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Loneliness is <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/05/02/1173418268/loneliness-connection-mental-health-dementia-surgeon-general" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">on the rise,</a> and it has negative <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/social-connectedness/risk-factors/index.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">side effects</a> on physical and mental health. Learning how to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/connecting-with-people/">connect with people</a> is crucial for everyone to lead a better life. Whether you move to a new city, start a new job or are looking for a general change, there are strategies and methods you can learn to connect with new people and change your perspective. 



When you want to connect with a new community, you can take up new hobbies, attend networking events, interact with different people and participate in activities you may not have previously considered. Finding fulfillment in your personal and professional life requires stepping out of your comfort zone, confronting your fear and putting yourself out there.&nbsp;&nbsp;







<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-the-importance-of-genuine-connections">The Importance of Genuine Connections</h2>



When working on connecting with new people, it’s important to pay attention to the types of connections you’re making. Though all connections start as superficial, you must put time and energy into making genuine connections.&nbsp;



A genuine <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-find-yourself-by-connecting-with-others/">connection requires investment from you</a> and the person you’re building a relationship with. Vulnerability and empathy are two major qualities to focus on for a genuine connection. It’s important to be honest about yourself and try to understand where other people are coming from.&nbsp;



In addition to these qualities, you’ll forge deeper connections with consistency. When it comes to networking, it’s especially important to be consistent. When you embed yourself in a new community, consistently showing up will make you a part of it more quickly and allow you to better connect with people. A study found that <a href="https://www.aeecenter.org/aee-news/the-importance-of-networking/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">85% of all hires are made through networking</a>, making genuine connections crucial for career building. 



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-to-meet-new-people">How to Meet New People</h2>



Connecting with others means meeting new people first. When you’re feeling lonely or isolated, meeting new people is a great way to get out of a funk.&nbsp;



Often, we get stuck in analysis paralysis, believing we are “too young for this” and “there aren’t enough opportunities for that” instead of simply getting started where we are. Put that thinking aside and use the following tips that will help you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-ways-to-start-connecting-with-people/">make connections today</a> for success tomorrow.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-be-curious">Be Curious</h3>



Curiosity is a skill you have to cultivate, not a natural state. Give yourself the gift of curiosity, especially when connecting with new people. While in a state of curiosity, your mindset and approach to new opportunities or challenges shifts, opening doors you didn’t know existed (and meeting people you’d never dream of meeting). Stay curious and open-minded. Ditch the need to compare old opportunities with new ones and find new worlds.



Ask open-ended questions to show others that you are curious and interested. This lets your conversation partner know you care about what they have to say.&nbsp;



Trying new hobbies is also a great way to push yourself out of your comfort zone. By dabbling in new things, you inevitably make new connections. A handful of these connections may even influence you and push you in a positive (and more successful) direction.



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-common-mistakes-to-avoid">Common Mistakes to Avoid</h4>



When you’re working on opening up your curiosity to connect with new people, try not to ask extremely personal questions. Let the person you’re talking to share naturally.&nbsp;



If you choose to pursue a new hobby, you should also be honest with yourself about your level of expertise. For example, don’t sign up for an advanced pottery class if you’re only a beginner. Make sure you’re giving yourself time to learn so you can comfortably contribute.&nbsp;



To practice this in real life, think of someone you see regularly, like at a coffee shop or during school pickup, and try to start a conversation with them. This will help you practice connecting with others and demonstrate curiosity.&nbsp;



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-be-coachable">Be Coachable</h3>



Allowing someone else to tell you what to do is very difficult. When being coached, you allow yourself to be assessed by someone else. However, the <a href="https://instituteofcoaching.org/coaching-overview/coaching-benefits" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Institute of Coaching</a> found that 80% of people who went through coaching reported increased self-confidence, which is crucial for connecting with new people.  Being coached isn’t easy. It can feel a lot like criticism, and criticism can feel cold, especially when it’s coming from someone you don’t know. But being coached can be the very thing that leads you to your next opportunity. You don’t always have to agree, but coachability will take you a long way if you’re merely open to learning. Coachability can help you make connections and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-ways-to-build-lasting-relationships/">build relationships</a>.



Coachability comes with practice. Additionally, it involves getting to the root of your fears. For instance, if you fear vulnerability, make a point of letting your guard down. Leaving yourself open to feedback (warranted or not) can help you buck up and be more open to new connections.



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-common-mistakes-to-avoid-0">Common Mistakes to Avoid</h4>



When you’re going through a coaching experience, try not to take things too personally. Coaching is an evolving process between you and your coach. And remember, professional coaches are not trying to break you down. Their perspective is valuable to help you level up, which may mean they often target the areas that make you uncomfortable.&nbsp;



To get more comfortable receiving feedback, start small by asking a friend for advice about a work project. Whether it’s a presentation, a brief or a conversation you want to have with your boss, being open to feedback from someone you trust will help you build the muscle of being open to feedback from new people.&nbsp;



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-be-willing-to-connect-with-new-people">Be Willing to Connect With New People</h3>



Networking is hard. Most often, it’s because it feels purely transactional and even superficial. Even if you’re the bubbliest person in the room, networking can still be challenging to navigate. But to find success, embrace the willingness to connect. Try to suspend your ideas about a person and their motivations in favor of building a relationship. Be willing to talk and make new connections without those preconceptions hanging in the air.



If you move to a new city, try stepping out of your comfort zone. You could set a goal like meeting 100 people in 100 days. Here are a few ways to make it happen:



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Schedule regular one-on-ones: Whenever you meet someone new, try to follow up and schedule a coffee, lunch or activity to continue building the relationship. Start with people you know a little bit, both professionally and personally, and then ask them to recommend other folks. And just like that, your connections grow exponentially.</li>



<li>Try volunteering: It’s one of the fastest and most rewarding ways to meet new people, many of whom are highly influential. Join a committee, serve as a camp counselor, participate in nonprofit clubs, volunteer at local churches or host a charity event. Volunteer possibilities are endless, as are the connections you’ll make along the way.</li>



<li>Look into mentorship opportunities: Whether you’re a mentor or a mentee, you’ll get a lot out of this new kind of connection. The term “mentor” has become synonymous with “time commitment,” and this occasionally deters people. However, mentorship can be whatever both parties decide it should be. It can be a quick cup of coffee here or a half-hour phone call there; it can be a weekly, monthly or even quarterly check-in. The insights a mentor can provide to their mentee—and vice versa—are boundless, so make it work with your schedule. </li>
</ul>



Perhaps selfishly, our motivation to network may come solely from the desire to be successful. But remember: Others out there are going after it, too, so help them find connections. Be the person who introduces Evelyn to Jaime because you know an unbelievable partnership can flourish. It benefits you, too—they’ll remember you for it, and a relationship with them will also flourish.



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-common-mistakes-to-avoid-1">Common Mistakes to Avoid</h4>



When you work on meeting new people and building relationships, you should still be intentional about how many new people you connect with. Creating genuine connections requires time and investment wherever you are on the introvert to extrovert scale. Make sure you’re meeting new people sustainably to continue building connections with them over time.&nbsp;



To get started today, seek out an event you wouldn’t normally attend and talk to someone. You can try going to a play or an artistic event you’re interested in and talking to another new person in the audience. Be willing to put yourself in new places and spaces with new people.&nbsp;



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-networking-challenges">Networking Challenges</h3>



Even though networking can be intimidating, it’s beneficial for learning how to connect with new people and is great for your professional life.&nbsp;



Networking can be hard because of social anxiety or social exhaustion. Letting anxiety take over your life can prevent so many meaningful interactions, so it’s important to work on strategies to overcome it and put yourself in new situations. Meditation, positive affirmations and practice can help you.&nbsp;



Dealing with rejection is another not-so-fun but integral part of networking. It can be demoralizing when you send an email or message and don’t receive a response or get a negative one. But don’t let it define your whole experience. Many people are willing to be open and connect, and the more you seek them out, the more you’ll find them.&nbsp;



One part of working on personal development is connecting with new people. It helps you see yourself differently and learn about new perspectives that expand your worldview. Networking and putting yourself out there can help boost your confidence and manage social anxiety.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-invest-in-yourself-by-connecting-with-others">Invest in Yourself by Connecting With Others</h2>



No matter how much you struggle to connect with new people, you should know you’re not alone. Many people are trying to find new ways to engage with the world around them, and are just as eager to connect with you. To get started today, tell someone you know that you want to start connecting with more people. Maybe this will be a small accountability nudge that may help get you started.



Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock.

Julia Rittenberg

Understanding how to connect with people can transform your life. Learn key strategies to build authentic and lasting relationships.

Understanding how to connect with people can transform your life. Learn key strategies to build authentic and lasting relationships. | SUCCESS

How to Connect With People and Strengthen Relationships

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How to Connect With People and Build Relationships | SUCCESS

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Keisha Mabry is an author, speaker, and social entrepreneur who has been featured by the National Public Radio, the Nine Network, Facebook, Forbes, NextStepU, The Business Journal, Blavity, Ellevate, and the United State of Women for her work in personal branding and networking. In addition, Keisha is a TEDx speaker, a lecturer at Washington University in St. Louis, an Aspen Ideas Scholar, a Hatch Scholar, and a contributor for the Huffington Post and Watch the Yard. She has also written a book: “Hey Friend: 100 Ways to Connect with 100 People in 100 Days.”

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Keisha Mabry

two people using trustworthy body language when shaking hands

People tend to overestimate their ability <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513822000198#:~:text=Overall%2C%20these%20findings%20suggest%20that,only%20information%20available%20to%20them." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">to read others’ faces</a> or body language when determining if someone is trustworthy, psychologists say. Practiced liars can be experts at genuine-seeming eye contact and gestures.



But as unreliable <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-021-04963-4#Sec27" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">as body language is</a>, it might still be <a href="https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/negotiation-skills-daily/build-rapport-without-saying-a-word-nb/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">a powerful factor in trust</a>. We’re more prone to like or help people who mimic our nonverbal behavior, <a href="https://online.ucpress.edu/collabra/article/7/1/23441/117025/The-Influence-of-Similarity-and-Mimicry-on" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">psychological studies suggest</a>.&nbsp;



Such imitation is just one way to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/building-trust-as-a-leader/">build trust</a> with body language, say Bill Acheson, a nonverbal-<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-8-ways-to-master-the-art-of-communication/">communication</a> consultant, and Bob Whipple, a leadership coach and CEO of Leadergrow Incorporated in Hilton, New York. Though the following methods aren’t scientifically proven to spark trust, Acheson and Whipple say they’ve seen them work time and again.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-trustworthy-body-language-when-shaking-hands">Trustworthy body language when shaking hands</h2>



Use just one hand and keep it vertical. A two-handed shake can come across as presumptuous; a palm-down grip as an attempt to dominate, Whipple and Acheson say. Make good “web-to-web contact” and hold the other person’s hand firmly but not bone crushingly. Don’t stuff your other hand in a pocket. Smile “from the heart.” And, yes, make eye contact, especially as the handshake begins.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-do-this-when-speaking-or-listening">Do this when speaking or listening</h2>



Maintain eye contact most of the time, but not all of the time, which can appear creepily deliberate. Don’t fidget.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-trustworthy-body-language-when-standing-or-sitting">Trustworthy body language when standing or sitting</h2>



If you’re talking with a man, stand next to him with your body angled slightly toward his, or choose a chair that’s not right across from him. This will strike him as less confrontational than speaking face to face. But stand or sit directly opposite a woman. To her, an approach from the side might feel like an invasion of space.



This article originally appeared in the July 2017 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-july-2017-bishop-t-d-jakes.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a> and has been updated. Photo by BigPixel Photo/Shutterstock

If you want to build trust with others without verbal communication, try these three simple ways to use trustworthy body language.

If you want to build trust with others without verbal communication, try these three simple ways to use trustworthy body language. | SUCCESS

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3 Easy Ways to Show You're Trustworthy with Body Language | SUCCESS

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Melissa Balmain

Sure, it’s easy to give in to what others want. But learning to stand up for yourself is more effective for facing the world with confidence.

Sure, it’s easy to give in to what others want. But learning to stand up for yourself is more effective for facing the world with confidence. | SUCCESS

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Sophia Dembling is the author of The Introvert&rsquo;s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World.

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Sophia Dembling

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Personal Development

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Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

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personality Archives | SUCCESS

It’s no surprise we’re naturally drawn to people with charismatic personalities. From clear confidence to palpable self-awareness, they’re brimming with traits that attract others. And while many of us would like to think we have one, cultivating a charismatic personality takes time, energy, and effort.&nbsp;



Top charismatic personality traits include confidence, authenticity, empathy, and self-awareness, among others. These indicate an array of qualities we can tune into and refine to add charm and charisma to our personalities.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-is-a-charismatic-personality">What Is A Charismatic Personality?</h2>



By definition, someone with a charismatic personality “<a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/charismatic" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">possesses special traits that attract, inspire, or fascinate other people</a>.” This suggests that some of the keys to charisma are being engaging, interesting, and inspirational to others.



Let’s be honest. We all know that person: confident, balanced, and well put together. They communicate openly and clearly with an underlying warmth in their tone. Their views are well thought out, and their presence has a natural coolness—no matter their age.&nbsp;&nbsp;



Psychiatrist Ajit V. Bhide observes in a study on the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2755138/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">phenomenon and psychology of charisma</a> that “the attainment of charisma comparatively late in life is a well-known phenomenon.” He claims this was, in fact, “the exception rather than the rule.”



However, he goes on to say, “Most charismatics attain their peak of appeal in their thirties and very many continue to draw their followers for decades thereafter.”



Therefore, people with charismatic personalities can maintain long-term relationships that attract and engage others in several ways. This includes encouraging others to share their views in conversation and voice their opinions openly. True charisma goes beyond just having an outwardly charming personality.&nbsp;



In addition, they champion individuality and openness. They <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/master-these-5-attributes-to-successfully-influence-others/">truly influence</a> others to feel like they have something to contribute and something to learn from one another. This is the true power of a charismatic personality. Natural and unforced—this is charisma at its finest.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-why-having-a-charismatic-personality-is-important">Why Having A Charismatic Personality Is Important</h2>



Developing a charismatic personality is now more important than ever, especially for leaders. But why? Simply put, our expectations have risen. We’ve come to demand more than sheer competence from people. In today’s world, we don’t willingly accept those who stumble over their words and can’t maintain eye contact.



In this era of empowerment—when we revere empathy and support—charismatic individuals stand out. This is because they’re communicators who can see things from another’s perspective and will endeavor to find common ground.



Those with personal magnetism or charismatic personality traits have typically spent time <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/8-daily-tips-for-building-self-confidence/">building self-confidence</a> while appearing to carry it off naturally. They view almost all problems as solvable and focus on desired results rather than possible failures. This can help encourage people to step forward and transform fear into a challenge to overcome.



If we can develop a charismatic personality, we may improve in many areas of life. This is because we will be able to connect better with multiple different people on different levels. By default, people with this type of character are more empathic and understanding, which gives them more personal power and makes them feel more human—ultimately, a big plus for anyone.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-top-qualities-of-someone-with-a-charismatic-personality">Top Qualities Of Someone With A Charismatic Personality.</h2>



Contrary to popular belief, we’re not born with a charming, charismatic personality. Instead, let’s imagine our personalities consist of a series of containers—like cups, for example. Some cups are nearly empty, some are brimming, and others are partially filled to varying degrees. Together, these various cups constitute our potential charisma.



With that in mind, here are some of the top qualities and examples of traits you’ll find in someone with a charismatic persona:



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-they-show-up-authentically">1. They Show Up Authentically</h3>



One of the first things you may notice about someone with charisma is that they are authentic and genuine. This is because that is exactly who they are. They are confident enough in themselves to show up authentically, whether in a personal or professional environment.



How to show up authentically: Work on your self-confidence, be vocal about your values, and carry yourself with integrity.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-they-are-influential-and-compelling">2. They Are Influential And Compelling</h3>



Charismatic people can transform complex ideas into simple ones. This means they can be particularly influential individuals with compelling ideas and concepts. Engaging with someone charismatic might encourage you to think differently. As psychologist <a href="https://www.reenabpatel.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Reena B. Patel</a> says, people with charismatic characteristics have “the ability to attract…and naturally influence others."



How to be influential and compelling: Allow your passion to shine through, build trust in your relationships, and, most importantly, be humble.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-they-are-confident-speakers">3. They Are Confident Speakers</h3>



We might have a million incredible ideas to voice, but who will hear them if we can’t articulate them? People with charismatic personalities have mastered the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-8-ways-to-master-the-art-of-communication/">art of communication</a>. They hold an innate ability to confidently express their thoughts and ideas. This often makes them a pleasure to be around, listen to, and engage with.



How to be a confident speaker: Know your subject matter, practice positive affirmations, and speak confidently, even when you don’t feel like it.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-they-are-active-listeners">4. They Are Active Listeners</h3>



Rarely taught and infrequently practiced, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better/">listening well</a> is key to good communication. It can also help make others feel special. More important than this, however, is the notion of active listening. This is where someone with a charismatic personality can show someone they’ve heard their point of view and can actively respond. This can be much more beneficial than passive listening, where the conversation can often feel one-sided.



How to be an active listener: Maintain good eye contact, stay focused, and pay attention to any non-verbal cues that might come up in conversation.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-they-are-self-aware">5. They Are Self-Aware</h3>



People with charismatic personalities are well-liked largely due to their egregious self-awareness. They are conscious of how they carry themselves so they can put others at ease. Self-awareness can be a very desirable quality as it shows the person understands themselves well and can be in tune with others.



How to be self-aware: Self-awareness is a lifelong journey, but you can practice mindfulness daily through meditation, journaling, and various methods to connect with yourself.&nbsp;&nbsp;



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-they-are-empathetic-and-conscious-of-others">6. They Are Empathetic And Conscious Of Others</h3>



Part of building rapport is understanding other people’s personalities and adapting our own behavior to increase compatibility. Charismatic personalities achieve this through their innate empathy and genuine willingness to be conscious of others and their feelings, no matter the situation they find themselves in.



How to be empathetic and conscious of others: Pay close attention to the words and actions of others, put yourself in their shoes when possible, and try to actively listen.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-they-are-vulnerable-and-open">7. They Are Vulnerable And Open</h3>



One could argue that vulnerability has been an underrated quality among humans. Historically, being vulnerable could put us in potentially harmful situations. Today, however, vulnerability can be viewed as a positive, warm quality that shows the receiver that the charismatic person is willing to be open with them. This can build trust and connection. As <a href="https://brenebrown.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Brené Brown</a> puts it, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”



How to be vulnerable and open: Practice compassion, release unrealistic expectations, and vocalize your feelings with genuine intention.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-build-your-charisma-and-make-an-impact">Build Your Charisma and Make an Impact</h2>



Cultivating a charismatic personality can positively impact our lives in more ways than one. It can lead to increased confidence, openness and self-awareness. It can also influence and improve our personality, and impact how we engage with others around us.



Ultimately, what’s not to love about getting along with everyone and making people smile, right? Here’s to that and a bucket load of charisma while we’re at it.



This article was originally published in 2015 and updated September 2024. Photo by&nbsp;javi_indy/Shutterstock<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a>

Wondering how to improve your charismatic personality? Here are 7 traits of charisma, which will help give you a more charming personality.

Wondering how to improve your charismatic personality? Here are 7 traits of charisma, which will help give you a more charming personality. | SUCCESS

7 Qualities of the Most Charming People

7 Key Qualities Of A Charismatic Personality &amp; How To Achieve Them

Secrets to a Charismatic Personality | SUCCESS

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Alex Floyd-Douglass

This High School is Doing Whatever it Takes to Mentor First-Generation Students

In Homer’s ancient story <a href="https://amzn.to/3EHufGE" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Odyssey</a>, the goddess Athena, disguised as old man Mentor, reveals to the hero’s son the right path to take. Skip forward several millennia and across the Atlantic to an urban high school preparing teens for life after graduation, and the image of mentor-as-lone-sage doesn’t quite paint the picture. If one New York school—and the resources it brings to bear—is any indication, success takes a village of mentors, both formal and informal.



Marble Hill School for International Studies, in the Kingsbridge neighborhood of the Bronx, has a 96% nonwhite and overwhelmingly first-generation-immigrant student body of about 450, speaking more than 35 languages. Despite any obstacles students face, since its creation in 2002, the school has enjoyed impressive outcomes, boasting a college readiness score 27% higher than the city’s in 2019.



A range of foundations and community-based organizations help meet the school’s ambitious goal of ensuring both high school graduation and college matriculation. Marble Hill partners identify and nurture high academic achievers as candidates for highly selective colleges. Scores of Marble Hill students head upstate each summer to Cornell University for pre-college coursework and also to Syracuse, New York University, Tufts, Skidmore and Marist. Many earn full college scholarships through the highly selective Posse Foundation and similar organizations.



But as longtime principal Kirsten Larson points out, the school is charged with serving all students well. “If they’re top-performing before they get into those programs, they’ve got the skills and habits and support at home <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-become-more-motivated/">to motivate them</a> to do well,” Larson says. “It’s the others who need help.”



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Annas-Islam.psd-1-826x1024.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-68054"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Annas Islam </figcaption></figure>



All Marble Hill students get access to two key supports, <a href="https://www.studentleadershipnetwork.org/college-access-and-success/overview/?fwp_school_program=cbi#program-tabs" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the College Bound Initiative</a> (CBI) and <a href="https://imentor.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">iMentor</a>. A CBI college counselor works full-time in conjunction with Marble Hill’s teachers and leadership to set up SAT tests, coordinate college visits and answer parents’ many questions.



Seniors take a college readiness course, with the teacher and CBI counselor coordinating efforts to ensure every student fills out a FAFSA form and completes, at minimum, the application for the city university system. Mentors help fill in the gaps.



iMentor pairs every student in the building with an adult for two years, with the option of continuing for another two. Mentors and mentees are expected to touch base weekly, and it’s the frequency and longevity of the program that makes the difference, Larson says: “If students get a mentor in ninth grade that follows them through? It’s so powerful. It’s huge.”



Monthly in-person get-togethers take place at the school and provide another rare opportunity. “Imagine walking into that cafeteria and you see 50 different adults,” Larson says. “These kids are interacting with the other mentors, getting to know their good friends’ mentors. It’s massive exposure.”



Annas Islam was seeking a specific kind of guidance from his mentor. From Bangladesh by way of Dubai, Islam began developing his talent for soccer early in life. When he moved to the Bronx, he found his way to Marble Hill—though not an obvious or convenient choice—through soccer. Now a senior at Marble Hill, Islam serves as team captain and aims to play for a Division 1 college and then professionally.



At first, Islam didn’t think he’d get help from his mentor, since he was paired with a baseball player. “I didn’t know anything about baseball,” he says. “But as time went by, I liked my mentor. He knew a lot about college sports in general, not just, like, baseball.” Islam is now fielding competing offers for college athletic scholarships.



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Lori-Clement-768x1024.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-68051"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Lori Clement</figcaption></figure>



Mentor Lori Clement remembers her first meeting with her mentee, Luisais Taveras, who was a sophomore at Marble Hill and, Clement says, as self-directed a student as one could find. “She sat down the first day and said, ‘All right, Lori, I’ve got this list of scholarships; this is what we’re working toward,’” Clement remembers. “She’s got the organization, planning and confidence of a 40-year-old chief operating officer.” Clement says she encouraged Taveras <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-you-should-devote-a-few-minutes-every-day-to-aimless-joy/">to loosen up</a>, have fun and put the books away. Taveras, who was born in the Dominican Republic and is the first in her family to attend college, believes Clement did more than that.



“I didn’t have much of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-steps-to-discover-your-true-self/">a sense of self</a>,” Taveras says. “So, Lori coming into my life shed light on who I can be as a human, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/continually-reach-your-potential/">on my potential overall</a>.” Taveras credits Marble Hill staff for her successful matriculation through Hunter College, completion of a bachelor’s within four years and a Fulbright scholarship to work in Mexico. “They went out of their way to ensure that we’d be the best possible candidates for these opportunities,” she adds.



Lately, Larson has been thinking that Marble Hill’s college readiness class should be renamed “future readiness.” It’s clear that students should be made aware of viable alternatives, such as vocational training, to traditional higher education. Both Marble Hill and its partners are aware of the increasing numbers of students weighing the risks of incurring mountainous debt and asking, “<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/is-college-still-worth-it/">Is college even worth it</a>?”



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Luisais-Tavernas-683x1024.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-68052"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Luisais Taveras</figcaption></figure>



Heather Wathington, CEO of iMentor, hears the same tough question, which she knows sounds ludicrous to many of her generation: “‘Of course, you’re better off going to college!’ we say.” But the organization is listening to students’ clear-eyed concerns, which have led it to get intentional about connecting real-world work options with student interests. As Islam discovered, iMentor encourages mentors to share practical information with their mentees.



As the paths to success seem to be both narrowing and widening, perhaps the right path, not just for first-generation college-goers but for any teen, passes through schools such as Marble Hill, where reading, writing and arithmetic are just the tip of the iceberg.



<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-jan-feb-2023-naveen-jain.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">January/February 2023</a> Issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photos courtesy of Marble Hill School for International Studies

If one New York school—and the resources it brings to bear—is any indication, success takes a village of mentors, both formal and informal.

If one New York school—and the resources it brings to bear—is any indication, success takes a village of mentors, both formal and informal. | SUCCESS

Mentoring First-Generation Students: High School's Dedication

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Sheela Clary is a freelance reporter and writer based in Berkshire County, Massachusetts. A long-time educator and nonprofit leader, she's interested in education, income inequality, and creativity, and publishes her features and personal essays regularly on The Berkshire Edge.

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Sheela Clary

The Battle of Beliefs with Message Strategist and Keynote Speaker Tamsen Webster

Our beliefs can be strongly held, which can make it difficult to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/look-for-the-hidden-good-and-3-other-ways-to-react-to-problems/">see other ways</a> of looking at situations. Tamsen Webster, keynote speaker and message strategist, needed to have a battle of beliefs to move past a debilitating panic disorder. At the worst, she was finding it difficult to drive and leave the house. But she realized that when two truths fight, only one wins.&nbsp;



In this week’s episode, Webster talks about how we determine the kind of story we live, deciding on our own genres and roles. She discusses how challenging someone’s beliefs is the worst way to achieve long-term change. Rather people need to have validation to discover what is driving their resistance. Instead of conflicting beliefs, Webster encourages finding connecting beliefs. Start looking for another equally strongly held belief to see possibilities.&nbsp;



She also discusses with On Your Terms host Erin King how, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/13-red-flags-of-toxic-relationships/">in toxic families</a>, the most emotionally healthy person creates the most friction, while family cultures can be characterized as guessers versus askers. As well as seeing stories as being in motion as we keep telling and building on them, and how the story isn’t over until you decide it is.&nbsp;



Learn more about Tamsen Webster, purchase her book and join her newsletter The Red Thread on her website <a href="https://tamsenwebster.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">tamsenwebster.com</a>.



On Your Terms with Erin King is no longer releasing new episodes on the SUCCESS Podcast Network, but you can still listen to the full conversation below.







<iframe src="https://omny.fm/shows/on-your-terms-with-erin-king/the-battle-of-beliefs-with-tamsen-webster/embed?style=artwork" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write" width="100%" height="180" frameborder="0" title="The Battle of Beliefs with Tamsen Webster"></iframe>

Tamsen Webster talks about how we determine the kind of story we live, deciding on our own genres and roles.

Tamsen Webster talks about how we determine the kind of story we live, deciding on our own genres and roles. | SUCCESS

The Battle of Beliefs: Tamsen Webster on Message Strategy

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Erin King is the bestselling author of “You’re Kind of a Big Deal: Level Up by Unlocking Your Audacity” and “Digital Persuasion: Sell Smarter in the Modern Marketplace.” She’s also the Chief Social Officer at Strikepoint Media, a digital marketing firm focused on social customer acquisition. But hands down, her toughest job is being a personal full-time assistant to a 13-pound cavapoo puppy named Betty White. You can connect with her on Instagram @mrs.erin.king 

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Erin King

Two coworkers disagree in a workplace confrontation

Multiracial,Colleagues,Argue,About,Document,Disagree,Having,Conflict,At,Work,

Confrontation is the clashing of ideas. It’s often seen as unfriendly, aggressive, or even hostile, and makes most people uncomfortable — but it shouldn’t. Confrontations can be very beneficial and sometimes necessary to clear the air. They can also benefit both parties. For example, maybe a team member’s performance has slipped and it’s impacting your workload. Or maybe different work styles are causing conflicts, or job roles are unclear. In many different situations, confrontations can <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-strategies-for-handling-conflict/">end conflict and lead to resolutions</a>.&nbsp;



Luckily, practical skills and strategies can help you feel more confident when confronting people at work. Empathy, active listening, and clear communication are key skills that can be learned.&nbsp;







To better understand how to navigate confrontations successfully, we asked the Young Entrepreneur Council for their best tips on how to handle confrontation head-on. Here’s what they had to say.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-don-t-wait-to-handle-the-confrontation">1. Don't Wait to Handle The Confrontation</h2>



Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. Unresolved conflicts can create tension, hinder work productivity, and build resentment. Address issues quickly to prevent escalation, but only after carefully planning what to say and when.



"When confronting adversity, big or small, it’s important to tackle the root causes quickly. That doesn’t mean reacting without thought or planning, but be prepared to prioritize these problems quickly and identify the real source. If left on the backburner, the adversity grows, fear and doubt set in, and control of the situation or options diminishes. So inhale, identify, plan and tackle."



—Matthew Gellis, <a href="https://www.keystonesolutions.com/about.php" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Keystone Solutions</a>



Tip: The next time you must confront someone, set a specific time and a neutral place so both parties will feel comfortable discussing issues freely.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-feel-then-deal">2. Feel, Then Deal</h2>



Want to be good at confrontation? Approach calmly. Everyone has emotions, but if the other party senses negative energy, they’ll likely be defensive, and a positive outcome is unlikely. Taking a step back to release any frustration leads to more thoughtful communication, which can help workplace challenges turn into opportunities for professional growth.



Author, speaker, and creator of <a href="https://www.thedig.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Dig®</a>, Erin Weed says, “Take a few minutes to accept and process the feeling resulting from the adversity before fixing the problem. Writing <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-i-use-my-journal-to-change-my-mindset/">a page in a journal</a> to vent on paper or doing some tapping (also known as the emotional freedom technique) for a few minutes can help move the emotion out of the body. This allows a leader to handle the confrontation with wisdom and neutrality versus fear and adrenaline.”&nbsp;



Tip: Practice what you want to say to remove emotion. Write down key points and recite them in the mirror, or better yet—role-play with someone else.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-deal-with-confrontation-in-person">3. Deal With Confrontation In Person</h2>



Don’t communicate via text or email when approaching a confrontation at work. Talk to people directly. Context, delivery and even body language can prevent words from being misinterpreted.



Jordan Fliegel, co-founder of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.coachup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">CoachUp Inc.</a> says, “If there is an issue—any issue—it’s always best to ask the person to go out for a walk or coffee and hash it out. Bottling it up and not addressing it is the worst course of action. And never try to talk it out over email. If it’s really important, it needs to be addressed in person.”



Tip: If an in-person meeting isn’t possible, opt for a video call. It’s the next best way to handle confrontations at work effectively.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-express-empathy">4. Express Empathy</h2>



Voice your key points, but also listen to theirs. Empathy is key to resolving confrontations. When you’re done talking, breathe and let the other person respond. These simple strategies make you better at confrontation, leaving you more likely to find a resolution.



Miles Jennings, founder and COO of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.recruiter.com/about.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Recruiter.com</a> shares, “When <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-tips-on-how-to-face-adversity/">confronted with adversity</a>, it’s important that you don’t just try to create a solution as quickly as possible and risk neglecting someone’s feelings or point of view. Take time to understand their side of the story and show this sense of understanding clearly. Then, work together to reach a middle ground. Do not sweep opinions under the rug, but spend time working with them.”&nbsp;



Tip: When starting a difficult conversation, admit that it might be uncomfortable for both parties, but then get to the point.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-identify-your-goals">5. Identify Your Goals</h2>



What is your ideal outcome from this confrontation? Set a clear goal. Communication about what you specifically need can lead to a more constructive conversation, whether that's setting boundaries, feeling heard, or finding a resolution.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;



“Before heading into a bad situation, make sure you understand it and that you’re fully prepped,” says co-founder of <a href="https://www.sleepphones.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">AcousticSheep LLC</a>, Dr. Wei-Shin Lai. “Then figure out what you want to walk away with. What is your goal after handling the confrontation? Remember that it’s about the business performance, not about a person’s personality or something that you can’t change. Work toward your goal with a positive attitude, knowing the limits of what can or cannot change.



Tip: When handling confrontations, keep your goals focused on solutions, not emotions. Identify what you realistically want to achieve.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-remember-handling-confrontation-is-part-of-your-job">6. Remember, Handling Confrontation Is Part Of Your Job</h2>



Like any professional skill, effective confrontation takes practice. Communication is a two-way street and requires both parties to stay calm during times of chaos. Explain the problem, offer solutions, and hold yourself accountable for what you can do to help reach a resolution.



Joseph Walla, co-founder and CEO of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.hellosign.com/info/aboutUs" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">HelloSign</a> shares, “Whenever I approach one of our advisors with a problem he often says, ‘It’s your job to deal with hard problems,’ which sounds harsh but true. Dealing with adversity and overcoming it is a huge part of starting and running a company.”



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Difficult-Conversations-How-to-Discuss-What-Matters-Most-669x1024.jpg" alt="Cover of &quot;Difficult Conversations&quot;, a novel that covers effective strategies to handle confrontation" class="wp-image-84573" style="width:258px;height:auto"/></figure>



Tip: Learn more about how to deal with confrontation in <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/best-books-on-communication-skills/">books to boost your communication skills</a>. Another fantastic read is <a href="https://a.co/d/iv80kOh" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most</a>. 



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-make-friends-with-adversity">7. Make Friends With Adversity</h2>



Confrontation is a normal part of human interaction. Sure, expressing differing opinions might feel intimidating, but being assertive and learning to listen to others can lead to resolutions and personal development.



“Be prepared and understand that adversity is something you’re going to have to face every day,” says Mark Samuel, founder of&nbsp;<a href="https://iwonorganics.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">IWON Organics</a>. “If you believe that business is full of highs and not so many lows, then you won’t be in business for long. Be constantly aware and willing to fight adversity in all aspects of your business every day.”



Tip: Every confrontation is a chance to develop communication and problem-solving skills. Always think, "What can I learn from this experience?"



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-8-remember-bad-news-travels-fast">8. Remember, Bad News Travels Fast</h2>



Transparency is key. Communicate bad news before it spreads, leading to rumors, misunderstandings, or uncertainty. Immediate actions foster trust and help everyone stay aligned moving forward.&nbsp;



Nick Braun, founder of <a href="https://www.cloudwaterfilters.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cloud Water Filters</a> says, “Whenever you face adversity, it’s important to communicate as quickly as possible to all relevant stakeholders (investors, partners, customers, etc). Entrepreneurs are born problem-solvers, but it doesn’t mean you should keep problems close to the vest because they will fester. Rip off the Band-Aid, face reality and focus on how to confront and overcome the issue with your stakeholders.”



Tip: Develop a communication plan so that when bad news hits, you know exactly who to contact and how to reach them.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-9-remain-positive-when-handling-confrontation">9. Remain Positive When Handling Confrontation</h2>



Staying positive is one way successful people stay calm. If you feel angry or defensive, take a deep breath, listen and think positively. Do your best to understand their perspective and work with them to achieve a solution.



Thomas Cullen, founding director of the Entrepreneurship Center at <a href="https://www.sbu.edu/about" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">St. Bonaventure University</a> says, ““I always think about the worst-case scenario in situations that I’m in. I make sure that that worst case is something that I can handle. That way, I can be positive and smile through adverse situations. Life is good!”



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Conflict-Skills-With-Simon-Goode.png" alt="Cover art for podcast, Conflict Skills with Simon Goode, that covers effective strategies to deal with confrontation" class="wp-image-84574" style="width:294px;height:auto"/></figure>



Tip: Podcasts, like Simon Goode’s “<a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/5rBbIf21xi3cCT4IeHVUwH#:~:text=Conflict%20Skills%20%7C%20Podcast%20on%20Spotify,most%20determined%20individuals%20with%20composure." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Conflict Skills</a>” offer more practical tools for learning to manage conflicts.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-10-communicate-from-the-top">10. Communicate From The Top</h2>



Communication skills make you a better leader, especially when managing a team. Clear and direct conversations build trust, negate misunderstandings, and help everyone move forward on the same page.



“Take the lead personally,” says Ross Cohen, co-founder and COO of <a href="https://www.ltvco.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Lifetime Value Co.</a> “It’s extremely important that all of our team hears directly from the founders on any issue of confusion or change of direction that comes up. A quick email from the CEO can immediately answer any questions and provide confidence to the rest of the team."



Tip: Prioritize regular communication. A quick update from a leader goes a long way in building team morale.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-11-take-one-day-at-a-time">11. Take One Day At A Time</h2>



Don’t get overwhelmed by the long road ahead. Break down challenges into achievable goals. Tackle them one by one, including confrontations. You’ll see growth, especially when prioritizing communication.



<a href="https://www.uassistme.co/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Uassist.ME</a> founder Alfredo Atanacio says, “It’s not an easy road. Outsiders may think, This is a well-established business!, but it didn’t used to be. It started small—they all do. So it’s vital to motivate young people to believe that things can go well and that their businesses will grow with time and effort. Each day comes with problems, so why stress about tomorrow?”&nbsp;



Tip: Write down your goals for each day. Goals are easier to accomplish when they're organized.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-key-takeaways-to-get-comfortable-with-confrontation">Key Takeaways to Get Comfortable With Confrontation</h2>



With practice, managing confrontations gets easier. The next time you face a confrontation, apply these top tips to ensure a productive and respectful outcome for both parties.



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Don’t delay, but take a moment to process emotions and clarify goals.</li>



<li>Practice key points in front of a mirror or with someone else.</li>



<li>Meet in person in a neutral location to ensure both parties feel comfortable.</li>



<li>Be empathetic and stay calm.</li>



<li>Listen to each other’s perspectives.</li>



<li>Focus on resolution, not emotions.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



Dealing with confrontation doesn't have to be intimidating. Learned skills and strategies can help you handle difficult conversations with confidence. Remember, diving into confrontations can be an opportunity for personal and professional growth.&nbsp;



This article was published in February 2016 and has been updated. Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock

Nicole Findlay

Confrontations can be tough, but resolving them is essential. Learn 11 effective strategies to handle confrontations with confidence.

Confrontations can be tough, but resolving them is essential. Learn 11 effective strategies to handle confrontations with confidence. | SUCCESS

Mastering Confrontation: 11 Practical Ways to Take Control

Handling Confrontation: 11 Tips to Keep In Mind | SUCCESS

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Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invite-only organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. In partnership with Citi, YEC recently launched BusinessCollective, a free virtual mentorship program that helps millions of entrepreneurs start and grow businesses.

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The holidays will seem cozy and magical for some, while <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-to-do-when-youve-got-the-holiday-blues/">smothering and excessive</a> to others. And odds are, both perspectives will be staying under the same roof.&nbsp;A little stress is inevitable in a season that creates lots of together time. Luckily, an ancient personality tool called the Enneagram can serve as a guide to alleviate tension at Christmas and year-end holidays. It can help us understand not just how but why we behave the way we do during the holidays.



Sarajane Case is the author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3Dc4E6B" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Enneagram Letters</a> and host of the <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enneagram-coffee/id1447982978?mt=2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Enneagram &amp; Coffee</a> podcast. Case describes our Enneagram type as what we learned we had to be in order to survive, get attention or earn love when we were children.



<h2 id="h-understanding-enneagram-and-your-personality">Understanding Enneagram and Your Personality</h2>



“It’s the tactics we chose in order to get our way,” Case says. “When we go home for the holidays and we are around our families of origin for any extended period of time, [our number] becomes more vivid and amplified.”&nbsp;



Once we know to look for it, the pattern of behavior we turn to when we aren’t getting what we want is easy to spot in ourselves. We’ve spent a lifetime perfecting it. Whether that behavior means taking over or fading into the background, constantly trying to serve others or winning at all costs, picking a fight or shutting down, the strategies we rely on are the ones that we sometimes unknowingly use when our needs clash with the demands of the people around us.&nbsp;



“Recognize that this is a tactic,” Case says. “Then recognize that everyone else is doing the same.”



This is the reason why some relatives seem to constantly press our buttons. It's why it’s confusing when friends don’t respond to connection or conflict in the way we think they should. All of us are clinging to the lifeboats we built as children, just trying to get what we need to survive. When we can see these often-irritating tactics for what they are—a signal that the person is feeling unsafe or unloved—we can look beyond their actions and move to a place of compassion.&nbsp;



“Own your part in it,” Case says. “If we say, ‘This is my stuff and I’m working on it,’ it creates more safety for the people around us to do the same. If we are aware of our own patterns, other people don’t have to hold them for us.”&nbsp;



<h2>The Impact of Enneagram on Christmas and Holiday Gatherings</h2>



In these moments of holiday friction when we’re feeling trapped, unheard or simply want to get our way, Enneagram knowledge can help us muster the compassion and sometimes awkward vulnerability necessary to prevent small differences from escalating into relational damage.



“If I, as a Seven, expect to be happy and optimistic all the time, I will push that onto other people in my life,” Case says. “The Enneagram really shows us how we expect other people to think just like we do. Our needs, when we’re not communicating them, seem confusing to the people around us.”



This Christmas and holiday season, the gift of the Enneagram is language to clearly communicate what we need to feel happy, safe and steady with the ones we love, while offering them the space to do the same.



Read on to discover what your number brings to the season and how you can honor the peculiar differences you see in yourself and others as you gather around the Christmas tree this year.



New to the Enneagram? <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-enneagram-at-work/">Click here to read Part 1</a> of our Enneagram series and identify your Enneagram number.



<h3 id="h-type-one-the-perfectionist">Type One: The Perfectionist</h3>



Ones know how to turn the hurry of the holidays into a structured, easy-to-follow schedule, complete with breaks for photo ops and hot cocoa. They’re the uncles who create spreadsheets on their iPhones to tally points during game night. They're the cousins who keep the family heirloom recipes digitized. They're the sisters who post a printed map to show guests how to properly load the dishwasher. A One's attention to detail is impeccable. Their longing to do the right thing is admirable, but their focus on how to improve the world can sometimes come across as being a little too “particular.”&nbsp;



A One’s unique ability: Creating order amid chaos.&nbsp;



Best gift for an Enneagram One: Release control and let them take charge of the things that matter to them.



<h3 id="h-type-two-the-helper">Type Two: The Helper</h3>



When Enneagram Twos are hosting, Christmas morning includes personalized gifts, guest rooms with fluffy pillows and everyone’s favorite foods already on hand. Twos are naturals at sensing the needs of others. They can feel it is their duty to meet those needs, even if it requires sacrificing their own energy. This makes them hospitable and warm hosts and houseguests. It can also quickly drain them if they don’t communicate their own needs.



A Two’s unique ability: Sensing the needs of others.



Best gift for an Enneagram Two: Notice their efforts and say thank you.



<h3 id="h-type-three-the-achiever">Type Three: The Achiever</h3>



When Threes come home for the holidays, they’re often pulling new matching luggage behind them and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/tips-to-keep-your-holiday-spending-in-check/">carrying the biggest gift</a> to place under the tree. It’s not that Threes are materialistic. It's that they truly care about the way others perceive them and are constantly striving to improve themselves. If you’re celebrating with a Three, look forward to what will likely be a next-level holiday experience. Just understand that it can sometimes come with unrealistic expectations for everyone involved.



A Three’s unique ability: Crafting unforgettable experiences.



Best gift for an Enneagram Three: Verbally express the ways their efforts succeeded.



<h3 id="h-type-four-the-individualist">Type Four: The Individualist</h3>



The holidays can be an emotional and magical time for a Four. With a penchant for nostalgia and a flair for the dramatic, they can often be found watching from the fringes, gazing wistfully as though every moment is being stored away like a sepia-toned Polaroid. Being around family or in their childhood home can stir warm memories of holidays past. But it can also serve as a reminder of all the things a Four believes they lack or have yet to become.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;



A Four’s unique ability: Creating emotional experiences to share.



Best gift for an Enneagram Four: Don’t ask about their five-year plan.



<h3 id="h-type-five-the-thinker">Type Five: The Thinker</h3>



If you want to know the history of Saint Nick or the origin of the Christmas tree tradition, the Enneagram Five in your group is a good first stop. Fives serve as the family encyclopedia. Their eagerness to learn and have thoughtful discussions is endearing. While Fives genuinely enjoy being around people, their energy levels are limited. It’s common for them to disappear from the group for an hour or two each day. It’s important to remember that this sudden disengagement is not a rejection of you, but rather <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-good-self-care-looks-like/">a self-care strategy</a>.&nbsp;



A Five’s unique ability: Boldly setting boundaries around their energy and time.



Best gift for an Enneagram Five: Remind them that their presence is important. Just don’t take it personally if they need alone time.



<h3 id="h-type-six-the-guardian">Type Six: The Guardian</h3>



Sixes tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves around the holidays. As hosts, they have backup dinners planned, extra shampoo in the bathroom and have already filled the car up with gas in case someone needs a ride to urgent care. A Six is the most loyal of the nine types. They want to be there for friends, family and partners without letting anyone down. That is, of course, impossible. But when they <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/all-you-have-is-this-moment-how-will-you-choose-to-spend-it/">allow themselves to be present</a>, they can cast off their stress and become the witty and warm individuals we know and love.



A Six’s unique ability: Preparing for every holiday crisis.



Best gift for an Enneagram Six: Don’t downplay their anxieties or concerns.



<h3 id="h-type-seven-the-enthusiast">Type Seven: The Enthusiast</h3>



Sevens are easy to spot at a holiday party. Fashionably late and never the last to leave, Sevens show up when fun is at its peak and leave before the boring cleanup process begins. At a family holiday gathering, Enneagram Sevens are the aunts who bring fireworks to Christmas. They're the grandmothers who serve ice cream for dinner. They're the brothers who declare a spontaneous outdoor scavenger hunt in the snow. Sevens bring the fun. But when they can’t gamify the drab or still moments of a gathering, they can lash out or become restless.



A Seven’s unique ability: Only looking at the bright side.



Best gift for an Enneagram Seven: Allow them to seek entertainment, even if it means stepping away from the group.



<h3 id="h-type-eight-the-boss">Type Eight: The Boss</h3>



A lack of leadership is painful for an Eight. They will take over out of a sense of duty if they sense a weakness in this area. Eights might announce a family activity without discussion or decide on a meal plan without input because they don’t feel they need a committee’s help to make the holidays run like clockwork. Celebrating with an Eight can be comforting, since everything is taken care of for you. It can also leave family members chafing against the commanding rule of their beloved Eight.



An Eight’s unique ability: Comfortable making rapid-fire decisions for the group.



Best gift for an Enneagram Eight: Communicate that you have a plan and are capable of handling the situation so they can relax.



<h3 id="h-type-nine-the-peacemaker">Type Nine: The Peacemaker</h3>



Nines are prone to piddling. It’s common to find them nibbling on cookies near the sink, flipping through an old photo album they found on the coffee table or hovering leisurely over a puzzle for a few days before announcing on Christmas Eve that they still haven’t wrapped presents. Low stress is the Christmas vibe an Enneagram Nine wants. If other family members try to hurry them, they can withdraw or become passive aggressive. When the rest of the group is willing to slow down, they’ll witness how deeply aware the Nine is of how other people are feeling and experiencing the events around them.



A Nine’s unique ability: Intuiting the feelings of others.



Best gift for an Enneagram Nine: Pay attention when they speak.



***



Just as we can feel stifled or misunderstood during the holidays, so too can others feel overrun or overlooked by our misconceptions of who they truly are. Our personality’s preferences are not always in line with the needs of others. We need to dig deeper to understand the motivations and desires of the ones we spend the holidays with. Otherwise, we’ll unknowingly create a tinderbox of tension waiting for ignition. Thankfully, the remedy is simple: Ask questions.



“I think the best gift you can give people in your life is compassionate curiosity,” Case says. “If you can show up to give no answers, but bring lots of questions, you will do so much healing in those dynamics and you will create a safe, loving environment for them to be able to show you who they are right now in this season of life.”



This article was published in December 2020 and has been updated. Photo by Halay Alex/Shutterstock

When gathering for Christmas, learning about each Enneagram type in your family can lower stress and strengthen relationships.

When gathering for Christmas, learning about each Enneagram type in your family can lower stress and strengthen relationships. | SUCCESS

What Your Enneagram Number Brings to the Holidays

What Your Enneagram Type Brings to Christmas Gatherings | SUCCESS

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Sarah Paulk is a freelance writer known for her interviews with the thought leaders behind multimillion- and multibillion-dollar brands. Her cover stories and feature articles have appeared in Success from Home, Direct Selling News, Empowering Women and more. Sarah is also an author and ghostwriter who helps her clients bring their memories and research to life in book form. Connect with her at her website www.sarahpaulk.com.

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Sarah Paulk

How to Be More Empathetic in Conversations

Empathy typically isn’t a trait that springs to mind when you think of what goes into <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/13-key-traits-of-strong-professional-relationships/">building professional relationships</a>. But Gail Gross, Ph.D., a family, relationship and child development expert, says empathy is <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-secret-to-smart-negotiations-is-simply-empathy/">the most important characteristic</a> for relationships, whether at work or with family and friends.



“If you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even if you don’t agree, then you can often see the issue from their perspective. This will then open the door for<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better"> </a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/202207/better-way-couples-connect#:~:text=Studies%20have%20shown%20that%20couples,%2C%20body%20signals%2C%20and%20more." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">collaboration and communication</a>,” Gross says. “If you are busy defending yourself, then you can’t hear what the other person has to say.”



Gross developed an empathetic process that can be used to improve all types of relationships:



<h2 id="h-1-when-attempting-to-work-out-differences-meet-in-a-neutral-location-such-as-a-conference-room-or-restaurant">1. When attempting to work out differences, meet in a neutral location, such as a conference room or restaurant. </h2>



Do not meet in one party’s office because that puts one person in a power position. If the discussion is between family members, sit down together in the kitchen.



<h2>2. Set ground rules before talking.</h2>



Neither party can use hurtful language or personal attacks.



<h2>3. Divide the time allowed for the discussion into thirds. </h2>



For the first third of the time, one person talks while <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better/">the other person actively listens</a>. Then for the second third of the time, the other person talks. During the last third of the time, both parties work together to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-solve-problems-effectively-and-ethically/">solve the problem</a>. You don’t have to agree with each other, just collaborate on a compromise that has value for both people.



“At the end of the day, trust is based on experience,” Gross says. “<a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">By using empathy</a>, you develop tremendous trust with your colleagues, significant other or children. The <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-ways-to-build-lasting-relationships/">key to a good relationship</a> is mutuality, with no one winning and no one losing.”



This article appears in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/magazines/success-magazine-august-2015-brian-chesky.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">August 2015 issue</a> of SUCCESS magazine and has been updated. Photo by Cast Of Thousands/Shutterstock

Gail Gross, Ph.D., says empathy is the most important characteristic for relationships, whether at work or with family and friends.

Gail Gross, Ph.D., says empathy is the most important characteristic for relationships, whether at work or with family and friends. | SUCCESS

How to Be More Empathetic in Conversations | SUCCESS

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Jennifer Goforth Gregory

5 Ways to Use Your Business Savvy to Successfully Navigate Thanksgiving

The picture-perfect family around the table at Thanksgiving is hardly what most people experience when they return home for the holidays. A gleaming turkey and polite conversation over the elegant spread would be nice, but real life doesn’t come with photo presets. It’s more likely that the visit is marred with work interruptions, political tensions and family disagreements.



However, Thanksgiving—and other holidays—offer a natural chance to recharge while you’re away from the office. Using a few tips from your work life might just help improve relationships, relieve stress and allow you to enjoy yourself.



Here are five ways to break with tradition and use your business savvy to successfully navigate Thanksgiving.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-employ-your-best-conflict-resolution-tactics">1. Employ your best conflict resolution tactics.</h2>



When your in-law remarks about your “interesting” interpretation of their mashed potatoes recipe, consider how you’d handle a rude colleague. You wouldn’t make an incendiary move by reacting in anger. Instead of a direct attack, you’d take a breath, then logically conclude that their behavior, most likely,&nbsp; is due to what’s going on in their life. So don’t be personally affronted, but stay calm and move the conversation to something more positive—like your take on the family’s green bean casserole.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">2. Understand regressions.</h2>



If your <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-spark-more-meaningful-professional-relationships/">professional collaborative style</a> morphs into unwarranted bossiness when you’re around your younger siblings, don’t embrace the unwanted trait. Use your analytical skills to understand the reason behind the switch. According to <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/19/garden/19manners.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">a New York Times article</a> by Joyce Wadler, “Mark Smaller, who heads the public information committee of the American Psychoanalytic Association, said he believes that holidays can provoke ‘temporary regressions,’ in which parents, adult children and siblings, once reunited, revert to decades-old patterns of behavior.” Armed with that knowledge, you can recognize when family members are triggering your younger version and make adjustments as necessary.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">3. Stress less; prepare first.</h2>



With <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-cost-of-remote-work-in-a-technology-centered-world/">remote working and 24/7 connectivity</a>, an out-of-office message might not be enough to prevent work from creeping into the holiday. Spend the weeks before you sign off communicating travel plans, working ahead to complete tasks and delegating when appropriate. Be upfront with colleagues about what constitutes a work emergency, what can wait and just how off the grid you’ll be.&nbsp;&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">4. Set solid boundaries.&nbsp;</h2>



Just like you’d never discuss something ultra-private or political during your weekly Zooms at work, if certain personal matters are off-limits during a visit, let family members know in advance. <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-navigate-difficult-conversations-at-thanksgiving-5086516" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">If uncomfortable subjects do arise</a>, handle them with deftness: “Uncle Joe, let’s agree to disagree about the midterm elections. But what do you think about my green bean casserole?”



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">5. Make your list; check it twice.&nbsp;</h2>



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-a-to-dont-list-can-help-you-achieve-your-goals/">Your to-do list</a> gets you through your workday, right? It can get you through your holiday, too. Jot down what you’d like to accomplish during your visit. Is it asking the keepers of your family history to retell a few old stories? Or perhaps it’s buying movie tickets (instead of snoozing through a show at home). Or maybe <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-happened-when-i-ditched-technology-for-7-days/">unplugging from your devices</a> in the name of forging connections with your extended family. (In other words, put your text alerts on do not disturb and initiate that small talk with your mom’s second cousin.) <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-it-means-to-be-accountable/">Hold yourself accountable</a>, and instead of feeling peeved, you might just leave Thanksgiving feeling productive.&nbsp;

Using a few tips from your work life might just help improve relationships, relieve stress and allow you to enjoy yourself.

Using a few tips from your work life might just help improve relationships, relieve stress and allow you to enjoy yourself. | SUCCESS

Thanksgiving Navigation: 5 Ways to Utilize Your Business Savvy

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Jill McDonnell is a Chicago-based content writer and communications professional. She has a bachelor's degree in magazine journalism from the University of Missouri-Columbia and a master's degree in public relations and advertising from DePaul University. She is currently at work on a psychological thriller novel.

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Jill McDonnell

There’s a big difference between appreciating people and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/comfort-gratitude/202101/gratitude-helps-strengthen-how-we-make-others-feel" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">making them feel significant</a>. Of course, you still <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-essentials-for-the-art-of-appreciation/">want to appreciate others</a>. But even more than that, you need to make those important people in your life feel that they matter.



Success—both personally and professionally—is hard to achieve without <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/positive-influencers/">those who support</a> and fill gaps for you. There is rarely an exception to this. Think of people in your life: Who has really impacted your career and your family? Do you make those people feel as if they’re irreplaceable? Do you brag about them in the presence of others? Do you give them credit for all they do for you? Do you <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-controversy/201906/the-importance-taking-the-perspective-others" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ask for their opinions</a> on things important to you and to the success of your company? Do you tell them how much you value their advice? Are you interested in the things they care about?



I have a note on my phone where I’ve written the names of the special people in my life. Next to their names, I noted what’s most important to them. By understanding their needs, I can help them win. When I help them win, I show them how valuable they are to me.



What are you doing to<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-5-very-best-ways-to-thrill-your-customers"> </a><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-ways-to-thrill-your-customers/">make your clients feel special</a> and significant? I have what I call the “black card” standard of services that comes with special treatment. We pick up our clients and drive them to our meetings, create a spa-like atmosphere in the restrooms and have an outside lounge where people can gather at break times. We also offer healthy snacks and drinks, print their boarding passes and sometimes even wash their vehicles if they’ve driven themselves. We want our clients to feel like we are their concierge service—this is one way we show them that they really matter to us.



How about your family? Do you go the extra mile to make your spouse and children <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/too-busy-for-relationships/">feel important to you</a>? Do you<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better"> listen to them</a>, value their input, compliment them often and do special things for them? I take thousands of pictures of my family every year and spend hours putting together albums on CDs so we can enjoy the memories together. When family members see how much time I put into these albums, they know how much they matter to me. I take them on vacations and go out of my way to make every birthday and milestone event special. People blossom when they feel loved.



How can you do the same for the people you care about?



This article was published in May 2015 and has been updated. Photo by Odua Images/Shutterstock

What can you do for the special people in your life?

People blossom when they feel loved. How can you do the same for the people you care about? | SUCCESS

How to Make Others Feel Significant

How to Make Others Feel Significant | SUCCESS

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Tony Jeary is an author, executive coach and presentation strategist. Jeary has published more than three dozen books about making presentations and strategic effectiveness. He coaches the world's top executives from companies such as Wal-Mart, Ford, New York Life and Texaco.

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Tony Jeary

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Your parents told you to forgive, and most religions encourage forgiveness. Plus, it’s just a nice thing to do, right?

People who genuinely forgive <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7528379/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">tend to be happier</a> and potentially even healthier, science suggests. For example, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6992518/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a 2019 study</a> published in Psychology &amp; Health found that forgiving others aided in achieving better sleep, which, in turn, has the <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/benefits-of-sleep" target="_blank" rel="noopener">potential to improve health</a>. 

So, how do you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-importance-of-self-forgiveness/">go about forgiving</a>—especially if you have tried, but still dwell on past hurts?

Robert Enright, professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, is a leader in forgiveness research, and is co-founder of the International Forgiveness Institute. In one of his books on the subject, <a href="https://amzn.to/3VDkUGe" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Forgiveness is a Choice</a>, Enright breaks down forgiveness into five steps:
<ol>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Admit you’ve been treated unfairly.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Express your anger.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Recognize the wrongdoer is a person who is more than the offense at hand.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Accept that your pain may never go away completely.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Find meaning in the experience and grow from it.</li>
</ol>
But forgiveness is not for everyone, argues psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring, author of<a href="https://amzn.to/3gq99D6" target="_blank" rel="noopener"> How Can I Forgive You?</a>

“Traditionally, we’re taught that forgiveness is good for us, and good people forgive,” Spring says. “But a lot of people gag on the notion that they should forgive when the other person is not sorry or [is] unwilling to make amends. Then, the only option is not forgiving, and that is not healthy either. The hurt person is left dwelling on how he or she was wronged, and that will make you sick.”

When forgiving seems too generous but you recognize you must move on, Spring suggests taking these steps:
<ul>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Let go of your preoccupation with the slight. Move on.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">If you find yourself ruminating over the painful event, pause and say aloud: “Stop!” <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-you-have-to-take-control-of-your-thoughts/">Redirect your thoughts</a> to something pleasurable.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Don’t make it all about you. “When someone feels wronged, they often feel shame and shattered,” Spring says. But sometimes insensitive behavior stems from the other person’s own hurt, life challenges or a misunderstanding.</li>
 	<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Protect yourself from further hurt. “Decide what level of relationship makes sense with this other person so you are no longer in harm’s way,” Spring says. Cutting yourself off entirely is rarely the healthiest option. Instead, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/setting-healthy-boundaries-3-simple-steps-to-establishing-boundaries-that-stick/">establish boundaries</a> that will protect you from repeat offenses.</li>
</ul>
</div>
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<h5 class="BODY"><img class="media-image attr__typeof__foaf:Image img__fid__32168 img__view_mode__default alignright" style="width: 20%; margin: 4px; float: left;" title="How To: Forgive Others (and Yourself)" src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/sites/default/files/howto_donnajohuffman.jpg" alt="How To: Forgive Others (and Yourself)" />Donna Jo Huffman 
52; Chicago</h5>
I was only 19 years old when my boyfriend of over four years committed suicide. We had been broken up less than a year at the time. He always told me that if we were not together, it would end his life. It took me five years to finally come to terms with the shock, loss and guilt. First I blamed myself for his suicide. Then I blamed him for making me live with guilt. I finally realized I needed to forgive. I came to understand that he struggled with bipolar disorder, and suffered drug and alcohol dependency issues—neither of which I could control—that ultimately contributed to his death. Eventually, I forgave myself for not helping him more, and I forgave my boyfriend for taking his life. Once I was able to do this, I felt so free! Not long after, I <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/this-is-the-secret-to-a-healthy-relationship/">found a healthy relationship</a> and happiness, something that never would have happened if I had not dealt with past hurt.
<h5 class="BODY"><img class="media-image attr__typeof__foaf:Image img__fid__32169 img__view_mode__default" style="width: 20%; margin: 4px; float: left;" title="How To: Forgive Others (and Yourself)" src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/sites/default/files/howto_ricklauber.jpg" alt="How To: Forgive Others (and Yourself)" />Rick Lauber
54; Edmonton, Alberta</h5>
My father and I were never emotionally close. I didn’t catch a glimpse of him as a man until later in life when he was stricken with Alzheimer’s disease. He faced his own struggles growing up—he didn’t have a father figure, as his own dad passed away when he was very young. I also learned he had very gentle and kind ways. Dad has since died and I still have regrets for not truly knowing him. I have been able to forgive, accept and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-i-use-my-journal-to-change-my-mindset/">move on in my own life</a> through writing. I have written many articles about caregiving and senior issues, as well as two guidebooks for caregivers. Helping others has been my own way of dealing with never really knowing my father.
<h5 class="BODY"><img class="media-image attr__typeof__foaf:Image img__fid__32170 img__view_mode__default" style="width: 20%; margin: 4px; float: left;" title="How To: Forgive Others (and Yourself)" src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/sites/default/files/howto_lindaruescher.jpg" alt="How To: Forgive Others (and Yourself)" />Linda Ruescher
64; Tampa, Florida</h5>
I was on disability for four years because of systemic lupus with organ failure. In 2003 I took a low-stress job at a church to build a music program for young people. I was so happy to get this job. The pastor trusted me to build an amazing program, and I fully expected to stay in this blissful situation until I retired. But that priest left the parish, and the new priest and I did not get along. Before long, he fired me. I was angry and hurt. I fantasized about going to the center and smashing display cases with a baseball bat. In fact, I bought a baseball bat, went to the parking lot of my condo, found a huge old live oak tree and whacked the crap out of it while screaming! Eventually I found a new position in teaching. But it required that I interact almost daily with the priest who fired me. I have no need to forgive. For me, the best approach is detachment and letting go of the past without conditions. This is how I have been able to move on.

This article appears in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/magazines/success-magazine-april-2016-kendra-scott.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">April 2016 issue</a> of SUCCESS magazine and has been updated. Photo by

</div>

Science shows learning to forgive can make you happier and healthier.

Science shows learning to forgive can make you happier and healthier. | SUCCESS

How to Forgive

How to Forgive | SUCCESS

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Emma Johnson is a business journalist, gender-equality activist, and founder of the world's largest community of single moms, WealthySingleMommy.com. Emma and her best-selling book, The Kickass Single Mom, and her organization, Moms for Shared Parenting, have been featured in hundreds of national and international media outlets.

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