Professional Growth

Professional Growth Archives

Professional Growth | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

<p>Researchers believe that the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Mayan-languages" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">earliest spoken language was Mayan</a>, which was around 7,000 years ago. Imagine, in 70 centuries, we’ve progressed to, “... and I was like, <em>really</em>?”</p>



<p>Whether you are leading a team meeting, presenting to a prospective client or delivering a keynote speech to a global audience, verbal mistakes will undermine <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/this-bad-conversation-habit-is-killing-your-credibility">your credibility</a> and distract from your message.</p>



<p>If you want to have <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/9-tips-to-help-you-strengthen-your-integrity">integrity</a> and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-ways-to-increase-your-influence">influence</a>, consider dropping these phrases:</p>



<h2 id="h-1-i-m-confused-or-i-don-t-get-it">1. “I’m confused,” or “I don’t get it.” </h2>



<p>Instead of putting all the responsibility on the other person, take co-ownership. Say, “Help me understand your position,” and remain open.</p>



<h2 id="h-2-you-know-what-i-mean-and-does-that-make-sense">2. “You know what I mean?” and “Does that make sense?”</h2>



<p>Asking for constant validation chips away at your command.</p>



<h2 id="h-3-i-was-like-or-she-was-like">3. “I was like...” or “She was like...”</h2>



<p>The word “like” is an unsophisticated setup that gets in the way of your clarity and credibility.</p>



<h2 id="h-4-um-ah-uh-you-know">4. “Um, ah, uh, you know.”</h2>



<p>Watch out for overuse of filler words and practice pausing to counteract the clutter.</p>



<h2 id="h-5-i-ve-been-too-busy-or-i-started-writing-an-email-and-forgot-to-send-it">5. “I’ve been too busy” or “I started writing an email and forgot to send it.”</h2>



<p>Excuses are unattractive. Say, “I apologize for the inconvenience. You will have it by tomorrow.”</p>



<h2 id="h-6-out-of-the-box-thinking">6. “Out-of-the-box thinking” </h2>



<p>… should be retired. We can’t escape all the buzzword phrases, but ones like this have become boring.</p>



<h2 id="h-7-you-always">7. “You always...”</h2>



<p>Sweeping generalizations lack insight and get in the way of healthy dialogue. Be specific and avoid using vague blame tactics.</p>



<h2 id="h-8-i-think-we-should-kind-of-do-it-this-way">8. “I think we should kind of do it this way.” </h2>



<p>Tentative language waters down your presence as a confident communicator. Make a solid recommendation and own it.</p>



<h2 id="h-9-i-hate-to-say-this-but-and-john-is-a-good-person-but">9. “I hate to say this, but…” and “John is a good person, but...”</h2>



<p>Don’t try to disguise criticism with a layer of caring or say things that offer zero value.</p>



<h2 id="h-10-really">10. “Really?”</h2>



<p>It’s an all-purpose complaint that <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-happened-when-i-didnt-complain-for-30-days/">sounds like whining</a>. Try making an interesting observation instead.</p>



<p>If you want to have more credibility and influence, be uh, like, you know, more intentional in your communication. Replace negative tone and lackluster <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-positive-words-to-add-to-your-vocabulary/">words with positive tone</a> and authentic appreciative words. Each new day is an opportunity to inspire greatness, so say something real.</p>



<p><em>This article was originally published in June 2015 and has been updated.</em> <em>Photo by Chawki/Twenty20</em></p>

These verbal mistakes can cost you credibility and influence, so fix them, stat—if you want people to take you seriously.

These verbal mistakes can cost you credibility and influence, so fix them, stat—if you want people to take you seriously. | SUCCESS

10 Phrases to Drop from Your Vocabulary

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10 Phrases to Drop from Your Vocabulary | SUCCESS

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Lou Solomon is the founder and CEO of Interact, a leadership communication consultancy that helps Fortune 500 companies, like Goodrich, Wells Fargo, Duke Energy, and CEOs, managers, entrepreneurs and their teams be true to their authentic self and advance in leadership.

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Lou Solomon

Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

<p>Too often we forget our most basic goal in business—to create relationships with clients, customers, prospects, colleagues, shareholders and, at the center of it all, employees.</p>

<p>Lou Solomon, the founder of Interact, a leadership communication consultancy, says if employees are to thrive and unlock the next great idea, the one that will make everyone else happy, they require a relationship with the people around them, starting with their boss:</p>

<p>Recently we helped a leader, we’ll call her Dawn, guide her team through productive dialogue around difficult issues that were holding them back. At the end of the session, we facilitated a round of “acknowledgement and appreciation” in which each individual received specific and thorough feedback on their contribution to the team.</p>

<p>I watched the serious and tired expressions on the faces of these individuals soften as they received honest acknowledgement from one another. When Dawn spoke, they were visibly moved to hear that she understood their talent completely. She told me later that they left feeling lighter, reconnected and ready to get back to the work they loved.</p>

<p>Everyone at every level needs appreciation and meaningful feedback about their work. If you think that’s an obvious and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/discover-the-formula-for-happy-employees" target="_blank" title="Discover the Formula for Happy Employees | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">practiced element of leadership</a>, think again. A recent survey by Harris Interactive on behalf of Interact revealedthat <em>more than half of American workers (63%) feel leaders are prevented from being effective by not showing appreciation to employees.</em></p>

<p>Nearly all (91%) of employed U.S. adults believe that there are interpersonal communication issues that prevent business leaders from leading effectively. This isstartling since we throw extraordinary amounts of money at surveys, re-orgs, consultants and change initiatives du jour.</p>

<p>The survey was conducted within the United States, among 2,033 U.S. adults ages 18 and older, 999of whomareemployed and whose responses are reflected in the findings.</p>

<p>The top communication issues cited as ones that that <em>prevent leaders from being effective</em>were (in rank order):</p>

<ul>
	<li>Not recognizing employee achievements (63%)</li>
	<li>Not giving clear directions (57%)</li>
	<li>Not having time to meet with employees (52%)</li>
	<li>Refusing to talk to subordinates (51%)</li>
	<li>Taking credit for others’ ideas (47%)</li>
	<li>Not offering constructive criticism (39%)</li>
	<li>Not knowing employees’ names (36%)</li>
	<li>Refusing to talk to people on the phone/in person (34%)</li>
	<li>Doesn’t ask about employees’ lives outside work (23%)</li>
</ul>

<p>Communication is the fundamental element of an organization, and the pattern is established by leaders. Healthy communication requires trust, inclusion, recognition, clear directions, meaningful interaction and feedback at the nerve center of the company.</p>

<p>The most effective leaders understand that <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/john-c-maxwell-the-greatest-skill-communication" target="_blank" title="John C. Maxwell: The Greatest Skill—Communication | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">clear communication</a> helps a company’s bottom line and can increase productivity. They are diligent about building a sense of connectedness with their teams and appreciation of their employees by saying and asking:</p>

<p><strong>1. “</strong><strong>Here’s what I appreciate about you and your contribution.” </strong></p>

<p>The basic “atta-boy” or “atta-girl” doesn’t satisfy people who put their heart and soul into their work. Instead, say something specific like, “I appreciate the way you pull in people from other departments to reach your team goals—you’re a connector.” Leaders need to notice employees’ unique, specific contributions.</p>

<p><strong>2. “</strong><strong>Thank you.” </strong>(personal <em>and</em> public)</p>

<p>From the elevator to the parking lot, daily interactions represent opportunities for leaders to engage in dynamic interactions and show appreciation for their employees’ efforts. Public recognition at a staff meeting, or a thoughtful “thank you” in a newsletter, are also meaningful.</p>

<p><strong>3.</strong>“<strong>What do you think?”</strong></p>

<p>Employees often withhold their best ideas from leaders who always have the “right” answer or take credit for others’ ideas. Ask questions such as, “What have you noticed?” “How do you think we could improve?” “What is keeping us stuck?” and “What do you love about it?” Establish a safe environment in which people have the opportunity to express themselves and be recognized for their ideas and they will take ownership of the results.</p>

<p><strong>4. “Here’s what’s happening and what you can expect.”</strong></p>

<p>Companies today often operate in a state of change, and all too often, information is withheld until the last minute. This is a huge distraction for employees who need “real speak” about their futures. Leaders often underestimate employees’ ability to accept “why” if it is shared in an honest way. Leaders will gain deep respect when they share as much as they know as soon as they can share it. Explanations are better than no explanations.</p>

<p><strong>5. “I have some feedback for you.”</strong></p>

<p>Don’t wait for a performance review to tell people how they’re doing. A culture of continual feedback is healthy and nimble.</p>

<p><strong>6.</strong>“<strong>Let me share a time I got it wrong.”</strong></p>

<p>Smart, capable leaders who know their stuff are well respected, but employees like and trust leaders who are not only smart but can occasionally lean back and laugh at their own mistakes and who are generous with what life has taught them. The effective leader says, “Let me tell you about something I learned the hard way,” instead of dictating the course to take.</p>

<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/9-things-good-leaders-never-say" target="_self" title="9 Things Good Leaders Never Say | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener"><strong>Now find out what 9 things good leaders <em>never</em> say.</strong></a></p>

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Healthy communication requires trust, inclusion, recognition, clear directions, meaningful interaction and feedback. These are qualities of good leadership.

Too often we forget our most basic goal in business—to create relationships with clients, customers, prospects, colleagues, shareholders and, at the | SUCCESS

6 Things Effective Leaders Always Say

6 Things Effective Leaders Always Say | SUCCESS

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Personal Development

Personal Development Archives

Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

<p>I was painfully shy growing up. I struggled in new situations around people I didn’t know. I didn’t speak up until I was almost 10. Somewhere along the way I decided it would cost me too much to stay uncomfortable and invisible, so I put myself out there.</p>

<p>Today, as the founder of a firm that develops <em>Fortune</em> 500 leaders, entrepreneurs and their teams into strong communicators, I have learned one thing they all have in common: They all covet charisma and executive presence. The question they always ask is, “Can you <em>learn</em> presence and charisma?”</p>

<p class="rteindent1"><em>Related:&nbsp;</em><strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/6-ways-to-keep-your-attitude-up-when-life-tries-to-bring-you-down" target="_self" rel="noopener">6 Ways to Keep Your Attitude Up When Life Tries to Bring You Down</a></strong></p>

<p>My early struggle with shyness has been a gift, because I <em>know</em> these things can be learned. The learning feels less risky for some, but for me and many others I have worked with, it has been something of a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-inspirations-for-reinventing-yourself" target="_self" title="7 Inspirations for Reinventing Yourself | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">reinvention</a>.</p>

<p>Charisma doesn’t fit neatly into a box; it’s not about personality, style, professional title or economic status. Researchers at MIT have figured out that <em>connecting with people</em> is what generates charisma. It’s actually a social skill, which, like many others, is learned.</p>

<p>Want to access your charisma? Here are six tips to get it, leader or not:</p>

<h2><strong>1. Be attentive.</strong></h2>

<p>Attention is the electrical current that connects us. It’s unattractive to be distracted when others are speaking, leading a meeting or just <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better" target="_blank" title="How to Speak Well... and Listen Better | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">trying to have a conversation</a>. The ability to notice when your mind wanders and redirect your thoughts back into the present moment is a leadership habit that takes constant practice.</p>

<h2><strong>2. Prioritize humanness before rank.</strong></h2>

<p>Leaders who <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/signs-that-you-matter-at-work" target="_self" title="Signs that You Matter at Work | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">prioritize the human connection</a> are perceived to be more trustworthy than those who believe their reputation should precede them. It doesn’t take long to look someone in the eye. I don’t mean the quick “ping” of eye contact. People know when you only glance and quickly look past them, absorbed in your own mental agenda. I mean the feeling that someone has taken a moment to “see who’s within.”</p>

<h2><strong>3. Draw people out.</strong></h2>

<p>Charisma is measured by your ability to release others into a more enjoyable state of communicating. You do this by being curious, asking questions, listening and being positive. Upbeat people who are sincerely interested in what other people have to say have natural charisma—and they are <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-ways-to-think-like-a-negotiator" target="_self" title="7 Ways to Think Like a Negotiator | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">successful in negotiations</a> and presentations. You have a serious handicap in conversation if you are not curious about the other person.</p>

<p class="rteindent1"><em>Related:&nbsp;</em><strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/it-takes-a-positive-attitude-to-achieve-positive-results" target="_self" rel="noopener">It Takes a Positive Attitude to Achieve Positive Results</a></strong></p>

<h2><strong>4. Notice your second language.</strong></h2>

<p>Some of the most important nonverbal signals for connection are a warm tone of voice, friendly facial expression, open gestures and standing near and fully facing others. Even a warm handshake can trigger a connection.</p>

<h2><strong>5. Get strength from vulnerability.</strong></h2>

<p>Most of the executives who come to my studio don’t trust themselves to use their own experience and wisdom to connect with people. They are surprised to learn they’ve got everything they need to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/15-trust-building-practices-for-leaders" target="_self" title="15 Trust-Building Practices for Leaders | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">be an authentic leader</a>. The language of personal story is a medium for human connection. The ability to empower others by sharing what your life has taught you is an important part of authentic leadership.</p>

<h2><strong>6. Never try to fake it</strong>.</h2>

<p>The attempt to manipulate a connection is much more transparent than we’d like to think. The brain knows incongruence in a millisecond. First and foremost, be a student. The real work of life is going within and developing your own self-awareness.</p>

<p class="rteindent1"><em>Related:&nbsp;</em><strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-mindset-traps-that-will-derail-your-success" target="_self" rel="noopener">5 Mindset Traps That Will Derail Your Success</a></strong></p>


I was painfully shy growing up. I struggled in new situations around people I didn’t know. I didn’t speak up until I was almost 10. Somewhere along the

I was painfully shy growing up. I struggled in new situations around people I didn’t know. I didn’t speak up until I was almost 10. Somewhere along the | SUCCESS

6 Ways to Unlock Your Charisma

6 Ways to Unlock Your Charisma | SUCCESS

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<p>Growing up I often heard my mother say that so-and-so had “fallen in with the wrong crowd.” She told me this as a precautionary tale because that meant this person was taking on the bad habits of the company he or she was keeping.</p>



<p>I’d like to think that adult logic takes over at some point, as we develop critical thinking based on sound argument—but that is only partially true. At any age, we are shaped by the habits of our kithmates, or circle of peers. Social learning, as behavior analysts have discovered, has more influence on adults than we would like to believe, manifesting itself in sometimes subconscious ways.</p>



<p>So consider this the next time you find yourself spending time with people who are unhappy, pessimistic and, simply put, unsuccessful.&nbsp;You will likely become the same way.&nbsp;</p>



<p>But there’s good news—just as you can absorb the bad habits and attitude of the wrong crowd, you can absorb the good traits of the right crowd, who are happy, self-confident and optimistic.</p>



<p>While teaching at the&nbsp;McColl School of Business at Queens University in Charlotte, N.C., I have noticed that the most successful MBA students form cohesive networks of support for one another as they participate in the two-year program. These students keep current on one another’s careers and personal challenges. They show their colleagues ways to take risks to be happy. They refer to this peer-group experience as transformational and have gone on&nbsp;to make courageous, life-changing decisions.</p>



<p>The strength of social influence demands a review of your network.&nbsp; Here are five ways to do so:</p>



<p><strong>1. Take inventory.</strong> Identify people with negative energy—people around you who are most likely to express an overall bad attitude. Consider who drains you of energy, who is constantly complaining, and who doesn’t celebrate your success. Be especially vigilant for emotional states of anger and frustration.</p>



<p>Researchers have discovered an “emotional contagion” phenomenon in which your emotions will actually converge with those of your peers.&nbsp;Negative emotions exert a powerful effect in social situations, so take inventory carefully.</p>



<p><strong>2. Put some space between you and these people.</strong> Pull back from spending time with people who are in constant pessimism or drama. Avoid low-energy people who don’t encourage you to be your best. There is no need to be abrupt or impolite, but make choices to <a title="Handling the Grumps: How to Fight Off Others' Negativity | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/handling-the-grumps-how-to-fight-off-others-negativity" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">avoid exposure to negativity</a>.</p>



<p><strong>3. Prioritize and be intentional.</strong> Increase proximity with people who have a successful, energetic spirit.&nbsp;Gravitate to those who encourage your success. Consciously work to cultivate a close, exceptional group of peers and teammates who will help you <a title="Tiny Habits | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/tiny-habits" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">grow and adopt effective habits</a>.</p>



<p><strong>4. Ask for feedback.</strong> In and outside of work, elicit the advice of people you want to emulate. Collaborate with people who are engaged. Ask for their advice, guidance and mentorship. Those wishing to take quantum leaps have no need for people to tell them what they want to hear. Friends and family members who will shoot straight and communicate with candor are priceless. &nbsp;</p>



<p><strong>5. Develop your own positivity as a leader.</strong> Successful leaders who express positivity in the workplace are known for having a touch of charisma. This doesn’t mean you pour pink paint on everything, which is off-putting. It means you insist on <a title="4 Tenets of a Happy Workplace | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-tenets-of-a-happy-workplace" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">an environment in which people thrive</a>. It means you develop and reinforce your habits with the help of peers who express positivity. In turn, your teammates will experience a positive emotional contagion and support a culture of productivity.</p>



<p>What could running with the right crowd mean to you? Imagine traveling through life with a group of smart, enthusiastic peers who are completely engaged in living a large, successful and happy life, never settling for less,&nbsp;and always showing you the way to stretch and go for it. What would happen?&nbsp;You would live a large, successful and happy life.</p>



<p>As usual, Mom was right.</p>



<p><a title="The SUCCESS Guide to Happiness | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/special-section-happiness" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer"><strong>Check out The <em>SUCCESS</em> Guide to Happiness for advice to love your life—exploring what is happiness, where to find it and how to achieve it.</strong></a></p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>Photo by casiewphoto/Twenty20</em></p>

Growing up I often heard my mother say that so-and-so had “fallen in with the wrong crowd.” She told me this as a precautionary tale because that meant

Growing up I often heard my mother say that so-and-so had “fallen in with the wrong crowd.” She told me this as a precautionary tale because that meant | SUCCESS

Mom Warned Me about Running with a Bad Crowd

Mom Warned Me about Running with a Bad Crowd | SUCCESS

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Lou Solomon

Latest Articles

10 Phrases to Drop from Your Vocabulary

6 Things Effective Leaders Always Say

6 Ways to Unlock Your Charisma

Mom Warned Me about Running with a Bad Crowd