Debbie Biery, a white woman with shoulder length blond hair, red lipstick, and a blue floral shirt, smiling to represent her CEO mindset

Professional Growth

Professional Growth Archives

Professional Growth | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Q: I recently started a new job at an exciting company. It’s not my dream job, but I see potential to succeed here. I’m excited about the opportunity, but I’m feeling a little directionless. How can I <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/defining-your-purpose-living-with-intention/">find purpose in my work</a>? Do I need a CEO mindset? 



A: I was excited to get this question because this is an experience I’ve faced many times in my life. I’ll tell you about one instance.



Many years ago, I needed work and joined a friend’s cleaning company. I worked during the night, cleaning restaurants after they closed. Each shift, I had three thoughts:



<ol>
<li>I appreciate this.</li>



<li>I’m going to do this really well.</li>



<li>I’m not going to do this forever.</li>
</ol>



Those three statements not only energized me through long nights of cleaning, <a href="https://hbr.org/2020/10/use-gratitude-to-counter-stress-and-uncertainty" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">they also reframed how and what I learned</a>. In time, I opened my own cleaning company and enjoyed some great success.



We aren’t all “living the dream” all the time. If you find yourself in a less-than-ideal position, my advice to you is this: Embrace the opportunity. I believe any job is an opportunity that you can leverage with the right mindset.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-try-a-ceo-mindset">Try a CEO mindset</h2>



Here’s what that mindset is: You are the CEO of this position. As a leader—even a leader of a team of one—how will you be your absolute best? How will you show up and excel?



It is tempting to be demotivated by a role you may not love. A CEO mentality will encourage you to take ownership. Your approach shifts when you face any task as though it is an important challenge you are fully responsible for.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-to-have-a-ceo-mindset-at-every-job">How to have a CEO mindset at every job</h2>



To reinforce the CEO mindset, I challenge you to try the following:



<ol>
<li>View this job each day as an environment for <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-is-personal-development/">personal growth</a>. Your performance in this scenario is forever proof to yourself that you can do anything.</li>



<li>Stay in a state of curiosity. Learn everything you can. You never know what education you are gaining and how it will play into your capabilities in the future.</li>



<li>Look ahead. Played right, most of your workplace experiences can be a stepping stone to something else. Engage with the people around you. See the big picture of what the business is and the roles of the people who run it. Seek them out and use this time to prepare.</li>
</ol>



Coach yourself. It is natural for energy to decrease over time, especially when your job becomes familiar or rote. Don’t lose connection with your purpose. Remind yourself that you have an important role to play and <a href="https://www.delawarepsychologicalservices.com/post/10-ways-to-practice-positive-self-talk" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">exercise positive, healthy self-talk</a>.



There are many risks when you feel a job is not what you want. But your unwavering performance, inquisitiveness, ambition and motivation are the keys to propelling you forward.



What I’ve done, and what every one of us can do, is reframe how we think about our work and our role in it. We must challenge ourselves. Tomorrow’s opportunities are waiting for you to conquer today’s challenges.



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-nov-dec-2023-tamron-hall.html">November/December 2023 issue</a> of SUCCESS magazine. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.

Ever wonder how to find purpose in your work when you’re feeling directionless? Debbie Biery recommends trying a CEO mindset.

Ever wonder how to find purpose in your work when you’re feeling directionless? Debbie Biery recommends trying a CEO mindset. | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: Will Adopting a CEO Mindset Help Me Find Purpose in My Work?

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Feeling Unmotivated at Work? Try a CEO Mindset | SUCCESS

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With more than 20 years of experience in the real estate industry and a certified life coach, Debbie Biery is a firm believer in the power of communication, authenticity and self-awareness. She combines that experience with a desire to serve others and empower them to be the best version of themselves by helping them embrace failure and choose each moment as an opportunity for change and growth.

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Debbie Biery

Q: Dear Debbie: In the workplace, how do I know if I’m improving myself for the better or just watering down my most unique qualities?



A: You are one of a kind. Your unique mix of traits and strengths and even weaknesses isn’t replicated in any other human alive. That is amazing.



Many of us know what it feels like to be in a tight-knit group where we can communicate totally unfiltered and unedited. We also all know what it feels like to experience the opposite: to be on guard, cautious and even judged. Sometimes, that happens in the workplace when we’re trying to fit into an existing culture or connect with our new coworkers.



It can be confusing to be this aware of ourselves. Are there places and contexts in which you can show up as your true self—and others in which you shouldn’t? This can be especially difficult for people of color and other underrepresented groups, according to <a href="https://globisinsights.com/purpose/dei/coming-out-at-work/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Globis Insights</a>. Which category should work fall into? And, as was asked, how do you know if you’re <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-improve-emotional-intelligence/">improving yourself</a> or just watering down your most unique qualities?



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-self-improvement-in-the-workplace">Self-improvement in the workplace</h2>



When it comes to the workplace, I believe the answer is here: Your ability to become a better leader and colleague stems from your willingness to reflect on how your actions and behaviors affect others. To me, growth means continuously improving yourself—including your soft skills.&nbsp;



For example, tailoring, say, your cellphone etiquette in an executive meeting perhaps isn’t a case of censoring your true self; instead, it’s an example of reading the room and adapting to the situation. These are things all <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/strategies-to-build-self-awareness-as-a-leader/">leaders</a> must do.



This constant growth takes time and practice. It can be day by day or even minute by minute. But fear not. As you understand yourself, your behavior and your role at work, you will come to know and understand your colleagues as well. You might even think more considerately about how they do business and why they operate in a certain way.



This effort to be aware of others, while understanding your role, will reveal whether or not you are watering down your personality or actually improving yourself for the better at work. Look back on the situations that have confused you and consider: Did your actions and behaviors affect others?



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-self-improvement-starts-with-self-awareness-at-work">Self-improvement starts with self-awareness at work</h2>



Right now, this all starts with you. But being <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-you-need-emotional-intelligence-to-succeed/">aware of yourself</a> and others quickly translates outward. You might be the one to create a ripple effect in the workplace. Awareness of yourself and others might lead to a team that respects each other’s roles and trusts each other’s decisions.&nbsp;



Over time, perhaps that environment will allow everyone to get to know each other a little better. In my experience, this is where barriers get broken down. This is how growth and self-improvement at work happens. And this is why we can all improve, even if we’re one of a kind.



This article originally appeared in the September/October 2023 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-sept-oct-2023-kris-carr.html">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.&nbsp;

Does self-improvement at work have to come at the expense of self-expression? SUCCESS columnist Debbie Biery weighs in.

Does self-improvement at work have to come at the expense of self-expression? SUCCESS columnist Debbie Biery weighs in. | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: How Do I Tell if I’m Improving Myself at Work or Diluting My Best Qualities?

What’s the Cost of Self-Improvement at Work? | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: How Can I Increase My Community Involvement?

Personal Development

Personal Development Archives

Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Q: I just moved to a new area and want to increase my community involvement. How do I go about doing this?



A: Moving to a new area comes with <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/the-ultimate-moving-checklist/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">a laundry list</a> of things to do. All the logistics, work arrangements and details can feel overwhelming. But once you settle in, deciding how to get involved in your community should be a priority.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-to-get-involved-in-your-community">How to get involved in your community</h2>



I can testify to this truth: Wherever you are, your community will shape you. I travel often and stay in some places for a few weeks or even months. So, when you are in a new place, where do you begin? I follow three simple and effective strategies for boosting my community involvement.



But first: I want to be sure you know that you don’t have to be an extrovert to venture into social situations. Keep your efforts aligned with your passions, and do it in a way that fits your personality. Do what suits you. All three of these tips are highly adaptable and will work no matter how you’re wired.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-investigate-your-surroundings">1. Investigate your surroundings.</h3>



Do some research on the local community: What does it have to offer? Does it have the best water park in the world for families? Is there a book club that hosts famous authors? Is it known for its outdoor movie theaters? Uncovering these local secrets will help you understand the local culture and find something that might align with your own interests. It’s a nice and easy starting point to get you out and active.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-pursue-your-interests">2. Pursue your interests.</h3>



Anytime I go somewhere new—whether I’m there for a few weeks or a few months—I look for fitness classes and concerts. Those are two things I’m always interested in and know that I’ll enjoy. I also know I’m more likely to make a connection with like-minded people in those places. When you pursue your interests as your door to community involvement, your chances improve to connect with people who like the same things you do. This is a fast way to build relationships because you already have something in common.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-proactively-invest-in-the-community-itself">3. Proactively invest in the community itself.</h3>



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/15-inspiring-quotes-about-giving/">Volunteering</a> is always a great opportunity to jump into a new place with both feet. Find out what’s going on through the local chamber of commerce website and social media groups. What events are going on? What organizations are active?



When looking for how to get involved in your community, finding a cause close to your heart will help you meet people who share your values. When you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-personal-and-professional-benefits-of-volunteering/">contribute to your community</a> in a meaningful way, you also get that great feeling that comes from making a difference. If you’re a social butterfly, this could mean joining a philanthropic society and fundraising. On the other end of the spectrum, I have a dear friend who is very introverted and recently moved to a new city. She connected with a local cat adoption agency and was able to increase her community involvement right away through fostering.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-combat-loneliness-with-community-involvement">Combat loneliness with community involvement</h2>



Ultimately, remember that it is natural, good and necessary to connect with other people. Americans <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b7c56e255b02c683659fe43/t/6021776bdd04957c4557c212/1612805995893/Loneliness+in+America+2021_02_08_FINAL.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">have been battling increased loneliness</a> since the pandemic, and I’m here to tell you, virtual exchanges aren’t going to meet all of your needs. You are biologically wired to want to be around other people, doing life together—growing and going places together. (Read about the scientific benefits of community involvement in “<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/can-community-help-you-live-longer/">Can Community Help You Live Longer? This Harvard Study Says Yes</a>.”) Don’t reject this impulse. Create space for it.



Your instinct to make deep and meaningful connections is a good one. A fresh start is a perfect time to build new practices. I wholeheartedly encourage you to pursue opportunities and find your place.&nbsp;



This article originally appeared in the July/August 2023<a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-july-august-2023-chance-the-rapper.html"> issue of SUCCESS magazine</a> and was updated in November 2023. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.&nbsp;

Community involvement is crucial to living a fulfilled and happy life, but where to begin? We’ve outlined 3 simple steps to get your started.

Community involvement is crucial to living a fulfilled and happy life, but where to begin? We’ve outlined 3 simple steps to get your started. | SUCCESS

How to Increase Your Community Involvement in 3 Simple Steps| SUCCESS

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Dear Debbie: I Feel Unsettled. How Do I Cope with the Chaos Around Me?

Q: My company is in disarray, and I’m feeling unsettled. How do I cancel the noise around me and carry on?



A: Peace amid the storm is <a href="https://news.gallup.com/opinion/gallup/355133/world-prefers-calm-life-exciting-life.aspx">something many of us crave</a>. Let me start by saying: The storms will never fully cease. The nature of being alive on planet Earth is that you will experience <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-tips-for-dealing-with-uncertainty/">your fair share of chaos</a>. This is inevitable, which makes coping vital <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/resilience-reset/">during times of chaos</a> and noise.



Which leads to the reader’s question: How?



To start, accept that what you are experiencing is not your fault but is to be expected. None of us is immune to volatility in the world. We face chaos without and, sometimes, chaos within. We grapple with businesses, relationships, family, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-protect-your-mental-health-at-work/">mental health challenges</a> and more. Chaos <a href="https://www.who.int/news/item/02-03-2022-covid-19-pandemic-triggers-25-increase-in-prevalence-of-anxiety-and-depression-worldwide">can cause untold stress</a>, and that <a href="https://psychcentral.com/stress/long-term-effects-of-chronic-stress-on-body-and-mind">can have catastrophic effects</a>. Just last week, I was at a real estate meeting, and one of the agents shared an intense personal struggle they were having with depression. You may relate, and you may feel alone. I can’t say emphatically enough: You deserve awareness and attention, you have power and you are capable of navigating whatever you’re facing. Tune in. Stay close to yourself.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-to-cope-with-chaos-at-work">How to cope with chaos at work</h2>



<div class="wp-block-group">
Whatever the source of the chaos, it can affect your life. Here are some actionable practices to cancel noise, find focus and carry on.



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-first-gain-absolute-clarity-about-your-job">First, gain absolute clarity about your job.</h4>



Why are you there? So many people just do the job but don’t have vision. I can tell you that when times get tough or uncertain, you will need to understand your purpose. Reflect on this. Write it down. Get clear about your work and your role: It will sustain you and help you prioritize what you must do each day.



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-second-control-what-you-can-to-cope-with-the-chaos">Second, control what you can to cope with the chaos.</h4>



Chaos can often highlight just how little we control. Your company? Many, many stakeholders impact the direction of a company. Your team? There are always voices wanting to be heard. The economy? Nope, you can’t control that.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-you-should-focus-on-what-you-can-control/">What you can control</a> may be a short list, but write it out: What can you reasonably control each day? This is a perspective exercise that helps you cope when a co-worker has a bad attitude, your boss blows up or you read something upsetting in the news. You can’t carry the weight of the world. Focus on where you can be effective.



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-third-dream-more">Third, dream more.</h4>



Some people see chaos as a time to exercise control (and acutely need the above practice). They see the world whirling, and their instinct is to dig in and do more. But I have a slightly different stance.



Dreaming, visioning, journaling, imagining: This is how to tap into your deepest desires and architect a future that is uniquely yours. It’s when you clear the cobwebs and build a version of life you can work toward—something aspirational. Something that transcends the chaos of a current moment and helps you see the bigger picture.



These three practices are interconnected. They connect you to the grand work of solidifying your identity, advancing your career and even shaping your destiny.



Knowing who you are and what you are doing, knowing what you can and can’t control and knowing where you are headed make you unstoppable. Invincible. It puts you in a mindset that quiets the noise without and stills the chaos within. It enables you to shake off uncertainty and build fortitude.



Let me encourage you: You are going places. Where you are right now is one leg of a lifelong journey. Don’t lose focus because things are chaotic, challenging or not what you want them to be. Cling to clarity, control what you can and let your vision drive you forward into more certain, more fulfilling tomorrows.



This article originally appeared in the May/June 2023 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-may-june-2023-jairek-robbins.html">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.
</div>

The storms of life never cease. But you can mitigate their effect on your day-to-day and learn to cope with chaos.

The storms of life never cease. But you can mitigate their effect on your day-to-day and learn to cope with chaos. | SUCCESS

Coping with Chaos: Advice from Dear Debbie

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Debbie Biery shares advice for modern managers

Future of Work

Future of Work Archives

Future of Work | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Q: My team openly shares some of their struggles, both personal and professional, in the office. As the team leader, I want to show my human side and share that I experience similar struggles, but I don’t want to come across as weak or not having it all figured out when they need direction. How can I find a balance in sharing personal and professional struggles?



A: It’s hard to open up in the workplace. It’s hard to <a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/bring-your-whole-self-to-work" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">let people see you</a> and know you. It’s even harder to do this <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-lead-with-vulnerability-and-why-its-important/">if you are a leader</a>. But, I would suggest, it’s also where you come into real power.



Authenticity is not a weakness. It is the <a href="https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/401999/leadership-authenticity-starts-knowing-yourself.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">quality of a true leader</a>.



For many of us, coming to terms with this is a paradigm shift.



Even a decade ago, there was very little vulnerability in the workplace. We all plastered on smiles, lived in the shallow end and brought a performance-only mentality into work. For those of us who led as women in a man’s world, it was doubly hard. Never let them see you sweat.



<h2 id="h-find-a-balance-between-personal-and-professional">Find a balance between personal and professional</h2>



But the world is changing for the better, and we as leaders have an opportunity <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-ways-leaders-can-make-a-positive-impact-in-the-workplace/">to reshape the culture</a> to be more giving, forgiving and healthy.



The challenge is finding balance.



Balance is a complicated idea. We are endlessly working toward the perfect <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/your-relationship-with-work-is-competing-with-your-personal-relationships-it-doesnt-have-to/">balance between work and family</a>, or <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/work-less-do-more/">between productivity and rest</a>. But that’s quite tidy and not how life works. We ourselves, along with every person on our team, live in flux, with different events impacting “how we are doing” at any given moment.



Because of that complexity, there is no exact formula for how often and what types of personal sharing should happen in the professional workplace setting. Sometimes people will share more about what’s going on, and others will share less. This is a balance that you, as a leader, need to support.



<h2 id="h-create-a-safe-space-for-employees">Create a safe space for employees</h2>



In a healthy culture, sharing won’t happen all of the time in excess. Unchecked, vulnerability can devolve into habitual complaining or pessimism. It’s up to you to manage this. A good leader moves these conversations toward solutions.



Be accessible, forming a safe space through <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/benefits-of-being-vulnerable/">your own honesty and vulnerability</a>. Then, as a leader, be the uplifter.



Respond to sharing with a confident, optimistic perspective that reminds everyone of where you’ve all come from and where you’re headed. Remember, an important outcome of sharing personal and professional failures is to make celebration richer. People can trust that their sharing will be well-received and they will be <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-creative-ways-to-solve-a-problem/">challenged to solve problems</a> and grow.



We all have a mix of good and bad experiences, and we shouldn’t pretend otherwise. Tapping into the nature of our individual experiences is what connects us. This connection builds a foundation of trust, which is the basis for all inspired work.



Your humanity is not a weakness. True leadership and true strength <a href="https://www.masterclass.com/articles/authentic-leadership-explained" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">come from being open</a> and transparent. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/12-habits-of-genuine-people/">When we can be authentic</a>, overcoming our own ego, we elevate everyone to a new level of camaraderie and teamwork.



This article originally appeared in the March/April 2023 <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-mar-apr-2023-lewis-howes.html">issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.

Certified life coach Debbie Biery shares advice for how to find a balance between sharing personal and professional struggles at work.

Certified life coach Debbie Biery shares advice for how to find a balance between sharing personal and professional struggles at work. | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: How Do I Balance Personal and Professional at Work?

How Do I Balance Personal and Professional at Work? | SUCCESS

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Dear Debbie: How Can I Balance the Needs of My Business with the Calm of a Routine?

Lifestyle

Lifestyle Archives

Elevate your lifestyle for success and happiness

Q: I’m on the road a lot. Between conferences and sales meetings and team meetings, my routine feels like anything but. How can I balance the needs of my business with <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-keeping-a-routine-during-stressful-times-4802638" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the calm of a routine</a>?



A: In my early years as a real estate agent in Bellingham, Washington, life moved faster than I could keep up with. Between marketing, showings, closings, parenting, eating good food, moving my body, continuing education and all the things in between, any concept of self-care felt foreign or forced.



To me, productivity isn’t about mastering all the sections of your life into one manageable calendar. Quite frankly, don’t try that. It’s impossible. Productivity is about being present in whatever task or priority is at hand. We lose <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-create-the-perfect-conditions-for-deep-focus/">our ability to focus</a> when we switch tasks every 15 minutes. We also lose focus when we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. So before I dive into my advice for <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-keys-to-developing-daily-disciplines/">building routines into your day</a>, I’m first going to ask you to stop, close your eyes and repeat this phrase:



I am human. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-my-imperfections-are-my-greatest-strengths/">I am perfectly imperfect</a>. Whatever I do or don’t do today is just enough.



Repeat it. Write it down. Tape it to your mirror or your dashboard or over the face of your smartwatch until it kicks in.



Now, there are some ways I’ve found to build a routine into an impossible busy schedule. One tactic is creating micro routines. This is especially helpful for those who frequently travel and don’t have the comfort and sameness of home. Micro routines are those non-negotiable daily things that remind your body that even when the environment is different, this one task stays the same.



For example, if you’re only good at hydrating when you’re home with your favorite big water jug, specify a travel version of that same container to stay hydrated on the go. If you’re used to your big fancy gym two blocks from your house, <a href="https://www.forbes.com/health/body/travel-friendly-exercise-ideas/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">create a travel workout routine</a> and stick to the same time frame so your muscle memory kicks in.



We’re habitual creatures, and our brains feel safe when we have a routine to rely on. Travel is the biggest disruption for routine. With micro routines that are designed with that disruption in mind, we can teach our brain to not realize the difference between a home workout and travel workout. We can mimic a similar sleeping environment that allows us to get the much-needed rest we often miss while on the road.



Micro routines are just one example of a fundamental truth: You often <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-you-should-focus-on-what-you-can-control/">can’t control your environment</a> (such as a busy entrepreneur’s life on the road), but you can control what you bring to that environment. What are some ways you build out micro routines in your schedule?



This article originally appeared in the January/February 2023 Issue of SUCCESS magazine.

What are some ways you build out micro routines in your schedule?

What are some ways you build out micro routines in your schedule? | SUCCESS

Balancing Business Needs with Routine: Dear Debbie's Advice

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Money

Money Archives

Achieve financial success and freedom

Q: I’ve worked hard to achieve the kind of financial success I have, yet I find myself downplaying it in social settings. What’s going on?



A: I <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-complete-guide-to-money-how-to-create-wealth/">found my financial footing</a> as a real estate agent in Bellingham, Washington. I worked long hours but loved every minute of being the primary breadwinner for my then-husband and son. The industry was booming, but I had also found my stride—a level of confidence and self-assuredness I hadn’t known before. It’s a special type of achievement to recognize your growth and let it shine on the outside. And that’s typically also the time someone tries to snuff it out.



I walked—no, strutted—into my <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-find-the-right-accountant-for-you/">Certified Public Accountant’s</a> office to <a href="https://www.irs.gov/individuals/steps-to-take-now-to-get-a-jump-on-next-years-taxes" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">prepare for tax season</a> as close to cloud nine as I could get. That is, until he made some colorless joke about me earning the kind of income I had earned and what that said about me as a woman. I’ll spare you the details because it’s not worth repeating, but the air in the room suddenly felt stale and suffocating.



I didn’t mind that random strangers often assumed my husband was our primary earner, despite me having doubled his salary in real estate sales alone. After all, we’re not in competition with our significant others and societal assumptions are just that. But for this CPA that I had worked with for years to make an off-handed comment about the financial gains I had worked so hard and so independently for—it produced a particularly poignant type of pain and anger. I fired him.



Whether we struggle with shame around our financial gains or we allow someone else to project shame onto us, it’s a breach of trust with ourselves. That CPA could have congratulated me for my record sales years. Instead, he projected insecurity and maybe frustration. I can’t control that. I can control the circle of people I allow in my business and personal life. That includes the version of myself that I want in those circles.



I was devastated at his careless words, but can you imagine if I said them to myself? How often are we aghast at the way we hear others speak to each other, yet our own internal monologue is arguably much nastier. This can be multiplied in the financial realm. Splurged on a spa day after a month of hard work only to feel guilty and berate yourself so much you don’t even enjoy it? Downplayed your financial achievements in a group social setting because you don’t want to sound braggy?



It’s an important piece of human achievement—even further amplified for women—to build up our own nest eggs, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-keys-to-successful-investing/">understand how to invest</a>, give back <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-give-back-purposefully/">to our communities</a> and know that we can fully and wholly take care of ourselves.



It starts with getting aligned with yourself and analyzing the voice in your head. If you can <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/if-you-want-to-change-your-life-change-what-you-think/">change the tune</a> of your inner monologue to one of joy, support and confidence, your outer voice will match the tune. As a woman, I often felt like taking care of others <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/202207/self-care-is-not-selfish" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">was primary over myself</a>. I gave—money, time, career choices, energy, you name it—to ­others at the expense of myself. Financial stability—and even financial achievement—is not a mark of shame; it’s a mark of self-love, achievement and diligence. The world deserves the gifts you have to offer. Every time you make yourself smaller, you take that gift from the world.



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-nov-dec-2022-sophia-bush-and-nia-batts.html">November/December 2022</a> issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photos courtesy Debbie Biery



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SUCCESS Ambassador Debbie Biery gives advice to a reader who finds themselves downplaying their financial success in social settings.

I’ve worked hard to achieve the kind of financial success I have, yet I find myself downplaying it in social settings. What’s going on? | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: Why Do I Downplay My Hard-Earned Success in Social Settings?

Overcoming Self-Downplay: Dear Debbie's Insights

Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

Q: I’m an entrepreneur. Lately, I don’t feel inspired to manage anything beyond my must-do list. How can I reignite my inspiration?



A: Earlier this year, I planned a spontaneous trip to Sedona, Arizona, with two women I’m blessed to call peers and dear friends. We each packed a small bag filled with soft, comfortable clothing—not one makeup brush or high heel in sight. We hiked. We ate hearty meals. We lounged in the pool. We talked. We sat in silence. We connected in this safe, judgment-free zone we had created.



We never planned to discuss our work, but through these conversations came ideas that invigorated me in ways I hadn’t felt in years. I left feeling recharged, supported and with a fiery motivation to act on the ideas that had been living rent-free in my brain for months.



Entrepreneurship can be lonely, and people are social creatures. When I <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/its-normal-to-feel-uninspired-about-your-goals-heres-how-to-get-the-mojo-back/">feel stagnant and uninspired</a>, it’s a sign that I need to rediscover connections with friends and community. Ironically, when I need connection the most is often <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-find-solitude/">when I want to be alone</a> the most. When we least want to move our bodies, that’s usually when our body needs movement the most. We don’t always crave what’s best for us, but trust in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/202102/connection-others-brings-us-healing" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the healing power of connection</a> and movement. I promise you won’t regret it.



Now, I hear you. We can’t all jump on a plane and head to Sedona when we’re feeling a little off our game. We have mortgages and families and responsibilities. Although a retreat can be magical and healing, I don’t think the where matters so much as the who and the what.



If you live near your inner circle, schedule an unplugged night with friends. Light some candles. Play soothing music. Have a glass of wine if that’s your thing. You know <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-good-self-care-looks-like/">when you feel most relaxed</a>. Set the tone and make an agreement that everything discussed in that room is sacred. It has to be a safe place to share fears, dreams and everything in between.



If you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/9-ways-to-stay-connected-during-social-distancing/">can’t meet in person</a>, set up a monthly Zoom call with your people. Each person can set the mood in their home, shut off all other electronics and be present.



I urge you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/too-busy-for-relationships/">to make time</a> for these kinds of connections. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and ask for help. Periods of stagnation are normal. You can’t control how you may feel from day to day, but you can create practices that allow your <a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/370058" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">body and mind to recharge</a> and reconnect—both with itself and with others. That’s where the magic is.&nbsp;



<hr class="wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots"/>



You’ll be hearing from me regularly. In this column, on social media, in your inbox if you choose. My goal is to help women empower themselves and embrace the wholly human attributes that make them truly incredible. If you’re going through a difficult time, I want to help you. There is power in the collective. There is healing in the universally shared human experience. But first we have to talk about it. Are you ready?&nbsp;



Where could you use support in your life? Submit your question to&nbsp;deardebbie@success.com.



This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.success.com/by-media/success-magazine-sept-oct-2022-jay-shetty.html">September/October 2022</a> issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery. 



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Dear Biery gives advice to an entrepreneur who is looking to reignite their inspiration.

Q: I’m an entrepreneur. Lately, I don’t feel inspired to manage anything beyond my must-do list. How can I reignite my inspiration? A: Earlier this year, | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: How Can I Reignite My Inspiration as an Entrepreneur?

"Reigniting Entrepreneurial Inspiration: Dear Debbie's Advice

In this video segment from SUCCESS magazine’s <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/jay-shetty-and-the-quest-for-brand-fulfillment/">September/October cover interview</a> with Jay Shetty, the best-selling author, purpose coach and former monk, discusses living and serving others during tough times, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-is-my-purpose-in-life/">the pursuit of purpose</a> and his personal definition of success.



<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LUkQlFPdV34" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>



During tough times, we often look to those who inspire us for hope. Hope, however, only does so much. If we only focused on hoping things got better, nothing ever would. Instead, Shetty feels people should be asking themselves, how can I help?&nbsp;



When looking for <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/serve-others-to-get-all-you-want/#:~:text=You'll%20see%20more%20money,fortunes%20through%20the%20Giving%20Pledge.">ways to serve others</a>, however, remember that service is not only defined by charity or random acts of kindness. To Shetty, “service can [also] be how we do what we do every day to improve the lives of others.”



When planning your life and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/identifying-your-dream-is-only-the-first-step-in-pursuing-your-passion/">determining your pursuits</a>, you have to remember that you will get out of what you pursue only what you’re looking for. Pursuing money won’t make you happy and fame won’t make you confident, but pursuing purpose will, according to Shetty, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/start-with-the-foundation-the-7-building-blocks-of-a-fulfilling-life/">bring you inner fulfillment</a>. To find purpose, Shetty feels that it comes down to three things:&nbsp; "Knowing your passion, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202110/how-find-your-strengths#:~:text=Key%20points&amp;text=You%20can%20identify%20your%20strengths,more%2C%20and%20boost%20your%20happiness." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">knowing your strengths</a> and then using your passion and strengths in the service of others.”



It is this belief that has helped create Shetty’s personal definition of success. To Shetty, success means to “live a passionate life, a life based on your strengths and service of others.” While he acknowledges that success can also be external validations and rewards, they will be fleeting. Living life in service of yourself and others, on the other hand, has rewards that last a lifetime.

Jay Shetty discusses living and serving others during tough times, the pursuit of purpose and his personal definition of success.

In this video segment from SUCCESS magazine’s September/October cover interview with Jay Shetty, the best-selling author, purpose coach and former monk, | SUCCESS

Jay Shetty's Personal Definition of Success Includes Living a Passionate Life and Serving Others

Jay Shetty&#8217;s Personal Definition of Success Includes Living a Passionate Life and Serving Others

Success Redefined: Jay Shetty's Formula for Passion and Service

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My life is good. I’m busy and accomplished. I should feel grateful. Instead, I feel disconnected and directionless. What should I do?



First of all, what you’re feeling is normal. The idea that something has to be wrong in your life for you to feel down or disconnected is just another facet of perfectionism placed on women.



About a year ago, I was working on initiatives to <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevedenning/2021/10/17/five-key-steps-to-enhance-your-brand/?sh=3c92049a2715" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">further my brand</a>. There were brand kits and content strategies and speaking engagements. It was creative and exciting, but suddenly, I was drowning in a sea of and this, and this, and this. I couldn’t see myself through the chaos.



So I took a step back and asked one simple question: What is my intention here?



Too often, we become passengers in our lives. We say yes to new things without even realizing whether we want them or whether they’re good for us. We continue saying yes, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-situations-where-you-should-celebrate-saying-and-hearing-no-as-a-freelancer/">piling on so many things</a> that the sheer busyness of our schedule drowns out any chance of reflection and purposeful creation. We’re blessed with an abundance of things we can do that we forget to ask ourselves: What do I want to do?



My solution: Make time to know and love yourself again. For me, that means <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-ways-to-get-outside-and-why-you-should/">time alone in nature</a>. I spent several months in Arizona hiking, meditating, nourishing my body and listening to myself via journaling. I’m a natural people-pleaser, which serves me well. But it also means I can get caught up in others’ well-meaning input and embrace it as my own.



For you, this process might look different. The most important thing is that you’re giving yourself time and space to reclaim your voice and listen to what feels right for you. A helpful exercise is called “future-casting.” Corporations hire firms to future-cast what the world might look like in the next five to 10 years, and what products might be needed as a result. For you, future-casting is getting clear on your next stage of life and what you need in order <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/start-with-the-foundation-the-7-building-blocks-of-a-fulfilling-life/">to be fulfilled</a>, purposeful and authentic.



I started small, planning out a rough draft of my day. The key is to make it simple. How many times have you written an <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-5-tips-for-using-your-time-wisely/">extensive daily routine</a>—perhaps designing it in a bullet journal or white board–only to realize you were procrastinating the most important part: taking the first step. Action begets action, which begets inspiration, which begets motivation, which begets consistency. Read that again.



Getting clear on what you want starts with <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-chronicles-infertility/202201/4-easy-steps-intention-setting" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">setting your intention</a>. Test this theory. You’ll be amazed what you can accomplish in just a few hours with purposeful intention <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-create-the-perfect-conditions-for-deep-focus/">and dedicated focus</a>. Everything else is just noise.



* * *



You’ll be hearing from me regularly. In this column, on social media, in your inbox if you choose. My goal is to help women empower themselves and embrace the wholly human attributes that make them truly incredible. If you’re going through a difficult time, I want to help you. There is power in the collective. There is healing in the universally shared human experience. But first we have to talk about it. Are you ready?&nbsp;



Where could you use support in your life? Submit your question to deardebbie@success.com.



This article originally appeared in the July/August 2022 Issue of SUCCESS magazine. Photo courtesy of Debbie Biery.



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Make time to know and love yourself again. For me, that means time alone in nature.

Make time to know and love yourself again. For me, that means time alone in nature. | SUCCESS

Dear Debbie: I Feel Disconnected and Directionless—What Should I Do?

Finding Direction: Dear Debbie's Advice for Feeling Disconnected

All You Have Is This Moment—How Will You Choose to Spend It?

My son, Jeffrey, came to visit me in Bellingham, Washington recently. We relaxed and connected and explored. We talked and didn’t talk. We ate good food and just enjoyed each other’s presence.&nbsp;



What we didn’t do—what I see families so often do—is spend so much time living in the past that we forgot to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/mindset-and-the-happiness-factor/">enjoy the moment</a> right in front of us. I get it. Being a parent of an adult child comes with reminiscing. You see the little characteristics that only a parent can see and it reminds you of the 5-year-old child they were seemingly only moments ago. Reminiscing is harmless until it isn’t—until it robs you of the very different but equally beautiful relationship you’re forming as two adults. Capturing these moments takes practice.&nbsp;&nbsp;



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-ways-you-can-use-mindfulness/">Mindfulness</a> has many names, but for this piece of the puzzle, I call it the moment mindset. The moment mindset empowers me—and you—to reclaim the seemingly small things and understand how they add up to big things. In each and every moment, we have the opportunity to choose: we can choose to receive joy or embrace negativity. We can choose to assume good intentions over bad. We can compliment ourselves instead of allowing negative thoughts free room and board. And every time you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-practical-tips-to-achieve-a-positive-mindset/">choose positivity</a> and kindness and connection, you tell yourself that you’re worth it. Do that a hundred times, a thousand times, and you have a life filled with positive memories.&nbsp;



These are some tips that worked for me.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-1-recognize-and-log-the-times-when-you-re-not-in-the-moment">1. Recognize and log the times when you’re not in the moment.&nbsp;</h2>



I always thought I was an in-the-moment person until I started tracking my thoughts and the times they wander from the present. It’s not that I <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-break-the-pattern-of-dwelling-on-past-mistakes/">often ruminate</a> or wish time would move faster; it’s simply that I’m somewhere other than here. That’s not inherently unhealthy, but it doesn’t allow for presence of mind and over time, it becomes habitual. It allows us to trick ourselves into thinking that the past or future was or will be somehow better than the moment we’re in now. As you can imagine, that can wreak all sorts of havoc on your sense of peace and contentment.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-2-begin-to-identify-patterns-and-cues">2. Begin to identify patterns and cues.&nbsp;</h2>



Don’t think of your thoughts-logging task as a way to list all the things you’re doing wrong. The goal here is to identify patterns and cues for the times we stray from the present. Let’s give an example. If you notice that you think about a particularly sad holiday past every time you drink a cup of peppermint tea, you’ve identified a cue. Our senses can trigger powerful memories in ways that our brains can’t on their own.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-3-gently-correct-course">3. Gently correct course.&nbsp;</h2>



There isn’t anything wrong with thinking about a less-than-stellar holiday. We all have painful memories, and without them, we wouldn’t truly appreciate and understand the power of joy. But if that memory robs you of the joy of this moment, it isn’t serving you. This isn’t about negative reinforcement. Mindfulness isn’t about judging ourselves for the thoughts we have or trying to stop the thought from appearing in the first place (that’s impossible, anyway). It’s about noticing the thought, separating ourselves from it and gently guiding our conscious back to the present. It’s going to be work, but it will be worth it.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-4-carve-out-time-for-mindfulness">4. Carve out time for mindfulness.&nbsp;</h2>



I love working out. I love the feeling of being absolutely exhausted after a workout. But I also know how crucial it is to work out my mindfulness muscle. There are lots of tools and techniques out there. For me, the Calm app works wonders because it’s ready whenever I need it and helps guide me through a mindfulness meditation. Sometimes I just need to press the reset button, so I step away for a quick five-minute <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/i-actually-tried-meditation-for-30-days-this-is-what-happened/">guided meditation</a>. Other times, I need a “full-body workout” and spend a good 25 minutes going through a stress-relief meditation. It’s hard at first, and you’ll find your thoughts wandering approximately every .02 seconds, and that’s normal. You don’t run a marathon in a day, and you don’t achieve mindfulness in a day either.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-5-express-gratitude-often">5. Express gratitude often.&nbsp;</h2>



I love a good sticky note reminder. It’s such a simple way to gently bring myself out of whatever train of thoughts has my attention. On my bathroom mirror, I might write “60.” Whenever I see it, I’m reminded that I have 60 seconds right now that I will never get back. I can choose to spend them however I want to. It’s innocuous on its own and it doesn’t pass judgment or give commands. It’s just a way to gently guide myself back to this moment and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/start-with-the-foundation-the-7-building-blocks-of-a-fulfilling-life/">find gratitude for my life</a> exactly as it is.&nbsp;



As a planner, I love to think about and plan for the future. I have big goals that I plan on absolutely crushing this year and every year after that. I built my career on helping other people make a plan to crush their goals. The moment mindset isn’t about taking away from your plans for the future, it’s about celebrating the wonderful life you have now while planning to make it even better in the future. 



Photo by

Mindfulness has many names, but for this piece of the puzzle, I call it the moment mindset. The moment mindset empowers me—and you—to reclaim the seemingly small things and understand how they add up to big things.

Mindfulness has many names, but for this piece of the puzzle, I call it the moment mindset. The moment mindset empowers me—and you—to reclaim the seemingly small things and understand how they add up to big things. | SUCCESS

All You Have Is This Moment—How Will You Choose to Spend It? | SUCCESS

https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/All-You-Have-Is-This-Moment-How-Will-You-Choose-to-Spend-It.jpg

Start with the Foundation: The 7 Building Blocks of a Fulfilling Life

I was in an unhappy marriage. One day, I simply decided I wasn’t going to stay in a relationship with a person who was holding me back from my dreams. It was unhealthy for me and for our adopted son, Jeffrey. I’m a generally happy person. People know me as upbeat, positive and kind. I cheer on my friends and myself. I felt that side of me slipping.&nbsp;



Even when it’s the right decision, the choice to end a marriage (or any relationship) isn’t easy. The range of emotions that follow are overwhelming: fear, sadness, regret, hope, relief, anger… the list goes on. But I like to think that on the foundation of brokenness, people build the greatest structures. We are vulnerable and open to change and grow and make something better from <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-break-the-pattern-of-dwelling-on-past-mistakes/">painful pasts</a>.&nbsp;&nbsp;



I went to therapy. I deepened my connection with myself and my son. I protected my happiness and peace by building a foundation that negative and toxic people couldn’t breach. It’s a constant work in progress, but I’ve come a long way. A big part of that growth was learning to understand that fulfillment isn’t something to be achieved or won, but rather a continuous process—one that lasts our entire lives. I think of it like a chain. Each link in that chain represents an act of self-care or empowerment. Every day, you build new chains with consistency and determination and self-love. With each link, the chain becomes stronger. With each link, your ability to withstand the inevitable struggles of life increases.&nbsp;



This is what I call the 7 for 7, the key elements of a fulfilling life.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-creating-a-spiritual-growth-plan">Creating a spiritual growth plan</h2>



No, I’m not talking about going to church—unless that’s your thing. Creating a spiritual growth plan is about finding what feeds your soul and making time for it in your life. For some people that’s yoga, meditations, daily affirmations, even group support meetings for things they’re struggling with, like alcohol or the death of a loved one.&nbsp;



Experiment with different activities and keep a journal or log of how they make you feel. The important thing is not to force a yoga practice because it works for your friend or seems like the right thing to do. Your needs are unique, and when and how you need them is also unique. You might benefit from daily affirmations for a month and then find they no longer serve you as they did. Now is the time to try something new.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-developing-your-mental-muscle">Developing your mental muscle</h2>



I love to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/43-ways-to-improve-yourself-in-just-10-minutes/">learn new things</a>. I love reading and listening to podcasts. But what I’ve learned is that becoming a lifelong learner isn’t really about devouring as many non-fiction books as you can. Checking off 60 books on Goodreads in a year just to brag about it in your social media feed doesn’t automatically make you smarter or better than anyone else. Learning comes from living as much as it comes from books.&nbsp;



Yes, read books. But don’t limit yourself. If you feel like getting lost in a summer romance novel one afternoon, do it. Listen to podcasts about topics that interest you. Talk to people who live outside your normal social circles. Take a dance class or cooking class. Don’t define the idea of learning.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-moving-your-body-every-day">Moving your body every day</h2>



I love fitness. I make time to move my body because it makes me feel good and gives me an energy that caffeine never could. But it’s not always easy and I don’t always wake up wanting to hit the gym. Listen to what your body is telling you. If you don’t feel like lifting weights one day, switch it up with a brisk walk around your favorite lake. Don’t make it complicated. Don’t punish yourself when you miss a day. Don’t make regular body movement another thing to feel guilty about or pressured into.&nbsp;



Your body does amazing things for you. Thank it by nourishing it with food and movement and rest.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-harnessing-the-power-of-your-influence">Harnessing the power of your influence</h2>



No matter where you are in life or your career, there is someone who could learn and grow from you. Ditch the idea that you haven’t accomplished enough to give back to others and help amplify their voice. That negative voice in your head is detracting you from the real work. Continue to grow into your own space of empowerment while helping others create their own space. Here are some ways you can harness the power of your influence:&nbsp;



<ul>
<li>Start or join a mentorship program.&nbsp;</li>



<li>Volunteer your services for people in underserved and underrepresented communities.</li>



<li>Make philanthropy a foundation of your business model.&nbsp;</li>



<li>If you’re a business owner with employees, offer incentives for your team members to give back within their communities.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-rediscovering-childhood-wonder">Rediscovering childhood wonder</h2>



One of my greatest joys is the wonder that travel brings. Experiencing new places and people and culture helps you see through childlike eyes. When you’re doing something for the first time, you have a reverence for the unfamiliar. You become hyper-aware of your surroundings—noticing things you would normally pass over, like the vibrant color of a new flower or the way the air smells in the morning.&nbsp;



Rediscovering your childhood wonder doesn’t require a transatlantic flight. Wonder can be found by changing your perspective and seeing your surroundings with fresh eyes. Do you always walk the same route to lunch or your office? Refresh that path. Put away your phone and make a conscious effort to truly see and experience your environment. You’ll be amazed what you've missed.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-embracing-failure">Embracing failure&nbsp;</h2>



You don’t succeed in spite of your failures, but because of them. Once you stop fighting that negative voice that reminds you of all the “wrong” moves you made, you’ll learn that the rough edges are the best parts of you. I like to call this <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-my-imperfections-are-my-greatest-strengths/">imperfectly empowered</a>.&nbsp;



Embracing your perceived failures is no easy task. It starts with self-forgiveness and love. It continues with the sometimes daily reminder that all the things in your past come together to create the person you are today.&nbsp;



These seven things are the foundational pillars on which I’ve built my house of fulfillment. The stones in your house might look different than mine, but they both share the ability to carry us through anything life throws at us. That’s really what life is: growing into yourself enough to thrive when life deals hard times.&nbsp;



Photo by Natalia_Grabovskaya/Shutterstock

I was in an unhappy marriage. One day, I simply decided I wasn’t going to stay in a relationship with a person who was holding me back from my dreams. It

I was in an unhappy marriage. One day, I simply decided I wasn’t going to stay in a relationship with a person who was holding me back from my dreams. It | SUCCESS

Building Blocks: Keys to a Fulfilling Life

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Why My Imperfections Are My Greatest Strengths

As children, we learn about the world by making associations to remember words and shapes and names of things. It helps us make sense of our environment. It starts simply enough: We associate the color red with apples or the word “no” with the feeling of disappointment. The idea of red apples and disappointing two-letter words becomes cemented in our minds. We might hear associations made about us from family members. “Debbie always shares her toys. What a sweet girl.” We hear a parent call a sibling “a goofball.” From then on, Debbie is sweet and her sister is silly. It’s harmless, until it isn’t. 



As we age, the world feels more complex. We learn that not all apples are red and “no” certainly doesn’t have to mean disappointment. We learn that being sweet doesn’t always equate with generosity. The more layers of nuance, the more we try to simplify things. We blanket an increasingly multifaceted world with overly simplified associations. It helps us keep our footing and makes us feel in control.&nbsp;



A popular student is rude to us in high school. We dub them “rude” in our mental filing cabinet, perhaps conflating social anxiety or a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/7-practical-tips-to-achieve-a-positive-mindset/">bad day</a> with “rude.” We carry this type of defining language into our professional lives, using terms like the “office gossip” or the “brown-noser.”



Me? I’m a people pleaser.&nbsp;



I spent more than 20 years building a successful real estate career. In so many ways, my outgoing, bubbly nature has served me well. I can connect with people from different walks of life. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/to-be-a-better-leader-you-need-to-empathize/">I can empathize with both sides</a> of a tense situation, helping others see perspectives they couldn’t before. I can identify needs and desires without people having to tell me explicitly. But I can also lose myself in the service of others. I can forgo family weekends on the Pacific Northwest waters to appease a needy client. I can skip my morning workout to make the sale and ensure another client is happy with me. I can pull long hours—sacrificing my mental and physical health—because it means my son will be financially secure, a luxury I didn’t have as a child. 



See where I’m going here? My love and service of others has brought me great joy and success, but when left unchecked, it has the power for me to get lost in the mix. Like most things in life, the things you’d like to change about yourself are some of the greatest aspects of your identity. Unlike the simple associations we learned to make about ourselves and others, these strengths and weaknesses are blended, multifaceted and contain every color of the rainbow. Embrace every single rough edge, because it’s who you are, and it’s what has helped you get here.&nbsp;



Time, growth and maturity have helped me draw a thicker line between the healthier parts of my strengths and the ones I need to keep an eye on. I know how to say “no” and I know that the endless work of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health is priority No. 1. If I don’t take care of myself, how can I expect to help others?&nbsp;



I’d like to save you the years it took me to work through these perceived imperfections and weaknesses. After all, isn’t that what your tribe is about? Finding and connecting with people who have walked similar but completely unique paths, and learning and growing from them.&nbsp;



Here’s what’s worked for me.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-practice-acceptance">Practice acceptance.&nbsp;</h2>



Shifting your perception starts with acceptance. I struggled with feeling like a pushover and not learning how to set strong boundaries earlier. I accepted and internalized all the negative connotations that come with people-pleasing and ignored the empathy, deep connection and joy that came with it.&nbsp;



Acceptance means <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-break-the-cycle-of-shame-in-your-life/">being at peace with yourself</a> and who you are. I love people. I love helping people and bringing smiles to their faces. I love connection and stories and learning about people’s backgrounds. I can’t and don’t want to change that about myself. I empowered myself by not only accepting the potentially harmful parts of my strength, but actually embracing them. I am imperfectly empowered. 



Acceptance also means releasing the reins and letting go of the control you thought you had. You probably have an idea in your mind about who you are and who you want to be in five or 10 years. Let go of that too. Acceptance is learning to accept yourself where you are at this very moment. Only then can you begin the work on identifying your strengths and using them to empower yourself and impact the world.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-identify-your-strengths">Identify your strengths.&nbsp;</h2>



This will take some soul-searching. Enjoy that process because it’s wonderfully eye-opening.&nbsp;&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-1-journal-every-day-for-a-month">1. Journal every day for a month.&nbsp;</h3>



But be specific. In those 30 days, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-i-use-my-journal-to-change-my-mindset/">write about what you accomplished</a>, what you’re proud of, what you excelled at. Next to that, list the related strengths. At the end of the month, you’ll start to see patterns emerge from that list. You’ll also notice that you’re slowly training your brain to see the positives. This is a crucial skill. 



<h3 id="h-2-start-a-compliment-folder">2. Start a compliment folder.&nbsp;</h3>



We’re almost always our own worst critic. If you’re having trouble finding positives about yourself, look in your email and at past recognitions. It could be the employee of the month award you received three months in a row. It could be the raving review a client wrote about you after a big deal. It could be a coworker dropping a “Thank you for taking the lead on that project no one wanted” sticky note on your desk. Start a physical or virtual folder and save these little tidbits in there. It might not seem like much at the moment, but as with the journaling exercise, you’ll start to see patterns.&nbsp;



<h3 id="h-3-ask-trusted-family-members-and-friends">3. Ask trusted family members and friends.&nbsp;</h3>



Did you visibly cringe at this one? Good. It’s hard for many of us to receive unsolicited compliments, let alone seek them out. But it’s important. The qualities of your character and personality shouldn’t be hidden or something to be ashamed of. Celebrate them; talk about them; share them with loved ones and encourage them to share their own.&nbsp;



<h2 id="h-understand-the-elements-of-a-strength">Understand the elements of a strength.&nbsp;</h2>



It’s not enough to know the “typical” strengths you can read about online—communication, work ethic or people skills, for example—but you also have to understand them in relation to your life and the world around you. Having strong communication skills is great, but what if you enjoy working with animals? That strength doesn’t serve you in that case. Start by outlining your strengths with these thoughts in mind:&nbsp;&nbsp;



<ul><li>I’m good at this or I have potential to be good at it.&nbsp;</li><li>It brings me energy, joy and fulfillment.&nbsp;</li><li>It has a place in the world (i.e., it helps my community in some way).</li></ul>



***



These exercises aren’t a one-time thing, but something to revisit often. Not only does it serve as a reminder to celebrate ourselves and the strengths (and weaknesses) that make us imperfectly empowered, but it also holds us accountable. You have gifts to offer the world. They were meant to be shared. Are you ready?



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Unlike the simple associations we learned to make about ourselves and others, these strengths and weaknesses are blended, multifaceted and contain every color of the rainbow. Embrace them.

Unlike the simple associations we learned to make about ourselves and others, these strengths and weaknesses are blended, multifaceted and contain every color of the rainbow. Embrace them. | SUCCESS

Why My Imperfections Are My Greatest Strengths | SUCCESS

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