, beginning with the year you were born and ending with today. Starting with your earliest memories, recall and jot down life decisions that you consider to have been pivotal. Next to each event, write down the beliefs about money that might have been at play.

3. Make a note of patterns in your time line and beliefs as well as your triggers, reactions and emotions, including how you feel physically (and where you feel it; for example, in your stomach or chest) as you recall the events.

4. Divide your list of beliefs about money in two: those that have served you well and those that cause stress and anxiety. Some beliefs may have done both; note them, too.

Many purchases are wants, not needs. So before you hand over the credit card, pause to consider whether the purchase will contribute to more stress and dysfunction later.

Getting into the Flow

Before you make the decision to lock down all your money, consider this from Ryan Rigoli, co-founder of Soulful Brands, a company that helps entrepreneurs and leaders integrate purpose and meaning into their companies and brands: “Money can become a stress point for many of our clients. It’s very easy to get into a scarcity mentality, and that can create a feeling that you don’t have a lot of money even when you do. I think of it in terms of flow and abundance. There’s a certain level of ease when you experience a flow of receiving and giving.” Rigoli teaches clients to be more expansive in their definitions of abundance. It’s a form of gratitude and mindfulness, he says. Aim to spend more time in the present appreciating the abundance of good things already in your life.

Gratitude and mindfulness figure heavily in Beatty’s journey back from the edge as well. Turning to friends and family for support, he discovered many of them were in the same boat. The social support helped dissipate his shame. Beatty began seeing a counselor who helped him unearth subconscious and deeply entrenched family beliefs and patterns about money that had led to his downfall.

Beatty took stock of his lifestyle and made hard choices. In some of those choices, he finds himself to be a lone voice of dissent in a culture that equates prestige, power and privilege with success and true value.

And he’s fine with that. 

Money can buy happiness—depending on how you spend it and whom you spend it on. Learn 5 ways to get the most delight from your dollars.


This article appears in the October 2015 issue of SUCCESS magazine.


Amanda Enayati is an author, columnist and communications strategist, whose essays about stress and happiness, health and technology, and creativity, design and innovation have appeared widely, including in SUCCESS, CNN, PBS, NPR, Washington Post, Reader's Digest, Salon and elsewhere. Her most recent book, Seeking Serenity: The 10 New Rules for Health and Happiness in the Age of Anxiety, was released by New American Library/Penguin Random House in 2015.

Amanda consults and speaks for a diverse range of clients, including hospitals and medical centers, corporations, including B corps, foundations, international development agencies and universities. She began her career as an international corporate attorney and consultant for several large law firms, the World Bank and the U.S. Agency for International Development. 

Amanda’s writing has been used in several university textbooks on communication and writing, and her essays have been incorporated into curricula at Stanford, University of California at Berkeley, University of Texas, Dallas, and elsewhere.

She has been featured as a speaker at SXSW, Stanford Medicine X, The Literacy Project, Aspen Writers, among others.

Born in Tehran, Amanda fled the Iranian revolution as a child refugee and lived in several countries in Europe before settling in the United States in the mid-1980s. 

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