How to Be More Empathetic in Conversations

Relationships

Relationships Archives

Relationships | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Empathy typically isn’t a trait that springs to mind when you think of what goes into <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/13-key-traits-of-strong-professional-relationships/">building professional relationships</a>. But Gail Gross, Ph.D., a family, relationship and child development expert, says empathy is <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-secret-to-smart-negotiations-is-simply-empathy/">the most important characteristic</a> for relationships, whether at work or with family and friends.



“If you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even if you don’t agree, then you can often see the issue from their perspective. This will then open the door for<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better"> </a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/202207/better-way-couples-connect#:~:text=Studies%20have%20shown%20that%20couples,%2C%20body%20signals%2C%20and%20more." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">collaboration and communication</a>,” Gross says. “If you are busy defending yourself, then you can’t hear what the other person has to say.”



Gross developed an empathetic process that can be used to improve all types of relationships:



<h2 id="h-1-when-attempting-to-work-out-differences-meet-in-a-neutral-location-such-as-a-conference-room-or-restaurant">1. When attempting to work out differences, meet in a neutral location, such as a conference room or restaurant. </h2>



Do not meet in one party’s office because that puts one person in a power position. If the discussion is between family members, sit down together in the kitchen.



<h2>2. Set ground rules before talking.</h2>



Neither party can use hurtful language or personal attacks.



<h2>3. Divide the time allowed for the discussion into thirds. </h2>



For the first third of the time, one person talks while <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better/">the other person actively listens</a>. Then for the second third of the time, the other person talks. During the last third of the time, both parties work together to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-solve-problems-effectively-and-ethically/">solve the problem</a>. You don’t have to agree with each other, just collaborate on a compromise that has value for both people.



“At the end of the day, trust is based on experience,” Gross says. “<a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">By using empathy</a>, you develop tremendous trust with your colleagues, significant other or children. The <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-ways-to-build-lasting-relationships/">key to a good relationship</a> is mutuality, with no one winning and no one losing.”



This article appears in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/magazines/success-magazine-august-2015-brian-chesky.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">August 2015 issue</a> of SUCCESS magazine and has been updated. Photo by Cast Of Thousands/Shutterstock

Gail Gross, Ph.D., says empathy is the most important characteristic for relationships, whether at work or with family and friends.

Gail Gross, Ph.D., says empathy is the most important characteristic for relationships, whether at work or with family and friends. | SUCCESS

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How to Be More Empathetic in Conversations | SUCCESS

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Personal Development

Personal Development Archives

Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

It&rsquo;s easy to take rejection personally. But this often leads to holding a grudge or to frustration toward the person that turned you down&mdash;especially for salespeople, who&rsquo;ll inevitably be told &ldquo;no&rdquo; from time to time. Holding a grudge can damage an otherwise positive relationship, but even worse, it can have negative effects on your own health. A study published in Psychological Science showed grudges increase heart rate, blood pressure and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-stop-the-rampage-of-negative-thoughts" target="_blank" title="How to Stop the Rampage of Negative Thoughts | SUCCESS.com">negative emotions</a>.Kevin Johnson, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0988479702/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0988479702&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=sm0fe-20&amp;linkId=6GJGDRW7GPZFBNRM">The Entrepreneur Mind: 100 Essential Beliefs, Characteristics, and Habits of Elite Entrepreneurs</a>, shares three practical tips for letting go of grudges:&bull; Give it time. Wait a few days after the rejection before deciding the next step. You will usually realize that the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/a-manual-for-dealing-with-rejection" target="_blank" title="A Manual for Dealing With Rejection | SUCCESS.com">rejection isn&rsquo;t the end of the world</a>, and the grudge will become less intense. And by walking away for a bit, you may see the situation in a different light.&bull; Focus on something enjoyable and positive. Johnson dances to salsa music to let go of frustration after a rejection. Listening to music (dancing not required, but perhaps encouraged!) may do the trick for you as well. If you&rsquo;re not feeling the rhythm of the islands today, take a few minutes to call a close friend or read through positive emails.&bull; Be kind. Instead of cutting off communication or talking trash about the person who rejected you, put your efforts into treating her with respect. By showing kindness, even if you don&rsquo;t initially feel so benevolent, you will most likely find that your grudge lessens considerably.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/bad-temper-10-tips-to-help-you-keep-your-cool" target="_self" title="Bad Temper? 10 Tips to Help You Keep Your Cool | SUCCESS.com">Still mad? Check out 10 tips that will help you keep your cool.</a>

It&rsquo;s easy to take rejection personally. But this often leads to holding a grudge or to frustration toward the person that turned you

It&rsquo;s easy to take rejection personally. But this often leads to holding a grudge or to frustration toward the person that turned you | SUCCESS

Too Good at Holding Grudges? Get Better at Letting Them Go

Too Good at Holding Grudges? Get Better at Letting Them Go | SUCCESS

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Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

You’ve most likely heard the term thought leader tossed around in conversations or even read it in this magazine. But exactly how do you become a person whose unique ideas on a subject can influence an entire industry or community?
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/3-life-lessons-that-helped-me-become-a-better-leader" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">3 Life Lessons That Helped Me Become a Better Leader</a>
Dan Rockwell of the <a title="About | LeadershipFreak.WordPress.com" href="https://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/about/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">“Leadership Freak” blog</a>, shares three practical tips on how to be a thought leader:

<h2 class="BODY">1. Stop talking.</h2>
Spend 15 minutes each day listening to what someone has to say. Asking questions is fine, but don’t contribute your ideas. Instead of seeking out people who have the same perspective, listen to those who irritate you or have opposing viewpoints.

<h2 class="BODY">2. Disrupt yourself.</h2>
The best way to <a title="How to Become an Idea Catalyst | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-become-an-idea-catalyst" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">come up with unique ideas</a> and thoughts that will revolutionize your industry is to go out of your comfort zone and find new experiences. Pick up a publication with an opposing viewpoint, learn a new skill or even travel to a foreign country.

<h2 class="BODY">3. Share your thoughts.</h2>
It isn’t enough just to have interesting ideas. You have to share them with your community through blogging, being a quoted source in industry media, speaking at conferences or just tweeting provocative ideas. The best way to create a platform isn’t to actively try to create a platform—instead focus on helping others succeed, and an effective platform will probably evolve.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-become-an-expert-with-a-capital-e" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">How to Become an Expert (With a Capital E)</a>

You’ve most likely heard the term thought leader tossed around in conversations or even read it in this magazine. But exactly how do you become a person

You’ve most likely heard the term thought leader tossed around in conversations or even read it in this magazine. But exactly how do you become a person | SUCCESS

3 Practical Tips to Become a Thought Leader

3 Practical Tips to Become a Thought Leader | SUCCESS

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You most likely belong to several LinkedIn groups&mdash;alumni groups, professional societies, bands of colleagues local to you. But are you actively using this opportunity to make connections that can further your industry and career? Here are the crucial pointers to getting the most out of LinkedIn&rsquo;s online cocktail mixer:&rsaquo; Focus on the right groups. With thousands to choose from, it is more effective to be active on a few groups than a member of hundreds. Pick two to three groups with a membership that can offer you learning and mentorship, and two to three whose members are potential customers.&rsaquo; Contribute to the conversation. Too many people just &ldquo;lurk&rdquo; in a group, while others constantly post self-promotional links every chance they get. The right path lies between those extremes. Ask thought-provoking questions, especially regarding common problems in your industry. And then regularly contribute well-thought-out and helpful&nbsp;responses.&rsaquo; Take the relationship outside of the group. While some groups have rules against soliciting to members, you can expand the relationship in other ways. Send one of your connections a link to an article that relates to her recent post. Offer to meet up at a conference you are both attending. Comment on a blog post. Or even just send a compliment about her ideas or website.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/linkedin-lesson" target="_self" title="LinkedIn Lesson | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">Not so familiar with LinkedIn yet? Take a &ldquo;LinkedIn Lesson&rdquo; and learn six steps that&rsquo;ll get you in business on this powerful online network in no time.&nbsp; </a>

You most likely belong to several LinkedIn groups&mdash;alumni groups, professional societies, bands of colleagues local to you. But are you actively

You most likely belong to several LinkedIn groups&mdash;alumni groups, professional societies, bands of colleagues local to you. But are you actively | SUCCESS

3 Tips to Networking via LinkedIn Groups

3 Tips to Networking via LinkedIn Groups | SUCCESS

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Jennifer Goforth Gregory

Latest Articles

How to Be More Empathetic in Conversations

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