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I’m afraid of a surprising number of things.



Let me clarify. I’m not afraid of big things: I’ve moved away from home and started a whole new life. Twice. I quit my job and started my own company . . . seventeen years and going strong. I wrote books even when nobody read them. I’ve given birth three times and fought through years of the adoption process to hold my daughter in my arms. When it’s big things, I seem to have no end of courage. But little stuff? I’m actually kind of a weenie.



Skiing, snowboarding, water skis—basically anything involving me going faster than humans were meant to go, while riding on top of some kind of blade? Absolutely not.



I hate public restrooms because I live in fear of someone walking in on me using the toilet.



Snakes are abhorrent.



Big Foot (okay, the idea of Big Foot) is too much for me to handle.



Aliens? I just threw up in my mouth.



I refuse to even glance at a mirror in the dark because I heard about Bloody Mary when I was at a slumber party as a child and am now scarred for life.



How about El Chupacabra? El Cuco? La Llorona?! I grew up in a community with a large Hispanic population, which means I’ve got the childhood fears of two cultures!



Airplane toilet seat somehow suctioning to my body and then sucking my intestines out into the air? Something that’s given me pause more than once.



I’m afraid of many things. Not all of them real, even. I want you to remember all of the things I just listed because we’re going to talk about courage—and the thing you need to really understand about it is that having courage isn’t the same as being fearless. There are so many great things that great people in history have said about courage and fear, but the one that resonates most with me is from Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” Take that in. Think about that.



In the case of all those tiny little things I tend to be so afraid of, I never seek out anything to override the fear because they’re inconsequential. I don’t go through life worried that the aliens in Signs are going to take me out—not anymore, anyway—so I don’t need to do a ton of work to overcome that particular concern. Big Foot is just folklore. Deep down I know this, so I still go into the woods from time to time. Most snakes aren’t poisonous even if they are disgusting. See what I mean?



But there are plenty of times when our fear can be crippling and it’s usually a result of the reminder of the pain we’ve experienced before. We fear loving again because of the potential to be hurt again. We fear putting ourselves out there because last time we were rejected. Now the pain isn’t only a harsh instance in our past, it’s controlling our actions in the present and our possibility in the future. When we go through something difficult or encounter a big life change it takes courage to move forward in any way. Meaning, in order to move forward you must decide that there is something greater at stake than the way you’re feeling or your fear of feeling pain again.



Did you get that?



You must decide that there is something greater at stake than your fear!



Please note that I didn’t say, You will realize in time that something . . . No. I said you must decide. You mustmake a choice to go forward in faith, not in fear. And notonly that, but you’re going to have to choose again and again, especially on the hard days.



If you’re struggling to find courage it isn’t because you aren’t brave—it’s simply that you haven’t identified something as more important than your fear. In a hard season, fear looms large because fear is a cousin to grief. Fear keeps you stuck in your grief too. It keeps you in the loop of remembering what happened, who you lost, who betrayed you or who you hurt. It keeps you in suspended animation at the point in which the life you had blew up and became unrecognizable to you. Fear might even be comfortable. It takes courage to get uncomfortable, especially when you’ve already endured a type of pain that rocked you to your core.



You may not yet have found the thing that is more important than your fear . . . but you might also, deep down, believe that there’s a safety net.



You’re never going to find the courage or the strength to push past your fear if it isn’t absolutely necessary. Change is hard and by definition, in order for courage to exist, you have to be working against something that scares you. I know it seems like a heavy lift to face fear in times of grief. Neither of those decisions are easy to make and so, if you don’t have to and/or if something isn’t more important, you will stay exactly as you are. But with courage, and only with courage, will you see all your life can be, even after your loss.



<h3>Things That Helped Me</h3>



<h4>Know That You Can Figure It Out: </h4>



If there’s one reason for why I’m able to have courage so often, it’s intrinsically tied to my growth mindset. I believe that even when I get it wrong, I learn something about how to do it right and I am less afraid. I never assume I have all of the answers and so there isn’t any pressure to do things perfectly.



<h4>Study the Courageous: </h4>



It’s so much easier to do something if you can read stories about others who have done it before you. When I’m trying to find courage as an entrepreneur, I read books written by other entrepreneurs. When I’m trying to learn to be a better parent, I read books written by the kinds of parents I admire.



<h4>Face Your Fear Already!: </h4>



Look, the longer you hesitate the bigger the fear becomes and the more the anxiety can take hold. I recommend you grab your favorite notebook and write down what scares you in black and white: The thing I am afraid of most right now is . . . And then fill in the blank. Have the courage to be brutally honest with yourself.



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 From <a href="https://didntseethatcomingnewbook.com/">DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING: Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart by Rachel Hollis.</a> Copyright © 2020 Rachel Hollis. Reprinted by permission of Dey Street Books, an imprint of William Morrow (HarperCollins Publishers). 



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<a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.successacademy.com/rachel-hollis" target="_blank">Join us for a LIVE chat with New York Times best-selling author Rachel Hollis on Thursday, October 1 at 1:00 pm EST. Rachel will be answering your questions; click here to register and submit your questions early!</a>



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 Photo courtesy of Rachel Hollis

An excerpt from Rachel Hollis’ new book, ‘Didn’t See That Coming: Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart’

An excerpt from Rachel Hollis’ new book, ‘Didn’t See That Coming: Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart’ | SUCCESS

How to Hack Your Courage

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Rachel Hollis laid the foundation for her lifestyle brand and media company with the same unfiltered honesty and staunch inclusivity that made her a two-time #1 New York Times best-selling author. Rachel connects with a highly engaged and growing global audience of women who treasure her transparency and optimism. She is one of the most sought-after motivational speakers, plays host to one of today’s top business podcasts, and is a proud mama of four who uses her platform to empower and embolden women around the world. Rachel calls Texas home; more specifically the Hill Country just outside of Austin.

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Rachel Hollis

Success

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Ambition is not a dirty word.

It seems one popular female author and speaker after another is commenting on the type of women we should all aim to be. This morning I saw yet another repost of a quote on the dangers and pitfalls of ambition in women. I was angry to the point of spitting and simultaneously so sad. Angry, because I don’t think it’s helpful to make sweeping generalizations about all kinds of ambition and all kinds of women. Sad, because this person has a powerful platform and voice for women all over the world, and I believe this message is a disservice that plays deeply into the narrative many of us grew up with.

Can ambition be dangerous? Absolutely! I’ve spoken at length about my own struggles with becoming a workaholic, so I know how unhealthy that can be. But ambition as a whole? To call it out as utterly wrong feels shortsighted and counter to the call to live into who we were all made to be.

It’s important to note the comment wasn’t directed toward men. We need to start having a very real conversation about why we accept truths about ourselves as women that we would never consider for men. If it’s not true for everyone, then it shouldn’t be true for anyone.

I get that many people believe differently. I get that, depending on where or how you were raised, the idea that we shouldn’t hold ourselves to a different standard can seem downright heretical. But just consider it for a minute. When a man wants to push himself in his career, his fitness, his faith, his education, or anything else, this is considered an asset. We want those kinds of people leading our businesses, our churches, or our governments. Ambitious people work to learn more, do more, grow more, and typically they create opportunity for the people around them to do the same. But that’s not okay for a woman?

We need to get past the idea that certain rules only apply to certain people at particular life stages.

My sister- in- law Heather has been a teacher for the last eighteen years. She got her master’s in school counseling, all while being an outstanding leader in education and a champion for the children in her care. That desire to learn more about her work so she can be more effective at it— that’s ambition, and it shouldn’t be any less admirable in her than it would be in her brothers.

My friend Susan is leading the charge in foster- care reformation. She’s changing the way we love on children in care and surround foster parents with the support they need to do this work. She has ambition to open branches of her organization in every city in the United States, to make sure every child in foster care feels loved and known and seen, and to make sure not one more child ages out of the system, ever. It’s grandiose and audacious. Her brand of ambition will change the world.

Another girlfriend is a stay- at- home mom who struggled for years with her weight and her self- image. Eighteen months ago, she signed up for her first 10K; her ambition was to make it to the finish line. After she conquered that race, she signed up for a half marathon. She finished the half marathon and will complete her first full later this fall. Her ambition wasn’t to be a CEO or make a million dollars; her ambition was to get fit and healthy so she could be a better woman for herself and mama for her kids. Her kind of ambition changed the family dynamic in her home and the way she looks at life.

Ambition is not a bad thing.

In fact, the definition is downright poetic: “a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.”

If it weren’t for my ambition and determination to create <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rachel-hollis-advice-for-a-life-well-lived/">content that would encourage other women</a>, you wouldn’t be sitting there reading this. Chances are you’re here because you’re getting something out of it. But there wouldn’t be anything for you to consume if I hadn’t been ambitious about writing it in the first place.

So much of the time, though, we can see ambition as a good thing only until it’s our own, right? It’s never really other people’s ambition that bothers us. It’s our own that feels scary.

What would they think of me if they knew this was my dream? We don’t care about what they think, remember?

Well, what if I get too ambitious and obsessive? Why don’t we worry about things that are actually happening instead of possible somedays?

Okay, but what if I do go crazy and chase my dream to the detriment of my family and my relationships? Crap, sister, me or someone else who loves you will come over and knock some sense into you! Are you really not allowing yourself to pursue something because of a bunch of made- up possibilities?

Scratch that. Of course you are. You’re scared, and I understand what it is to be scared of the unknown. But you’re not going to achieve anything if you don’t get comfortable with the idea of achievement.

<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rachel-hollis-10-10-1-plan/">Do you have a goal or a dream?</a> Are you trying to chase something down? Then you better get well acquainted with the idea of ambition. You need to adopt a posture of striving to grow in the ways that matter to your goals. Ambition looks like waking up early; it looks like working after the kids are in bed. Ambition looks like adopting a willingness to admit to the things you don’t know and asking for help or doing the research or becoming your own best mentor. Ambition looks like you living in a way others won’t, so you will have a life others can’t. Are you ready to own your ambition?
<blockquote>Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rachel-hollis-made-for-more/">Rachel Hollis: ‘You’re Allowed to Want More for Yourself’</a></blockquote>
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<img class="alignleft wp-image-34591" title="Girl Stop Apologizing" src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Girl-Stop-Apologizing-cover-FINAL-197x300.jpg" alt="Girl Stop Apologizing cover FINAL" width="150" height="228" />

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Taken from <a href="https://girlstopapologizingbook.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals</a> by Rachel Hollis Copyright © 2019 by Rachel Hollis. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson. www.thomasnelson.com.

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An excerpt from Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis

An excerpt from ‘Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals’ by Rachel Hollis | SUCCESS

Why You Need to Embrace Your Ambition

Why You Need to Embrace Your Ambition | SUCCESS

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