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<p>When it comes to limiting our potential for success, Marie Forleo, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/marie-forleo/">our cover subject</a> for the <a href="https://store.success.com/patchworks-imported-products/success-magazine-nov-dec-2019-marie-forleo.html">November/December 2019 issue</a> of <em>SUCCESS</em> magazine, says three primary things stand in our way: our beliefs, fears and mindset. And when it comes to the latter, it's usually a can't vs. won't mindset. </p>



<p>Use this three-step plan to access your inner potential:</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-change-your-belief-system">1. Change your belief system.</h2>



<p>“The most powerful words in the universe are <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/your-words-are-powerful-8-positive-speaking-habits-to-build-yourself-up/">the words you say</a> to yourself,” says Forleo, an author, speaker, entrepreneur and personal development powerhouse. It’s as simple as this: If you believe you don’t have the time, money, creativity or conviction to do something, then you won’t do it.</p>



<p>“As cliché as the Henry Ford quote is, if you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right,” Forleo says, adding that belief is the first thing <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/changing-the-narrative-how-to-silence-your-inner-critic-in-the-new-year/">that holds people back</a> from achieving their dreams. “Belief is the first domino—if you tip that, everything else becomes available to you.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-face-your-fears">2. Face your fears.</h2>



<p>If you can change your belief system, the next limiting factor for many people is fear. Even once people change their belief system and realize that <em>“</em><a href="https://amzn.to/48YComt" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">everything is figureoutable</a>” (the moniker of Forleo’s book) and available to them, many people are still afraid to move forward.</p>



<p>“It can be kind of scary, because you’re like, <em>Oh my god, everything’s available</em>,” Forleo says. “What am I going to do about that? Then it’s about investigating and learning how to manage, mitigate and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-3-ways-to-face-your-fears-with-courage/">move through your fear</a>.”</p>



<p>Forleo says personal development concepts surrounding fear tend to encourage smashing, punching or <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-get-over-your-fears-and-get-on-with-your-life/">annihilating what we’re afraid of</a>. She eschews this way of thinking about fear.</p>



<p>“I don’t think that’s necessarily the most useful way to think about fear, because it’s always going to be there,” she says. “What I believe is that fear is really a GPS for where your soul most wants to go. When you feel afraid, that’s actually a positive signal that something is really important to you and you should pay attention.”</p>



<p>Use your fears as fuel for going forward in the direction of the things you really want. “Understand that it’s really there to be your friend,” Forleo says.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-adopt-a-new-mindset-can-t-vs-won-t">3. Adopt a new mindset: can't vs. won't.</h2>



<p>Once you’ve changed your belief system and reframed how you see fear, the third step in achieving your goals is adopting a new mindset—one without self-limiting excuses.</p>



<p>“The two four-letter words that can help us annihilate our excuses are can’t vs. won’t,” Forleo says. “Ninety-nine percent of the time, when any of us say we can’t do something, <em>can’t</em> is actually a euphemism for <em>won’t</em>. And what does <em>won’t </em>mean? It means we’re not willing. We don’t really want to. It’s not enough of a priority. It’s not important enough. We don’t want to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/if-it-doesnt-suck-its-not-worth-doing/">go through the discomfort</a>. We don’t want to go through the risk.”</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-determining-can-t-vs-won-t">Determining can’t vs. won’t</h3>



<p>Forleo says we all fall victim to the can’t vs. won’t mindset—herself included. One of her bucket list items was to learn to speak fluent Italian. She knew she was limiting herself when she realized that, despite telling herself she didn’t have time to learn Italian, she managed to spend hours watching <em>Stranger Things</em> each night.</p>



<p>Whenever people say things like, “I can’t find the time to write,” or, “I can’t work out because I don’t have time,” or, “I can’t forgive her—it’s just not possible,” they’re limiting themselves without even realizing it.</p>



<p>“If we replace <em>can’t</em> with <em>won’t</em>, what we get is usually something much more honest,” Forleo says. “We don’t really <em>want </em>to. It’s not a high enough priority. Facing that fact doesn’t make us lazy or bad or unambitious. It makes us honest. And from that place, we can take full responsibility for how we’re spending our most precious resources of time and effort and attention.”</p>



<p>Replacing <em>can’t </em>with <em>won’t</em> puts you in a position of power so you’re no longer a victim of your circumstances.</p>



<p>“When you remove those excuses, you empower yourself to make new choices,” Forleo says. “You start to go, ‘Hmm, how am I spending my time from moment to moment? Is this really aligned with where I say I want to go? And if not, what changes am I willing to make even if <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-get-comfortable-being-uncomfortable/">they make me uncomfortable</a>, even if they force me to break some patterns?’”</p>



<p>This change can lead to difficult conversations, letting go of some responsibilities, resetting boundaries and saying “no”<em> </em>to things. “If you really want to create a life you love, that’s the price of admission,” she says.</p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article was published in October 2019 and has been updated. Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock</em></p>

Marie Forleo shares how to change your perspective to access your potential. The most important step? Replacing the can't vs. won't mindset.

Marie Forleo shares how to change your perspective to access your potential. The most important step? Replacing the can't vs. won't mindset. | SUCCESS

Marie Forleo on the Can’t vs. Won’t Mindset

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Can’t vs. Won’t Mindset Is Key to Unlocking Potential | SUCCESS

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Jamie Friedlander is a freelance writer based in Chicago and the former features editor of SUCCESS magazine. Her work has been published in The Cut, VICE, Inc., The Chicago Tribune and Business Insider, among other publications. When she's not writing, she can usually be found drinking matcha tea into excess, traveling somewhere new with her husband or surfing Etsy late into the night.

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Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

<p>To stay fresh while traveling as a consultant, Aman Advani sewed the soles of Nike socks into his dress socks. He then discovered his colleague, Gihan Amarasiriwardena, did something similar—he sewed old running tees into his dress shirts.</p>



<p>The two joined forces with Massachusetts Institute of Technology classmate Kit Hickey to launch a professional clothing line <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-spot-a-business-opportunity/">to solve this problem</a>: Ministry of Supply. The name comes from the “inventor [Charles Fraser-Smith] immortalized as ‘Q’ in James Bond,” whose department made sure Bond was well supplied with gadgetry to conquer any mission.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“We rallied around that one principle of creating a new category of clothing we call performance professional,” Advani says. “How do we <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/changing-the-world-why-true-innovators-need-upheaval-with-roger-martin/">shake up an industry</a> that hasn’t really evolved in decades? What we’re wearing to work today is not too dissimilar from what our grandparents might have worn decades ago.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-ministry-of-supply-reimagines-workplace-attire">Ministry of Supply reimagines workplace attire</h2>



<p>Ministry of Supply <a href="https://www.ministryofsupply.com/about/innovation-in-comfort" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">launched in 2012</a> with <a href="https://www.ministryofsupply.com/products/mens-apollo-raglan-sport-shirt?color=grey-white-heather" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Apollo shirt</a>. Aesthetically similar to a dress shirt, it is made from a piqué knit fabric, resistant to wrinkles or sweat stains. It also features the same temperature-regulation technology NASA uses in its spacesuits.</p>



<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-tips-for-building-and-growing-a-purpose-driven-business/">The company has grown</a> and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-ways-to-turn-obstacles-into-opportunities/">overcome obstacles</a> since launching, <a href="https://ministry-of-supply-dev.myshopify.com/blogs/news/meet-jarlath-our-design-director" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">from bringing in</a> former Brooks Brothers design director Jarlath Mellett to opening brick-and-mortar shops—all of which <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/04/business/ministry-of-supply-pandemic-clothing.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">are currently closed</a>.</p>



<p>They also have a “<a href="https://www.givebackbox.com/ministryofsupply/">1 In, 1 Out</a>” program. The company sends customers a box and prepaid shipping label, allowing them to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-give-back-purposefully/">donate clothing to people in need</a> through one of Ministry of Supply’s partner organizations.</p>



<p>Advani received sage advice early on that always stuck with him: Find the right family.</p>



<p>“Find the people who already have a palate and excitement for what you’re doing instead of spending your time convincing the people who are immediately and initially opposed to it,” he says.</p>



<p><em>Editor’s Note: Kevin Rustagi was one of the four original founders of Ministry of Supply. He left in 2012, before this article was published.</em></p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article originally appeared in the September 2016 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/magazines/success-magazine-september-2016-gabby-douglas.html">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a> and has been updated. Photo courtesy of Ministry of Supply</em></p>

Ministry of Supply created a new category of workplace attire for men and women that they call performance professional. Here's why and how.

Ministry of Supply created a new category of workplace attire for men and women that they call performance professional. Here's why and how. | SUCCESS

This Boston Trio Makes Business Attire Suited for Modern Life

How Ministry of Supply Shook Up Workplace Attire | SUCCESS

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<p>Saying I caught the travel bug several years ago would be an understatement. I discovered I enjoy travel in a wayI hadn't known before. Typically an anxious and tightly wound person, I feel spontaneous and free when I travel. My anxiety vanishes (for the most part) and I truly enjoy myself. I make sacrifices where I can if it means I’ll have more money and time to travel. Nothing gives me quite as much joy as trying new foods in exotic places; hiking a new, difficult trail; and planning the perfect week-long getaway.</p>



<p>The key word in that last sentence is planning. Several years ago, I took a trip to Aruba. Though I certainly enjoyed the trip itself, I found myself most excited while planning. I would sit at my computer to search “best seafood in Aruba” and have visions of myself eating the best scallops I’d ever tasted by crystal-clear water in perfect, 80-degree weather. I wouldn’t say the trip itself didn’t stack up, but we tend to create an idealized version of things in our minds when we plan for our vacations, which stirs up excitement.</p>



<h2>Tips to enjoy travel more</h2>



<p>While planning for a trip can bring me a lot of pleasure, I've learned going with the flow can, too. Here are some planning tips so you can find the perfect balance, get the most <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-traveling-the-world-is-the-best-investment-in-yourself/">out of your next vacation</a>—before, during and after—and fully enjoy travel:</p>



<h3 id="h-1-relish-the-unexpected">1. Relish the unexpected.</h3>



<p>I’m the epitome of a planner—my underlying anxiety fuels my obsessive list-making and color-coordinated calendar. So naturally, I tend to overschedule and overplan when I travel. More recently, I’ve learned how nice it can be to explore a new city for the day without any plans at all. You can discover places you might not find on Yelp and uncover a city’s true culture.</p>



<h3 id="h-2-relax-relax-relax">2. Relax, relax, relax.</h3>



<p>If a vacation is meant to be <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wellness-travel-destinations/">a break from the hustle</a> of our work lives, it’s important to actually take<em> </em>that break and enjoy your travels, even if it’s only for a long weekend. <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/15/1/130" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A 2018 study</a> published in the <em>International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health </em>found that even after a short, four-night vacation, participants experienced a decrease in <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/start-tackling-your-stress-with-these-3-proven-tactics/">perceived levels of stress</a> “until day 15 [post-vacation], as well as recovery until day 30 post-vacation. Well-being and strain levels remained significantly improved for 45 days post-vacation with no difference between the groups” who stayed in a hotel versus those who vacationed at home. Additionally, the study found that taking time to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-create-an-exercise-routine-that-doesnt-suck/">engage in physical activity</a> had the potential to affect how long these benefits lasted.</p>



<h3 id="h-3-do-some-research">3. Do some research.</h3>



<p>I’m <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-things-organized-and-productive-people-do-every-day/">an extremely organized person</a>, so for me, touting the benefits of being organized is par for the course. But for the less-organized people out there, a little extra planning upfront can mean the difference between a mediocre, expensive meal (such as the time I paid $55 for five prawns in Spain) and a secret gem (i.e. the Hawaii food truck with a cult-like following that’s just $10 for a heaping plate of shrimp). And there’s nothing worse than being in a new city and spending an hour scrolling through Yelp for a restaurant.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Although too much planning can stress you out, a little bit can be good and let you fully enjoy traveling. When searching for places to eat, sightsee or shop, make a few dinner reservations or find a few places you want to try or see ahead of time <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/john-c-maxwell-5-qualities-of-people-who-use-time-wisely">so you don’t waste time</a> sitting in your hotel room on the phone.&nbsp;</p>



<h3>4. Enjoy traveling on a few small trips per year instead of one big one.</h3>



<p>To get the most benefits from your vacations, it may not be the length of a trip that matters. Instead, it might be the number<em> </em>of trips that has the greatest effect. <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/01/210104094654.htm" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A 2021 study</a> published in <em>Tourism Analysis </em>found that participants who “reported regularly traveling at least 75 miles away from home also reported being about 7% happier… than those who reported traveling very rarely or not at all” in response to queries about their well-being. So, it may be more beneficial to aim for several small trips per year rather than one or two longer experiences.</p>



<p>The study also determined that the number of vacations you take may be affected by how often you discuss them. Participants who “[paid] more attention to tourism-related information and frequently [discussed] their travel plans with friends” displayed an increased potential for taking regular vacations than those not engaging in regular consideration of future travel.&nbsp;</p>



<h3 id="h-5-put-the-camera-down-to-enjoy-your-travels-more">5. Put the camera down to enjoy your travels more.</h3>



<p>Don’t get me wrong—I love taking photos. I never go on a trip without my DSLR camera draped around my neck. But I’ve learned the benefit of leaving the camera at home every so often. On a trip to Spain several years back, I took photos constantly. Although I love having them as memories, I now see there are moments when I didn’t need to snap a photo. I don’t need a picture of my seafood paella or my feet in the sand.</p>



<h3 id="h-6-pack-wisely">6. Pack wisely.</h3>



<p>Most of us can only dream of being as adept at packing <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3744942/Watch-former-Bond-girl-cram-incredible-130-items-small-hand-luggage-bag-fits-FIVE-pairs-shoes.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">as this woman</a>. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t small things you can do to pack smarter. Try bringing lightweight fabrics that are easy to layer, as well as versatile shoes—hiking shoes that double as athletic shoes, wedges that can work both for your night out and during the day, etc. There’s nothing worse than hauling 50 pounds of luggage around a new city while searching for your hotel.</p>



<h3 id="h-7-keep-your-spirits-high-once-it-s-back-to-real-life">7. Keep your spirits high once it’s back to real life.</h3>



<p>One trick I’ve found to enjoying travel is having an extra day or two at home to relax before going back to work. Having even one day to complete all of your errands before returning to work can help <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/11-strategies-for-managing-stress">eliminate unneeded stress</a>.</p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article was published in September 2016 and has been updated. Photo by</em> <em>NDAB Creativity/Shutterstock</em></p>

We all love vacations, but are you making the most out of your trips? Here are 7 ways to really enjoy travel, before, during, and after.

We all love vacations, but are you making the most out of your trips? Here are 7 ways to really enjoy travel, before, during, and after. | SUCCESS

The Real Reason Traveling Makes You Happy

7 Tips to Enjoy Travel More—Before, During & After Your Trip | SUCCESS

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Setting Healthy Boundaries: 3 Simple Steps to Establishing Boundaries That Stick

Personal Development

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Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

<p>These three scenarios have one thing in common. Can you guess what it is?</p>



<ol>
<li><em>You just finished exercising, and your mom left you a voicemail: “Hi honey. Can you take me to the doctor tomorrow at 11 a.m.?” You have an important work call then, but you know she’ll be upset if you can’t do it.</em></li>



<li><em>It’s 10 p.m. and your phone buzzes. It’s an email from a new client. You’re already in bed and about to turn off the lights, but you know they expect a reply before morning.&nbsp;</em></li>



<li><em>You see the rapid-fire texts roll in. It’s your friend, venting about their breakup for the third time in four days. You want to make sure they feel supported, but you feel too swamped with work to reply.</em></li>
</ol>



<p>The uniting thread: You feel like your boundaries are being crossed.</p>



<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/combat-workplace-burnout-by-setting-better-boundaries/">Setting healthy boundaries</a> comes naturally for some people. For others, it can be a struggle. But regardless of your proficiency in it, one thing is true: If <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-steps-to-take-before-going-into-business-for-yourself/">you’re self-employed</a>, have a side hustle or don’t work 9-to-5, establishing boundaries is not just important—it’s imperative. After all, when you don’t work in a traditional office or when you work for yourself, people often assume you have more flexibility or free time than you actually do.</p>



<p>“One of the risks of not setting boundaries is that you overextend yourself; you agree to all kinds of things, personal and professional,” says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., a professor emerita of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and a licensed clinical psychologist. “At the end of the day, the person who gets hurt by that is you. It’s a really important piece of self-preservation, self-respect and self-care to be able to set healthy boundaries.”</p>



<p>Read on for a step-by-step <a href="https://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">guide to establishing boundaries</a>, both personally and professionally.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-step-1-identify-whether-your-boundaries-are-being-crossed">Step 1: Identify whether your boundaries are being crossed.</h2>



<p>It can often be difficult to determine when a boundary has been violated.</p>



<p>Durvasula says someone’s ability to notice boundary violations can often be traced back to their upbringing. If your family had poor boundaries, for example, you might find it particularly difficult to detect when your boundaries are being crossed as an adult.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Luckily, there are a few surefire ways to identify when your boundaries are being violated:</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-you-have-a-gut-feeling">1. You have a gut feeling.&nbsp;</h3>



<p>“We often feel boundary violations physiologically,” Durvasula says. “They make us uncomfortable. It’s like our gut is talking to us.”</p>



<p>Many of us will try to talk ourselves out of the uncomfortable feeling, she says. <em>Oh, you’re just being silly,</em> we think. <em>If I say no, I’ll be so mean</em>, we rationalize. But if our intuition says a boundary is being violated, it most likely is.</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-you-notice-uncomfortable-emotions-popping-up">2. You notice uncomfortable emotions popping up.&nbsp;</h3>



<p>Shannon Curry, a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist based in Newport Beach, California, says a few key emotions might indicate that your boundaries are being encroached upon. You might:</p>



<ul>
<li>Feel resentful toward the other person.</li>



<li>Feel guilty if you don’t comply with something asked of you.</li>



<li>Feel like you’re being imposed upon.</li>



<li>Feel taken advantage of.</li>



<li>Feel violated or angry.</li>
</ul>



<p>“It could even be difficult to articulate what the emotion is,” Curry says. “And that could mean a personal boundary has been encroached upon.”</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/2-1.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51078" width="500" height="500"/></figure>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-the-relationship-feels-unbalanced">3. The relationship feels unbalanced.&nbsp;</h3>



<p>If you feel like you’re disproportionately giving your time to someone else, you could be struggling with a case of inappropriate boundaries.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“When boundaries are being violated, the relationship will start to feel one-sided,” Durvasula says. “It’ll feel very unbalanced.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-step-2-know-the-benefits-of-setting-better-boundaries">Step 2: Know the benefits of setting better boundaries.</h2>



<p>Establishing boundaries is far from easy. It’s a delicate and nuanced process that requires practice and mental fortitude. Because of this, people often struggle to take action—even if they’ve noticed burgeoning feelings of anger, resentment or guilt.</p>



<p>“There’s a moment at the beginning where setting boundaries is so uncomfortable for people, they’re like, <em>to hell with this, I’d rather do everything myself than feel this uncomfortable,</em>” Durvasula says. “But if they can endure the discomfort of boundary setting, they can really get themselves to a place where they can <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202105/how-and-why-say-no" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">respectfully say no</a>.”</p>



<p>One way to push through the initial discomfort is to picture the countless benefits you’ll reap as a result of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/saying-no-to-more-why-giving-your-brain-space-to-wander-improves-your-productivity/">protecting and preserving your time</a>.</p>



<p>If you’re self-employed or have a side hustle and attempt to set better boundaries with family and friends, you could <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-scale-your-business-a-guide-for-new-entrepreneurs/">grow your business</a>. Or, if you need to set better boundaries with clients in order to protect your personal time, you’ll experience conserved emotional energy for the people who truly matter to you, not to mention countless other benefits.</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/3-1.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51077" width="500" height="500"/></figure>



<p>“What you can look forward to is a life that’s <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/building-your-dream-life-starts-with-defining-your-values/">created based on values</a>,” Curry says. “You’ll experience more of what you enjoy. You’ll feel more of a sense of dignity and self-respect. You’ll be treated in a way that makes you feel liked and valued. And you’ll be doing things you have chosen to do rather than things you feel were imposed upon you.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-step-3-begin-setting-boundaries">Step 3: Begin setting boundaries.</h2>



<p>You can start establishing boundaries both personally and professionally using this six-step plan:</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-look-inward">1. Look inward.</h3>



<p>The most important first step is to think about your past, Durvasula says. What were boundaries like when you were a child? What did your parents teach you about boundaries? People who grew up in a family with poor or enmeshed boundaries might struggle to set them as adults, she continues.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“If you don’t take a moment to unpack what you were taught about boundary setting, it can be a confusing place,” Durvasula says. “Once you start saying, <em>Ah, I have trouble saying no because I’m concerned if I say no, nobody is going to love me</em>, that’s a really important piece of information.”</p>



<p>People who find it particularly difficult to set boundaries will benefit significantly from the guidance of a therapist during this stage.</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-make-sure-this-is-a-boundary-worth-setting">2: Make sure this is a boundary worth setting.</h3>



<p>Curry says to think about the situation at hand and ask yourself three questions:</p>



<ul>
<li>What is the outcome I want?&nbsp;</li>



<li>Is my self-respect on the line?&nbsp;</li>



<li>How important is this relationship?</li>
</ul>



<p>Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll have more clarity regarding whether this is a boundary you want to set in the first place.</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-remember-to-speak-as-clearly-as-possible">3: Remember to speak as clearly as possible.</h3>



<p>Clarity is key. Speak in a simple, clear way that doesn’t leave any room for gray area. For example, instead of saying, “I’m so swamped with work, I’ll get back to you later,” you might instead say, “I’d love to chat but I’m swamped today. I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon once I’m caught up on work.”</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-frame-the-conversation-in-a-positive-light">4: Frame the conversation in a positive light.</h3>



<p>It’s important to make sure your friend, family member or client knows you’re establishing this boundary in order to have a better relationship moving forward, Durvasula says.</p>



<p>Take this example: Your sister calls and texts you multiple times a day about her new baby, which interrupts your work flow. You love your sister, but your resentment is building.</p>



<p>Instead of saying, “Please stop calling me—I’m so busy and I can’t get anything done with you bugging me,” take a gentler approach. Consider saying something like, “I know you’re going through a special time right now and I’d love to be involved, but perhaps we could touch base at X time once I’m done working for the day.”</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/unnamed-file.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51081" width="500" height="500"/></figure>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-watch-your-attitude">5: Watch your attitude.</h3>



<p>Many of us fail to successfully assert boundaries because our emotions get in the way, Curry says.</p>



<p>“When we’ve built up a lot of negative emotions about somebody who may be crossing our boundaries, or we feel intimidated by them, we tend to ruminate,” Curry says. “And those negative emotions become so strong that we tend to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-8-ways-to-master-the-art-of-communication/">communicate in an ineffective way</a>.”</p>



<p>This could unintentionally lead to things like avoiding eye contact or appearing guarded.</p>



<p>Preparing your tone and body language are just as important as preparing your words. Try to remove any anger, resentment or hostility from your voice. Strive for a tone that’s both calm and confident.</p>



<p>“People are more likely to respond positively to us making a request—or to us saying no to a request—if we’re calm, if we’re able to express our needs in a way that is fair and makes sense to them, and if we’re being respectful of the other person,” Curry says.</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-check-in-with-yourself-regularly">6: Check in with yourself regularly.</h3>



<p>Boundary setting doesn’t mean saying no to every single thing we don’t want to do. “Sometimes we say yes to things we may not want to say yes to because close relationships are characterized by reciprocity,” Durvasula says.&nbsp;</p>



<p>To ensure you aren’t going overboard with boundary setting, it’s important to regularly take time for introspection. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/this-is-the-secret-to-a-healthy-relationship/">Is this relationship healthy</a> and balanced enough that you feel comfortable occasionally doing things you don’t want to?</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/1-1.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51079" width="500" height="500"/></figure>



<p>“[Boundaries] aren’t just about saying no,” Durvasula says. “In a healthy relationship, it’s all about context.”</p>



<p class="has-text-align-center">* * *</p>



<p>If you’re struggling to get started, remember this: Anyone who reacts poorly to healthy boundary setting probably isn’t someone you want in your life to begin with.</p>



<p>“If someone is willing to reject you on the basis of you setting a boundary, it’s good to get that information early on,” Durvasula says. “You just dodged a bullet.”&nbsp;</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Let-Me-Think-About-It-1.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51083" width="500" height="627"/></figure>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article originally appeared in the May/June 2020 issue of SUCCESS magazine and has been updated. Photo by oneinchpunch/Shutterstock</em></p>

Setting boundaries can be the key to a more productive life and career.

Setting boundaries can be the key to a more productive life and career. | SUCCESS

Establishing Healthy Boundaries: 3 Steps That Stick

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Searching for Meaning? Look to Your Most Extreme Experiences

<p>Between 2018 and 2020, my life was hit by a series of difficult experiences.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-most-important-lessons-my-grandma-taught-me/"> </a>My grandmother died, I underwent an unexpectedly difficult shoulder surgery, my parents got divorced and my father-in-law had a stroke. It felt like major challenges were hitting me left and right. A few months of calm would go by, and then <em>bam, </em>life would smack me right back in the face.</p>



<p>Despite how trying some of these experiences were, I found myself to be surprisingly calm, contemplative and resilient <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/resilience-training-4-tools-to-help-you-persevere/">throughout each and every one</a>.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<p>The tough circumstances brought my husband and I closer. I grew more emotionally than I ever had, which led me to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/john-maxwell-making-good-decisions-better/">make better decisions</a> and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/setting-healthy-boundaries-3-simple-steps-to-establishing-boundaries-that-stick/">protect my boundaries</a>. Plus, I began thinking more introspectively about life, which allowed me to connect more deeply with my writing.</p>



<p>It turns out my feelings are backed by science. <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/334526863_Emotionally_extreme_life_experiences_are_more_meaningful" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A 2019 study</a> published in <em>The Journal of Positive Psychology</em> found that when it comes to creating a meaningful life, the intensity of an experience matters more than how positive or negative it was.</p>



<p>This study attempted to determine whether it wasn’t the valence of an experience—that is, how positive or negative the experience was—that mattered, but rather the<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-benefits-of-experiencing-a-wider-range-of-emotions/"> </a>emotional extremity of it. The authors conducted three studies, two of which asked participants to rate several aspects of a significant life event:&nbsp;</p>



<ul><li>How meaningful an experience was</li><li>How pleasant or painful the experience was</li><li>How emotionally intense the experience was</li><li>Social connection, or how much the experience was shared with others</li><li>How much contemplation the event stimulated</li><li>How unique the experience was to the individual</li><li>Whether participants thought fate was involved</li><li>How much personal growth the event inspired</li></ul>



<p>The researchers found that tremendously happy and sad experiences were equally as meaningful, and that extremely emotional events were more significant than milder, more neutral ones.</p>



<p>“Particularly painful and particularly pleasant events may both be meaningful, in part, because of their shared tendency to be experienced as emotionally intense,” the study authors wrote.</p>



<p>In an attempt to better understand this conclusion, I asked myself the above questions regarding a major event in my own life: the recent divorce of my parents. The event was painful, emotionally intense and traumatic—there’s no doubt. But, it was also meaningful in that it inspired a deeper connection between myself and my twin brother, forced me to contemplate how my childhood contributed to who I am today, and inspired more personal growth than any other moment in my life thus far.</p>



<p>The divorce of my parents ranks high in the most significant moments of my life—right next to other major milestones like my wedding day. Although one was incredibly positive and one was very negative, I’d argue both have had an equally significant contribution to my life story.</p>



<p>The authors concluded that when it comes to the search for meaning in our own lives, it’s best to take a look at the most extreme experiences.</p>



<p>“We found that these commonalities may reveal a more complete and nuanced picture about what determines the events we find meaningful and memorable,” the study authors wrote. “Extreme events were found more meaningful, in part, because of their emotional intensity, as well as the contemplation they inspire.”</p>



<p>So what exactly does this all mean? As humans, we’re always <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-meaningful-life/201807/search-meaning-the-basic-human-motivation" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">on the search for meaning</a> in our lives. We craft a version of our life story that is peppered with milestones, both negative and positive. Although you might think positive events matter most, negative ones <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-negative-experiences-can-lead-to-profound-growth/">are just as important</a>.</p>



<p>Traumatic events can be <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-post-traumatic-growth-could-be-the-key-to-thriving-in-2021/">difficult to process</a>—many of us bemoan the struggle and wonder <em>why me? </em>But this research shows that despite how challenging traumatic events can be, they’re a necessary component of a meaningful life.</p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article was published in April 2020 and has been updated. Photo by Rido/Shutterstock</em></p>

When it comes to creating a meaningful life, the intensity of an experience matters more than how positive or negative it was.

When it comes to creating a meaningful life, the intensity of an experience matters more than how positive or negative it was. | SUCCESS

Searching for Meaning? Look to Your Most Extreme Experiences | SUCCESS

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Use These 7 Tips to Boost Your Confidence

<p>Although the confidence gap primarily applies to women, those who feel marginalized in any way experience it, too. Say, for example, you’re the youngest or oldest person at your office, an introvert<strong> </strong>or the only minority. You might feel insecure and begin <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/women-doubt-yourself-less/">second-guessing your every action</a>. Follow these tips to boost your confidence so it falls in line with your competence:</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-make-the-choice">1. Make the choice.</h2>



<p>It’s likely that you’re more than qualified for the job you have. Instead of improving your skills, focus on <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-art-of-true-confidence/">increasing your confidence</a>. A significant part of confidence is what psychologists call volitional: our choice. “With diligent effort, we can all choose to expand our confidence,” Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write in <em><a href="https://amzn.to/3HJt1v3">The Confidence Code</a></em>. “But we will get there only if we stop trying to be perfect and start being prepared to fail.” Even if you’re terrified of asking your boss for a raise or your yoga instructor to dinner, ignore your second-guessing and negative thoughts and go for it. Over time, coping with failure will get easier, and the successes will help grow your confidence.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-avoid-the-perfectionism-trap">2. Avoid the perfectionism trap.</h2>



<p>Failure and risk-taking are key components of confidence building. Cara Maksimow, a clinical social worker, says women can start <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-manage-perfectionism/">overcoming their perfectionist tendencies</a> by accepting that not everything in life is certain. She tells clients struggling with perfectionism to picture their task or challenge as the bottom of a staircase. “A lot of us think we need to see what it looks like at the top, but you don’t need to see the top in order to take one step,” she says. “Just say ‘OK, how can I just take that one step and what does that step look like?’ You can always go back.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-leverage-your-inherent-confidence">3. Leverage your inherent confidence.</h2>



<p>You’re more confident than you think. Just consider this: Making everyday decisions, such as what to eat for lunch or what to text your mom, requires a low level of confidence. “Every day <strong>we </strong>make hundreds of decisions, almost unconsciously, that require basic confidence,” Kay and Shipman write in <em>The Confidence Code</em>. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/it-only-takes-5-seconds-to-change-your-life/">Boost your confidence</a> by reminding yourself of all the successful small decisions you make on a daily basis.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-ignore-the-negative-soundtrack-in-your-mind">4. Ignore the negative soundtrack in your mind.</h2>



<p>It might sound counterintuitive, but being slightly out of touch with reality might be an integral step in developing confidence. Shipman says she is still in the nascent stages of exploring this idea: “You almost need to suspend disbelief a little bit to have agency in the world. Because if you operated almost like a computer and you put in all of the inputs—things that could go wrong and all of the odds—you probably would never do anything. Utter accuracy is probably an impediment in one’s life to getting things done, which is odd to think about.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-start-early">5. Start early.</h2>



<p>Teach children the benefits of confidence at a young age. Encourage them to take risks, and then teach them <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/adolescents-explained/202102/kids-need-learn-how-fail-ultimately-succeed" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">how failure is acceptable</a>. Reinforce that pleasing others and being “good” all of the time isn’t always the most important thing. Shipman was initially concerned about one of her daughters, whom she describes as rebellious and not a girly-girl. “Until I was writing this book, I think I was trying to shoehorn her a little bit more into a mold,” she says. “I think I’m more comfortable now just saying, You know what? This is going to be great for her. Let her try things and fail and struggle. She’s <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/resilience-training-4-tools-to-help-you-persevere/">building a lot of resilience</a> and confidence this way.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-don-t-be-afraid-to-ask-for-guidance">6. Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance.</h2>



<p>Sharon Anderson Wright, the CEO and president of Half Price Books, says she never lacked confidence because of her gender, in part because she began working in the family business at a young age and her mother was the co-CEO. She did, however, feel insecure about her age at times because she managed people older than herself. “Because I was younger, I didn’t feel as smart as some of the people around me. We’d bring in professionals from the outside, and I realized they knew a lot more than I did. I tried to rely on the people who I thought had the right answers,” she says. Don’t be afraid to ask others around you for advice.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-be-a-public-defender-in-your-brain">7. Be a public defender in your brain.</h2>



<p>Shipman gives this advice to women striving to become more confident. She cites this example: Let’s say you received a performance review at work, and your boss gave 80% positive feedback and 20% negative feedback. Instead of dwelling on the negative 20% (as many women do), reframe your thoughts to realize most people receive similar reviews. Remind yourself that the feedback was mainly positive. “It’s important to try to use some of these tools to get through the dwelling and overthinking, and just be able to move on,” she says.</p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article originally appeared in the April 2017 <a href="https://store.success.com/success-magazine-april-2017-jocko-willink.html">issue of </a></em><a href="https://store.success.com/success-magazine-april-2017-jocko-willink.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">SUCCESS</a><em><a href="https://store.success.com/success-magazine-april-2017-jocko-willink.html"> magazine</a> and has been updated. Photo by pikselstock/Shutterstock</em></p>

Confidence, like most skills, can be developed and strengthened over time.

Confidence, like most skills, can be developed and strengthened over time. | SUCCESS

Use These 7 Tips to Boost Your Confidence | SUCCESS

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The Benefits of Starting Before You’re Ready

<p>Several years ago, I unexpectedly lost my job as a full-time magazine editor in Dallas. I knew I would be moving to Chicago in six months, so I was stuck in a difficult position. It was too short of a time frame for me to find a new job in Dallas and too early to begin searching for jobs in Chicago.</p>



<p>I was 28 years old. I’d always envisioned following my dream of one day <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-lessons-i-learned-freelancing/">becoming a full-time freelance writer</a>, but I pictured doing it at 35 or even 40 years old, once I had more solid financial footing and a larger network of contacts.</p>



<p>Despite the stomach-twisting, heart-racing fear I felt at diving into this dream before I was ready, it was my best, most practical option at the time. My husband and friends encouraged me, and I figured the absolute worst thing that could happen would be failing after six months and then finding a full-time job in Chicago.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<p>Nearly two years later, I’m still freelancing full-time. Not only am I significantly happier thanks to a flexible schedule and the freedom to take on the projects I want, but I’m making more than double what I did as a salaried editor.</p>



<p>When it comes to big dreams, goals and aspirations, many of us plan out every last detail so that we feel primed for success. But this excessive planning is a way of shielding ourselves from failure and ultimately preventing us from ever <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/taking-action-is-key-to-pursuing-your-passion-and-purpose/">taking action</a>. No matter how much planning you do, you’ll never feel 100% ready to <a href="https://medium.com/@jastakhar13/progress-is-only-achieved-by-taking-a-leap-of-faith-a2925575b265" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">take a leap of faith</a> into the unknown.</p>



<p>If my story isn’t enough to sway you to finally <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-questions-to-help-turn-your-passion-into-profit/">pursue your dream</a>, take it from these seasoned entrepreneurs who dived in before they felt ready:</p>



<hr class="wp-block-separator"/>



<h2 id="h-vivian-chan-co-founder-of-east-meets-dress">Vivian Chan, co-founder of <a href="https://eastmeetsdress.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">East Meets Dress</a></h2>



<p>When Jennifer Qiao got married, she struggled to find a modern version of a cheongsam, a traditional Chinese wedding dress, and an idea was born. Neither she nor Vivian Chan, her co-founder, had experience in fashion or entrepreneurship. They didn’t even know if there was a market for their product in the U.S.</p>



<p>One night, the co-founders created a free landing page to test out their idea and discovered there was some interest. The duo created a Shopify website with one dress design over the weekend. After one month, they got their first customer.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Even though we weren’t very confident that we would be able to make this a reality, we decided to just start small and test out our idea quickly. We never truly felt ready to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-start-a-business-in-a-day/">start a business</a>, let alone make custom wedding dresses,” said Chan. “However, through a lot of hard work, hustle and trial and error, we’ve been able to grow our team and company to a six-figure annual recurring revenue and help hundreds of brides across the world celebrate their heritage in style.”&nbsp;</p>



<hr class="wp-block-separator"/>



<h2 id="h-nick-gray-founder-of-museum-hack">Nick Gray, founder of <a href="https://museumhack.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Museum Hack</a></h2>



<p>In 2013, Nick Gray went on a date at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. He instantly fell in love with the spot and began hosting renegade tours of the museum with his friends.</p>



<p>Gray continued working his day job selling electrical equipment for planes and hosted museum tours on the weekend. Word about his tours spread, and a local blog covered them. Over 1,000 people emailed Gray wanting to join his tours. A year later, Gray officially <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-to-do-when-your-side-hustle-overtakes-your-day-job/">quit his day job</a> and dived in full-time. Museum Hack now hosts over 30 weekly public tours, and Gray recently sold his company for seven figures.</p>



<p>“When I started leading tours of the Met for my friends, I didn’t know it would become a business… But we had momentum—friends of friends kept coming on tour, and then people started finding our website and we started to create a movement,” said Gray.&nbsp;</p>



<hr class="wp-block-separator"/>



<h2 id="h-jamie-lackey-founder-and-ceo-of-helping-mamas">Jamie Lackey, founder and CEO of <a href="https://helpingmamas.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Helping Mamas</a></h2>



<p>Five years ago, Jamie Lackey, who had been a social worker for almost two decades, was struggling to decide whether to continue working or stay home with her two kids. Then it dawned on her: The moms she worked with in her role as a social worker didn’t have this choice. They often worked multiple jobs, reused disposable diapers and struggled to put food on the table.</p>



<p>Lackey founded Helping Mamas out of her garage and her friend’s basement. What began as a small project collecting baby items for children, from newborns through age 12, has grown into a nonprofit that has served over 50,000 children and donated over one million items to low-income women and children in Georgia.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<p>“I never take risks. I went into this with a lot of fear. But I heard someone say once that you might only get one good idea, one really big idea, and you have to act on it because it may never happen again,” said Lackey. “And that is what happened. I took a leap of faith, faced my fears and jumped. The time was right. Even if I wasn’t ready, the situation was ready.”&nbsp;</p>



<hr class="wp-block-separator"/>



<p>Still not ready to dive in? The following are all tips and tricks for starting before you’re ready:</p>



<ul><li><strong>Do the 10-year test. </strong>This is one of personal development powerhouse Marie Forleo’s tried-and-true strategies. Ask yourself: Will I regret not doing this in 10 years? If the answer is yes, it’s time to start.</li></ul>



<ul><li><strong>Be on the lookout for overplanning.</strong> I felt like I wasn’t ready to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/new-entrepreneurs-heres-how-to-get-your-business-started-on-the-right-foot/">start my own business</a> because I hadn’t planned everything out. How would I find new assignments? How would I bill clients? When would I pay my taxes? I thought I had to have every last angle figured out before I could pursue anything.<br>I started with two clients and no clue about the business side of being self-employed. Now, two years later, I often have more work than I can manage and ample knowledge about the financial side of running a business. It’s important to have the basics of your plan figured out, but try to notice if overplanning is getting in the way of taking action.</li></ul>



<ul><li><strong>Ignore the voice in your head.</strong> Doubting yourself? That’s totally normal. The key is being able to ignore this voice instead of succumbing to it.<br>“You must disobey the voice in your head that says, I’m not ready yet,” Forleo writes in her book <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/marie-forleo/"><em>Everything is Figureoutable</em></a>. “That voice—the one that’s constantly telling you how not ready you are, how much you don’t feel like doing this or that, how incapable and incompetent and not good enough you are—that voice is not you and it’s not true.”</li></ul>



<ul><li><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/10-easy-ways-to-start-something-great/"><strong>Take a small step</strong></a><strong>.</strong> There needs to be a delicate balance between starting something you care about and being practical—you probably shouldn’t quit your full-time job just because you have a great idea. Instead of fully jumping into something brand new, consider taking small steps. Attempt to start this new endeavor on the side while still maintaining your full-time job. Then, if it gets big enough, you can quit your day job.</li></ul>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article was published in October 2019 and has been updated. Photo by @wcywendy77/Twenty20</em></p>

Despite the stomach-twisting, heart-racing fear I felt at diving into this dream before I was ready, it was my best, most practical option at the time.

Despite the stomach-twisting, heart-racing fear I felt at diving into this dream before I was ready, it was my best, most practical option at the time. | SUCCESS

The Benefits of Starting Before You’re Ready | SUCCESS

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Benefits-of-Starting-Before-Youre-Ready.jpg

<p>The year was 1897. Hotelier and author Orison Swett Marden sat in a small bedroom on Bowdoin Street in Boston churning out the very first issue of <em>SUCCESS Magazine</em>. Celebrating its 125th year in 2022, the magazine in your hands was created by writers, designers and editors located in different cities across the globe, a feat the magazine’s founder never could’ve imagined in his wildest dreams.</p>



<p>From early cover lines about why fine clothes are an asset in business to recent ones about how to turn social media followers into customers, the magazine has gone through a massive transformation. After all, it had over a century’s worth of change to keep up with. But the core components of entrepreneurship and personal development, it turns out, have remained astonishingly the same.</p>



<p>An overview of the long and winding history of <em>SUCCESS</em> wouldn’t be complete without first discussing Marden. An orphan at age 7, Marden lived with five different families. In his teens, he came across the book <em>Self-Help</em> by Samuel Smiles. It changed his life. He connected deeply with the themes in the book and became a fervent follower of the New Thought movement, which was centered around self-determinism and positive thinking. He created <em>SUCCESS</em> because he wanted a periodical dedicated to sharing ideas from this movement.</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-full is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/GardenBabies_4x4.png" alt="" class="wp-image-62500" width="400" height="400"/></figure>



<p>A year after founding the magazine, Marden and his quickly growing staff moved from Boston to a small office in Cooper Union in New York City’s East Village. The magazine’s popularity grew exponentially, building a readership of about half a million and a staff of 200 employees within 10 years. In 1908, the staff moved to its very own 12-story building—the SUCCESS Magazine Building—on 22nd Street. Here, they printed, bound and mailed each issue. The building, which still stands today, overlooked Madison Square Park.</p>



<p>“We like an outlook of trees and grass where we can plan, and dream, and build, and take a little pleasure in life as we go along,” Marden wrote in the February 1908 issue of the magazine. Today’s editor-in-chief, Josh Ellis, has a similar view. “Now that our entire team works remotely, it’s up to everyone to create their own office setup,” Ellis says. “On nice mornings I head out to my patio with my laptop and a strong coffee and create a magazine that helps people build better lives for themselves. It’s the best job in the world.”</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/1911_04_.png" alt="" class="wp-image-62494" width="400" height="400"/></figure>



<p>Marden helmed the magazine until 1912, at which point the publication was acquired by The National Post Company, which published <em>The National Post</em>, a more politically driven bi-weekly magazine. For a short time, the two titles ran together, with covers that read: <em>SUCCESS Magazine &amp; The National Post.</em> (Although<em> SUCCESS</em> wasn’t as political as <em>The National Post</em>, the magazine was much more news-centric than it is today—articles regularly covered war and Washington intrigue, and were often written from a perspective that was progressive for the time.)</p>



<p>Over the next few decades, the magazine underwent myriad changes. At first, it was monthly, then weekly, then back to monthly again. At one point, it had a different name entirely: <em>New Success—Marden’s Magazine</em>. However, despite these constant changes, the magazine persisted in publishing the most important self-help content at the time.</p>



<p>During the Great Depression era and following Marden’s death in 1924, the magazine was out of press. However, in the 1930s, two important books were published that carried the mantle for personal development: <em>Think and Grow Rich</em> by Napoleon Hill and <em>How to Win Friends and Influence People</em> by Dale Carnegie. These are widely considered the most significant books in motivational literature, with Carnegie’s book selling over 30 million copies and Hill’s selling over 100 million. Along with <em>SUCCESS</em>, these books have helped form the foundation for what personal development is today.</p>



<p>In 1954, the magazine shifted yet again. Hill and W. Clement Stone, another writer and major personal development figure at the time, founded a new version of the magazine, effectively a spiritual heir, <em>SUCCESS Unlimited. </em>They eventually brought on another well-known motivational author, Og Mandino, as executive editor.</p>



<p>Under the moniker <em>SUCCESS Unlimited</em>, which lasted until 1980, the magazine took a more brass-tacks-of-business approach. Instead of focusing on self-help and personal growth, the magazine leaned more on its entrepreneurial side, with advice for how people could succeed in business. Articles during this time period focused on topics like mentorship, the qualities of good salespeople, and the importance of working for oneself.&nbsp;</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-full"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/1980_11_WalterCronkite_WEB.png" alt="" class="wp-image-62515"/></figure>



<p>During this time, the publication’s cover art evolved from primarily illustrated work to photographs of successful people. This approach—profiling a high achiever with the cover story—is still a core component of the magazine today, as is the content centered on entrepreneurship and running a small business or solopreneurial hustle.</p>



<p>Although<em> SUCCESS</em> has encouraged and inspired readers for over a century, its record is not without blemishes. A look back at articles from decades past exposes both racism and sexism pervasive in society at the time. A 1902 article was titled, “Should Wives Work?” In the 1980s, the magazine struggled to adapt to the reality of more women entering the workforce, with a 1984 coverline that read: “Two Career Marriages—Share the Secrets of Couples Who Are Making Them Work.” The first cover subject of color, newspaper publisher Jim Goodson, didn’t appear until 1972 (and even then, the story wasn’t without its faults).</p>



<p>“Most of these cases were sadly reflective of the time period in which the issues were published,” Ellis says. “While we’re celebrating the magazine’s history and all the positive work that has been done through the years, it’s important that we also acknowledge past mistakes. If we do that, we can recognize progress that has been made to make <em>SUCCESS</em> more welcoming and inclusive of everyone, which I am proud of and focused on continuing.”</p>



<p>The magazine has featured female writers since the early 1900s, but it took nearly a century before women held decision-making power. Following a bankruptcy in 1999, Victoria Conte headed a rebirth for the title as president and publisher. The magazine had a short run with former National Magazine Award winner Gay Bryant as editor-in-chief beginning in 2006. Then, following an ownership change in 2007, <em>SUCCESS</em> named another woman to the post of chief editor: Deborah Heisz.</p>



<p>“I think the magazine is becoming much more diverse with every decade,” Heisz says. “It’s changing, and I think the audience is requiring it to change. You see more women and minorities starting businesses, and more micro-entrepreneurs taking that path because the boardrooms are still locked up by 50-year-old white men.”</p>



<p>After decades of publishing consecutively, the title had some gaps in circulation in the 1990s and 2000s. In 2007 <em>SUCCESS </em>was acquired by VideoPlus (eventually renamed SUCCESS Partners), an educational and marketing tools company based in Dallas. Author and speaker Darren Hardy joined as publisher, and the magazine completely relaunched in 2008, bolstered for the first time by its digital component, SUCCESS.com.</p>



<p>“Even though we had the name <em>SUCCESS</em>, it truly was a startup publication at that time,” Heisz says, adding that the staff’s primary goal with the new iteration of the magazine was to help people stay focused, improve themselves, set and accomplish goals, and build the life they truly wanted. “We focused on both personal development and micro- and small-business assistance for entrepreneurs, and we really had a winning combination.”</p>



<p>Heisz stepped down in 2012, and in 2016 Hardy and the brand parted ways. But the startup mentality has persisted. In 2018, the magazine shifted from a monthly printing schedule to quarterly, and then went bi-monthly beginning in 2019. In December 2020, eXp World Holdings—the parent company of eXp Realty—purchased the magazine and its affiliated media properties including SUCCESS.com, the SUCCESS Podcast Network and Achievers All-Access. Glenn Sanford, the CEO and founder of eXp World Holdings, became CEO of SUCCESS Enterprises.</p>



<p>“When I found out <em>SUCCESS</em> was for sale, I jumped at the chance,” Sanford says. “It’s like the house that never ever comes on the market. What excites me about <em>SUCCESS </em>is what it has meant over all these years. It really has been the brand that has encompassed personal development for many years—something I’ve been exposed to since I was a kid—and we’re able to lean in and help people all over the world think about how to be better at anything they’re doing.”</p>



<p>No one knows what the next 125 years will bring for <em>SUCCESS.</em> But we have a hunch that when a writer sits down to create an article celebrating the magazine’s 250th anniversary, many of the core components of personal development will stand the test of time. </p>



<p style="font-size:12px"><em>This article originally appeared in the January/February 2022 Issue of </em>SUCCESS<em> magazine.</em></p>

early cover lines about why fine clothes are an asset in business to recent ones about how to turn social media followers into customers, the magazine has gone through a massive transformation.

early cover lines about why fine clothes are an asset in business to recent ones about how to turn social media followers into customers, the magazine has gone through a massive transformation. | SUCCESS

SUCCESS Celebrates 125 Years of Progress, Positive Thinking and Personal Growth

SUCCESS: 125 Years of Progress, Positive Thinking, and Growth

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Covers_1-now-2-1024x682-1.jpg

<p>W​​hen Donald Kelly was 6 years old, he wanted to make a little pocket cash. His family’s yard in Jamaica had a large mango tree, so one day, he picked a few sweet, juicy mangoes, set up a table in the front yard, and tried to sell them to neighbors.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“It wasn’t fruitful—no pun intended—but it was an interesting experience,” Kelly says. “It catapulted me.” <em>If you want to make money</em>, he thought at the time, <em>you need to figure out <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-tips-to-sell-like-a-pro/">how to sell</a></em> <em>something.</em>&nbsp;</p>



<p>Although he didn’t turn a profit on the mangoes, the itch to sell stuck. Now Kelly, who lives in West Palm Beach, Florida, is a sales expert who shares tips, tricks and advice to salespeople across the country. He runs The Sales Evangelist, a consulting firm, and hosts <em><a href="https://thesalesevangelist.com/about-sales-evangelist/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Sales Evangelist</a></em> podcast, which has over 1,200 episodes and 2.5 million total downloads. He has a new book on the way, too, with an apt title: <em><a href="https://amzn.to/3np1Fkx" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Sell It Like a Mango</a></em>.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-it-s-in-his-dna">It’s In His DNA&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Kelly, 37, was born in the Kingston area of Jamaica. When he was 6 years old, his mom moved to Florida for work. Kelly lived with his aunt until he was 9, at which point he moved to the U.S. to join his mother.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“My mom hustled for three years and did all of the things that immigrant families would do—work multiple jobs and all kinds of things—so that when we came to the United States, we’d have an <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-ways-to-turn-obstacles-into-opportunities/">opportunity to succeed</a>,” he says.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Although Jamaica has an excellent education system, it’s still a third-world country with a third-world economy, Kelly says. The average monthly salary is just $500. Because of the lack of steady, reliable jobs, many Jamaicans—including Kelly’s father and countless other members of his family—turn to entrepreneurship.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“I’ve seen everyone in my family do entrepreneurial things, whether it was reselling clothes they bought in the U.S., selling peanuts, or having a little restaurant,” he says. “You did what you needed to do to survive. You created opportunities.”</p>



<p>After attempting to peddle mangoes to his neighbors as a young boy, Kelly realized that he enjoyed the hustle of sales—of trying to make something out of nothing. Later, when he was in middle school in the U.S., he tried to earn some spending cash by buying candy from Alberton’s grocery store and reselling it for a profit to kids at school.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Kelly got his first real sales gigs during college, where he did timeshare presentations and worked for Dish Network. He briefly considered other professions, like law and writing, but eventually decided to follow his natural inclination for selling.</p>



<p>In 2013, while building his sales career, a friend of Kelly’s introduced him to podcasting. Kelly started his own podcast, <em>The Sales Evangelist</em>, and interviewed fellow sellers about what worked and what didn’t, essentially “evangelizing” about the topic. A guest appearance from one of the most popular voices in the industry—<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/jeffrey-gitomer-the-ten-traits-of-high-sales-performers/">Jeffrey Gitomer</a>—put Kelly’s show on the map. Since then, he’s been on a mission to help salespeople across the globe perfect their craft.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-time-to-hustle">Time To Hustle</h2>



<p>Whether you’re a seasoned pro with two decades of experience or you’re fresh out of college and looking to rise up, Kelly offers these seven pieces of sales wisdom:</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-you-shouldn-t-feel-like-you-re-being-pushy">#1 You shouldn’t feel like you’re being pushy.&nbsp;</h3>



<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Feature-Image-Donald-Commentator-1024x682.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-62174" width="512" height="341"/></figure>



<p>“The biggest misconception people have about working in sales is that you have to convince people to do something,” Kelly says. Instead, think about sales like this: Someone has a problem, and you have a solution that’s in their best interest.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<p>Great sellers aren’t trying to manipulate someone into buying something, but rather they’re asking effective questions and probing deeper and deeper until they figure out how to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-get-people-to-care-about-and-support-your-business/">help a buyer solve a problem</a> in their life.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“The greatest salespeople are the ones who are almost like therapists,” Kelly says. “They know that great questions lead a buyer to come to a conclusion about whether this is something they should invest in or not.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-all-great-sellers-have-two-qualities-in-common">#2 All great sellers have two qualities in common.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Salespeople who are at the top of their game typically exhibit two specific qualities: empathy and curiosity.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Great salespeople who are empathetic <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/build-relationships-first-how-to-sell-on-social-media/">understand where the buyer is</a>,” Kelly says. “But in addition to that, they must be curious because curiosity leads to asking engaging questions.”</p>



<p>Kelly offers the example of someone who comes in to buy a computer. Many sellers would assume the person is buying the computer for themselves. But perhaps they’re buying it for their 14-year-old son who loves gaming. “If I’m not curious enough to dig and be empathetic toward you, you will think this guy is just trying to sell me something, rather than this person is genuinely curious about me and my situation and wants me to thrive and succeed,” he says.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-there-s-one-reason-sellers-often-underperform">#3 There’s one reason sellers often underperform.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>There are sellers with five, 10 or even 20 years of experience who still struggle to close deals, and it’s not because they lack expertise. It’s because they think they’ll fail.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“The No. 1 problem most professional sellers have is the <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-positive-ways-to-build-your-belief-in-yourself/">belief that they cannot succeed</a>,” Kelly says. “That belief leads to negative habits, and those negative habits limit us.”</p>



<p>Take, for example, someone who believes the customer they’re about to call will reject them. “That person is not going to pick up the phone and make that call because they’ve already defeated themselves in their belief system,” Kelly says. And even if that person does muster enough courage to call, if they still believe the prospect will say no, they’ll fold every time they’re met with an “I’m not interested” or “It’s not a good time right now.”</p>



<p>“They cave because they’ve already convinced themselves that it wasn’t going to work, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Kelly says. “If I believe that people don’t want to buy from me, that’s going to be at the core of everything I do.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-you-can-t-succeed-by-cutting-corners">#4 You can’t succeed by cutting corners.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>While belief is the No. 1 reason salespeople underperform, Kelly says the second reason is typically because they don’t want to identify potential new customers, which is referred to as lead prospecting.&nbsp;</p>



<p>In fact, 40% of salespeople said lead <a href="https://blog.hubspot.com/sales/sales-statistics" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">prospecting is the hardest part of their job</a>, according to a study from marketing company HubSpot. But even though it’s a less-than-enjoyable task, lead prospecting is the key to gaining new clients and, in turn, growing one’s business.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-thinking-outside-the-box-will-help-you-stand-out-from-competition">#5 Thinking outside the box will help you stand out from competition.</h2>



<p>When training sellers, Kelly often teaches them to do what he calls “breaking through the monotony.” It means doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing—to zig where others zag.</p>



<p>For example, most sellers send emails, make phone calls or write LinkedIn messages to prospective clients. Shake things up by sending video or audio messages, or even snail mail, Kelly says. You’ll be surprised by how effective this simple switch-up can be.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-failure-is-part-of-the-game">#6 Failure is part of the game.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Our ability to deal with failure is often hardwired in us. Some people handle it better than others, likely because they have <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/youve-been-conditioned-into-low-self-esteem-heres-how-to-get-it-back/">high self-esteem</a> and their formative role models growing up modeled appropriate behavior.&nbsp;</p>



<p>If you struggle with fear of failure, that doesn’t mean you can’t succeed in a sales position. But great salespeople know it’s part of the game, and over time, they learn to not take <em>no</em> personally.</p>



<p>“They’re not rejecting Donald Kelly,” Kelly often tells himself. “They’re rejecting someone calling them and intruding on their day.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-thick-skin-is-crucial">#7 Thick skin is crucial.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>There’s a common sentiment that in order to work in sales, you need to be confident, self-assured and able to face rejection head-on without taking things too personally.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Kelly says this is 100% true.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“When you’re making 30 or 40 phone calls a day, and you’re getting rejected and people are saying no over and over again, it’s really difficult to make that next phone call,” he says. “You need the bulletproof mindset to say, ‘I’m going to keep pushing through, and I’m going to keep working.’ ” </p>



<p style="font-size:12px"><em>This article originally appeared in the November/December 2021 Issue of </em>SUCCESS<em> magazine. Photo Courtesy of Donald Kelly</em></p>

Whether you’re a seasoned pro with two decades of experience or you’re fresh out of college and looking to rise up, Kelly offers these seven pieces of sales wisdom.

Whether you’re a seasoned pro with two decades of experience or you’re fresh out of college and looking to rise up, Kelly offers these seven pieces of sales wisdom. | SUCCESS

Donald Kelly—The Sales Evangelist—Is Out to Create a Community of Exceptional Sellers

Donald Kelly—The Sales Evangelist—Is Out to Create a Community of World-Class Sellers

Creating a Community of World-Class Sellers with Donald Kelly

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<p>People might be surprised to learn Eric Siu—a master marketer known for his ability to transform top technology companies—has another claim to fame: gaming. Before he entered the world of marketing, Siu, 34, spent his time competing in championships for games like <em>World of</em> <em>Warcraft</em> and <em>EverQuest</em>.</p>



<p>The reason Siu enjoys (and has largely succeeded at) <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/becoming-a-digital-entrepreneur-5-lessons-from-viral-tiktok-star-london-lazerson/">digital marketing</a>, he says, is because he treats his work as if he’s playing a video game. Each decision he makes and step he takes is akin to leveling up—the stakes are just a little bit higher in real life.</p>



<p>“The ability to pull levers and then all of a sudden, traffic comes in, or even partnering up with other people… it’s fun,” he says.</p>



<p>Siu’s story isn’t one of a linear trajectory toward success. He almost got kicked out of high school for nearly failing a required course. Then, he almost flunked out of college for missing too many classes. “School never made logical sense to me because the premise was built on following the rules of a system,” he writes in his book, <em><a href="https://amzn.to/3hvHmi1" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Leveling Up: How to Master the Game of Life</a></em>. “I was never built for following rules—I always wanted to do my own thing.”</p>



<p>After eventually graduating from the University of California, San Diego, Siu took a dead-end job doing data entry at a small health records company. Not long after, he pivoted to digital marketing, where he spent a few years as the vice president of marketing for a digital education startup. In 2014, he decided to do what he always wanted—his own thing—and he acquired the failing search engine optimization (SEO) agency Single Grain for just $2.&nbsp;</p>



<p>He has since grown Los Angeles-based Single Grain into a major digital marketing powerhouse with revenue in the eight figures and a staff of 46 employees. Single Grain works with big technology companies like Uber, Amazon and Salesforce. Siu, who recently moved from L.A. to Miami, also helms ClickFlow, a marketing analytics company, and co-hosts the popular daily podcast <em><a href="https://marketingschool.io/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Marketing School</a></em> with fellow digital marketer Neil Patel. </p>



<h1 id="h-knowledge-is-power">Knowledge is Power</h1>



<p>Siu says Single Grain has been so successful because its services are focused. Digital marketing offerings are seemingly endless, and he believes his agency’s specialization in SEO and paid media (e.g., Instagram and Facebook ads) sets them apart from the competition.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Specialization goes a long way,” Siu says. “You don’t want to go to a general surgeon. You want to go to someone who’s done it a thousand times.”</p>



<p>Solopreneurs and small businesses don’t typically have the budget to hire a digital marketing agency like Single Grain. They’re often completely in charge of their company’s <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-solopreneurs-guide-to-email-marketing/">marketing strategy</a>. </p>



<p>Like many marketers, Siu is self-taught. He believes that before taking any action, all entrepreneurs should spend two, three or even four months <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/podcasts/">listening to podcasts</a>, watching YouTube videos and reading blogs about marketing. </p>



<p>“It doesn’t take long to pick this stuff up,” he says. “The foundational pieces of marketing took me about three months to learn. If I can do it, I think anybody can.”</p>



<p>Not only will brushing up on marketing help you grow your business now, but it’ll pay off years down the road. “If you understand just a little bit about marketing, then when you end up hiring people, they can’t run circles around you,” Siu says.</p>



<h1 id="h-put-it-into-practice">Put It Into Practice&nbsp;</h1>



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/s.com_Eric-image2-1024x682.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-61362" width="512" height="341"/></figure></div>



<p>Whether you’re a solopreneur offering graphic design services, an entrepreneur who just launched a children’s toy startup, or you run a local bagel shop, Siu offers these eight tried-and-true tips for improving your marketing strategy:&nbsp;</p>



<h2 id="h-1-consider-creating-longform-content">1. Consider creating longform content.</h2>



<p>When Siu acquired Single Grain, the company’s website got around 3,000 visits per month. By focusing on longform content, including podcasts, YouTube videos and blogging, Siu increased site visits to 350,000 per month—not to mention 1.5 million podcast downloads per month.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Whenever I’ve tried something to get fast results, it’s very fleeting,” Siu says. “But whenever I’ve done something for the long term, that’s always worked well for me. As long as you stay with it, and you know you’re taking the right actions every single day, it’s going to compound over time.”&nbsp;</p>



<h2 id="h-2-cultivate-patience">2. Cultivate patience.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Siu says the No. 1 mistake he sees is people expecting results too quickly. Although creating longform content can have an immense payoff, it could take years to see results. This is why people often go for paid social media ads instead of putting the effort into something that will last.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“It’s human nature—we’re not wired to think long term,” he says. “If you can rewire your brain to think long term—and accept all the pain that you’re going to eat for those one, two or three years—then you’ll be way ahead of anybody else.”</p>



<h2 id="h-3-take-a-different-approach">3. Take a different approach.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Siu believes paid media, one of Single Grain’s niches, will become automated in the coming years, much like other areas of marketing have become automated in the past. Companies can ensure they remain relevant by always <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-ways-to-tap-into-your-creative-self/">focusing on creativity</a>, the cornerstone of marketing.</p>



<p>“What’s going to stay for people is creativity,” Siu says. “Creativity is not something a machine can easily replace, so that’s going to be the sweet spot for people.”</p>



<h2 id="h-4-build-a-strong-community">4. Build a strong community.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>For small businesses looking to increase their customer base, Siu recommends focusing on <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-keys-to-consistent-community-growth/">building a community</a>, whether that’s through a Facebook group, a podcast, or by getting involved in a social cause your customers support. </p>



<p>“To be able to build a brand new community—a brand-new audience—that to me is very interesting,” he says.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 id="h-5-reach-your-audience-organically">5. Reach your audience organically.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Try to figure out where your audience hangs out instead of just focusing on whatever is most popular at the moment. For example, if you run a swimming pool maintenance business, you might not want to aim for TikTok just because it’s the hot channel right now. You might instead look at creating instructional videos for YouTube.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 id="h-6-think-about-the-value-you-re-providing">6. Think about the value you’re providing.</h2>



<p>Regardless of the type of content you’re creating, think about the value you’re providing your customers. In email marketing, for example, you want to create a pattern in which people look forward to the next email you’ll send, Siu says.</p>



<p>“Provide value first instead of trying to make an offer every single time,” he says. “It’s like going to the bank. You want to make deposits more than you’re making withdrawals. You can’t just go to the bank and make withdrawals from the first day. Think value first, and then all the other stuff will come.”</p>



<h2 id="h-7-stay-away-from-blogging">7. Stay away from blogging.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Blogging allowed Siu to grow his company’s monthly site visits from 3,000 to 350,000 per month. However, he began blogging seven years ago. If he acquired Single Grain today, he says, he wouldn’t opt for blogging simply because it would be nearly impossible to rank high in Google search results.</p>



<p>“Blogging is a very red ocean right now,” he says. “It’s very competitive. If you’re starting from scratch, it doesn’t matter how good of a writer you are, you’re still going to need a lot of help on the promotion side.”</p>



<h2 id="h-8-adopt-an-abundance-mindset">8. Adopt an abundance mindset.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>One of the biggest challenges companies face is knowing when something is worthwhile and when it’s just a shiny new toy. Siu doesn’t follow trends just because they’re “the next big thing.” Instead, he focuses on <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-doing-less-is-more-fulfilling/">doing one or two things really well</a>.</p>



<p>“You can hit those channels anytime you want,” he says. “The analogy [I use] is that there’s a sphere. Success is on all the edges of the sphere and you start in the middle. But if you keep changing directions all the time, you’ll never reach one of the edges.”</p>



<h1 id="h-the-game-of-life">The Game of Life&nbsp;</h1>



<p>In <em>Leveling Up</em>, Siu looks at the lifelong journey of self-improvement through the lens of a video game.&nbsp;</p>



<p>His approach to life is similar to his approach to business: Personal growth is a never-ending game in which the goal is to continually improve ourselves so we can “power up” and reach the next level.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“The idea of life gamification is that you are viewing your life through the lens of a game,” he writes. “It’s fun to wake up in the morning when you’re on a meaningful quest for self-improvement, collecting helpful power-ups. The more power-ups you collect, the faster you will level up and the stronger you will become.”</p>



<p>Siu believes his ability to see both life and business as a video game has helped him immensely. Whether he wins or loses doesn’t matter—he views everything as part of the overall game.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“I never have really high highs or really low lows,” he says. “Too much emotional attachment can affect how you work, how you engage with other people and how you live your life.”</p>



<p style="font-size:12px"><em>This article originally appeared in the September/October 2021 issue of SUCCESS magazine.<br>Photo Courtesy of Courtesy of Eric Siu</em></p>

This marketing boss believes the key to success is treating business—and life—like a video game.

This marketing boss believes the key to success is treating business—and life—like a video game. | SUCCESS

Leveling Up: Why Eric Siu Treats His Life Like a Video Game

Leveling Up: Why Eric Siu Treats His Life Like a Video Game | SUCCESS

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How to Handle Rejection to Improve Your Sales Game

<p>When Rebecca Parry was 18, she sold spots for the Yellow Pages in Australia. She heard <em>no</em> more times than she could count. She recalls throwing her pen in her cubicle and walking outside in order to calm down after unsuccessful sales calls.</p>



<p>The constant rejection was exhausting, but she knew all of her pent-up anger wasn’t getting her anywhere. Instead of wallowing, she decided to turn her frustration into motivation. “The <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-reasons-you-should-be-risking-rejection/">rejection made me more determined</a> to persist and turn a <em>no</em> into a <em>yes</em>,” she says.</p>



<p>Now, Parry is the head of sales for the Los Angeles outpost of Moxion, an entertainment startup. She says the constant rejection she faced early in her sales career prepared her to succeed in a high-level sales role in which deals often take two years to close. “It made me much more resilient,” she says.</p>



<p>Being told no is an inevitable part of sales, and growing comfortable with it is crucial, says Jacob Clendenning, a business coach and managing broker for a real estate company based in Livermore, Colorado. “Embracing rejection is the most important thing in sales,” he says.</p>



<h2 id="h-it-s-in-our-dna">It’s In Our DNA</h2>



<p>Clendenning believes most of us struggle with rejection because it’s intertwined with our self-worth. Eli Schaugh—a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/coaching/">SUCCESS-certified coach</a> based in the Los Angeles area—agrees.</p>



<p>“I think the people who have the easiest time dealing with rejection are the ones who have the most self-respect and self-esteem,” says Schaugh, who is also a practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), a method for helping people adjust their mindset. “It’s less a matter of experience and more a matter of emotional fortitude.”</p>



<p>Although fear of failure is a driving force behind our discomfort with being rejected, another seemingly paradoxical reason is <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-7-types-of-fear-that-hold-us-back/">fear of success</a>.</p>



<p>“Fear of success can be paralyzing, because it means your life is going to change and you’re getting outside of your comfort zone,” Schaugh says. “And everyone wants to hold onto that for dear life.”</p>



<h2 id="h-five-steps-toward-growth">Five Steps Toward Growth</h2>



<p>Some people are better at facing rejection than others because their role models demonstrated appropriate behavior during that person’s formative years, Clendenning says.</p>



<p>“It’s the same as our <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-complete-guide-to-money-how-to-create-wealth/">relationship with money</a>,” he says. “If you grew up in a household that was paycheck to paycheck, you’re likely going to live paycheck to paycheck. The same is true of rejection: If they didn’t handle it well, you’re not going to handle it well either.”</p>



<p>If you struggle with rejection, here are five steps to help you master this area of your life so you hear yes more often than you hear <em>no</em>.</p>



<h3 id="h-step-1-change-your-inner-circle">Step 1:&nbsp;<strong>Change your inner circle.</strong></h3>



<p>One way to change your relationship with rejection, Clendenning says, is to change who you spend most of your time with.&nbsp;</p>



<p>If you wanted to quit smoking, you wouldn’t hang out with a bunch of smokers all day. The same applies here: If you want to succeed in sales, there’s no point spending all of your time with people who fear failure. Instead, focus on those who use it as leverage to move forward</p>



<h3 id="h-step-2-be-more-prepared">Step 2:&nbsp;<strong>Be more prepared.&nbsp;</strong></h3>



<p>A basic, often overlooked strategy is simply to be more prepared. Learn how to be nimble, study and perfect your sales scripts, and practice on as many prospective clients as possible.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Sales is 100% preparation,” Clendenning says. “If you’re only practicing at 50%, you’re only going to be 50% as good. You’re going to set yourself up for failure by not being prepared.”</p>



<h3 id="h-step-3-learn-from-your-no-s">Step 3:&nbsp;<strong>Learn from your no’s.&nbsp;</strong></h3>



<p>One of Schaugh’s favorite sayings is that there’s no such thing as failure, only feedback. “As long as you’re learning, you’re growing,” he says. Instead of being embarrassed when you lose a sale, it’s important to take time to understand why you didn’t succeed.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“The people who have the most success are those who can <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-failure-is-good-for-success/">learn from their mistakes</a>,” he says. “As long as you can learn from the mistake, grow from that and be able to use it differently the next time, then the failure actually becomes a success.”</p>



<h3 id="h-step-4-look-inward">Step 4:&nbsp;<strong>Look inward.&nbsp;</strong></h3>



<p>Although you might be tempted to study the best of the best in sales in order to perfect your craft, the ideal person to study is yourself.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“You can study everyone else all day long,” Schaugh says. “But if you can’t learn from your own failures, getting to their successes is probably not going to happen. The best class you can take for your own continued success is studying your own development.”</p>



<h3 id="h-step-5-adopt-an-optimistic-outlook">Step 5:&nbsp;<strong>Adopt an optimistic outlook.&nbsp;</strong></h3>



<p>Let’s say you’re going through a rough patch—you’re hearing no after no to the point where it feels like you’ll never hear yes again. Before going into a new sale, borrow a tried-and-true NLP strategy: Don’t think about what can go wrong, but rather what can go right.</p>



<p>“Lock your mind around the idea that you will do the right thing in order to make the right result happen,” Schaugh says. “Focus all of your energy on how to make that happen rather than thinking about how you can start planning for obstacles. Because when you do that, it’s going to make more of them appear.”</p>



<h2 id="h-make-it-personal">Make It Personal</h2>



<p>One of the hardest parts about <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-i-learned-to-love-selling-and-how-you-can-too/">working in sales</a> is learning to cope with the inevitable rejection you will face. There’s a reason sales isn’t for everyone. But one valuable part of thriving in this industry is that you’ll have more emotional fortitude in your personal life.</p>



<p>When Parry, the former Yellow Pages salesperson, was in her 30s, she decided to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-ways-to-pursue-the-job-you-want/">pursue a longtime passion</a> of hers: becoming a jazz singer. She knew it was late in the game for her to attempt to break into the jazz world, but she took a leap of faith anyways.</p>



<p>“I eventually broke into established jazz music circles, setting up a jazz band that I sang in and managed alongside my day job,” she says. “I think facing rejection in sales definitely helped me be a little more resilient and have more perseverance in my personal life.” </p>



<p style="font-size:10px"><em>This article originally appeared in the July/August 2021 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</em><br><em>Photo by @DimaBerlin/Twenty20</em></p>

Embrace rejection to improve your sales game.

Embrace rejection to improve your sales game. | SUCCESS

How to Handle Rejection to Improve Your Sales Game | SUCCESS

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How to Handle Rejection: 4 Tips from a Relationship Expert

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<p>Tracy Ross, a couples therapist based in New York City, is no stranger to seeing people get rejected. Lucky for us, the ways she coaches her clients to recover from a bad breakup can be instructive anytime you are spurned, even as a seller.</p>



<h2 id="h-1-feel-your-emotions">1. Feel your emotions.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>People often avoid feeling the pain and sadness that accompanies a breakup, Ross says. They’ll try to numb or distract themselves by pretending they don’t care or quickly getting involved with someone else.</p>



<p>Ross says that although it’s important to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-practical-ways-to-use-rejection-to-build-resilience/">be resilient</a>, it’s also crucial to process and really feel your negative emotions. The same applies in sales: Don’t ignore rejection. It’s important to let yourself feel upset, because it’ll likely motivate you to improve your skills as a seller.</p>



<h2 id="h-2-surround-yourself-with-the-right-people">2. Surround yourself with the right people.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>After a breakup, it’s important to avoid those who give unsolicited advice like, “I never liked him anyway.” The same can be said of who you surround yourself with professionally. Don’t spend time with people who say things like, “You didn’t want that client anyway.” Instead, choose to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/positive-influencers/">be around people who support you</a> and encourage you to do better.</p>



<h2 id="h-3-remember-it-s-probably-not-personal">3. Remember: It’s probably not personal.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Most of the time, breakups are not personal, Ross says. There are myriad reasons why you might get dumped, and the same is true in sales: If you focus on something you think is wrong with you—you’re not smart enough or sharp enough—you will just get stuck on one of your own insecurities.</p>



<p>“Being rejected never feels good, but if you don’t personalize it, you will be able to feel it and then move on,” Ross says.</p>



<h2 id="h-4-don-t-be-self-conscious-or-ashamed">4. Don’t be self-conscious or ashamed.&nbsp;</h2>



<p>Talking about your breakup with loved ones can be an opportunity to get closer to certain people in your life. “People are embarrassed when they are rejected, but it’s such a universal human experience and can be very connecting when shared with trusted family and friends,” Ross says.</p>



<p>If you lose a sale, don’t be afraid to share the news with your colleagues. It could lead to stronger professional bonds.</p>



<p style="font-size:10px"><em>This article originally appeared in the July/August 2021 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</em><br><em>Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock</em></p>

Although it’s important to be resilient, it’s also crucial to process and really feel your negative emotions.

Although it’s important to be resilient, it’s also crucial to process and really feel your negative emotions. | SUCCESS

How to Handle Rejection: 4 Tips from a Relationship Expert | SUCCESS

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Remember one thing: Financial freedom isn’t just about money.

Remember one thing: Financial freedom isn’t just about money. | SUCCESS

Tony Robbins Will Show You the Surest Path to Financial Independence

Tony Robbins: Surest Path to Financial Independence

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<p>Suzy Batiz is a hustler.</p>



<p>She’s helmed a tanning salon, bridal store, clothing shop and staffing startup. She’s bejeweled sweat suits and designed denim high heels. At one point, she even sold lingerie by having her boyfriend at the time take a catalogue into strip clubs.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“That was a really good business for a few months,” she says. “Until the bar owner, who had three fingers missing, called my boyfriend into his office and said, ‘Where’s my cut?’”</p>



<p>Batiz, 55, is no stranger to the struggle of entrepreneurship. Myriad business ideas of hers failed, not to mention she filed for bankruptcy twice. After some deep introspection, she realized what was holding her back: She was too focused on making money.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“I always thought money was going to get me out of all of the situations I was in,” she says. “I would be loved right and appreciated if I just had money.”&nbsp;</p>



<p>Fast-forward several years to 2005. Batiz had sworn off business and just spent four years on a spiritual sabbatical. She was at a dinner party when her brother-in-law asked, “Can bathroom odor be trapped?”&nbsp;</p>



<p>Batiz immediately perked up. She was familiar with essential oils and knew she could create a product that locked odor below the surface of toilet water. “I felt like a zing up my left arm and the front of my leg,” she says. “It was just like the lights came on brighter and I was like, I could do that.”</p>



<p>And so Poo-Pourri—yep, Poo-Pourri—was born.&nbsp;</p>



<p>What started as a simple idea at a dinner party has turned into a nationally recognized company valued at $400 million. The founder herself is worth an estimated $240 million, tied with Reese Witherspoon on&nbsp;<em>Forbes</em>’ 2019 list of the richest self-made women in the U.S. She lives in a 15,000-square-foot church-turned-home in Dallas that is the envy of interior designers across the globe.</p>



<p>Batiz, who has wavy blonde hair and a wide smile, says her success can all be attributed to a deep shift in priorities.</p>



<p>“Success is an inside job,” she says. “Nothing external is ever going to fulfill you. Success is not about money. It’s about feeling good about yourself and having a richness inside.”</p>



<h3>THE LUXURY OF LOSING EVERYTHING&nbsp;</h3>



<p>Batiz’s journey hasn’t been easy.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“I grew up in Arkansas with poor parents who did some good (stuff), some bad (stuff), some crazy (stuff) and some weird (stuff),” she says.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Saying Batiz grew up in a dysfunctional home would be an understatement. Her father was a bipolar alcoholic, while her mother was addicted to pain pills. Her parents eventually got divorced, and she was molested by her stepfather. She was married, bankrupt and divorced by 20. At 21, she tried to kill herself. At 23, she had a baby and entered an abusive marriage. She escaped that marriage and was homeless with two children before getting married a second time.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“The way I talk about it is I was skiing on a double black diamond and I lost a ski halfway down the mountain,” she says. “I was always just trying to hang on, trying to get myself out of some sort of hole that I always seemed to be in.”&nbsp;</p>


<p style="text-align: center;"><br /><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_uQ8Qjy0vYM" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p>


<p><br>She hustled for the next several years until she was 38, when she filed for bankruptcy for the second time and fell into a deep depression. </p>



<p>“If I didn’t have my children and my family, I’m sure I would’ve tried to kill myself again,” she says. “I was done—just emotionally and psychologically. I was done with business; I was done with life.”&nbsp;</p>



<p>Batiz is thankful for this time in her life because she had what she calls the luxury of losing everything. “Rarely do we have a time when we get pretty much a full stop,” she says. “It really gave me time to look inside and face myself and see what I’d been up to.”&nbsp;</p>



<p>I tell Batiz how, despite the challenges she’s faced over the years, she seems so confident and calm now.</p>



<p>“I’ve done a (sizeable) load of personal work over the past 15 years, girl,” she says, laughing.&nbsp;</p>



<h3>EXPONENTIAL GROWTH&nbsp;</h3>



<p>About that four-year spiritual sabbatical, which came after her lowest point: “I found happiness and success within my own being for the first time in my life,” she says. “And I had sworn off business.”</p>



<p>Cue the aforementioned dinner party. A self-proclaimed closet hippie, Batiz had been experimenting with essential oils for decades. “I went home and just started mixing and mixing and mixing,” she says. “It took me nine months. Not one person thought it was a good idea. Everyone thought I was completely insane. But I knew I could do it. I felt it.”&nbsp;</p>



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Untitled-design-2-546x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51669" width="492" height="923"/></figure></div>



<p>Poo-Pourri is a before-you-go toilet spray that works like this: You spray the product in the toilet bowl before using the bathroom. It creates a film on the surface of the water, which traps odor.</p>



<p>Batiz created version after version, constantly in pursuit of the perfect concoction. She had her husband (now ex) and friends test the product as much as possible.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“I’ll never forget the day my husband walked out of the bathroom and he was like, ‘Oh my god, we’re going to be millionaires. It works! Do you realize what you’ve done?,’ ” Batiz says. “It was just super exciting.”</p>



<p>Her ex-husband created a shoddy website, and Batiz began giving friends the product to try. Her first client was a friend of a friend who wanted to sell Poo-Pourri at his gift shop in Dallas. Shortly thereafter, another shop called, and another, and so on and so forth. Someone suggested Batiz take her product to market, so she did. “It literally grew word-of-mouth like that,” she says. “We did $1 million in the first year.”</p>



<p>Now 13 years later, Poo-Pourri is available both online and in countless brick-and-mortar shops like Bed, Bath &amp; Beyond and Target. The company has sold over $300 million in product.</p>



<h3>BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS</h3>



<p>Most people are familiar with Poo-Pourri not necessarily because they’ve bought the product, but because they’ve seen one of the company’s viral videos, which have more than 350 million total views on YouTube.&nbsp;</p>



<p>In 2013, several companies were trying to copy Poo-Pourri, Batiz says. She knew she had to take her product to the next level. “I knew I had to look for some sort of alternative, rebellious marketing move—some guerilla-type marketing,” she says.</p>



<p>“Girls Don’t Poop,” the company’s first viral video, has a whopping 42 million views and counting on YouTube. The two-minute clip features a perfectly coiffed redhead clad in a turquoise fit-and-flare dress and pearl necklace. In a proper British accent, she describes a secretive, hmm… burial at sea. Within a few days of the video’s release, the company sold all of their inventory and was $4 million in backorder.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Suzy doesn’t do things only with the goal of making money,” says Nicole Story Dent, senior vice president of creative for Poo-Pourri, who has worked closely with Batiz on the company’s viral videos. “She makes choices because they light her up and feel right in her gut. It may sound bizarre to people on the outside looking in, but it ends up making us money and building the brand even though it’s not our goal.”</p>



<p>What Batiz is most proud of when it comes to Poo-Pourri isn’t her wild financial success, she says, but rather the way her company has helped people talk about a taboo topic.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Several years ago, Batiz was seated next to a 65-year-old gaming attorney on a flight. She told him about her company.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Oh my god, I got this at a friend’s house,” the man said before proceeding to tell her a very personal bathroom story.</p>



<p>“All of the sudden, he looks at me and he goes, ‘I cannot believe I’m a 65-year-old man sitting here telling you about my poop,’ ” Batiz says.&nbsp;</p>



<p>That’s when it clicked in her mind that Poo-Pourri was more than just a product. “Poop is everywhere,” she says. “There’s the poop emoji. And now, we talk about poop. I really attribute a lot of that to us. We made it OK because we used humor to help break that taboo topic.”&nbsp;</p>



<p>Gillian Ferrabee, founder and president of Kite Parade, has been friends with Batiz since the two connected professionally in 2013.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“Suzy understands how to approach taboo subjects so that people can get on board with minimum resistance,” Ferrabee says. “She never sits on her laurels. She keeps the momentum going at the speed of life.”</p>



<h3>SEARCHING WITHIN</h3>



<p>I ask Batiz whether self-care plays a big role in her life.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Let’s just say I’m not expecting her answer.&nbsp;</p>



<p>On a weekly basis, Batiz has a therapy session, meets with her spiritual coach and mentor, has a three-hour deep tissue massage and an hour-long IV drip. She exercises and meditates daily. She also has her own nutritionist and medical director, and occasionally practices reiki, a sort of Japanese touch therapy.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Matter-of-factly, she will tell you about other, hmm… natural remedies in which she partakes.</p>



<p>This emphasis on self-care—what Batiz simply calls “staying balanced”—is a necessary antidote to her fast-paced life. “I operate at such an energetic rate that a lot of the stuff I do is just good hygiene to make sure the fast life I’m living doesn’t build up and kill me,” she says.&nbsp;</p>



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/POO-POURRI-DOESN’T-JUST-SELL-A-SPRAY-THAT-MASKS-BATHROOM-ODOR.-The-company-recently-launched-its-“Let-that-S-Go-Tour”-which-features-a-30-foot-wide-by-30-foot-tall-inflatable-poop-emoji.-Participants-walk-inside-.png" alt="" class="wp-image-51659" width="507"/></figure></div>



<p>Batiz found out she was on the 2019&nbsp;<em>Forbes</em>&nbsp;list of the richest self-made women in America when her colleagues showed her a photo spread that featured her alongside hard hitters like Witherspoon, Rihanna and Kylie Jenner. She assumed her colleagues photoshopped her in.</p>



<p>“I was just like, ‘Holy (guacamole), I can’t believe this is happening,’ ” she says.&nbsp;</p>



<p>A few days later, Batiz’s friend sent her the country song “Girl Goin’ Nowhere” by Ashley McBryde. It tells the story of a young woman who achieves success despite the odds being stacked against her. One lyric reads: “And where they said I’d never be is exactly where I am.”&nbsp;</p>



<p>The gravity of everything Batiz had accomplished truly set in. “I laid on my kitchen floor for about four hours on a Sunday morning bawling—crying to the point where I just couldn’t get up,” she says.</p>



<p>Batiz says this outpouring of emotion wasn’t because of her external financial success, but rather because she realized she’d broken generational poverty in her family for decades to come.&nbsp;</p>



<p>“If I had one wish, it would be that people knew they could create any life they want—that anything really is possible,” she says. “While I’m excited about the success of Poo-Pourri and where we’re going, it’s more about me being an example of what’s possible.”</p>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://store.success.com/patchworks-imported-products/success-magazine-july-aug-2020.html" target="_blank"><em>This article originally appeared in the July/August 2020 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</em><br></a><em>Photos courtesy of Suzy Batiz</em></p>

Poo-Pourri founder Suzy Batiz is one of the richest self-made women because of a simple idea with stellar execution.

Poo-Pourri founder Suzy Batiz is one of the richest self-made women because of a simple idea with stellar execution. | SUCCESS

Queen on the Throne: Meet Poo-Pourri Founder Suzy Batiz

Queen on the Throne: Meet Poo-Pourri Founder Suzy Batiz | SUCCESS

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make your relationship thrive in quarantine

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Success | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

<p>My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for three. His work schedule changed significantly this past March due to COVID-19, which meant he was home more often than normal.</p>



<p>We’ve spent more consecutive time together in the past three months than we have over the course of our entire relationship. We’re expecting our first baby, and we recently remarked on how this unexpected time together has made us both feel very connected. But that isn’t to say there haven’t been some hiccups along the way. I had to adjust to him being home all day as I worked, while he had to adjust to my tendency to chitchat pretty much nonstop.</p>



<p>Looking to make sure your relationship thrives while you’re in close quarters with your partner? Try incorporating these 11 expert-backed tips.</p>



<h3>1. Make sure you’re communicating effectively.</h3>



<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-secret-to-a-happy-thriving-marriage-communication/">Communication is the backbone of any solid relationship.</a> Feeling distant from your partner or sensing that there’s a strain on your relationship likely stems from ineffective communication, says Tracy Ross, a couples therapist based in New York City.</p>



<p>The best way to improve your communication is to practice listening without an agenda. This means approaching the conversation not from a “win-or-lose” standpoint, but rather with the goal of better understanding your partner, Ross says.</p>



<p>“There’s nothing quite like the feeling that your partner is truly interested in you and really ‘gets’ you—this creates emotional currency that will get you through tough times,” Ross says. “It allows you to grow as individuals and as a couple.”</p>



<h3>2. Watch your words.</h3>



<p>Communication involves more than just listening—it’s also about the words you choose to use when speaking to your partner.</p>



<p>Ross says to practice using “I” statements and avoid using the words “always” and “never,” as these words are absolutes.</p>



<p>“They will inevitably lead you down a rabbit hole argument, and you will find yourselves debating whether or not it really is always or never,” she says. “When this happens, no real communication or connection can occur, and reaching a mutual understanding or resolving a problem are both highly unlikely.”</p>



<p>In addition, she recommends asking questions that start with “what” instead of “why.”</p>



<p>“The word ‘why’ often elicits a defensive response and makes the other person feel they have to justify and explain,” Ross says.</p>



<h3>3. Schedule a time to talk.</h3>



<p>Is there a topic you and your partner have been putting off discussing? Cristina&nbsp;Dorazio, a couples therapist based in New York City, advises her clients to schedule a time to have tough conversations.</p>



<p>She recommends having difficult talks over pancakes and bacon on a Saturday or Sunday morning so it feels more like a date and less like a tense, transactional occurrence.</p>



<p>Scheduling time for important talks (or simply date nights) is particularly important if you and your partner are both working from home.</p>



<p>“Couples sometimes feel they always have access to one another since they might be working only feet apart,” she says. But if one partner tries to spontaneously connect and the other is preoccupied with work, this can lead to feelings of rejection and isolation. “While this structure doesn’t seem like a big deal, it can actually be helpful in setting up boundaries and expectations throughout the week.”</p>



<h3>4. Don’t be afraid to spend time alone.</h3>



<p>Ross says couples often confuse being merged with being connected. The former is not good for a relationship, while the latter is. You can still be connected when you spend time apart from your significant other—and it’s especially important when one or both partners is introverted.</p>



<p>“Time apart is healthy in all relationships,” says Sofia Robirosa, a marriage and family therapist based in South Florida. “Time apart allows us to work our personal goals, get some needs met by other important people in our lives and gain perspective on why we value and appreciate our partners. Without time apart, we may feel depleted and resentful.”</p>



<p>For my husband and I, this means I often cross-stitch while he reads. For you, it might mean exercising while your partner cooks dinner. Find something that works for your specific relationship.&nbsp;</p>



<h3>5. Take advantage of this unexpected time together to bond.</h3>



<p>Ross says one of the biggest complaints she sees in couples therapy is partners struggling to find time to devote to their relationship. If being sheltered-in-place has freed up some time in your schedule, take advantage of it.</p>



<p>“Embrace the time as an opportunity to refocus on your relationship,” she says. Be intentional with how you spend your time together. For example, do something you love but didn’t have time for in the past, like cooking dinner or tackling a home renovation project.</p>



<h3>6. Foster connection with the 36 questions exercise.</h3>



<p><a href="https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness">This popular exercise</a> involves you and your partner asking one another a series of 36 intimate, often eye-opening questions. Ross recommends doing the questions in three sets of 12 instead of all at once to reap the most benefits.</p>



<h3>7. Chat with family members and friends.</h3>



<p>Technically, we’re physically distancing from one another—not socially distancing, Robirosa says. It’s important to stay connected to friends and family members during this time, whether your intention is to vent, play a virtual game or simply catch up.</p>



<p>“This can alleviate stress from the relationship by allowing you to see your partner in a different light, bring new conversation into the relationship, and also decrease the emotional demand from each other,” Robirosa says.</p>



<h3>8. Make sure your partner is doing OK.</h3>



<p>In order to ensure your relationship is thriving during this unique time, it’s important to check in with your partner at least once a week, Dorazio says.</p>



<p>Ask your partner how this week went for them and whether they felt things were equitable in terms of work, household responsibilities and childcare. If things don’t feel equitable, discuss them. You want to make sure both partners feel as though their time is valued and respected.</p>



<h3>9. Plan for the future together.</h3>



<p>Ross says the COVID-19 pandemic has spurred significant self-reflection—many people are reassessing their priorities and future plans. Where will you live long term? Do you want to have children? How do you see your career evolving? &nbsp;</p>



<p>Ross recommends thinking through these questions with your partner. “Take the time to really talk and listen to each other’s thoughts, feelings and experiences,” she says. “A little can go a very long way in reigniting your feelings for one another.”</p>



<h3>10. Schedule a date night—and get ready for it.</h3>



<p>Whether you’re cooking a meal together or ordering take-out, it’s important to make one or two meals a week feel special. Dorazio suggests getting ready for your dates as if you were actually going out. This could mean putting on makeup, trying out a new cologne or wearing a new outfit.</p>



<p>“These behaviors might seem pointless and like a waste of time, but they are so important for the creation of intimacy,” Dorazio says. “We are signaling to our brains that something else is happening that we need to attend to. It forces us to psychologically shift out of work or childcare mode and into couples mode.”</p>



<h3>11. Don’t be afraid to act silly.</h3>



<p>We’re collectively going through a heavy, traumatic time. But that doesn’t mean you can’t bring levity into your relationship. Dorazio says it’s important to remember that you should incorporate positive, light feelings into your relationship, too. Be vulnerable with one another. Be goofy. Be grateful.</p>



<p>“It’s OK to be sad that a pandemic is happening, experience compassion for all the lives lost and still find bliss in your partnership,” she says.</p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><em><strong>Read next: </strong></em><strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-8-most-important-qualities-of-a-healthy-marriage/">The 8 Most Important Qualities of a Healthy Marriage</a></strong></p></blockquote>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>Photo by @evablanco/Twenty20.com</em></p>

Try these suggestions for staying connected to your partner when you’re together 24/7.

Try these suggestions for staying connected to your partner when you’re together 24/7. | SUCCESS

11 Tips to Make Your Relationship Thrive in Close Quarters

11 Tips to Make Your Relationship Thrive in Close Quarters | SUCCESS

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/11-Tips-to-Make-Your-Relationship-Thrive-in-Close-Quarters.jpg

<p>The vast majority of us are spending most of our time at home right now because of COVID-19, but prior to being sheltered in place, a lot of us spent our weekends socializing and exploring—brunch with family, date nights, shopping, hiking with friends were all the norm. Right now, none of that is possible.</p>



<p>But just because we’re staying home doesn’t mean we can’t still have wonderful days, and the weekdays and weekends don’t have to blur together—you can create a distinction that makes Saturdays and Sundays feel both fresh and invigorating.</p>



<p>Here’s our guide to having the perfect weekend day in quarantine from wakeup until bedtime.</p>



<h3><strong>MORNING</strong></h3>



<h4>Wake up naturally. </h4>



<p>Although you might feel pressured to be productive during the pandemic, there’s no need to set an alarm on the weekend. When you use an alarm clock to wake up, you’re often interrupted from a deep sleep, which can leave you feeling irritable and groggy. But when you <a href="https://www.sleep.org/articles/how-to-wake-up-without-an-alarm-clock/">wake up naturally</a>, you’re letting your circadian rhythm run its regular course. You’ll feel more energized and ready to conquer the day ahead.</p>



<h4>Treat yourself to a warm cup of coffee. </h4>



<p>In reasonable doses, caffeine has <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-latest-scoop-on-the-health-benefits-of-coffee-2017092512429">several health benefits</a>. Not only do moderate coffee drinkers (defined as drinking three to four cups a day) have longer lifespans, but they also have a reduced likelihood of developing medical conditions like Type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. So jumpstart your day with a guilt-free cup of Joe—or two.</p>



<p>Not a coffee drinker? Try one of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/drinks-to-jumpstart-your-day/">these four energizing drinks</a> instead.</p>



<h4>Dig in to a hearty, protein-rich breakfast. </h4>



<p>You’ve likely heard countless people tout the benefits of eating a big, healthy breakfast. They’re all on point—<a href="https://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/breakfast-lose-weight#1">research has shown</a> eating breakfast makes you less likely to be overweight, plus it helps you concentrate and enhances your memory.</p>



<p>Start with something high in protein and nutrients and low in carbs. Think an egg white omelet with veggies and cheese or a fruit smoothie with a slice of avocado toast.</p>



<h4>Limit your technology use. </h4>



<p>If you’re working from home during the pandemic, you likely spend countless hours hunched over your laptop or smartphone responding to emails and dialing in to Zoom calls.</p>



<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/10-ways-to-cut-down-on-screen-time/">Take a technology break</a> during the weekend. Your eyes likely need rest from all of the blue light emitted from your devices. Plus, it’ll feel good to detach from the near-constant news and social media updates for a bit.</p>



<h4>Learn something new (but don’t feel pressured to). </h4>



<p>Most of us have more free time on our hands now. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-things-to-do-in-self-quarantine-that-are-more-productive-than-netflix/">Instead of succumbing to hours-long Netflix binges</a>, considering spending 30 minutes or an hour over the weekend learning something new. After all, the positive effects of learning on our brains are <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/learning-new-skill-can-slow-cognitive-aging-201604279502">well-documented</a>. Try your hand at cross-stitching or knitting. Plant a garden. Watch a MasterClass. Learn conversational French.</p>



<p>Remember, though: You shouldn’t feel pressured to be as productive as humanly possible during the pandemic. If you’re already busy with work, childcare and other tasks, and the thought of learning something new causes you stress, don’t worry about it. Spend time doing something you love that relaxes you instead, like reading, playing video games, crafting or watching a movie. Mental health matters more than productivity right now.</p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><strong><em>Related: </em></strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-secret-to-staying-motivated-during-this-pandemic/"><strong>The Secret to Staying Motivated During This Pandemic</strong></a></p></blockquote>



<h3><strong>AFTERNOON</strong></h3>



<h4>Get a dose of socialization in. </h4>



<p>Being sheltered in place can feel incredibly isolating, especially if you live alone. Human beings are social creatures, and we’re not meant to spend this much time apart from one another. Although the research in this area is <a href="https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2020/03/we-are-social-species-how-will-social-distancing-affect-us">still nascent</a>, experts strongly believe this level of isolation is bad for both our mental and physical health. (Research suggests it’s particularly hard on the elderly, so make sure you’re checking in on older family members.)</p>



<p>Use the weekend to get some virtual socialization in. Set up a Zoom conference call with your best friends. Call your sister while you’re on a walk outside. Text a few friends you haven’t spoken with in a while to see how they’ve been. Even if you don’t feel like making the effort at the time, you’ll likely feel much better afterward. &nbsp;</p>



<h4>Go for a stroll outside. </h4>



<p>We can’t visit restaurants, movie theaters, shops, museums, bars or anywhere else we typically go on the weekends. But luckily, we can spend time outdoors—as long as we’re six feet away from one another, of course.</p>



<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-mood-boosting-power-of-ecotherapy/">The benefits of spending time in nature</a> are significant. So significant, in fact, that doctors have begun writing “park prescriptions” in which they advise people with anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions to spend time outdoors. Plus, a little Vitamin D never hurt anyone.</p>



<p>If your state’s parks are open, spend an hour or two going for a long stroll in one. If you live somewhere where they’re closed, a simple walk around the neighborhood will do. If it’s raining or bleak outside, bring nature to you—sit close to a window while reading or buy a few houseplants online to brighten up your space.</p>



<h4>Burn some calories. </h4>



<p>If you decided to take a long, strenuous hike outdoors, congratulations—you’ve checked two items off of this list. If your walk didn’t get your heart rate up, it’s time to burn some calories. Exercise releases endorphins—natural feel-good hormones—which is particularly important right now.</p>



<p>Go for a light jog, ride your bike, or stream a YouTube dance, yoga or aerobic video to get your heart pumping.</p>



<h4>Wave at your neighbors. </h4>



<p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167214529799?journalCode=pspc">Research has shown</a> weak-tie connections—think grocery store clerks, yoga instructors and baristas—are just as important to our well-being as strong-tie connections like our family members and friends. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic has eliminated most, if not all, of our weak-tie connections.</p>



<p>When you do venture out into the world, remember these connections. Wave at your neighbor from your porch. Ask the grocery store cashier about his or her day. Thank the drive-thru attendant for their kindness and service during this time.&nbsp;</p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><strong><em>Related: </em></strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/9-ways-to-stay-connected-during-social-distancing/"><strong>9 Ways to Stay Connected During Social Distancing</strong></a></p></blockquote>



<h3><strong>EVENING</strong></h3>



<h4>Eat an early dinner. </h4>



<p>Although you might be accustomed to eating dinner at 7 or 8 p.m., there are <a href="https://healthyeating.sfgate.com/benefits-eating-early-2467.html">countless benefits</a> to eating dinner early. One big one? You’ll likely sleep better because your digestive system has had hours to break down your food by the time you hit the sack. Don’t be afraid to indulge in an early bird special—your body will thank you later.</p>



<h4>Take a deep breath. </h4>



<p>Most of us have struggled with <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-tips-for-dealing-with-your-coronavirus-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, depression, stress, loneliness or fear at some point during the pandemic. One great way to combat spiraling emotions is through meditation. If you’re a beginner, try mindfulness meditation, which involves relaxing your mind by honing in on the present moment.</p>



<p>Sit in a quiet room. Focus on your breath and bodily sensations. Whenever you feel intrusive or judgmental thoughts enter your brain, acknowledge them, let them pass, and then refocus on your breathing. (Here’s a <a href="https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/">helpful guide</a> to get started.)</p>



<h4>Be grateful. </h4>



<p>It can be hard to feel grateful right now. We’re in the midst of an unprecedented time. We’re not sure how the next week, month or even year will pan out.</p>



<p>One way to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/finding-courage-amid-uncertainty/">combat the uncertainty</a> and fear is through gratitude. Before going to bed, make a list of three things you’re grateful for, whether it’s a stable job, the health of your family or simply a cozy space to call home. Refer to this list whenever you need an emotional boost.</p>



<h4>Think about the day ahead. </h4>



<p>Another way to cope with the immense uncertainty we’re all dealing with is to think about what you’ll accomplish the following day. Make a list of any must-do activities and think about how you’d like to spend your free time. This little bit of planning will prime you for the day ahead.</p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><strong><em>Read next: </em><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-stay-sane-during-quarantine/">A Crazy Way to Stay Sane During the Quarantine</a></strong></p></blockquote>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><br><em>Photo by @justingovender_/Twenty20.com</em></p>

Rejuvenating weekend days are still possible. Here’s how to have one.

Rejuvenating weekend days are still possible. Here’s how to have one. | SUCCESS

The Perfect Weekend Day in Quarantine

The Perfect Weekend Day in Quarantine | SUCCESS

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/The-Perfect-Weekend-Day-in-Quarantine.jpg

how to stay connected during social distancing

<p>In the past week,
our lives have changed dramatically. Weddings and international flights have
been canceled. Schools have shut down. Restaurants have closed. And, for the
vast majority of us, isolation has become the new normal. </p>



<p>In order to contain
the spread of COVID-19, the novel coronavirus taking the world by storm, experts
have begun advising people to practice something called <em>social distancing. </em>The
term means exactly what its name implies—in order to prevent the spread of a very
contagious virus, we must avoid being in close physical proximity to one
another. </p>



<p>Research on previous pandemics has shown social distancing is <a href="https://www.history.com/news/spanish-flu-pandemic-response-cities" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">incredibly impactful</a> when it comes to containing the spread of diseases. </p>



<p>The problem? Humans are social creatures. Even the most introverted among us crave social interaction, plus research shows loneliness can have a <a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="https://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20180504/loneliness-rivals-obesity-smoking-as-health-risk" target="_blank">detrimental effect</a> on our health. We’re not meant to spend days (or even weeks) on end holed up binge-watching <em>Love is Blind </em>on Netflix. (Not saying this from personal experience or anything…) </p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><strong><em>Related:</em> <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-things-to-do-in-self-quarantine-that-are-more-productive-than-netflix/">11 Things to Do in Self-Quarantine That Are More Productive Than Netflix</a></strong></p></blockquote>



<p>Struggling with
social distancing? Below are nine tips to help you thrive during this uncertain
time. </p>



<h3>1. Talk to one friend each day.
</h3>



<p>This is something I practiced long before social
distancing became the new norm. I work from home and my spouse occasionally
works night shifts, which means I spend significant time alone. I always make
sure to talk to one friend or family member each day. </p>



<p>Although GChat and texting are perfectly acceptable, I
always prefer to hear someone’s voice on the phone or see them through
FaceTime. </p>



<p>“You don’t
need to meet anyone to feel connected,” says Viktor Sander, a social psychology
consultant with SocialPro based in Sweden. “It’s all about reciprocally opening
up to each other, sharing experiences and making the other person feel heard.
And that’s something you can do over the phone or internet.” </p>



<h3>2. Send someone you love a handwritten letter. </h3>



<p>Your return on investment will take some time, but it’ll be well worth it. Grab a notecard you have lying around (or order some cute ones on Etsy) and send a handwritten note to a family member or friend on your mind. Not only will the letter brighten their day, but it’ll likely spark a conversation once they receive it in the mail. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<h3>3. Foster connection with those you’re stuck at home with.&nbsp;</h3>



<p>Being
confined to our homes all day every day is a challenge. Our routines are
completely broken up—we can’t take our daily yoga class, meet friends for
dinner or chat with co-workers over happy hour drinks. Although it’s easy to
think of what we’re missing out on, it’s also important to consider what we’re
gaining through this unexpected time at home.</p>



<p>If you're stuck at home with a significant other, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-tips-for-working-from-home-with-kids/">kids</a> or a roommate, focus on how this unexpected time together can strengthen your relationships. My husband and I have used this extra time to completely clean out our condominium. We tossed or donated four garbage bags full of stuff, laughing and chatting the entire time. We’ve tried to eschew Netflix-binging when possible and opt for puzzles and playing poker instead. This situation is by no means ideal, but we’re trying to make the most of it by searching for the positives.</p>



<h3>4. Reach out to friends who
have depression or anxiety. </h3>



<p>Social isolation is hard for everyone, but it’s
particularly trying for those dealing with anxiety or depression. “Depression has a way of
isolating people and having a pandemic on top of it can make the
rationalization to shut down even more powerful,” says Caroline Madden, Ph.D.,
a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Burbank, California. &nbsp;</p>



<p>Madden
says people with depression often prefer texting over chatting on the phone. Consider
texting your friend just to let them know you’re thinking about them. “Even if you aren’t getting a response, don’t
stop reaching out,” she says. “A ‘You don’t have to respond—I just want you to
know that I’m thinking about you’ is a great message.’”</p>



<p>When it comes to
your anxious friends, stray away from talking about anything
coronavirus-related that will worsen their anxiety. This means not texting anything
about COVID-19 unless it’s breaking news, like city-wide restaurant closures. It’s
also important to avoid being overly cheery. “Don’t try to minimize their anxiety with positive talk,” Madden
says. “It tends to come across as unsupportive.”</p>



<h3>5. Have a family member read your child a bedtime book through FaceTime. </h3>



<p>If your children are used to more social
interaction with family members and friends, consider having one of their
grandparents, aunts or uncles read them a bedtime book from afar.</p>



<p>“FaceTime and Skype are great tools to visually connect
with others,” says Jaime
Zuckerman, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Ardmore, Pennsylvania. “They give us the emotional
connection we need via facial expressions and tone of voice.”</p>



<h3>6. Have a virtual watch party with friends. </h3>



<p>Bummed you can’t
head to your bestie’s apartment to watch your weekly show? Binge-watch a new Netflix
show from the comfort of your respective couches instead. &nbsp;</p>



<p>Adina&nbsp;Mahalli,
a certified&nbsp;relationship&nbsp;expert and mental health consultant with
Maple Holistics based in Farmingdale, New Jersey, recommends having a remote
Netflix party. Simply pick a show or movie, and watch it at the same time. (If
you have Google Chrome, you're in luck—there's a feature called Netflix Party
that allows you to stream a show at the same time as your friends.) Then, do a
group video chat once it’s over to talk about it. &nbsp;</p>



<p>“This
is a great way to stay connected while giving yourself the illusion that you’re
spending time with friends,” Mahalli says. </p>



<p>Sick of watching
TV? Host a virtual book club instead. </p>



<h3>7. Stream a class. </h3>



<p>For many of us,
daily socialization involves not only chatting with our co-workers and spending
time with family and friends, but also heading to our daily barre class or
knitting group. Keep the socialization alive through a virtual class. </p>



<p>Jessica Meyrowitz of Chappaqua, New York, teaches a <a href="https://itsayummy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">virtual knitting class</a>, for example, in which all participants knit from the comfort of their homes. “I instruct participants each step of the way, and they are able to socialize with the other video conference attendees,” she says. </p>



<p>Some <a href="https://www.sheknows.com/food-and-recipes/articles/1079046/best-online-cooking-classes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">cooking classes</a> are offered virtually, too, and fitness studios have also begun offering <a href="https://www.boston.com/culture/health/2020/03/16/these-10-local-fitness-studios-offer-virtual-classes" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">remote exercise classes</a> through services like Zoom. If your studio isn’t hosting virtual classes, consider partnering with a fitness buddy and committing to the same outdoor workout (i.e. running 2 miles) each day. </p>



<h3>8. Participate
in an online community. </h3>



<p>I’ve always been a lurker on <a href="https://www.reddit.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">Reddit</a>, meaning I frequent the same subreddits but rarely comment. In the past week, I’ve become an active participant in a few groups, and it’s added a healthy dose of socialization to my day. I look forward to chatting with people who have shared interests and have found a sense of community on certain subreddits. </p>



<p>When I say there are
subreddits for everyone, I mean it: expectant moms, gamers, medical students,
gluten-free eaters, makeup addicts—you name the topic, and there’s a subreddit
for it. </p>



<h3>9. Learn
to love solitude. </h3>



<p>Social isolation makes many of us feel uncomfortable. In fact, <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/people-prefer-electric-shocks-to-being-alone-with-their-thoughts/373936/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">one study found</a> people would rather undergo electric shock (really!) than sit alone with their thoughts.</p>



<p>There are countless benefits you can reap from enjoying your own company. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201706/the-badass-personalities-people-who-being-alone" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">Research has shown</a> people who find comfort in solitude are more open minded, conscientious and agreeable, plus they’re typically less depressed. </p>



<p>If you’ve struggled with
spending time alone in the past, take advantage of this unexpected solo time.
Do something that forces you to sit with your thoughts, such as completing a
puzzle, crafting or going for a long walk in nature. </p>



<p>When I first began working from home two years ago, I struggled with the isolation at first. Now, I can happily spend an entire day or two alone, and I’m better for it. </p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><strong><em>Related: </em></strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/unlocking-the-power-of-solitude/"><strong>Unlocking the Power of Solitude</strong></a></p></blockquote>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>Photo by Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash.com</em></p>

Struggling in self-quarantine? Here’s how to cope with the newfound isolation.

Struggling in self-quarantine? Here’s how to cope with the newfound isolation. | SUCCESS

9 Ways to Stay Connected During Social Distancing

9 Ways to Stay Connected During Social Distancing | SUCCESS

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/How-to-Stay-Connected-During-Social-Distancing.jpg

<p><em>Knock, knock.</em></p>



<p>I gently tap on the bedroom door and peer in. I hear my husband David’s rhythmic breathing. “Are you awake?” I whisper. Nothing. I ask again, this time a little bit louder.</p>



<p>“What’s up, babe?” He asks, his voice dripping with sleep.</p>



<p>My cheeks are stained with salty, almost-dry tears. My eyes begin to well up again. “Dr. Schneider died,” I say.</p>



<p>“Oh babe, I’m so sorry,” he says. “Come here. What happened?”</p>



<p>I crawl into bed and tell my husband that a former member of my therapy group emailed me with news that my therapist of several years had passed. I hadn’t seen him in months because I moved to a new city. He was 83, but in great health, so the news shocked me.</p>



<p>If you told me three years earlier that I’d be crying over the death of my therapist, I wouldn’t have believed you. Me? Crying over the death of someone I paid to treat me? Someone I had a purely clinical relationship with?</p>



<p>But this is where I found myself just last year.</p>



<p class="has-text-align-center">* * *</p>



<p>This isn’t the first time I’ve written in&nbsp;<em>SUCCESS&nbsp;</em>about being plagued by the physical, emotional and mental symptoms of anxiety. Rapid breathing, trouble sleeping, dizziness? Check. Catastrophic thinking, fear that everyone hates me, worry that I’m an impostor? Check, check, check.</p>



<p>I was never in denial about <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-breaking-things-helped-me-deal-with-my-anxiety/">being an anxious person</a>—I always accepted this fact. I just never thought I needed clinical help. I thought I managed my anxiety quite well. I got by.</p>



<p>But then around three years ago, while living in Dallas, my anxiety came to a head. There wasn’t one contributing factor, but rather many: I was planning our wedding, my husband would be matching for his medical residency soon—which could bring us to a new city—and I’d just started a new job. Every day I struggled to take deep breaths and my shoulders were so tense you’d think I’d lifted weights for 10 hours, both of which are hallmark signs I’m in panic mode.</p>



<p>In the past, these symptoms would eventually abate. This time, they didn’t.</p>



<p>Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and a licensed clinical psychologist, says people often struggle to identify when they should see a therapist for the first time. She advises people to look for three things: 1. Interference in your life, such as your job, work and relationships; 2. Your perceived level of distress or discomfort; and 3. Other people noticing you don’t seem like yourself.</p>



<p>“I think a lot of people say, ‘Oh, it’ll pass’ or, ‘I need to toughen up and figure this out myself,’” Durvasula says. “But if any of those three things that I just listed are happening, it’s probably time to consider consulting a therapist.”</p>



<p>I had the first two, and then the third came along swiftly. I told my husband I’d been flirting with the idea of therapy, and he thought it was a great idea. He was in medical school and had just shadowed a psychiatrist he loved: Dr. Schneider. I gave him a call.</p>



<p>The day I walked into my first therapy appointment, my anxiety was a 9 out of 10. I hesitantly entered the waiting room and nervously tapped my toes, looking at all of the dated furnishings and décor around me. Dr. Schneider came out, and his warm smile, slow gait and gentle aura put me at ease. He looked like a grandpa, balding with thick glasses. Heart racing and sweat pouring from my armpits, I detailed some of the problems I’d been dealing with before giving him a brief history of my life thus far.</p>



<p>At the end of our session, he told me he treated medical students and their significant others at a heavily discounted rate—it was his way of giving back.</p>



<p>I left his office feeling lighter. I was optimistic that I’d finally get a grip on this “thing” I’d been battling my entire life. I recently looked back at one of my old journals, and found this entry dated December 28, 2016, a few weeks after I began going to therapy:</p>



<p>“David recently encouraged me to start seeing a therapist, Dr. Schneider, for my anxiety. I think for a long time, I ignored or denied that I had generalized anxiety disorder, but I very much do and it’s very real and present all of the time. It’s exhausting to live like this. I had a moment of clarity recently that the way I drive myself crazy with my worried thoughts isn’t normal. Dr. Schneider was cool—he’s this like 80-year-old Jewish guy. I enjoy talking to him. I hope he can help me figure some things out.”</p>



<p>For about two years I saw Dr. Schneider weekly. He confirmed that I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), as well as some obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (which differs from obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD) tendencies. He helped me unpack certain things in my past that contributed to these problems, like my childhood. He gave me advice for how to make small changes in my life that would lead to big improvements. But more than anything, he listened.</p>



<p>Dr. Schneider also helped me see how much anxiety impacted my life. It wasn’t just that I had a mind on overdrive. Anxiety caused my sleeping problems, my dizzy spells, and my loss of appetite when I’m overwhelmed.</p>



<p><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/my-golden-days/">My anxiety began to very slowly ease up.</a> There were days when I wasn’t wound up tight like a rubber-band ball every waking minute. I got more restful sleep. I could catch my breath.</p>



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Sidebars-_Long-791x1024.png" alt="Therapy Is Personal Development" class="wp-image-44153" width="379" height="490"/></figure></div>



<p>Eventually, Dr. Schneider suggested I join a group therapy because of my pathological struggle to speak up. I’ve always found it extremely difficult to assert myself and freely speak my mind. Being in group therapy helped me experiment with bold, confrontational behavior with a safety net. Anything I said was fair game, and everyone in the group was there to support me.</p>



<p>After around two years of therapy, my husband and I moved to Chicago. Dr. Schneider said that although I was welcome to call him at any time, he felt like I was in a great place emotionally. I teared up after walking out of his office for the last time, simultaneously sad that I might not ever see him again and proud of all I’d accomplished with his help.</p>



<p class="has-text-align-center">* * *</p>



<p>Six months after we moved to Chicago, things took a turn. Although I’d had some challenging life events since we’d moved, including the death of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-most-important-lessons-my-grandma-taught-me/">my beloved grandmother</a> and a shoulder surgery that left me impaired for months, I was doing OK. I had a great support system and good coping mechanisms in place.</p>



<p>And then my mom told my dad she’d met someone else and wanted a divorce. I thought I was coping OK, but I wasn’t. Although my “hallmark” anxiety symptoms weren’t present—things like rapid breathing and tense shoulders—my anxiety manifested in different ways. I had trouble focusing on my work and I was forgetting things. I slept a lot and my acid reflux had worsened.</p>



<p>Allison Johnsen, LCPC, BCC, manager of behavioral health at Northwestern Medicine Central DuPage Hospital, says <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-subtle-signs-of-anxiety-you-might-not-notice/">anxiety and depression can present in different ways</a> for different people, especially following a traumatic event. Some people might feel tightness in their chest, while others might have gastrointestinal issues.</p>



<p>“You know based on how you usually are whether something is different,” she says. “Sometimes the body will tell you, sometimes the emotions will tell you first. It just depends on the person.”</p>



<p>I learned of Dr. Schneider’s death a few months before my parents’ divorce, so I found a new therapist in Chicago named Ingrid. She couldn’t be more different from Dr. Schneider. She’s young—around my age—and although she’s supportive and has helped me a great deal, she isn’t as frank and direct as Dr. Schneider was. It’s a different type of therapeutic relationship, but I’ve learned that’s OK.</p>



<p>“Therapy is a very unique health care relationship,” Durvasula says. “Different people have different needs. Some therapists are much more in your face. Some therapists are much more warm and fuzzy. Just like we have different preferences on the people we spend time with, we may very well have that with our therapist.”</p>



<p>After we moved to Chicago, I found myself missing Dr. Schneider, or as I often called him toward the end, Jerry. I looked forward to our weekly sessions. This therapy was the definition of personal development for me. It didn’t come out of a best-selling book, and there was no paint-by-numbers process. The work was hard, but it helped me make significant improvements in my life.</p>



<p>Faced with an anxiety-inducing situation, I’d often ask myself,&nbsp;<em>What would Dr. Schneider say</em>?&nbsp;Nearly every time, I guided my action based on the advice I envisioned he’d give me.</p>



<p>We bonded in a unique way. At times, he’d ask my opinion on things as a woman nearly 50 years his junior, like the Harvey Weinstein scandal. He joked about how he was the ring bearer in his grandson’s wedding. He marveled at the ubiquity of social media. Why in the world would someone want to share photos of their trip to Italy with 500 people? He once asked me.</p>



<p>If you’ve never been in therapy, this might sound strange, but I grew to miss him like a close friend when he died. Not only did he know my entire life story, but he helped me improve my mental health in a significant way. I am a more confident person because of him. I’ve always strived to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-power-of-creating-meaningful-moments/">live a life that is both fulfilling and meaningful</a>, and because of him and the work he helped me put into myself, I’ve moved closer to that vision.</p>



<p>The group member who notified me of Dr. Schneider’s passing, Steve, attended the funeral. Dr. Schneider’s large family was there. He had often opened up about himself in individual and group sessions, speaking fondly about his career, as well as how important all of his relationships were to him. He was married for 59 years and had four children and 11 grandchildren. His first great-grandchild was born just before he passed.</p>



<p>Steve told me of a poignant moment I’ll never forget. Dr. Schneider’s grandson spoke, and said he’d been at his grandfather’s bedside in his final days. “Are you afraid to die?” His grandson asked him.</p>



<p>“No,” he said. “I’m afraid to not live.”</p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p><strong><em>Related: </em></strong><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-improve-your-mental-health/"><strong>How to Improve Your Mental Health: 9 Keys to Your Well-Being</strong></a></p></blockquote>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article originally appeared in the March/April 2020 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</em> <br><em>Photo by Mary Long/ Shutterstock.com</em></p>

Feeling deeply helped by her own psychiatrist, our writer makes the case for seeing a professional.

Feeling deeply helped by her own psychiatrist, our writer makes the case for seeing a professional. | SUCCESS

Therapy Is Personal Development

Therapy Is Personal Development | SUCCESS

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Therapy-Is-Personal-Development.jpg

<p>In an industry saturated with voices, personal development powerhouse <a href="https://www.marieforleo.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="Marie Forleo (opens in a new tab)">Marie Forleo</a>, 44, has managed to shine. Not only did her September 2019 book, <em><a href="https://amzn.to/2UcDmZ2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="Everything is Figureoutable (opens in a new tab)">Everything is Figureoutable</a></em>, hit No. 1 on the <em>New York Times</em> best-seller list, but she’s been able to help over 55,000 people through <a href="https://www.marieforleo.com/bschool/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="B-School (opens in a new tab)">B-School</a>, her online course for people who want to build a meaningful, profitable business.</p>



<p>On top of that, Forleo has a vast social media following, as well as a YouTube channel, <em><a href="https://www.marieforleo.com/marietv/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="MarieTV (opens in a new tab)">MarieTV</a></em>, with 50 million views and counting.</p>



<p>Her secret?</p>



<p>“I show up consistently and without fail,” says Forleo, who was our <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/marie-forleo/">November/December 2019 cover subject</a>.</p>



<p>Forleo’s ultimate goal boils down to one simple concept: She wants to help people live extraordinary lives. “More and more of us are waking up to the truth that regardless of who we are or where we come from, we each have an innate power to improve the quality of our lives and make a difference in the world around us,” she says.</p>



<h4>Camaraderie, Not Competition</h4>



<p>As social media makes the barrier to entry lower for those in personal development, more and more people are putting their names in the ring. Forleo doesn’t see new players as competition, but rather as allies.</p>



<p>“It’s a good thing,” she says. “People have the opportunity to unleash their creativity and connect with others. More people means a higher variety of approaches, perspectives and styles of teachers to choose from.”</p>



<p>When asked which personal development voice she respects most, Forleo says it’s Byron Katie, the speaker and author best known for&nbsp;<em>The Work</em>. Forleo also thinks highly of couples’ counselors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt and their work with Imago Dialogue, a strategy for helping people better communicate.</p>



<p>“I’m friends with some of the top folks in the industry and I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Forleo says. “There’s more than enough to go around. With over 7 billion people on the planet, there are more than enough humans with a diverse set of needs, desires and tastes.”</p>



<h4>Human Connection</h4>



<p>Asking Forleo what she’s most excited or passionate about is like asking Bob Dylan his favorite song lyric. Forleo is well-known for her boundless energy and enthusiasm, which permeates countless industries, from self-help to dance.</p>



<p>In addition to working with B-Schoolers and interviewing people on&nbsp;<em>MarieTV</em>, Forleo says she’s most driven by meeting people in real life and hearing their stories. Her company, Marie Forleo International, used to host an annual conference in New York City, but she and her team decided to stop the event in 2013 because they put their focus toward their online product offerings. She often misses the real-life connections she forged with people through this event.</p>



<p>Forleo recently went on a worldwide book tour to promote&nbsp;<em>Everything is Figureoutable.</em> Speaking to&nbsp;<em>SUCCESS&nbsp;</em>before she left, her joy was palpable.</p>



<p>“I made a very intentional choice back in 2013 to remove that as part of our business because I knew I could impact so many more people through a program like B-School,” she says. “What I’m so excited about is getting back on the road, going on tour and meeting people in real life again.”</p>



<h4>Forging Ahead</h4>



<p>When asked what the future holds for personal development, Forleo says she believes people will crave more strategies that are research-driven and backed by science. She’s also excited about the opportunities technology presents, such as the use of virtual reality and augmented reality.</p>



<p>“The changes in technology present both fresh opportunities to impact people’s lives and an ever-growing demand to be discerning with how you spend your time and energy,” she says.</p>



<p>Although Forleo has big plans for the coming decade, her core beliefs will always remain the same—after all, they haven’t changed in the past two decades.</p>



<p>“From the beginning, I’ve always said, ‘I’m no sage from the stage, I’m more like a guide on the side,’ ” she says. “Like when I got started, this line of work is about doing whatever I can to help people create lasting results.”</p>



<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>



<h3>Did You Know?</h3>



<h4>7 Little-Known Facts About Marie Forleo</h4>



<ol><li>She loves zombie movies and TV shows.</li><li>She gifts&nbsp;The War of Art&nbsp;by Steven Pressfield more than any other book.</li><li>The greatest piece of advice she’s ever received? “That my heart is the strongest part of me.”</li><li>She once toured the world as a Nike Elite Dance Athlete and choreographed music videos for MTV.</li><li>Before becoming a business coach, her many odd jobs included cleaning toilets, bartending and teaching fitness classes.</li><li>Oprah Winfrey called Forleo a thought leader for the next generation.</li><li>Forleo thinks the best way to describe herself is as a “multi-passionate entrepreneur” since she has so many different interests.</li></ol>



<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>



<p><strong>Meet the other New Thought Leaders:</strong> </p>



<div class="wp-block-columns">
<div class="wp-block-column">
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/new-thought-leader-tim-ferriss/"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/2-2.png" alt="" class="wp-image-44077" width="150" height="150"/></a><figcaption>Tim Ferriss</figcaption></figure></div>
</div>



<div class="wp-block-column">
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/new-thought-leader-rachel-hollis/"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/1-7.png" alt="" class="wp-image-44078" width="150"/></a><figcaption>Rachel Hollis</figcaption></figure></div>
</div>
</div>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article originally appeared in the March/April 2020 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</em><br><em>Illustration by Hanane Kai</em>  </p>



<p>[fl_builder_insert_layout slug="amazon-affiliate-disclaimer"]</p>

Marie Forleo’s ultimate goal boils down to one simple concept: She wants to help people live extraordinary lives.

Marie Forleo’s ultimate goal boils down to one simple concept: She wants to help people live extraordinary lives. | SUCCESS

New Thought Leader: Marie Forleo

New Thought Leader: Marie Forleo | SUCCESS

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Scott Bedgood

Jonny Auping

<p>The phenomenon of modern times is that, thanks to technology, what happens in a small room, a forest or a cave in a remote pocket of the globe can be seen and heard by millions of people everywhere. The search for wisdom and knowledge is no longer a solitary pursuit left to scholars or monks; it’s a global conversation, and <a href="https://jayshetty.me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="Jay Shetty (opens in a new tab)">Jay Shetty</a>—a former monk, as it so happens—wants you to be just as much a part of it as he is.</p>



<p>“I’m someone who’s obsessed with wisdom and experimenting with wisdom and making it go viral,” he says. That last part goes a long way in explaining his success. Shetty’s <a href="https://jayshetty.me/videos/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="video blogs (opens in a new tab)">video blogs</a> have surpassed 5 billion views and he has over 32 million followers across his various platforms. Whether Shetty, 32, intends it or not, his messaging is tailored to his fellow millennials or, perhaps more so, to the even younger Generation Z.</p>



<p>These generations were born into the internet or introduced to it early in life, and they act accordingly. They are less likely to see online life as a negative, and open themselves to the positivity that comes with it.</p>



<p>“I think millennials have really made it their vision and commitment into life to really find themselves, to focus on what matters,” Shetty says. The world is shrinking in the internet age, and people realize that answers can come from anyone who lives anywhere. Wisdom has been democratized. “The community gets to decide what’s being heard,” he says. “Now, we’re seeing so many new faces, so many new backgrounds, so many new people from different cultures sharing their unique stories.”</p>



<p>Shetty’s story is just about as unique as they come. He grew up in London, struggling to make friends and teased for his weight. When he was 18, he met a monk, who seemed to have an internal quality that he’d been searching for his entire life. “He captivated me like someone I’d never seen before,” Shetty says. “His aura, his energy, was just infectious.” Shetty would go on to graduate from Cass Business School in London, but that monk’s view on the world stuck with him. At 22 he decided to commit the next four years to live as a monk across Europe and India. “I shaved my hair. I wore robes. I slept on the floor. We meditated for four to eight hours a day,” he says.</p>


<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OUZ_ToTUmA8" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p>


<p>Finally, there was a point where his mentor seemed to know something about him that he didn’t know about himself. He insisted that Shetty return home to put the knowledge he’d learned to good use. He had a healthy understanding of his body and mind, but had no job and was $25,000 in debt. Some of the people he’d gone to business school with were working for big companies that fostered stressful, pressure-filled environments. The relationships created opportunities to turn his wisdom into public speaking. He then had the foresight to take his messages to digital and social platforms in order to reach more people. One of those people turned out to be<em>&nbsp;Huffington Post</em>&nbsp;founder Arianna Huffington, who invited him to host his own show. He moved to New York, interviewed celebrities, gained millions of followers and was named a&nbsp;<em>Forbes&nbsp;</em>“30 Under 30” in 2017.</p>



<p>Shetty’s videos and <a href="https://jayshetty.me/podcast/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="podcasts (opens in a new tab)">podcasts</a> touch on productivity, relationships, and numerous aspects of mental health. His personality is infectious, engaging, and reassuring for viewers. He talks a mile a minute, which makes his most valued habit something of a surprise. “I think being still and being silent and finding your own space is so important in this hectic world,” he says, referring to meditation.</p>



<p>The internet might seem like a cold place to some, but Shetty is just trying to go viral for people who have been conditioned to improve in formulaic ways. But improvement requires wisdom, and wisdom has to be unlocked from within. “Don’t make a to-do list,” Shetty says. “Make a ‘to-be’ list. What do you want to be?”&nbsp;</p>



<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>



<h3>How a&nbsp;Former Monk Manages a Career</h3>



<p>Jay Shetty is one of very few people who have taken the experience of living as a monk and used that knowledge to build a successful career for himself. Here are a few tips he’s provided for applying knowledge of one’s self to the workplace.</p>



<ol><li><strong>Look ahead and think about where your present is taking your future.&nbsp;</strong>“If you’re at a company, look at the person who is 20 years ahead of you and ask yourself, ‘Is that where I want to be?’ If the answer is no, then you need to find a new path.”</li><li><strong>Start a side hustle.</strong>&nbsp;“Everything that becomes your mainstay originally will have started as a side hustle,” Shetty says. Experiment with possibilities and find things you enjoy improving at.</li><li><strong>Don’t hide what you want to accomplish.&nbsp;</strong>Shetty suggests telling everyone you know about the places you want to be in your career. Maybe they can help you.</li></ol>



<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>



<p><strong>Meet the other New Thought Leaders:</strong> </p>



<div class="wp-block-columns">
<div class="wp-block-column">
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/new-thought-leader-trent-shelton/"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/2-2.png" alt="" class="wp-image-44077" width="150" height="150"/></a><figcaption>Trent Shelton</figcaption></figure></div>
</div>



<div class="wp-block-column">
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-large is-resized"><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/new-thought-leader-gary-vaynerchuk/"><img src="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/1-7.png" alt="" class="wp-image-44078" width="150" height="150"/></a><figcaption>Gary Vaynerchuk</figcaption></figure></div>
</div>
</div>



<p class="has-small-font-size"><em>This article originally appeared in the March/April 2020 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</em><br><em>Illustration by Hanane Kai</em>  </p>

The search for wisdom and knowledge is no longer a solitary pursuit left to scholars or monks; it’s a global conversation, and Jay Shetty—a former monk, as it so happens—wants you to be just as much a part of it as he is.

The search for wisdom and knowledge is no longer a solitary pursuit left to scholars or monks; it’s a global conversation, and Jay Shetty—a former monk, as it so happens—wants you to be just as much a part of it as he is. | SUCCESS

New Thought Leader: Jay Shetty

New Thought Leader: Jay Shetty | SUCCESS

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