Dear Debbie: I Feel Disconnected and Directionless—What Should I Do?

UPDATED: June 8, 2023
PUBLISHED: June 30, 2022
Dear Debbie: How Can I Balance the Needs of My Business with the Calm of a Routine?

My life is good. I’m busy and accomplished. I should feel grateful. Instead, I feel disconnected and directionless. What should I do?

First of all, what you’re feeling is normal. The idea that something has to be wrong in your life for you to feel down or disconnected is just another facet of perfectionism placed on women.

About a year ago, I was working on initiatives to further my brand. There were brand kits and content strategies and speaking engagements. It was creative and exciting, but suddenly, I was drowning in a sea of and this, and this, and this. I couldn’t see myself through the chaos.

So I took a step back and asked one simple question: What is my intention here?

Too often, we become passengers in our lives. We say yes to new things without even realizing whether we want them or whether they’re good for us. We continue saying yes, piling on so many things that the sheer busyness of our schedule drowns out any chance of reflection and purposeful creation. We’re blessed with an abundance of things we can do that we forget to ask ourselves: What do I want to do?

My solution: Make time to know and love yourself again. For me, that means time alone in nature. I spent several months in Arizona hiking, meditating, nourishing my body and listening to myself via journaling. I’m a natural people-pleaser, which serves me well. But it also means I can get caught up in others’ well-meaning input and embrace it as my own.

For you, this process might look different. The most important thing is that you’re giving yourself time and space to reclaim your voice and listen to what feels right for you. A helpful exercise is called “future-casting.” Corporations hire firms to future-cast what the world might look like in the next five to 10 years, and what products might be needed as a result. For you, future-casting is getting clear on your next stage of life and what you need in order to be fulfilled, purposeful and authentic.

I started small, planning out a rough draft of my day. The key is to make it simple. How many times have you written an extensive daily routine—perhaps designing it in a bullet journal or white board–only to realize you were procrastinating the most important part: taking the first step. Action begets action, which begets inspiration, which begets motivation, which begets consistency. Read that again.

Getting clear on what you want starts with setting your intention. Test this theory. You’ll be amazed what you can accomplish in just a few hours with purposeful intention and dedicated focus. Everything else is just noise.

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You’ll be hearing from me regularly. In this column, on social media, in your inbox if you choose. My goal is to help women empower themselves and embrace the wholly human attributes that make them truly incredible. If you’re going through a difficult time, I want to help you. There is power in the collective. There is healing in the universally shared human experience. But first we have to talk about it. Are you ready? 

Where could you use support in your life? Submit your question to [email protected].

This article originally appeared in the July/August 2022 Issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.

Debbie Biery

With more than 20 years of experience in the real estate industry and a certified life coach, Debbie Biery is a firm believer in the power of communication, authenticity and self-awareness. She combines that experience with a desire to serve others and empower them to be the best version of themselves by helping them embrace failure and choose each moment as an opportunity for change and growth.