Photograph of Nick Santonastasso, a young handsome man with amelia in a light blue collared shirt, on how to recover from burnout

Personal Development

Personal Development Archives

Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

One day in seventh grade, a girl sat next to me on the school bus. She was the kind of person who made fun of everyone. She said, “Nick, I don’t even have to start with you. You’re already too messed up.”



That specific incident started a chain of thoughts in me that were really hard to shed. I embraced the idea that I was hard to love, that I wasn’t good enough and that I was inferior.



As we go through the different stages of our lives, we inevitably let people’s ideas about us shape who we think we are. It takes some real work to undo this damage, but that work is the key to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-self-awareness-is-important-and-how-to-develop-it/">life-changing self-awareness</a> and self-acceptance. 



Here’s what I’ve learned about how to become truly self-aware.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-how-to-be-more-self-aware-question-your-beliefs">1. How to Be More Self-Aware: Question Your Beliefs</h2>



Becoming more self-aware starts with challenging the ideas you hold about yourself. Ask yourself probing questions: Is that thing I believe—that I’ve always been told—true? What ingrained idea from my upbringing did I adopt? What are the things I truly like or don’t like?



You may end up with a different picture of yourself than you started with.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-feel-your-feelings">2. Feel Your Feelings</h2>



This may look like asking: Why does that label make me feel this way? Why am I insecure right now? What just <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-triggers" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">triggered me</a>?



These feelings and questions can be difficult to face. But allowing yourself to feel them and truly explore their origin will help you see the things that don’t serve you. Remember that your brain is a problem-solver. It wants to provide you with the answers to the questions you ask it, so start elevating the questions.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-throw-out-that-which-doesn-t-serve-you">3. Throw Out That Which Doesn’t Serve You</h2>



You’re not “just” what someone has always said you are. You aren’t “too old” or “too young” or “too inexperienced.” I know because I’m a guy who’s been given a lot of labels and put in a lot of boxes. I’ve had to work very hard to destroy those boxes—so I know that it’s possible.



This is the big secret: You are not trapped. <a href="https://www.lifehack.org/930611/create-your-own-reality" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">You create your own reality</a>. It’s not a fixed thing. You don’t have to hold onto any beliefs that don’t serve you. You don’t have to believe things that make you feel small or inferior.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-create-your-ideal-reality">4. Create Your Ideal Reality</h2>



Learning yourself and living as yourself requires practice.



I work every day to get people to identify me in ways that I want to be identified. I do this by acting in accordance with the identity I want—which is only something I’ve learned how to do by figuring out who I want to be. By challenging my self-beliefs and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-power-of-self-awareness-with-kris-carr/">really getting to know myself</a>.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-how-to-become-more-self-aware-have-courage">5. How to Become More Self-Aware: Have Courage</h2>



True courage is required to face all parts of yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. But if you can take this courageous step, you’ll begin uncovering the truth. The journey of self-awareness—of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202203/6-questions-get-the-heart-who-you-are" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">asking yourself the questions</a> that get to the heart of who you are and who you want to be—is where you will find power.



That’s when you can step out in full light, not dimmed by anyone else’s labels, confident and fully empowered to live out your purpose without fear.



This article originally appeared in the Sept/Oct 2023 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-sept-oct-2023-kris-carr.html">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>. Photo courtesy of Nick Santonastasso.

Interested in learning how to be more self-aware? Nick Santonastasso explains the ins and outs of developing self-awareness in 5 easy steps.

Interested in learning how to be more self-aware? Nick Santonastasso explains the ins and outs of developing self-awareness in 5 easy steps. | SUCCESS

5 Steps to Gaining Deeper Self-Awareness—and How it Can Transform Your Life

How to Be More Self-Aware in 5 Steps | SUCCESS

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Nick Santonastasso

headshot of Nick Santonastasso, who shares why we need to connect with people more

Culture &amp; Workplace

Culture &amp; Workplace Archives

Culture &amp; Workplace | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Most of us are living in a hybrid world of in-person and virtual interactions. It may feel easier than ever <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/09/technology-happiness-communication-relationships/671586/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">to keep relationships shallow</a>. But surface-level relationships are fundamentally unsatisfying. You need to go deeper.



Learning how to connect with people in your community and organization is the key to so much of what you want. When you engage, you get access to other people’s big ideas, inspiring energy and unique stories. All of this adds up to opportunities, both to explore the world out there and to evaluate your own internal life.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-to-connect-with-people-in-a-meaningful-way">How to connect with people in a meaningful way</h2>



To meaningfully connect with people, you must be intentional. You stand to gain a world of benefits and there are two practical, easy ways to begin.



First, to really connect with someone, you have to understand their model of the world. Everyone has a different way of seeing things. These individual perspectives shape most of our decisions, including <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-art-of-problem-solving-4-creative-strategies-to-tackle-your-biggest-obstacles/">how we solve problems</a> and move through difficulties.



Do you know how the people around you think? You can. Start by <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-understand-peoples-personality-types/">studying personality types</a>. Google it. Read books. Use <a href="https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/disc-personality-types" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">DISC</a> or other methodologies to define the way you see people act. You can pretty easily master the basics, enabling you to extract meaning from how people talk and behave.



Second, remember that no one’s benefiting from your monologue. The best way to connect is to stop talking and listen. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again here: The quality of your life comes down to the quality of questions you ask yourself and the questions you ask other people. Ask great questions. Then, be genuinely interested in the answers.



When you are open, quiet and patient, you will get all sorts of information about what people think, what they want, what they’re concerned about and what they hope for. This is when you begin to match your values to others and enrich a relationship.



People who can implement these two practices are well-equipped to plug into a community. Exercise these muscles and you’ll fast-track your ability to sell, dialogue, negotiate and master a number of other essential business skills.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-step-out-of-your-comfort-zone">Step out of your comfort zone</h2>



You may be thinking, I get the case you’re making—that this has business value—but it’s just not in my nature to reach out.



Let me speak to that.



By default, many of us operate within an inner circle. An inner circle is great, but it’s also comfortable, and your comfort zone isn’t your growth zone. If you really want to elevate your identity and unwire and rewire your brain, you must keep what you fear most at the forefront and tackle that thing.



I am a firm believer in the idea that you are one conversation away from changing your life. If you’ve lacked the bravery to put yourself out there and connect with people in a meaningful way, let me encourage you to start.



<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001879120301482" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Relationships</a> and <a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/why-communication-is-key-to-workplace-and-how-to-improve-skills" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">communication are foundational to success</a>.



So get out there. Find out what you don’t know. Gain confidence and make it a goal to make meaningful connections.



This article originally appeared in the July/August 2023 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-july-august-2023-chance-the-rapper.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>. Photo courtesy of Nick Santonastasso.&nbsp;

Nick Santonastasso shares why you should step out of your comfortable inner circle and connect with people in a meaningful way.

Nick Santonastasso shares why you should step out of your comfortable inner circle and connect with people in a meaningful way. | SUCCESS

Want Better Opportunities? Learn to Connect with People in a Meaningful Way

You Need to Connect with People to Advance in Life | SUCCESS

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Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

It’s an awful feeling to hit your limits and have other people see it. It’s a feeling I’m very familiar with.



Despite how much I’ve overcome, being vulnerable has been a standard state for me as I encounter the daily challenges of living differently from other people. I have a very beautiful girlfriend, but as a man with no legs and one arm, I can’t pick her up and twirl her around. I can’t walk down the beach with her. I can’t help carry the groceries.



It would be easy, even justified, to live focusing on what I don’t have rather than what I do have. I don’t have the luxury of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/lewis-howes-on-the-power-of-vulnerability-and-authenticity/">masking my vulnerabilities</a>, and I could live resentful of that. The reality is that most people are just as vulnerable as I am, even if it’s not physical—but they <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/fear-of-vulnerability-2671820" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">want to hide from it</a>. That’s a dangerous and destructive habit.



<h2 id="h-being-vulnerable-is-a-strength">Being vulnerable is a strength.</h2>



When we feel vulnerable, we often compare ourselves to others and pick ourselves apart. But vulnerability is actually a superpower. Healing can’t happen until you embrace vulnerability. Once you start healing, you can start to <a href="https://www.masterclass.com/articles/authentic-communication" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">communicate in an authentic way</a>.



When was the last time you admitted, “I need help”?



It’s a dynamic that has helped my own relationship immensely. I can sit across from someone who cares for me and say, “I’m feeling insecure. Can you help me work through this?” Or, “Hey, I’m feeling a bit ‘less than’ today. Can you help me work through this?” That’s where real bonds are strengthened.



As kids, we’re taught that vulnerability is weakness: Big boys and big girls don’t cry. This belief hardwires into our thinking, so we separate ourselves from vulnerabilities, refusing to own them. Over time, all of that repressed anger and frustration and sadness can do some incredible damage.



<h2 id="h-how-to-embrace-being-vulnerable">How to embrace being vulnerable</h2>



You may immediately relate to that idea, recognizing that you’ve been conditioned to ignore or deny being vulnerable.



So, where do you start reversing the trend?



I’d suggest that the first step is compassion. First, you need to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/a-helping-hand-how-high-fives-with-your-reflection-can-teach-you-self-compassion/">have compassion toward yourself</a>. Compassion also opens you up to the revelation that most people aren’t trying to hurt each other: We’re figuring it out as we go and doing our best. Once you bring awareness to it, you strip away the power of the pattern and regain permission to show up in your own life.



The second step is <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-self-awareness-is-important-and-how-to-develop-it/">self-awareness</a>. Even reading this article, you may be waking up to these dynamics in your thinking and relationships. Once you see it, you can watch how it shows up in your life, and then you can start unwiring and rewiring.



<h2 id="h-the-personal-and-professional-benefits">The personal and professional benefits</h2>



This healing work will impact not just your personal relationships but your professional ones, too.



People are starting to exhibit more <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-lead-with-vulnerability-and-why-its-important/">vulnerability in the workplace</a>, and it’s a seismic shift. The line between our professional and personal lives <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-balance-personal-and-professional-at-work/">is becoming blurred</a>, and we’re starting to see our coworkers and even bosses with more humanity. This can be misused or even turned into a cliché—but it can also be transformative.



Leaders will see breakthroughs when they let people see that they aren’t bulletproof, when they are honest about mistakes or areas of growth and when they <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/90650844/your-employees-need-spaces-at-work-where-they-can-be-vulnerable" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">create a safe space</a> for other people to be vulnerable. Leaders can pave the way toward <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-dany-garcia-is-creating-a-better-company-culture/">a more human workplace</a>, building <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-5-pillars-of-authentic-leadership/">a thriving and open culture</a>.



If we go through life, hardships and all, and don’t get and give these gifts along the way, then what’s the point?



This article originally appeared in the March/April 2023 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-mar-apr-2023-lewis-howes.html">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>. Photo courtesy of Nick Santonastasso.

We're taught that being vulnerable is a weakness when it's actually a strength. This is how being vulnerable benefits you at work and in life.

We're taught that being vulnerable is a weakness when it's actually a strength. This is how being vulnerable benefits you at work and in life. | SUCCESS

The Personal and Professional Benefits of Being Vulnerable

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Being Vulnerable Can Create a Healthier Workplace | SUCCESS

Lifestyle

Lifestyle Archives

Elevate your lifestyle for success and happiness

About three years ago, I moved my company to Las Vegas. And it was nearly destroyed.



It was right before COVID-19. We had seen a huge opportunity to headquarter in Vegas: There would be tons of events, and we wouldn’t have to travel so much. Then, a global pandemic hit.



Regardless of whether <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/your-business-failed-whats-next/">you lost a business</a> or <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2021/12/29/five-ways-to-maintain-and-grow-your-business-during-the-pandemic/?sh=6283ce05733f" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">kept a business</a>, lost a job or kept a job, this change was an invitation to think about things differently. I always talk about hunger and how it can’t be taught. Hunger is squeezed out of you when your back is against the wall. You’re uncomfortable, and you either die or you survive.



My team was in that exact scenario: Our backs were pressed against the wall, and we were looking over the edge of ruin. It forced us to respond. We started an online education company, which has exponentially multiplied our ability to reach people in ways in-person events and seminars never could. It’s been a huge blessing and one we never would have received if we hadn’t experienced a die-or-survive situation.



Here’s what I know: The bad stuff is always there. Equally true: The gifts are always there. In the midst of a shake-up, you will <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/resilience-reset/">find within yourself some resilience</a> you didn’t know you had.



Many of us are past the crest of uncertainty from the pandemic and have rediscovered <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-maintain-a-high-quality-of-life-3144723" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">quality of life</a>. We <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/working-remotely-heres-how-to-do-it-right/">work from home</a>, we get to see our family and friends more, we’re productive and we can make an income <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/you-can-now-find-community-abroad-in-thanks-to-digital-nomad-villages/">from anywhere in the world</a>. Our comfort zones do this amazing thing in response to change: They expand. In hindsight, something that felt like a terrible disruption was also an invitation.



Now, this may all sound like a very optimistic way to view stressful situations. You may be thinking, Great, but change feels awful. I don’t like it. How can I see opportunities when things feel bleak or I feel alone or it all feels too hard?



When I’m in the middle of a stressful time, I need two things: to activate the curiosity center of my brain and to enlist the help of a guide.



First: Start asking questions. If you’re like most people, your brain may <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-you-have-to-take-control-of-your-thoughts/">default to the negative</a>. You’ll home in on weaknesses, insecurities, failures. Your survival instinct has you on edge, looking for threats. But you can train your brain and your instincts. Accurate evaluation doesn’t have to be disempowering.



I find the straightest path out of chaos is to ask yourself: What’s the gift? What’s great about this? Who am I going to become because I’m going through this?



Second: A coach, mentor or guide can be vitally important. I call myself Baby Yoda. As a guide, I see things you cannot see and I hear things you cannot hear. You’re in the field, but I’m in the bleachers and can see a wider view.



So, do those two things: Ask yourself the right questions and get someone with a broader perspective to guide you when the path isn’t clear.



You didn’t call for change. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/change-is-growth-3-tips-for-embracing-new-opportunities/">But it came for you</a>. What will you do with the invitation?



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-jan-feb-2023-naveen-jain.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">January/February 2023</a> issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photos courtesy Nick Santonastasso

In the midst of a shake-up, you will find within yourself some resilience you didn’t know you had.

In the midst of a shake-up, you will find within yourself some resilience you didn’t know you had. | SUCCESS

How Change Is an Invitation to Think Differently

How Change Is an Invitation to Think Differently | SUCCESS

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I’m not so handsome, right?



In 1996, I was born with Hanhart syndrome, a rare condition that leaves babies with undeveloped limbs or organs. Doctors gave me a 30% chance to live because I was the 12th baby in medical history to have Hanhart syndrome. Of those 12 babies, eight died because their organs couldn’t support them. I was lucky. My organs were 100% healthy. Only my limbs were affected. As you can see, I was born with no legs, one arm and one finger, and I’m absolutely rocking and rolling.



It wasn’t always that way. As a kid, I hated my body. I thought it was the biggest curse, the most disgusting thing that could happen to me. I was ashamed that I didn’t look like everyone else. I couldn’t run around and play all the sports, which I thought meant I couldn’t play any sports. So, I hid. I kept myself small. One day, my older brother, Mike, asked me why I didn’t try new things. Why didn’t I try out wrestling like him, he asked.



I had an excuse. My right limb was about 5 inches longer than it is now. The bone developed faster than the skin. It was sensitive, and if I landed weird on that limb, the bone could come through the skin. I could have sat on that excuse and stayed in the comfortable, albeit miserable, place I had accepted as my permanent home. Instead, I chose to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-cultivate-a-growth-mindset/">embrace a mindset </a>that allowed me to live and grow. It was a pivotal moment.



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Doctors amputated my right limb, which allowed me to start wrestling. A snowball effect followed. I took up bodybuilding. I <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/use-these-7-tips-to-boost-your-confidence/">worked on confidence</a>, mindset and self-worth. I put myself on the internet when Vine was still a thing and found a little internet fandom there by dressing up as a zombie and scaring people with Mike. It landed me an appearance on the popular TV show, The Walking Dead. Now, I travel the world speaking at events with the singular goal of helping people understand that their limitations are often much greater than the physical ones they see in me. People will never make more than they think they’re worth. That’s why people stay in draining jobs and relationships.



My journey wasn’t easy. We all know the internet can be a nasty place. But when you build the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-self-love-is-important-and-how-to-practice-it/">foundation of self-love</a> and confidence, you can choose to see, read or hear that nastiness without absorbing it or giving it power. In April 2020, Mike died from a heroin overdose, and it nearly broke me. But you have the emotional and mental power to heal from that depth of grief.



How you do one thing is how you do everything. The way you show up in one area of life will affect the ways you show up in other areas. How often are we happy with the ways we show up to our jobs on Monday mornings? How often are we happy with how we show up for our loved ones after a long day? In 2018, my mom wrote a book, <a href="https://amzn.to/3RGaseL" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Born to Break the Boundaries: How We Raised an Adaptive Child in a Handicap World</a>. She wrote about the ways she taught me to be self-sufficient, to fail forward and to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-ways-to-practice-gratitude-to-help-you-grow/">adapt with gratitude</a>.



Here’s the thing: I got a shot at life. A higher power loved me enough to put me here, and I have to take advantage of this human experience. People who don’t know me might see me coming down the street and feel sorry for me. I don’t need—or want—that pity. I want them to see themselves and look inward at the things that are <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/202106/are-you-holding-yourself-back-all-the-wrong-reasons" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">holding them back</a>. As Eminem aptly says, we only get one shot, and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/if-you-want-to-change-your-life-change-what-you-think/">our mindset about that opportunity</a> can be more crippling than any syndrome.



Are you taking your shot?&nbsp;



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-nov-dec-2022-sophia-bush-and-nia-batts.html">November/December 2022</a> Issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photos courtesy of Nick Santonastasso

How Nick Santonastasso chose to embrace a mindset that allowed him to live and grow.

How Nick Santonastasso chose to embrace a mindset that allowed him to live and grow. | SUCCESS

Nick Santonastasso

Latest Articles

5 Steps to Gaining Deeper Self-Awareness—and How it Can Transform Your Life

Want Better Opportunities? Learn to Connect with People in a Meaningful Way

The Personal and Professional Benefits of Being Vulnerable

How Change Is an Invitation to Think Differently

Nick Santonastasso: Staying Adaptive in a Handicap World