We have all been there, regardless of our backgrounds, professions, positions or accomplishments: That little voice inside our head starts filling our thoughts with negativity, self-doubt and maybe even feelings of imposter syndrome. We’re not good enough, not smart enough, not capable enough to be here—and, worse still, everyone else knows it. As the saying goes, “we are our own worst enemies.”
But we are not alone. Negative self-talk happens to the best of us, says Laurie Maddalena, a leadership consultant and the author of The Elevated Leader: Boost Your Confidence and Transform Your Team by Mastering Coaching, Accountability, and Difficult Conversations.
“It’s a natural human experience to listen to the... negative thoughts,” Maddalena says. “A really big piece of this is normalizing that we’re human, and this is part of how the human brain is designed.”
While some negative self-talk is a normal part of life, it can become harmful when it is the primary way we talk to ourselves. Our mental health and relationships can suffer, leading to issues like stress, sadness and depression.
Meet Your Inner Coach
There is good news, though: We have another voice in our heads that can help combat negative self-talk. We just need to know how to tap into it.
That voice is the inner coach.
The inner critic is a voice “whose job is to keep us in the familiar (and keep us safe) by highlighting every possible risk, flaw or shortcoming,” says Maddalena. Opposite of the inner critic, however, our inner coach “speaks from wisdom, experience and possibility—reminding us of our strengths, our purpose and what we’re capable of,” she adds.
“Sometimes people say we’ve got to get rid of that... inner critic,” she says. “[But] it serves a purpose, and if we understand that our brain is designed that way, we can use it as a tool, but also acknowledge it and then kind of put it to the side as we tap into the inner coach.” She likes to think of the “inner coach as that more calm, grounded voice.”
But how do we access and amplify our inner coaches?
Responding to Judgment
When the negative self-talk and judgment begin, Maddalena suggests taking a moment to simply notice those thoughts.
“The inner critic is often that noisy, judgmental place where our inner saboteur is coming from fear, self-doubt, uncertainty,” she says. “And the way that we can identify that inner coach is to pause and notice [whether] we’re coming from a place of our best self or not.”
“In the flurry [of] these judgmental thoughts... that’s usually not when we’re at our best,” she adds. “And so pausing and even just tapping into... what would my inner coach say to me in this situation?”
Ask Your Future Self
In addition to pausing to ask your inner coach what she would say in situations that trigger negative self-talk, another tactic Maddalena suggests is thinking through the lens of your future self.
“I ask myself often... ‘What would my 90-year-old, wiser self tell me in this moment? What advice would she give me?' And my future self often has a lot more wisdom and perspective of the bigger picture,” she says.
Document Your Reactions
As a leadership consultant, Maddalena often asks her clients to journal or document their feelings for a week, whether that be their inner critic, negative emotional reactions or hot buttons.
“It can be a really great tool [for] starting to build that self-awareness and seeing, ‘When are these things showing up for me? What was happening at that time?... Was I emotional? Reactive? Maybe I shut down. What did that look like for me?'” she says.
Documentation can then lead to self-reflection. Maddalena encourages her clients to review their notes and consider some of the deeper issues at hand, operating from a place of curiosity, rather than judgment. Why do certain interactions seem to trigger strong emotions or bring out their inner critic? What might be driving these reactions?
Reflecting on this can lead to a more productive path forward, she says.
“I want to be able to respond in a way that feels more in alignment with who I am and not react from my inner critic or negative self,” she says. Maddalena says that the more awareness we build around why reactions are happening, the more “we can start to then turn to that inner coach and take action.”
Throughout this entire process, she adds, it’s important to operate from a place of curiosity, rather than judgment.
“Curiosity is coming from a place of compassion... and so it’s more insightful,” she says. “It can help us focus on the truth rather than what we’re not doing well.”
In the end, perhaps the most important thing to remember about our inner coach is that she has our best interests in mind. Always. And that is a voice we should listen to.
“We’re not trying to make the inner critic go away... but our inner coach is in the driver’s seat and maybe the inner critic is in the back seat,” says Maddalena. “It’s there, it has a voice, but we can also say... ‘I’m going to let the inner coach make this choice for me, this intentional choice about how I’m going to show up in this moment.'”
Image courtesy of New Africa/Shutterstock
This article was first published in the March 2026 issue of SUCCESS Digital Edition. Get your copy here.
