Relationships

Relationships Archives

Relationships | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-grow-as-a-leader-the-5-ps-of-building-a-legacy-of-influence/">Leadership is about influence</a>, but the most important person to influence is yourself. So what is the best way to do so?



Here are five ways the smartest people influence themselves:



<h2 id="h-1-make-peace-with-the-uncontrollable">1. Make peace with the uncontrollable.</h2>



Figure out the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-questions-that-will-change-your-life/">things you can change</a>, and then change them. If you can’t change something, learn to live with it. This means changing your attitude about the uncontrollable. You learn to live with it by making peace with it. I’ve discovered (repeatedly) that worrying about something is not a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-art-of-problem-solving-4-creative-strategies-to-tackle-your-biggest-obstacles/">good problem-solving technique</a>, yet it becomes my default mode unless I replace it with something else. If I make peace with it, then I can quit worrying about it.



Worrying about something you can’t change is like being in a hole and digging faster.



You feel like you’re doing something, but it only makes things worse. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-get-over-your-fears-and-get-on-with-your-life/">By not worrying</a>, you make space for new thoughts and ideas to enter. Every life has positive and negative dimensions. Let go of what you can’t control. Invest your energy in things you can. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-attitude-matters/">Your attitude</a> is the first place to start.



<h2 id="h-2-let-go-of-the-past">2. Let go of the past.</h2>



Nothing is gained by pointing out what others did or what’s wrong with them—yet we have no qualms doing this with ourselves. Focus on how to make the future better rather than why the past was bad. We learn from the past, but we don’t live there. We learn from the past and invest in the future by living today.



Our brightest future hinges on today.



Preparing today will eliminate repairing tomorrow. Take note of the beauty of today unfolding around you. If you assign it to the future, you will never experience it. If you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-tips-for-letting-go-of-past-failures-and-embracing-the-future/">fixate on the past</a>, you have already missed it.



<h2 id="h-3-focus-on-what-s-important">3. Focus on what’s important.</h2>



Life is full of bunny trails. Don’t waste physical and emotional energy on the trivial. This will help eliminate what<a href="https://www.amazon.com/What-Got-Here-Wont-There/dp/1401301304/184-5991960-3688868?ie=UTF8&amp;keywords=marshall%20goldsmith%20what%20got%20you%20here%20won%2527t%20get%20you%20there&amp;qid=1369764707&amp;ref_=sr_1_1&amp;sr=8-1"> </a>Marshall Goldsmith refers to as vicarious living. Vicarious living gets us nowhere. We do this through focusing our attention on TV, gossip columns and our personal gossip groups. It’s easy to talk about the exploits of the Kardashians, the latest meltdown of Bill Cosby or the hottest information about a mutual acquaintance. It’s the trap of talking about others rather than discovering how we can make a difference.



There’s a lot of nonsense in our daily discussions, and most of it doesn’t matter.



Is the investment on the topic really worth it? What’s it worth 10 hours from now? Ten days from now? Ten years from now? Playing it forward will help you determine its present value. You can discuss, debate, argue and be right, but is it worth it? Train your mind to use the 10/10/10 approach <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/time-is-your-most-valuable-resource-dont-waste-it/">before you invest time</a> in the discussion.



<h2 id="h-4-invest-in-yourself">4. Invest in yourself.</h2>



This is not an act of selfishness. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of you. Investing in me allows me to invest in you. Investing in yourself might mean putting some money, time and energy on the line to contribute to your <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-focusing-on-your-personal-growth-now-is-more-important-than-ever/">growth and personal development</a>.



Investing in yourself allows you to invest in others.



It’s the natural flow in life. You cannot give what you don’t have.



<h2 id="h-5-invite-feedback-as-an-opportunity-to-be-transparent">5. Invite feedback as an opportunity to be transparent.</h2>



Feedback allows you to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7304587/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">learn new information and skills</a>, but it also makes you more transparent. It helps you develop an openness about who you are. Feedback is not about pleasing others. It’s an exercise in <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/unlocking-the-power-of-self-awareness/">learning about yourself</a>.



Growing in your personal curiosity and openness is attractive. This kind of person is trustworthy, optimistic, flexible, poised and cheerful. Transparency helps produce these traits.



People aren’t attracted to perfection. They are attracted to transparency.



One of the greatest challenges in life is influencing yourself in a world that’s constantly pressuring you to conform your image to theirs. It can be immobilizing. Someone is always richer, prettier, smarter, stronger, younger, wiser and funnier than you. The paradox is that the more we influence ourselves to be ourselves, <a href="https://medium.com/mind-cafe/why-do-we-love-authentic-people-but-still-find-it-so-hard-to-be-authentic-6538f20dddfa" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the more people like us</a>. And we like ourselves more, too.



This post originally appeared on<a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/5-ways-smart-people-influence-themselves-3/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"> LeadershipTraQ.com</a> and has been updated. Photo by Chaay_Tee/Shutterstock

Leadership is about influence. The most important person to influence is yourself. Because that’s true, the question is, How can we best influence ourselves?

Leadership is about influence. The most important person to influence is yourself. Because that’s true, the question is, How can we best influence ourselves? | SUCCESS

5 Ways Smart People Influence Themselves

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5 Ways Smart People Influence Themselves | SUCCESS

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Mick Ukleja, Ph.D., is the founder and president of LeadershipTraQ. He empowers leaders to optimize their talent and equips them to excel in their professional and personal life. Mick is an author, speaker and generational strategist. He writes and speaks on engaging millennials at work. He is the co-author of Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today’s Workforce, 2nd Edition, which is used in corporate training and business schools. He co-founded the Ukleja Center for Ethical Leadership at California State University, Long Beach, which promotes ethics across the curriculum. Mick is an adjunct professor in the MBA program at Concordia University. His book Who Are You? What Do You Want? has been praised by legendary coach John Wooden: “I have always taught that success can be achieved by each one of us. These principles provide an excellent life-planning guide for bringing out your best.” Mick has been featured on Fox News, CNN, Fox Business Network, NBC and in numerous publications. Keep up with Mick at Leadershiptraq.com.

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Mick Ukleja

Lifestyle

Lifestyle Archives

Elevate your lifestyle for success and happiness

Nothing stands still. Things either get better or they get worse—<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/commit-to-constant-and-never-ending-improvement/">you are ‌getting better</a> or worse. It’s a universal principle starting with the universe itself: that which doesn’t expand, contracts. You are either going forward or backward.



Stephen Covey referred to this kind of thinking as sharpening the saw. Just coasting along creates backward momentum and we end up using more effort to accomplish less.



How can you develop a life that will give you a great return on your investment? What are you doing to <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2020/01/08/why-you-should-invest-in-yourself/?sh=33ef2c7e7017" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">invest in yourself</a>?



Good questions lead to information, but <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-quality-of-your-life-is-determined-by-the-quality-of-your-questions/">great questions lead to transformation</a>. Here are four questions to position you for great returns:



<h2 id="h-1-who-are-you-and-what-do-you-want">1. Who are you and what do you want?&nbsp;</h2>



We all experience imagination gridlock. That’s the place of stuckness that keeps us from going after our most meaningful aspirations. It’s easy to simply drift in safety mode, living out the scripts we’ve picked up along the way. This question helps you start with the end in mind. What do you want? <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-my-imperfections-are-my-greatest-strengths/">What are your strengths</a>? What are your passions? How are these two integrated into what you are doing? Are they reflected in your schedule?



<h2 id="h-2-where-are-you-and-why-are-you-there">&nbsp;2. Where are you and why are you there?</h2>



If you try to download driving directions for a trip, the guiding system won’t begin until you enter a starting point. As you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/charting-your-new-course-4-tips-when-life-doesnt-go-as-planned/">create a life map</a>, starting from the beginning will allow you to better understand what shaped your present. You can build on the good choices and clearly see why some weren’t as productive by identifying faulty thought systems and behaviors. First discover the facts, then face them. We can’t manage what we don’t know.



Where are you in relation to where you would like to be? The creative tension between your vision and your current reality will start to pull you in the right direction. When you know where you are, you discover it’s a lot easier to get where you want to go.



<h2 id="h-3-what-will-you-do-and-how-will-you-do-it">&nbsp;3. What will you do and how will you do it?</h2>



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-is-my-purpose-in-life/">Purpose and passion</a> are essential for <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6923189/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">creating your best possible life</a>, yet purpose and passion without a plan are fantasy. When our dreams collide with reality, reality wins. A dream only becomes more than an illusion when goals are set and supporting habits are formed. There is a chasm between knowing where you are and where you want to be. Your plan is the bridge that links the two.



What would you like to do that you aren’t doing right now? What’s hindering your progress? What steps today will help you get to where you want to be tomorrow? Are your daily actions adding up?



<h2 id="h-4-who-are-your-allies-and-how-can-they-help">4. Who are your allies and how can they help?</h2>



Our journey sometimes appears to be a solitary one, but that’s not the case. We can leverage the strengths, insights and wisdom of those around us. Our tendency is to beat ourselves up for struggling or not having all the answers. Our natural reaction during tough times is to pull back and isolate ourselves.



But that’s when we need our mutual supporters the most. If you were struggling in the ocean and in danger of drowning, would you call out to a lifeguard for help or start berating yourself for all the swimming classes you didn’t take? It’s not only nice but also essential to have mutual <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/positive-influencers/">supporters who are insightful</a>, useful and helpful.



Greatness begins with a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/unlocking-the-power-of-self-awareness/">profound understanding of yourself</a>, which allows you to manage your strengths and not get sidetracked by your weaknesses.



These four questions never grow old. They just grow deeper. They keep you on track for the best of your life. They help turn information into transformation.



How are you investing in yourself? What are you doing today that will bring great returns tomorrow?



This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/what-are-you-doing-to-invest-in-yourself/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">LeadershipTraQ.com</a> in January 2017 and has been updated. Photo by @atercorv/Twenty20

Nothing stands still. You are ‌getting better or worse. It’s a universal principle starting with the universe itself: that which doesn’t expand, contracts. You are either going forward or backward.

Nothing stands still. You are ‌getting better or worse. It’s a universal principle starting with the universe itself: that which doesn’t expand, contracts. You are either going forward or backward. | SUCCESS

4 Questions That Will Change Your Life

4 Questions That Will Change Your Life | SUCCESS

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5 Gritty Traits You Need to Be More Resilient

Personal Development

Personal Development Archives

Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

What makes one person persevere through tough circumstances while others fall to pieces?



Which individuals will enter and complete their Navy SEAL training and which ones will quit?



In the National Spelling Bee, which students will advance in the competition?



Which teachers in tough areas will still be teaching at the end of the year and improving learning outcomes for their students?



These are some of the questions asked by researchers studying resilience. It is an important topic on several fronts:



First, we live in a world where there is constant&nbsp;downsizing, rightsizing&nbsp;and&nbsp;capsizing.&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-7-traits-of-the-most-resilient-people/">Resilience</a> is and will be the differentiator in handling what comes our way. Second, the only thing that is measured in school as an indicator of future success is IQ, yet we know from observation and experience that success depends on more than your ability to learn quickly and easily. Resilience is the differentiator.



<a href="https://www.centerforresilientchildren.org/home/about-us/our-staff/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Paul LeBuffe</a>, M.A., of the Devereux Center, lectures on the importance of developing resilience in children. Their success in life depends on it. It’s a great asset to have a certain amount of IQ, social intelligence, good looks and physical health, but the characteristic that keeps rising to the top is resilience, the passion and perseverance for long-term success.



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/mentally-strong-kids-have-parents-who-refuse-to-do-these-13-things/">Mentally Strong Kids Have Parents Who Refuse to Do These 13 Things</a>
</blockquote>



So the question is not primarily, “How high is your IQ?”&nbsp;According to&nbsp;Angela Duckworth, an academic, psychologist and best-selling author, the question should be,&nbsp;“Who is successful here, and why?”



What we&nbsp;don’t&nbsp;know is how to teach grit and keep folks motivated for the long run. What we&nbsp;do&nbsp;know is that talent is not <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-grit-building-habits-to-help-you-persevere/">what makes one&nbsp;gritty</a>.



People with grit display some common traits. Here are five we should be teaching:



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-they-keep-the-end-in-mind">1. They keep the end in mind.</h2>



Small goals are good, but the big picture keeps you energized and galvanized. Having “the big win”&nbsp;in mind fuels your resilience when the daily grind starts to wear you down. Begin with the end in mind and keep envisioning the big picture. This will increase your ability to persevere.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-they-dump-the-distractions">2. They dump the distractions.</h2>



Sometimes our ability to persevere is not directly a resilience issue as much as it is a distraction issue. The&nbsp;extra&nbsp;stuff can do a number on our&nbsp;“grit meter.” Too many outings, hobbies, meetings and projects dull our determination. Eliminating the extraneous conversely strengthens our resilience. It’s good to&nbsp;quit&nbsp;the lesser so we won’t quit the greater.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-they-see-themselves-as-resilient">3. They see themselves as resilient.</h2>



This is about our thinking style. All of us have developed thinking habits that impact the way we see ourselves, our world and our future. These thinking styles can be beneficial. The shadow side is that they can lead us astray by misinforming us about what’s going on. It gets amplified during high levels of stress, uncertainty and ambiguity. Some of these beliefs are limiting. Understanding the positive and negative implications of your thinking will help you see yourself differently when you are tempted to quit. Your accuracy and flexibility increases and helps you generate more solutions.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-they-have-a-growth-mindset">4. They have a growth mindset.</h2>



The ability to learn is not fixed. It can change with effort. Young people should be taught about the plasticity of the brain—how it grows when challenged. When they are taught that the brain is a fixed entity (which some assessments imply), they develop a defeatist attitude of, “Why bother?”&nbsp;and “What’s the use?”&nbsp;With a&nbsp;growth mindset, they are more likely to persevere when they encounter a failure. We all need to understand that failure is not a permanent condition.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-they-put-things-in-perspective">5. They put things in perspective.</h2>



Catastrophizing&nbsp;creates a vicious trap. It increases anxiety, which in turn decreases our ability to work through challenges we face. It dumbs us down. What if we could spend less time worrying by reducing anxiety? Worst-case scenarios and fears are not easy things to ignore, but resilient people write them down; now they can deal with them realistically and prudently.



The world is getting more turbulent, and our grit will be tested. What will you do to adapt, survive and thrive?



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">
Read More: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-ways-to-persist-when-everything-in-you-wants-to-give-up/">7 Ways to Persist When Everything in You Wants to Give Up</a>
</blockquote>



 This post originally appeared on&nbsp;<a href="https://mickukleja.com/5-ways-to-get-gritty-about-getting-resilient/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>. Photo by eakgrungenerd/Twenty20

What does it take to succeed? The characteristic that keeps rising to the top is resilience, the passion and perseverance for long-term success.

The world is turbulent, and our grit will be tested. What will you do to adapt, survive and thrive? | SUCCESS

5 Gritty Traits You Need to Be More Resilient | SUCCESS

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@meganmeza via Twenty20
The famous Irish poet Oscar Wilde once said,&nbsp;“The final mystery is oneself.”&nbsp;But how do you unravel the mystery that is you? This can’t happen without&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-escaping-a-taco-bell-brawl-taught-me-about-self-awareness/">self-awareness</a>, and self-awareness won’t happen without&nbsp;reflection.

But what does reflection really mean?
<h4>Reflection is different from introspection.</h4>
Introspection&nbsp;is simply looking in. Stopping there not only limits your perspective, it can also diffuse it. In fact, it can lead some to pessimism, or even depression. Introspection is a one-way street. Reflection goes two ways. Let me explain.

The word&nbsp;“reflect”&nbsp;in Latin means to&nbsp;“bend back, turn back.” Take the example of your reflection in the mirror. When you look in the mirror, the image goes in, turns back and reflects. In the same way, taking the time to reflect on circumstances or events in your life will bring you new insights. There is no real learning process, sense of discovery or insight without reflection.
<h4>Reflection is looking in so you can look out with a broader, bigger and more accurate perspective.</h4>
Without reflection, your life becomes happenstance—activity without insight. Our experiences will not become insights without evaluating:&nbsp;Where I am, and why am I here?&nbsp;This in turn will help us to get to where we want to go. In other words, we <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-secrets-of-being-authentic-and-why-its-important/">become more authentic</a>. Authenticity is about getting closer to our true identity.

I loved going to the carnival as a kid, and I especially enjoyed the fun house, running through the maze of mirrors, totally confused as to which way I should go. I would leave with knots on my head and bruises on my knees. The tiny lobby on the way out was lined with wildly curved mirrors reflecting distorted images of myself. I laughed until I cried because I knew what I saw was not the real me—the authentic me.

The point? We all have an internal mirror that reflects how we see ourselves. What you see determines your behavior—often subconsciously. But these distortions are not funny! It actually minimizes who you really are and what you really want. Without <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-steps-to-discover-your-true-self/">honest self-reflection</a>, you can spend a lot of energy trying to find the right image to project to others. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being honest with who and where you are, and what you really want.
<h4>Honesty leads to a more accurate picture, and accuracy leads to authenticity.</h4>
Leadership expert <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Leader-Warren-Bennis/dp/0465014089/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Warren Bennis</a> says, “To be authentic is literally to be your own author, to discover your own native energies and desires, and then to find your own way of acting on them.” The more authentic we become, the more we are&nbsp;authoring&nbsp;our lives, and not simply living someone else’s script. And the more authentic you become, the greater is your sense of well-being.

So take some time to reflect. Don’t just start doing. Before doing, knowing and going, settle the question:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/do-your-actions-reflect-your-values/">What do I truly value and want?</a>&nbsp;This won’t happen without reflection. We are quick to answer&nbsp;what I do&nbsp;questions, but your identity is not what you do, or who you know—it’s who you are. What are your values? What do you believe in? What do you hold onto? That truly makes you the person you are.

Maybe you’re saying, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. It’s too late for me.” Whatever occurred in the past is history, and yes, there is life after failure. The game is not over.

So as you get ready to reflect (with pen and paper in hand), here are five questions to help get you started:
<h3 style="padding-left: 30px;">1. What are five non-negotiable values in my life?</h3>
<h3 style="padding-left: 30px;">2. What would I do if I were guaranteed success?</h3>
<h3 style="padding-left: 30px;">3. What are the experiences I want to have?</h3>
<h3 style="padding-left: 30px;">4. What is on my schedule that doesn’t need to be there?</h3>
<h5 style="padding-left: 30px;">What things can be abandoned or at least cut back? What obligations am I creating for six months from now that I will regret then?</h5>
<h3 style="padding-left: 30px;">5. What am I doing that I don’t enjoy, and what am I doing that I love?</h3>
<h5 style="padding-left: 30px;">What are the things that other people want me to do? What are the things that I want to do?</h5>
Your most powerful insights will be generated through this reflection, without any need for additional information. Your brain already has more information than you can imagine, and reflecting will bring your best ideas to the surface. And those ideas become your&nbsp;action&nbsp;steps.
<blockquote>&nbsp;Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-questions-that-will-change-your-life/">4 Questions That Will Change Your Life</a></blockquote>
&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://mickukleja.com/reflection-5-valuable-questions-that-will-guide-your-journey/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

Without reflection, your life becomes happenstance—activity without insight. Ask yourself, Where I am, and why am I here?

Reflection is looking in so you can look out with a broader, bigger and more accurate perspective. | SUCCESS

5 Reflective Questions to Discover Who You Are and What You Want

5 Reflective Questions to Discover Who You Are and What You Want | SUCCESS

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Everyone comes into the world with a hand of cards that was not of their own choosing—it’s the hand they were dealt.

For example, you have innate intelligence that was hardwired upon your entrance, and the disposition logged into your genes took on a life of its own. You didn’t choose the family you were born into, the circumstances of your childhood were not designed by you, and the connections in your formative years were determined by someone else.

&nbsp;
<h3 style="text-align: center;">“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.” –Robert Louis Stevenson</h3>
&nbsp;

We use the gambler’s metaphor of being dealt bad or a good hand, yet we forget that wild cards also exist in that deck. And we all possess one.

Just as in a game of poker, a wild card can make all the difference in the world. Using it well is the key to success, as it consists of the choices we make and influences all of the other cards. Life has continuous forks in the road, and it’s important to make the right choices. Your future will thank you.

Here are five things to remember as you play your wild card:
<h2>1. Always start with the end in mind.</h2>
We make decisions, and those decisions turn around and make us. Go out in time and determine the outcome you desire. Too many people approach life like it’s a lottery ticket. If you hang around long enough, your number will come up. At last, everything you’ve ever wanted will be yours! But that never happens—just ask the people who bought a ticket. There is a 5,000,000 to 1 chance of being a winner, which just equals zero.
<h2>2. Make sure your choices are adding up.</h2>
Knowing your desired “end” points to what matters now. If it doesn’t matter tomorrow, then it doesn’t matter today. Focus your energy on the now. Look at the path that will get you to the life you want: Are your current choices moving you closer to where you want to go? What do you need to stop doing, where do you need to adjust, and what should you continue to do? Do the math.
<h2>3. Never fail to choose yourself.</h2>
It’s exhausting to pretend to be someone you aren’t. Wearing masks wears you out; faking becomes fatiguing. Do it long enough, and you can forget who you really are. Choose your voice over someone else’s and get past the self-imposed choices of others. It’s freeing and refreshing, but more importantly, it fuels your ability to choose wisely.
<h2>4. Simplify your choices.</h2>
We live in an options-rich environment, and we desire more choices because information is addictive. &nbsp;But research shows that people who have too many choices have a harder time choosing. If we don’t simplify our choices, our thought process becomes paralyzed. Fewer choices leads to better results.

As humans, when we become confident in our decisions, we stop seeking additional information and move forward. Key choices like whom we will serve, what principles we will live by, what relationships we will value, and what we will believe about ourselves are the key categories that determine positive decisions.
<h2>5. It’s never too late to make good choices.</h2>
Where you are in life is temporary. Where you end up in life is permanent. How you get from point A to point B is entirely up to you. You can’t make positive progress with a negative attitude, and no one can choose for you unless you let them. The biggest step to changing the world around you is to change the world within you. Don’t let the past immobilize you. Learn from bad choices, stupid choices and lazy choices—they deepen you, but they don’t define you, and they fuel your present choices, which impact the rest of your life.

The cards you hold can change dramatically when you insert the wild card: your choices. What seems intimidating becomes manageable, and you gain more courage and confidence by acting. Don’t get stuck accepting your life. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-ways-successful-people-take-control-of-life/">Make sure you are leading it.</a>

What is your wild card? Looking back one year from now, what is the choice you need to make today?
<blockquote>Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-ways-to-make-better-decisions/">6 Ways to Make Better Decisions</a></blockquote>
&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on&nbsp;<a href="https://mickukleja.com/every-card-deck-has-a-wild-card-use-yours/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

Every card deck has a wild card. Using it well, by making good choices, is the key to success.

Every card deck has a wild card. Using it well, by making good choices, is the key to success. | SUCCESS

5 Reminders for Making the Right Choices in Life

5 Reminders for Making the Right Choices in Life | SUCCESS

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Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

How do leaders leverage themselves, especially in the area of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/9-strategies-for-making-objective-decisions">making good decisions</a>? Group input is highly valuable for the best decisions; however, overconfidence can cause a leader to go solo when he or she feels it suits them. This usually leads to the erosion of others’ confidence in the executive’s ability to lead.
<blockquote>
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/10-ways-successful-people-make-smart-decisions">10 Ways Successful People Make Smart Decisions</a>
</blockquote>
There are two myths that distort the process:
<h3>Myth 1: Decisions should be made at the highest level.</h3>
Decisions made at the highest level are not always the best decisions for the organization. When this happens, problems are not solved—they are temporarily postponed. If this person is surrounded with like-minded thinkers, then the illusion of a good decision might lull them into a feeling of comfort with the situation.
<h3>Myth 2: Good decisions result from consensus.</h3>
One element that fosters good decision-making is to see an issue from multiple angles. Without this, there’s no divergence from accepted norms, no diversity of thought and no dissension.

This doesn’t automatically happen, nor is it our natural tendency. It must be intentional with built-in mechanisms that ensure more than one perspective. This fosters creative solutions.

Abraham Lincoln was the surprise winner of a viciously contested primary filled with personal attacks and attempted coup d’états. Lincoln won and then did something that surprised everyone. He put the very men he battled with on his cabinet. He called them his team of rivals. They provided a variety of perspectives and tension-filled solutions that avoided the yes-man groupthink that mark so many presidential cabinets.

Now, you might not put rivals on your team, but Lincoln’s point is well taken. There needs to be the right amount of creative friction to produce the creative tension needed to refine new ideas and challenge old assumptions.

A good leader will know the boiling point so that the tension doesn’t get overbearing or melt the team.

Here’s the real danger: The discussion in teams can shut down quickly, followed by an undue pressure to act on that decision without buy-in from those doing the work. The result is sluggish execution that hits another domino where leaders now feel a need to micromanage and mandate.

Organizations need to have their own decision-making process in place that uses their best asset—the people. In doing so, the executive is now truly leading everyone on the team.

As you lead your team, try these six guidelines for <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/trust-your-gut-13-quotes-to-be-confident-in-your-decisions">better decision-making</a>:
<h2>1. Rethink old solutions.</h2>
It didn’t work before, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be tried again. Maybe with the current changes and some adaption it might work better.
<h2>2. Go slow in order to go fast.</h2>
Don’t be in a rush; it can prevent you from asking the right questions. There is a time for expediency, but quick decisions aren’t always the best. If you feel there is an urgency, ask what is influencing that. Why the rush? Are we able to allow more research and input?

&nbsp;
<h3 align="center">“Be quick, but not in a hurry.” – John Wooden</h3>
&nbsp;
<h2>3. Operate at the intersection of order and chaos.</h2>
There is no need for ironclad control. Loosen the reigns on the discussion. Don’t focus on power—focus on leadership that welcomes alternative solutions. Develop a culture that values multiple perspectives. Egos should be checked at the door, and dissenting views are not personal attacks.
<h2>4. Listen.</h2>
The best way to do this is by asking clarifying questions. Let them know you heard them, and take them deeper in their thinking.
<h2>5. Seek the right information, not more information.</h2>
The best solutions come by spending more time defining the problem. Clarifying the problem, goal or objective crystalizes the information search.
<h2>6. Make good enough decisions. </h2>
We seldom make the 100 percent correct decision. Sometimes a good decision now is better than a perfect decision later. This is essential to remember in today’s fast-paced world.

When it comes to decision-making, effective leaders know when to release control. They delegate and build confidence in others. They see their team’s successes as a way of leveraging their own leadership competencies.
<blockquote>
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-steps-to-make-decisions-with-confidence">4 Steps to Make Decisions With Confidence</a>
</blockquote>
&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/6-ways-to-make-better-decisions/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

Learn how to lead your team for better decision-making. &nbsp;

Learn how to lead your team for better decision-making. &nbsp; | SUCCESS

6 Ways to Make Better Decisions

6 Ways to Make Better Decisions | SUCCESS

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Success

Success Archives

Success | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

At your core, there exists a unique set of abilities. We refer to them as <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/podcast/ep-31-the-5-most-common-strengths">strengths</a>. These are not difficult to discover. There are many “strength finder” type assessments that are more than capable of pointing these abilities out.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/answer-3-questions-to-identify-your-strengths">Answer 3 Questions to Identify Your Strengths</a>

What usually goes unnoticed are the multiple enablers that surround our lives and enhance our abilities. They make our abilities come alive. And they come in many forms. They stem from opportunities and circumstances that are unique to us.

Some are from the place of privilege (which is true of most even though often not apparent). And some are from <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-handle-adversity-dont-whine-dont-complain-dont-make-excuses">the place of adversity</a>. They are the parts of life that make you one of a kind. It’s more than your strengths. It’s your strengths combined with your life’s events.

I could have the same strengths as someone else, yet my opportunities and circumstances surrounding my origin and experiences make me unique.

Let me give you seven enablers surrounding your strengths that <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/15-brave-quotes-to-inspire-you-to-be-yourself">make you unique</a>. They also highlight your potential.

<h2>1. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-steps-to-shape-great-character">Your character is unique. </a></h2>

This is an essential—not an elective. It’s a must if you want to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/126-ways-to-be-extraordinary">do something of significance</a>. This usually gets top billing when you are observed. What is it that marks your character for those who know you the best? How can you be intentional in creating it and building on it? Write down two.

<h2>2. Your experiences are unique. </h2>

The total of your experiences have left an indelible mark. You can’t deny them, make them up, nor change them. They are yours. Even though time moves on, it passes to the present from those experiences. They are, therefore, to be embraced. What are two experiences that were points of demarcation for you?

<h2>3. Your advantages are unique.</h2>

There are things in life that have given you a competitive advantage. Do you know what they are? Others do! This should not be a haven for self-pity because of what you lacked, or guilt because of what you gained. They are what they are—advantages. No two people’s advantages are the same, so rule out comparison or self-pity. Ignorance will underplay them. Acknowledgment will leverage them. Can you name and claim two of yours?

<h2>4. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-ways-to-turn-obstacles-into-opportunities">Your obstacles are unique.</a> </h2>

No one gets far in life without some “game-threatening” challenge. The victim posture never creates learning. At best it will neutralize you and at worst it will nullify you. Neither is a good option. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-7-traits-of-the-most-resilient-people">The resilient person</a> is either up or getting back up. Your obstacles have been significant in making you who you are today. Your greatness lies outside your circle of comfort. What are two obstacles that stand out?

<h2>5. Your resources are unique.</h2>

Everyone has access to resources. What’s uncommon are the resources themselves. There are external resources—money, influential friends, community, technology, etc. And there are internal resources—motivation, resilience, time, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-things-successful-people-commit-themselves-to-doing">commitment</a>, etc. An accurate assessment of resources is essential for the best life decisions. They might be different from others, but for you, their value is just as high. What are four of yours?

<h2>6. Your value is unique.</h2>

There is an ascending and descending scale of the value we bring to people. We can bring a number of valuable things their way, but not all of them are of the same value to the recipient. The value you bring is multiplied in its benefit. Since they are a part of who you are, the recipient gains more than you give. It’s exponential for them and therefore a great investment of your efforts. Can you describe four of your points of unique value? False modesty is not helpful here.

<h2>7. Your markets are unique.</h2>

You are capable of running in many venues, but what is that niche where your effectiveness peaks? Some call this your tribe—that place where you exert <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-ways-to-increase-your-influence">the greatest influence</a>. The distinctions of these markets might be fuzzy, but they eventually self-define and will reveal themselves as your most likely place of impact and influence. It’s difficult to be all things to all people. What are three of those markets, those niches that are a great fit?

Your key to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/do-these-7-things-if-you-want-to-become-a-leader">developing the leader in you</a> starts at your core, but doesn’t end there. Be aware of these seven enablers that highlight your unique abilities and increase your ever-expanding potential. They are a great resource. And the good news is, they are yours!

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/to-be-successful-do-what-you-do-best">To Be Successful, Do What You Do Best</a>

&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/7-things-that-drive-your-core-strengthsand-make-you-unique/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

7 Things That Drive Your Core Strengths

7 Things That Drive Your Core Strengths | SUCCESS

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Do you feel yanked around by your work, your life, or both? Does the mountain in front of you seem insurmountable? Does your list of to-do’s choke and marginalize what you have already accomplished? Do you feel overwhelmed?

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/11-strategies-for-managing-stress">11 Strategies for Managing Stress</a>

Stress is unavoidable, but we can complicate the problem. We get involved in exacerbating it. Actually, when it comes to exacerbating stress, nothing has changed since ancient times. Even King David, more than 3,000 years ago, said, “My <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-simple-habits-to-manage-your-anxiety">anxious thoughts</a> multiply within me.”

The term “stresscalation” sums up this exponential component of stress very well. Stress begets stress. It’s downright combustible. We set ourselves up for higher levels of pressure. We involve ourselves in thoughts and behaviors that escalate it.

&nbsp;

<h3 class="rtecenter">It’s easy to look for solutions while continuing to fall prey to its menacing effects.</h3>

&nbsp;

Stress tips are everywhere—from how you recognize it to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-thoughtful-ways-to-stress-less">how you prevent it</a>, to using it skillfully and advantageously, to how it can be relieved. Yet it’s easy to look for solutions while continuing to fall prey to its menacing effects.

So although it’s helpful to know what to do, the counterproductive things we usually do get in the way of the productive things we should do. Which is why we need to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-successful-people-beat-stress">deal with stress</a> via negativa—by eliminating the negative.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/9-ways-to-say-no-to-negativity">9 Ways to Say No to Negativity</a>

Here’s what not to do when you feel overwhelmed. Or in other words, if you want to increase your stress, here are nine ways to do it.

1. Think negatively<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-how-to-stop-listening-to-the-negative-voice-in-your-head">.</a> This is particularly effective, especially if you make it about yourself personally.

2. Isolate and amplify that thought when something bad happens. Don’t let any positive thoughts interrupt your catastrophic mindset.

3. When worrying, stop your simulated thinking at the point of greatest dire impact. After all, worry is like a movie. So make sure you stop the movie before it’s finished. This will help you keep the dread and anxiety at an optimum level.

4. Live in the future. We are the only animal on earth that can experience the future before it arrives. It’s like a built-in flight simulator. We can experience ourselves crashing over and over again, even though it hasn’t really happened. Forget about “now.” After all, “now” will soon be “then.” So live in the future because it is yet to come. Brilliant!

5. Promote GMC behavior (Gripe, Moan and Complain). Actually, our research has found that the louder and longer, the better.

6. Procrastinate<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/9-ways-to-stop-procrastinating-and-get-things-done">.</a> Why do now what you could do tomorrow? Postpone working on that project, paper or problem. After all, you might miss the thrill of an overtime sudden-death finale. You’ll be forfeiting that heart-pumping, brain-racing, anxiety level feeling. Why miss that thrill?

7. Eliminate margin. When leaving for an appointment, make sure that the exact time you leave is the exact time you’re supposed to arrive. This is particularly a great technique for stresscalation. The lack of margin is the gasoline on the fire.

8. Get anxious. When you miss the deadline, make sure you panic. Being a non-anxious presence won’t help you multiply the stress. We suggest you panic. It is particularly helpful to start screaming and moaning, getting angry with others and finding someone else to blame. Blame is a great tool for pain-redistribution. Tantrums and scapegoating are particularly rewarding.

One more and we’re through!

9. Hang onto slights and irritability. Keep feeding them, growing them and holding them close to your heart. To escalate them is to multiply them, and that will keep your stress level growing.

Now that you recognize how to multiply your stresses, you can choose your behavior. I have found it to be helpful to extrapolate current behaviors into the future. It shows what will happen if present behavior isn’t altered. And that is a great deterrent.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/use-these-mental-techniques-when-your-brain-is-overwhelmed">Use These Mental Techniques When Your Brain Is Overwhelmed</a>

&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/9-things-not-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed/" target="_blank">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

How to deal with stress by eliminating the negative

How to deal with stress by eliminating the negative | SUCCESS

9 Things Not to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

9 Things Not to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed | SUCCESS

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Dreams without action is a world of make believe. Consider the following.
<ul>
 	<li>96 percent of college professors believe they have above average teaching skills.</li>
 	<li>50 percent of high school students believe they will attend law school, medical school or grad school.</li>
 	<li>Time magazine asked in a survey, “Are you in <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/7-things-the-1-do-that-the-99-dont">the top 1% of wage earners</a>?” Nineteen percent said yes! And 36 percent expected to be.</li>
</ul>
Really?!!!

A dream without a plan is soon exposed.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-how-to-create-a-master-plan-for-your-life">How to Create a Master Plan for Your Life</a>
&nbsp;
<h3 align="center">“When the tide goes out, you discover who’s been swimming naked.” —Warren Buffet</h3>
&nbsp;

John Kotter has said there are two kinds of people in the world: those who accept their life, and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-ways-successful-people-take-control-of-life">those who lead their life</a>. Some people just get up, look at their life and hope something good will happen. The successful person says:
<ul>
 	<li>I’m going to make something happen.</li>
 	<li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/8-tried-and-true-steps-to-building-trust">I’m going to build on trust.</a></li>
 	<li>Make that relationship work.</li>
 	<li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/30-tips-to-take-control-of-your-life-now">Take control over the things I have influence over.</a></li>
 	<li>Lead my life.</li>
 	<li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/22-ways-to-become-a-relentless-learner">Create a personal learning agenda that will help fulfill my dreams.</a></li>
</ul>
The obvious lesson? The key to transforming dreams into reality is to set goals that can be broken down into doable steps.

&nbsp;
<h3 align="center">“The secret to change is one step at a time.” —Mark Twain</h3>

Is there a gap between what you know or the skills you have, and the information or the skills you need to actualize your dream? These seven steps will help.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-steps-to-achieve-your-dream">7 Steps to Achieve Your Dream </a>

<h2>1. Start with the end in mind.</h2>
<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-4-tips-for-setting-powerful-goals">Determine your goals</a> and ask yourself: Where do I want to be next year? What do I need to do to accomplish these goals? Your answers instantly become your learning agenda.
<h2>2. Assess the skills or knowledge you’ll need.</h2>
Some goals won’t require new skills or knowledge, but others will. What specific skills are needed to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/17-motivational-quotes-to-help-you-achieve-your-dreams">make your dream(s) come true</a>? What skill that you already possess would you like to improve by 25 percent within the next year?
<h2>3. Explore the best sources.</h2>
Is it going back to school? Enrolling in a training course offered by your employer? <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/8-ways-to-create-a-killer-relationship-with-your-mentors">Developing a relationship with mentors</a> and/or co-workers who can teach you skills or give you insights? Look for that optimal source for every skill you decide you need to learn.
<h2>4. Create your learning agenda.</h2>
You now have the information, so start creating <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/3-techniques-to-never-stop-learning">your learning plan</a>. It should lay out the skills and knowledge you need to acquire. It should include a timeline of where and when you will go about it. And it should be in writing, on no more than one page. It’s too easy to lose your “ball” in the weeds.
<h2>5. Begin with the most important.</h2>
Don’t start with the hardest or the easiest. What is the most important thing you can do right now? Evaluate and then rank them according to value. Enroll your action plan into M.I.T. (Most Important Thing).
<h2>6. Get moving.</h2>
Execute. What is your W.O.W. (Within One Week)? What step will you commit to this next week?

And of the utmost importance….
<h2>7. Identify your limiting beliefs.</h2>
We all have them. When you identify them, they begin to lose their power. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-simples-strategies-for-conquering-self-doubt">Don’t doubt your dream.</a>
<ul>
 	<li>I’m too young.</li>
 	<li>I’m too old.</li>
 	<li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-ways-to-find-time-to-do-what-you-love">I don’t have the time.</a></li>
 	<li>I don’t have the money.</li>
 	<li>I never follow through.</li>
 	<li>Someday I’ll…</li>
</ul>
Every time you do something you didn’t think you could do, your confidence is built. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/17-bold-ways-to-boost-your-confidence">Action leads to confidence</a> more than confidence leads to action.

&nbsp;
<h3 align="center">Confidence = Positive Self-Regard + Competence</h3>

One without the other will not equate to confidence. You need to build on both. And it’s not an overnighter. It’s day in and day out—building one day at a time.

You can choose what you will believe, and it will <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-crucial-mindset-shifts-to-achieve-everything-you-want">shift your mindset</a> to be clear on the action you will take. I am not talking about clicking your heels together, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, saying I believe… I believe. I’m talking about putting a stake in the ground and making claim to your life.

These steps will become part of your Doubt-Removal System. This will shift your mindset, and this action will deal with your limiting beliefs.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/31-things-that-happen-when-you-finally-decide-to-live-your-dreams">31 Things That Happen When You Finally Decide to Live Your Dreams</a>
&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/7-ways-to-turn-your-dreams-into-reality-2/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

When our dreams collide with reality, reality wins!

When our dreams collide with reality, reality wins! | SUCCESS

7 Ways to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality

7 Ways to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality | SUCCESS

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If we don’t <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-winning-habits-for-success">learn good habits</a>, life becomes more difficult. We have a choice: Get hard on ourselves so life becomes easier, or get easy on ourselves resulting in life getting harder.

Successful people choose good habits over a stagnant life. At first it might not seem like you are accomplishing much, but don’t be fooled. “Small hinges open big doors.”

Not all good habits are created equal. Some are more powerful than others. Here are four powerful habits that will <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/use-these-7-tips-to-boost-your-confidence">strengthen your confidence</a>, help you get what you want and result in a satisfying journey.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-science-backed-habits-to-make-you-more-successful">4 Science-Backed Habits to Make You More Successful</a>

<h2>1. Embrace life, don’t resist it. </h2>
When things aren’t working, our first action is often resistance. Instead of resisting, take a moment to consider what isn’t working and why. This kind of information is valuable.

Tough times can be used to disrupt stagnant patterns in thinking. If we embrace the disruption, it can have a purifying effect that knocks off the rust and barnacles we naturally collect on our daily voyage. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/7-life-truths-i-wish-i-knew-sooner">Embracing life</a> is resisting stagnation.

Life might wreck your plans when your plans are about to wreck you. So pay close attention.
<h2>2. Affirm yourself, don’t degrade yourself. </h2>
One of the most common ways to degrade ourselves is to ask the wrong questions. Wrong questions are disempowering. They immediately change our <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/4-ways-to-actively-reprogram-your-thoughts">subconscious thought patterns</a> from positive to negative, or vice versa. They are powerful.
<ul>
 	<li>Question: Why can’t I lose weight? Answer: Because you’re a pig!</li>
 	<li>Question: Why can’t I do things right? Answer: Because you’re not smart!</li>
 	<li>Question: Why am I so broke? Answer: Because you’re a loser!</li>
</ul>
Ask a bad question and you’ll get a bad answer. This is how our subconscious mind works. Because the conscious mind programs the subconscious, take charge. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-questions-that-will-change-your-life">Good questions lead to productive answers.</a>
<ul>
 	<li>What are the top two things I can do to lose weight?</li>
 	<li>What is a better way to do this?</li>
 	<li>What are three things I can do to in<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-construct-an-empowering-reality">crease my cash flow?</a></li>
</ul>
<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-construct-an-empowering-reality">Asking the right question is </a>empowering.
<h2>3. Brainstorm, don’t blame-storm. </h2>
Blame-storming is using our creative abilities to come up with reasons why something is not our fault. This creates an emotional roadblock to healthy living called resentment. It comes from the Latin words “re” and “sentire,” which means “to feel over and over again.” It’s almost exclusively internalized, which makes it different from <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-keep-your-cool">anger</a> even though it can accompany the emotion.

It’s tempting to wallow in resentment because it provides a feeling of control. But that is an illusion. The past is no more. There is no control. How can we disempower the past from stealing the present? Through brainstorming, you come to the realization that your past deepens you but does not define you, deter you or defeat you.

It is a part of your maturity but not your identity. Your past has made you stronger for today. You are not a prisoner of your past. You are a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-the-major-key-to-your-best-future-is-you">pioneer of your future.</a> And you have power in the present.
<h2>4. Do something, not everything. </h2>
<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-7-traits-of-the-most-resilient-people">It’s good to be resilient</a>—to a point. Sometimes quitting is the smartest thing to do. There are times when I look at my to-do list and complete one or two of the items quickly, just by eliminating them. For example, if I have 10 things on my list, <a href="https://management.about.com/cs/generalmanagement/a/Pareto081202.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Pareto’s Principle</a> reminds me that 80 percent of my results comes from 20 percent of my effort. Let me get those top two done first and I’ll go from there. To not do this is to spread myself too thin. Time to prune the list.

The secret of concentration is elimination. This leads to productive living and has health benefits as well—a needed message for a society of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/the-5-non-negotiable-disciplines-of-a-high-achiever">high achievers</a>.

In <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Think-Like-Freak-Authors-Freakonomics/dp/0062218344/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1492453626&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Think+Like+a+Freak:+The+Authors+of+Freakonomics+Offer+to+Retrain+Your+Brain&amp;linkCode=ll1&amp;tag=sm0fe-20&amp;linkId=42ebe5fb4aced8e86aca026c54c0e639" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Think Like a Freak: The Authors of Freakonomics Offer to Retrain Your Brain</a>, people who quit unattainable goals saw physical and psychological benefits, including:
<ul>
 	<li>Less depressive symptoms and negative affect</li>
 	<li>Lower cortisol levels</li>
 	<li>Lower systemic inflammation</li>
 	<li>Better immune functioning</li>
 	<li>Fewer physical health problems over time</li>
</ul>
This is not a polemic for a carefree life! <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/videos/youtube/how-to-be-happier">The happiest people</a> are busy but in control. They are not rushed.

&nbsp;
<h3 align="center">“Be quick, but not in a hurry.” —Coach John Wooden</h3>
It’s a matter of control. You can do anything when you quit trying to do everything.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/10-harmless-habits-to-drop-if-you-want-to-be-successful">10 ‘Harmless’ Habits to Drop If You Want to Be Successful</a>
This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/4-power-habits-that-will-change-your-life/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>

You can do anything when you quit trying to do everything.

You can do anything when you quit trying to do everything. | SUCCESS

4 Habits to Strengthen Your Confidence

4 Powerful Habits That Will Change Your Life

4 Powerful Habits That Will Change Your Life | SUCCESS

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5 Ways Successful People Take Control of Life

Some of the most important things in life are accomplished when we have a sense of urgency. And some of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-successful-people-beat-stress">the greatest stresses</a> we endure are experienced when we are bombarded and ambushed by the emergencies of life. What’s the difference? It’s the locus of control. Are the stresses coming from outside ourselves, or are they coming from within?
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/23-questions-to-ask-yourself-when-youre-stressed-out">23 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Stressed Out</a>
Best-selling author and leadership expert <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sense-Urgency-John-P-Kotter/dp/1422179710/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;linkCode=ll1&amp;tag=sm0fe-20&amp;linkId=206855617b28466bda9f9a98c3687102" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">John Kotter</a>&nbsp;suggests that too many workers—including executives—do not have a sense of urgency about their work. This is seen up and down the corporate ladder. This does not mean that workers should be running around with their hair on fire. It does mean that these workers are focused on what’s important. They understand that they live in a world where change is continuous and not episodic. They know that the company cannot rest on its laurels, even as they celebrate victories. This cannot happen without creating a sense of urgency.

How does this parallel our daily lives? When it comes to urgencies, there are two kinds of people in the world:

&nbsp;
<h3 class="rtecenter">One group is a victim of urgency. The other group is a victor in urgency.</h3>
&nbsp;

One person doesn’t create an inner sense of urgency. They opt to wait for life to become urgent and then react to it. Yet that kind of urgency brings its companions: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/19-calming-quotes-to-help-you-stress-less">stress</a>, anxiety, self-pity, self-preoccupation, and sometimes for good measure, this kicks in the reactions of rush and panic in an attempt to salvage lost time. Rarely do these folks achieve their goals, if there were any.

The other person doesn’t wait for the urgent. They <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/19-motivational-quotes-to-help-you-get-sht-done">create that sense of urgency</a> in themselves. Their urgency is not as stressful as it is motivational. It creates drive rather than panic. They are driven to accomplish what’s before them today. They understand that this day has never been here before, and it will never come again.

One group is a victim of urgency. The other group is a victor in urgency. What’s the key? Location, location,&nbsp;location. Is it an inner or an external locus of control-
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/30-tips-to-take-control-of-your-life-now">30 Tips to Take Control of Your Life Now</a>
Successful people refuse to give their power away. Here are five things they do to take control of their life:
<h2>1. Successful people create a sense of urgency in themselves. </h2>
They get up each day with that urgent feeling in their gut. They don’t create anxiety, but they do create urgency.
<h2>2. Successful people don’t confuse activity with accomplishment.</h2>
They understand that busyness can numb us to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/the-tony-robbins-trick-to-push-past-complacency">complacency</a>—allowing one day to flow into the next with no real desired outcomes. Let’s call it intentional urgency.
<h2>3. Successful people don’t let emergencies derail them.</h2>
Their success is fueled by the urgency of the day, not the emergency de jour. When those inevitable emergencies arrive, it doesn’t derail them. They handle them as best they can and continue down the track. Outward circumstances are less compelling and urgent. An outer locus of control, with its plethora of issues, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/what-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed">overwhelms us</a>. We don’t need to find them. They find us. The urgencies they face are the ones they create. Even when they go fast, they are not out of control. They don’t rush. Rushing creates emergencies.

&nbsp;
<h3 align="center">“Be quick, but not in a hurry.” —John Wooden</h3>
&nbsp;
<h2>4. Successful people know what’s important.</h2>
Knowing what’s important to you creates clarity. That in turn <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-thoughtful-ways-to-stress-less">reduces stress</a>. This helps rid them of needless clutter that will slow them down. They understand that everything is not an option, so they focus on the priority thing—the urgent thing. There is never enough time to do everything, but there’s always enough time to do the important thing.
<h2>5. Successful people listen to the right voices.</h2>
Seth Godin warns about the <a href="https://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2015/02/the-trolls-inside.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">trolls in our head</a>. Beware of them. They love to instill a sense of panic. Be vigilant. The troll is the voice of insecurity and self-criticism. Don’t feed the troll. That supplies it with more excuses. Don’t argue with it. That just takes up your time. Don’t attempt to litigate it. Your inner troll is an expert at swaying the jury. You create your own urgency and don’t let your inner troll derail those good intentions.

<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/12-simple-habits-that-set-ultra-successful-people-apart">Practicing simple habits</a> will assist you in avoiding serious hazards. By creating your own urgencies, you will discover a newfound power in your life.
Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-4-reasons-to-take-control-of-your-destiny">4 Reasons to Take Control of Your Destiny</a>
&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/the-key-to-positive-urgency-location-location-location/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

Successful people understand that they live in a world where change is continuous and not episodic.

Successful people understand that they live in a world where change is continuous and not episodic. | SUCCESS

5 Ways Successful People Take Control of Life | SUCCESS

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At the core of personal mastery is self-understanding. Transformation is about dealing with fundamental motives and causes rather than simply dabbling at symptomatic issues.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/126-ways-to-be-extraordinary">126 Ways to Be Extraordinary</a>
Nurturing these five selfs will fuel your quest for personal mastery:
<h2>1. Self-Awareness </h2>
<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-turn-your-weaknesses-into-strengths">Knowing your strengths and weaknesses</a> is not as easy as it sounds. To understand our personal surpluses and deficits is not an option on our journey to personal greatness. If we want to drive our performance, then we must be able to manage our emotions in ways that energize and direct that drive.

The research is plentiful that IQ accounts for about 20 percent of a person’s success. Moods account for much more. If we are not aware of our moods, then they can end up controlling our behavior in counterproductive ways. Self-awareness means we are growing in our ability to read our emotions accurately. This gives us <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/10-ways-successful-people-stay-calm">the ability to self-regulate and self-manage destructive moods and attitudes</a>. Mood mastery is necessary for personal mastery.

Be self-aware instead of self-conscious.
<h2>2. Self-Affirmation </h2>
We know it’s not healthy to speak against or gossip about others. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-how-to-stop-listening-to-the-negative-voice-in-your-head">It becomes even more destructive when we use words to speak against ourselves.</a> Self-affirmation is a matter of choosing what we focus on. If others talked to us the way we sometimes talk to ourselves, we would avoid them. It can become easy to degrade ourselves, sometimes subliminally. Instead of letting other people and circumstances decide what you will focus on, make it your choice.

Attitudes that asphyxiate include: You’re no good… lousy… incompetent… unable… ordinary… worthless. Attitudes that affirm? I am lovable… forgivable… capable… have strengths… am multi-talented… have purpose. The world can be a negative place. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/12-ways-successful-people-handle-toxic-people">You must counteract toxic noise.</a>

Be self-affirming instead of self-degrading.
<h2>3. Self-Motivation</h2>
If you are waiting to be motivated by someone else, personal mastery will elude you. Always giving your best is an inside job. Some days are better than others, but give your best every day. Anything less than that leads to a thin life and ultimately, regret.

<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/17-motivational-quotes-to-inspire-you-to-be-successful">Motivation is the underlying reason why a person does or doesn’t do something.</a> The stick and carrot incentive is not nearly as powerful as a person’s innate interests. This raises the level of personal productivity and individual engagement. It’s about knowing how you are hardwired and drawing on your natural sense of intrigue.

Be self-motivated instead of self-absorbed.
<h2>4. Self-Differentiation </h2>
Knowing where you end and others begin is the key to healthy living. You have to understand that when people get together, they create an emotional force field. This force field is powerful. It can cause people to get enmeshed with others and fall into groupthink, or what some refer to as the herd instinct. On the other extreme, it can cause them to disconnect from others and lose important feedback loops, which are the keys to learning. One extreme leads to a sense of helplessness, blame, rationalization, denial, co-dependency and victimhood.

When we self-differentiate, we <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/stop-making-excuses-for-who-and-where-you-are">take responsibility for who and where we are</a>. Responsibility means we have the ability to respond. This powerful skill gives us increased choices and freedoms. It strengthens our immune system to the opinions and actions of others. To not do this is to become the victim of needless suffering.

Practice self-differentiation instead of self-pity.
<h2>5. Self-Love</h2>
If we are to “love our neighbor as our self,” then I will submit that your love for others cannot and will not exceed your love for yourself. To love others without loving yourself is often an act of desperation to seek someone’s approval. As a result, it says more about the sender’s needs than the needs of the receiver. Sometimes wanting the best for others can involve pain. And <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-being-successful-is-a-personal-choice">wanting the best for yourself</a> includes telling yourself the truth. And who, at times, hasn’t found that to include some pain?

There’s a reason why the airline’s safety instructions tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. You’ll be no good to them without it. You can’t give what you don’t have.

Be self-loving instead of self-serving.

These five self’s will help you discover and express what you want. They lead to clear communication and help avoid drama, regret, sadness and misunderstanding. Personal greatness is not possible without them.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-the-3-parts-of-personal-development">The 3 Parts of Personal Development</a>
&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/grow-your-5-selfs-to-personal-greatness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

Look inward to know yourself and achieve outward goals.

Look inward to know yourself and achieve outward goals. | SUCCESS

5 Steps to Personal Greatness

5 Steps to Personal Greatness | SUCCESS

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<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/13-things-mentally-strong-people-dont-do">We live in a culture that favors the strong.</a> In that context, “meekness” is often confused with “weakness.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Meekness is a power word. In the ancient world, it was often used to describe the winning horse in a race; they were called meek, which meant “strength under control.” The horse was tamed, but not timid.

This is also true for our perception of humility. To make the distinction, let’s call it healthy humility. Contrary to popular belief, humility is not “thinking less of yourself”—it’s “thinking of yourself less.”

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/do-these-6-things-to-be-more-humble">Do These 6 Things to Be More Humble</a>

Healthy humility makes you a more powerful person. So what does that look like?

<h2>1. They acknowledge they don’t have it all together. </h2>

An accurate self-assessment makes this obvious. Most people value honest humility. But the challenge is accepting the events that contribute to personal humility, because it often includes some bumps and bruises—or even a near fatal wreck—to find humility.

A humble person sees the power in not faking it. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/videos/youtube/tedx-talks-the-power-of-vulnerability">People are drawn to their vulnerability</a>, which includes embracing successes and failures.

<h2>2. They know the difference between self-confidence and pride. </h2>

&nbsp;

<h3 align="center">“Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson</h3>

&nbsp;

Humility and confidence are meant to be in a beautiful relationship. Confidence and self-esteem do not shrink as humility grows. Both Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi’s model of humility—passive resistance—<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-weaknesses-that-actually-benefit-you">definitely did not include weakness</a>, poor self-esteem or a lack of fortified commitment. Confidence and humility are a great pairing.

Conversely, pride is an exaggerated sense of self-importance. And it’s typically accompanied by placing ourselves above others.

<h2>3. They seek to add value to others. </h2>

&nbsp;

<h3 align="center">“Admit when you’re wrong; shut up when you’re right.” —John Gottman, Ph.D. </h3>

&nbsp;

Inward reflection is healthy; inward focus can be debilitating. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/13-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-every-day">It’s important to care for yourself.</a> This should be balanced with an outward focus on others and their contribution to the world. Self-awareness is not self-absorption.

Humility creates a sense of “<a href="https://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/publications/observer/2013/october-13/measuring-humility-and-its-positive-effects.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">we-ness</a>” in relationships. Who wants a narcissist for a friend or partner? Humility becomes the social oil that prevents wear-and-tear in the engine of our relationships. The closer the relationship, the greater the potential for overheating and abrasion.

<h2>4. They take responsibility for their actions. </h2>

<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/stop-making-excuses-for-who-and-where-you-are">They don’t blame others, circumstances or genes for their actions.</a>

&nbsp;

<h3 align="center">Humility is slow to judge others, but quick to correct itself.</h3>

&nbsp;

There might be a place for explaining actions, but not excusing them. Excuses are usually the result of pride and fear. Humility apologizes when wrong without allowing others to mistreat it. Self-flagellation is the shadow side of taking personal responsibility. Acknowledgment leads to remorse and a change in direction, not self-pity or self-loathing.

&nbsp;

<h3 align="center">Sometimes you don’t see the best path until you’ve strayed from it.</h3>

&nbsp;

Acknowledge your error and use it to become better, stronger.

<h2>5. They understand the shadow side of success. </h2>

Advancements and promotions are good. But the further we get from others, the more potential for arrogance. As a humble person moves up the chain of command, they remind themselves of the danger of power. It makes us feel self-important. This leads to arrogance, and arrogance stops listening to others. Refusal to listen creates distance. And this distance blinds us to the ugliness of arrogance. Like a mental illness, it’s delusional.

Strong leaders have <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Good-Great-Some-Companies-Others/dp/0066620996/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1479765622&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=some+companies+make+the+leap&amp;linkCode=ll1&amp;tag=sm0fe-20&amp;linkId=27662df6aa13a70836b22d28829b2544" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Egoless Clarity</a>. They are deliberate but not self-serving. They understand that it takes a leader to accomplish a little and an army to accomplish a lot

<h2>6. They are filled with gratitude for what they have.</h2>

We live in a “scarcity” society. When we take on that perspective, we miss the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/129-reasons-to-be-thankful">moments to be truly thankful</a>. The I-want-it-now mindset never stops to realize that I’ve got it already. It’s never enough! The opposite of scarcity is not abundance. The opposite of scarcity is enough. I am grateful I have enough. The opposite of gratitude is living in a false world created by our ego. Humility recognizes that we own nothing. All is a gift. And <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-5-ways-to-be-more-grateful-on-the-daily">we are profoundly grateful</a>.

Humility is like a muscle. It can be weakened or strengthened. It depends on the routine and regularity of exercise. Getting in touch with our modest side sets us up for success. Perhaps that’s why, throughout history, it’s the foundation of all other virtues.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-begin-with-gratitude-and-watch-the-miracles-flow-your-way">Begin With Gratitude and Watch the Miracles Flow Your Way</a>

&nbsp;

This post originally appeared on <a href="https://leadershiptraq.com/6-attributes-of-healthy-humility/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">LeadershipTraQ.com</a>.

No. 1: Humble people acknowledge they don’t have it all together.

No. 1: Humble people acknowledge they don’t have it all together. | SUCCESS

6 Attributes of Healthy Humility

6 Attributes of Healthy Humility | SUCCESS

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