Achieving Success Comes Down to One Thing: Connecting With People
Everyone finds success differently, whether it’s by pulling bootstraps a little tighter or knowing the right people at the right time. In my case, I found success only after doing something I typically dread: networking. But after moving to a new city—where I knew no one, and no one knew me—I didn’t really have a choice. If I wanted to get somewhere, meeting new people was the key.
Over time, dread turned to desire, and I not only started to benefit from networking, I started to enjoy it. So I began helping others connect within the community too, attending lunches and speaking at networking events. And now, over a decade later, I’ve found a full-time career I love, one I started from scratch. But this didn’t happen overnight. It took proactivity and a willingness to connect. It meant getting out of my comfort zone, confronting my fear and putting myself out there.
How to meet new people
Often, we get stuck in analysis paralysis, believing we are “too young for this” and “there aren’t enough opportunities for that” instead of simply getting started from where we are. Put that thinking aside and use the following tips that will help you make connections today for success tomorrow:
1. Be curious. You’ll connect with all types of people this way.
I think people struggle to reach their true potential because they’re quick to make comparisons—and “comparison is the thief of joy,” after all. When you shift your mindset and approach new opportunities or challenges from a state of curiosity, you open doors you didn’t know existed (and meet people you’d never dream of meeting). Stay curious and open minded. Ditch the need to compare old opportunities with new ones and find new worlds.
My motto? Channel the curious kid in you, and your creative dreams will come true. Growing up, I dabbled in just about everything—from band and choir to basketball and acting—because I needed to know more about all the things life offered. This increased my energy, fueled my creativity and had long-lasting effects on my emotional well-being. Above all, curiosity put me among people with whom I likely never would’ve crossed paths; I even made a few lifelong friends along the way.
So even today, I play. I regularly channel my inner curious kid by trying one new thing every month: rock climbing, skydiving, simulated flying lessons. You name it, I’ll test it. And by dabbling in new things, I inevitably make new connections. If you do the same, know this: A handful of these connections will, in fact, serve as influencers who will undoubtedly push you in the right (and most successful) directions.
2. Be coachable.
Being coached isn’t easy, I get it. It can feel a lot like criticism, and criticism can feel cold, especially when it’s coming from someone you don’t know. But when you’re coachable, it can be the very thing that leads you to your next opportunity. You don’t always have to agree, but if you’re merely open to learning, coachability will take you a long way. In my experience, coachability will help build bridges and connections far quicker than anything else.
I learned to be coachable in my time as an eighth grade science teacher. It has to be said, eighth graders have no filter, and everything is fair game. Your teaching methods, clothes, the booger in your nose during allergy season—all of it. After two years of daily feedback (or criticism, however you prefer to look at it), I had to choose between feeling insecure because of their comments or discovering how they made me coachable. By seeking coachability opportunities like teaching, I’ve met some amazing people who are now mentors and mentees constantly helping to move me forward.
Coachability comes with practice. Additionally, it involves getting to the root of your fears: Are you afraid of being wrong? Losing control? For me, it was fear of vulnerability, so I made a point of letting my guard down as a teacher. For instance, in class, I’d share anecdotes about myself that made me feel vulnerable, thereby leaving me open to feedback (warranted or not), but also helping me buck up and mold the person I wanted to be.
3. Be willing to connect with new people.
Fact: No one likes to network, and I mean no one. Most often, it’s because it feels purely transactional and even superficial. Even if you’re the bubbliest person in the room, networking can still be difficult to navigate. But to find success, I strongly encourage embracing the willingness to connect. Try to suspend your ideas about a person and their motivations. Be willing to talk and make new connections without those preconceptions hanging in the air.
When I moved to a new city, I forced myself out of my comfort zone, electing to meet 100 people in 100 days. Here are a few ways I pulled it off (and inevitably found professional and personal success) that you can use, too:
- First, I had regular one-on-ones. I met people in person, whether it involved grabbing coffee, eating lunch at a new deli in town or having dinner at an old neighborhood standby. To this day, I do this almost weekly. I start with those I know (professionally or personally), and then I ask them to recommend other folks. And just like that, my connections grow exponentially.
- Second, I started volunteering. It’s one of the fastest and most rewarding ways to meet new people, many of whom are highly influential. Join a committee, serve as a camp counselor, participate in nonprofit clubs, volunteer at local churches or host a charity event. The volunteer possibilities are endless, as are the list of connections you’ll make along the way.
- Finally, I became a mentor, but I was always willing to be the mentee, too. The term “mentor” has become synonymous with “time commitment,” and this occasionally deters people. But mentorship can be whatever both parties decide it should be. It can be a quick cup of coffee here or a half-hour phone call there; it can be a weekly, monthly or even quarterly check-in. The insights a mentor can provide to their mentee—and the other way around—are boundless (and so are the benefits). Make a mentor-mentee relationship what works for you, time-wise and otherwise.
Perhaps selfishly, our motivation to network may come solely from the desire to be successful. But remember: Others out there are going after it too, so help them find connections. Be the person who introduces Evelyn to Jaime because you know an unbelievable partnership can flourish. It benefits you, too—they’ll remember you for it, and a relationship with them will bloom as well.
This article was published in December 2018 and has been updated. Photo by Kinga/Shutterstock
Keisha Mabry is an author, speaker, and social entrepreneur who has been featured by the National Public Radio, the Nine Network, Facebook, Forbes, NextStepU, The Business Journal, Blavity, Ellevate, and the United State of Women for her work in personal branding and networking. In addition, Keisha is a TEDx speaker, a lecturer at Washington University in St. Louis, an Aspen Ideas Scholar, a Hatch Scholar, and a contributor for the Huffington Post and Watch the Yard. She has also written a book: “Hey Friend: 100 Ways to Connect with 100 People in 100 Days.”
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