Friendships are one of the most important relationships that a person can have. Our friends bring a lot to the table, including helping us live richer lives and offering social support through good and bad times. But sometimes friends grow apart and friendships end. This can be for any number of reasons, such as moving away, changing family dynamics like getting married or having children, not seeing eye to eye anymore or simply outgrowing each other.
While there are some situations where the end of a friendship doesn’t need to happen, closing the chapter on one can sometimes be the best choice for you to make—especially if the relationship has become unhealthy. A friendship that once had you and your friend connecting might well have soured. But ending a friendship can be tricky. Below, we take a look at how to end a friendship in a polite but effective way.
How Do You Know When to End a Friendship?
Knowing when to end a friendship can be challenging, especially since recognizing the signs can sometimes be hard. However, there are some universal signs to keep an eye out for—including growing trust issues, differences in core values, insults, manipulation and adverse effects on your mental health. While friendships won’t always be smooth sailing, it’s important to reevaluate if you notice these kinds of problematic behaviors and give serious consideration to ending a friendship.
The following warning signs can point to an unhealthy relationship that might be worth phasing out, particularly if you notice the same issue coming up again and again.
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
When it comes to friend breakups, the relationship will oftentimes reach a point of being unhealthy or even toxic. This can come about through any of the signs previously mentioned, such as a lack of trust or mutual respect between you and your friend or if you’re experiencing friendship anxiety and your mental health is suffering due to the relationship.
If you notice signs of an unhealthy relationship, you should step back from the situation and determine if your friendship has turned toxic. Layne Baker, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, suggests that you ask yourself the following questions when you are contemplating how to end a friendship:
- “Was it an energy-giving or an energy-taking experience for you?”
- “Did you feel heard and cared for? Did you hear and care for your friend?”
- “Did you feel connected to this person and enjoy spending time around them?”
“Check in with how you feel after spending time with your friend,” Baker adds. “These questions are a great starting point for listening to your gut and determining if it’s time to end a friendship.”
How to End a Friendship
Ending a friendship is a hard decision to make, but the actual process of breaking up with a friend can be done with mutual respect and honesty through conversation, or the friendship might just naturally come to a close. In some cases, such as when a friendship has soured and turned toxic, a more immediate end to the friendship might be needed. The right way to break up with a friend will depend on which approach you feel most comfortable with, but, in general, these steps on how to end a friendship will be helpful.
1. Practice Compassion
The end of a friendship will be hard on both you and your friend. Yet practicing compassion as you prepare to talk with your friend about ending your relationship will help shape how you approach them.
Consider exactly what you want to say and how your friend might respond. Compassion doesn’t mean accepting bad treatment—just that you’re taking time to see the situation from the other side’s perspective. By stepping into their shoes for a moment, your view might change. This can help the conversation go smoother and be less confrontational.
Being compassionate during this tense interaction helps both you and the other person avoid bitterness and allows for a healthier closure. This way, both parties can move forward without holding on to strong lingering emotions, like anger or regret. And if you run into each other in the future, you can exchange pleasantries instead of running away or hiding.
2. Have a Conversation With Your Friend
Similar to how you might end a romantic relationship, a conversation with your friend about where you’re at in the friendship is important, albeit anxiety-provoking. Take the time to prepare what you want to say when you are in a calm mindset. Not only does this help you find clarity in how to approach your friend, but it will lead to a more productive conversation and help you avoid emotional outbursts and arguments in the heat of the moment that you might regret.
“Start with getting clear about why the friendship no longer works for you, and bring these things to your friend in a conversation,” Baker says. “It will probably be hard. But the hard conversation is crucial to intentionally ending a friendship and setting any necessary boundaries.”
Consider starting the conversation with the following openers:
- “I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our friendship, and I believe we need to talk about where things are headed.”
- “I’ve been struggling with how things are going with us lately and think it would be a good idea to clear the air.”
- “I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about our friendship lately, and I feel like we’re moving in different directions.”
3. Determine What Type of “Break Up” Needs to Happen
Following a conversation, it’s time to move forward with the actual friend breakup. This can take shape in a few different ways. Your friendship might naturally fade out over time, or you might need to figure out how to end a friendship in a way that involves setting clear boundaries.
Some friendship “breakup” conversations might lead to a temporary break, particularly if you and your friend can resolve your differences or if you’d both like more time to consider ending the relationship.
Lastly, you could immediately walk away from the friendship. Ending a friendship this way can often be the best choice in cases where it has become manipulative, there have been recurring boundary violations or there are other unhealthy issues.
It’s important to set boundaries—such as no longer calling or texting at all hours of the night or dropping by your house unannounced—in order to protect your emotional health. It also helps both of you move on without lingering confusion or resentment. Let go of guilt and fear. You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you’re ending a friendship, especially when it comes to your well-being.
How Do You Process the End of a Friendship?
Ending friendships can be a painful experience, just as breaking up with a romantic partner can be. You won’t just automatically get over the breakup instantly. Expect to feel sad and even upset over the loss. “There was a point in time where this person meant something to you—enough for you to call them a friend,” Baker says. “No matter which side of the breakup you’re on, loss is loss; and loss is accompanied by grief.”
You’ll likely experience many emotions surrounding the loss of a close friendship. However, you can begin processing those emotions and thoughts by taking a few critical steps so you can eventually move on and build new friendships.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Ending a friendship is hard, and it’s important to understand you’ve lost someone you cared about, no matter why the friendship ended. Take the necessary time and space to recognize and accept these normal emotions.
Acknowledging these complicated feelings is the first step in processing loss so you can confront your friendship grief head-on rather than suppressing it. This emotional awareness will prevent unresolved feelings from lingering and ultimately help you heal and move on more successfully.
Journal About the Loss
Journaling about the loss of a friend who used to bring you joy can be a cathartic way to work through your strong emotions as you adjust. Journaling can also be a powerful tool for managing overwhelming thoughts and emotions, as it provides an outlet for self-expression and reflection. There’s something about writing it all down that helps release it from our minds and bodies.
Journaling can take many forms that you can try out to see what works best for you. A traditional “Dear Diary” approach involves jotting down your feelings about a situation using storytelling. Bullet-list diaries are more about creating lists to help organize thoughts and key emotions. Reflective journaling focuses on assessing daily experiences, interactions and events to lead to personal growth. You can even express your feelings through therapeutic art journaling, which combines written words with sketches, paintings, doodles or other artistic elements.
Talk It Out With Your Family or Friends
Ending a friendship can leave a void, so reaching out to your loved ones to talk about the loss can help you process it out loud and get the support you need. This can also help you bond and deepen your relationship with others as you share what you are going through.
Put Some Energy Into Old Friendships
Your other friends are still there and spending time with them can help you feel less alone, even if you’re just having a veg-out session on the couch after work. By focusing so much on the friend that has been dragging you down, you might have missed out on time with others. Look at this as a reset and reach out to people you haven’t seen in a while to plan fun outings to try new adventures together.
Prioritize Yourself and Healthy Relationships
Figuring out how to end a friendship is never easy, but if it’s necessary for your self-care, then it’s worth it. If you are struggling with handling a friendship that has gone bad, consider using these strategies to approach the situation with compassion and clarity.
Take the time to process the loss in a way that works best for you, whether on your own through journaling, seeking support from loved ones or another approach. The most important aspect to remember is that working through these challenging emotions will ultimately lead to personal growth and stronger friendships in the future.
Friendships are one of the most important relationships that a person can have. Our friends bring a lot to the table, including helping us live richer lives and offering social support through good and bad times. But sometimes, friends grow apart over time and friendships end. This can be for any number of reasons, like simply outgrowing a friendship or not seeing eye to eye anymore.
While there are some situations where the end of a friendship doesn’t need to happen, closing the chapter on one can sometimes be the best choice for you to make—especially if the relationship has become unhealthy. A friendship that once had you and your friend connecting well may have soured. But ending a friendship can be tricky. Below, we take a look at how this particular situation can be handled.
This article was updated April 2025. Photo courtesy of Cast Of Thousands/Shutterstock
