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The Greek lyrical poet <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/387614-we-don-t-rise-to-the-level-of-our-expectations-we" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Archilochus</a> once said, “We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” Take that a step further. You don’t rise to the level of your intentions, you fall to the level of your habits.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-get-to-know-your-habits">Get to Know Your Habits</h2>



When you are stressed, tired, or under pressure, you are more likely to fall back on habitual patterns of thinking and behaving. But do those habits serve you? Will they help you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-habits/">create the life you want</a>?



Your brain loves habits because it doesn’t have to work as hard. Even negative habits are more comfortable than new ones. Once you start recognizing patterns, you can make intentional choices about the habits you choose to maintain and adopt. This is the basis of my <a href="https://amzn.to/3hwxq7I" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Mind Over Moment</a> book and strategy.



A <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/17-motivational-quotes-to-inspire-successful-habits/">habit</a> is something that once required conscious effort but has become automatic. It turns out, a large portion of what you do each day is a habit. In fact, more than 45%  of what you do every single day is a habit. Your brain depends on these <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4826769/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">cognitive shortcuts</a> to conserve energy. If you have ever driven home on autopilot because you were deep in thought, you were operating out of habit.



You live almost half your life on autopilot. If you are not careful, you can become a slave to your habits, and they can become a way to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2440575/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">unconsciously live your life</a>, rather than deliberately choosing what you want and creating a path to get there.



Habits can be super helpful. After all, if you had to think really hard about putting on shoes, eating, taking a shower, or getting dressed, you would be exhausted by 9 a.m. Your habits allow you to conserve mental energy.



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Have you ever been to the grocery store after they have rearranged the shelves? </li>



<li>For the love of Pete, where’d they put the peanut butter? </li>



<li>Why is it so exhausting hunting for items you used to know were on aisle 11? </li>
</ul>



Even without realizing it, when you plan your trip to the store, you visualize what you need in each of the aisles because you know where things are. Your brain has a map, basically a neural network that gets more deeply etched the more you think or do something. This makes it much easier to think or do the things you have always thought and done.



Unfortunately, your brain doesn’t know the difference between a good habit and a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-break-your-harmful-habits/">bad habit</a>. It doesn’t know the difference between being anxious, worried, and fearful or optimistic, excited, and grateful. It doesn’t know the difference between getting home from work and drinking a bottle of wine or going to the gym. Your brain just takes anything you repeatedly think, say, or do, and converts it into a habit.



Take a second to try something:



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Cross your arms like you are cold or angry. </li>



<li>Now cross them in the opposite direction. </li>
</ul>



Which way feels more awkward? When you crossed your arms the first time, the signal came from your limbic system. It’s a habit—you’ve done it a million times, and you didn’t even have to think about it. The second time you crossed your arms, the signal came from your prefrontal cortex. It was probably a little odd, clunky, and uncomfortable, and you had to think about it. If you practice crossing your arms in that direction regularly, eventually that will become a habit too.



Building resilience requires that you be deliberate about your habits. It means you must challenge your automatic thoughts and behaviors, and that is hard work. When it comes to your life, personally and professionally, what habits are supporting your success, and which habits are sabotaging it?



There is no timetable for habit change. Your <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/mesh?Db=mesh&amp;Cmd=DetailsSearch&amp;Term=%22Neural+Pathways%22%5BMeSH+Terms%5D" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">neural pathways</a> have been carved deeply, and it takes repetitive, consistent change to build new neural pathways. And just because you develop a new neural pathway does not mean old ones are erased—which means it’s easy to slip back into old habit patterns.



Think of your brain like a field full of grass. You can walk through the field, but the grass will still pop back up. You may have to walk in the exact place a hundred times before a pathway is carved. And just because you carve new pathways doesn’t mean the old ones aren’t still well-worn and comfortable. Old bumpy paths that we know can be more comfortable than the smooth ones we don’t. To change habit patterns, you have to be willing to get comfortable being uncomfortable.



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-shift-your-mental-habits">Shift Your Mental Habits</h2>



If I let my mind go where it wants to naturally, I am likely to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/4-tips-to-combat-negative-thinking/">ruminate on the negative</a>. I second guess myself, question my own decisions, and regret things I’ve said or didn’t say. I should have… I could have… I wish I would have. I could spend all day “shoulding” on myself if I’m not careful. It has become a habit, and it is one I’m working to change. Practicing Mind Over Moment means that I catch myself while it’s happening and make a conscious decision about what to do next.



Unfortunately, you can’t just break a habit, but you can replace an unproductive thought with a more productive one. Notice I didn’t say a positive one. Your brain can’t make the jump from, “I can’t believe I said that!” to “I’m so happy I said that!” It can, however, go from a negative thought to a realistic one. It can go from, “I can’t believe I said that!” to “It is what it is. Move on.”



Is this easy? No! This stuff isn’t for sissies. Word of caution: Do not try to change multiple habits at once. It’s a recipe for failure. Think about New Year’s resolutions. You have made a pact with yourself. This year is going to be different. You’re going to eat better, work out more, and drink less. By January 15th, you have a beer in one hand and a cheeseburger in the other. You went to the gym. That hurt! Why would you do that again? And then you revert right back to old behavior.



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In his book <a href="https://amzn.to/35woz3g" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Habit Stacking</a>, S.J. Scott introduces the concept of combining habits to help you adopt a new behavior. Because new habits are difficult to cultivate, he suggests “stacking” a new habit onto an existing one. For example, you brush your teeth every day (hopefully even twice a day). If you are trying to build a habit of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-practicing-gratitude-at-all-times-changes-everything/">practicing gratitude</a>, pick a time, either right before or right after you brush your teeth.



Then think of three specific things you are grateful for. This morning mine were:



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>I am grateful my family and friends are healthy.</li>



<li>I am grateful that I have plenty of food, water, and a beautiful shelter.</li>



<li>I am grateful the weather was nice so I could take a walk this morning.</li>
</ul>



Adding a new habit to an existing one makes it easier to stick with it.



Behavior change happens one of three ways: Rarely, slowly, or never. In <a href="https://amzn.to/3IEitME" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">52 Strategies for Life, Love and Work</a>, I wrote about the slight edge. It’s not the big changes made all at once that change a habit. It’s the little things, done repeatedly and over time that create new behaviors and thought patterns.



 From <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.annegradygroup.com/books/" target="_blank">Mind Over Moment: Harness the Power of Resilience</a> by Anne Grady. Copyright&nbsp;© 2020 by Anne Grady. This article was published in October 2020 and has been updated. Photo by @nataheid/Twenty20

Challenging your automatic thoughts and behaviors is hard work, but if you’re willing to work at it, it is possible. Learn how to shift your mental habits.

Challenging your automatic thoughts and behaviors is hard work, but if you’re willing to work at it, it is possible. Learn how to shift your mental habits. | SUCCESS

How to Change Your Habits

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How to Change Your Habits | SUCCESS

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Anne Grady is an internationally recognized speaker and author. She shares humor, humility, refreshing honesty and practical strategies anyone can use to triumph over adversity and master change. With a master’s degree in organizational communication, Anne started her own company as speaker and consultant to top organizations despite challenges she outlines in her new TEDx talk. Her new book is Strong Enough: Choosing Courage, Resilience, and Triumph. She is also the author of 52 Strategies for Life, Love &amp; Work. For more information, visit GetStrongEnough.com. 

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Anne Grady

Success

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Success | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

When I was 9, I got a gerbil named Penelope. At first, she was adorable, running on the wheel in her cage for hours. After a week, the novelty wore off. She ate and ran on the wheel. She slept and ran on the wheel. You get the picture. That little gerbil got her steps in every day, but she went absolutely nowhere.



Somewhere along the line, I became Penelope. It seemed like I was always running, and I was always busy, but I was getting nowhere.



Before the outbreak of COVID-19, I saw so many people struggling with the Penelope Syndrome. We would wake up, check our phones, go to work, check our phones, react our way through the insanity that is our inbox, check our phones, stay busy, check our phones, sleep, and do it all over again. Some days were great, some days were crappy, and most were somewhere in between. But were we getting anywhere, or just running in circles?



It’s easy to get carried away by being busy, reacting through life and not achieving what is most important to you. Unfortunately, it took a pandemic to stop us in our tracks, and it often takes something drastic to force us out of our habit patterns.



What if you could break free of the Penelope Syndrome with a reset—a chance once and for all to define the life you want and create a path to get there, all while building resilience along the way? You can.



Resilience is a muscle, and this is your chance to grow it.


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 Here are five strategies that will help you not only survive these uncertain times but grow smarter and stronger as a result.



<h3>NO. 1: DEVELOP A RESILIENT MINDSET.</h3>



A resilient mindset is a set of conscious and unconscious beliefs that impact how you see yourself, how you interact with others, and how you respond in times of uncertainty.



Your mindset is literally the story you tell yourself about yourself and your life. What story are you telling yourself?



First, it helps to understand your brain and how it interprets your stories. The human brain is built to protect you from threats. It has evolved to overestimate the negative and underestimate the positive.&nbsp;



Breaking news! Layoffs! A free fall in our economy! Death! We’ve all been bombarded with negative messages. These things put our brains on high alert looking and scanning for more threats to pounce. It’s like a police speed trap, and you are going 120 in a school zone. Whether we realize it or not, we are priming our brain to seek out more threats, negative information, and worst-case scenarios. If your narrative involves zombies, the apocalypse, and a perpetual shortage of toilet paper, your brain defaults to the negative. You can rewrite the story.&nbsp;



Your story could also be one of strength. You have survived the worst things that have ever happened to you. You have lost loved ones, faced career setbacks, had your heart broken, and had your share of disappointments. Yet here you stand, stronger, smarter, and more determined than ever. You can look back with perspective and see how you’ve grown.



Our beliefs drive our behavior. If your story is negative, you will operate out of a place of fear. This will shrink your short-term memory and make it more difficult to focus and regulate emotions. Conversely, if you view this as one example of how adversity will not defeat you, you are more likely to take action.&nbsp;



<h3>NO. 2: GET CLEAR ON YOUR PRIORITIES.</h3>



What if, on December 31, 2019, you were told that in just over a month, the world would be completely turned upside down? You could spend quality time with your family, reassess your priorities, and live in sweatpants.



We complain constantly about the challenges of juggling work and home. Granted, this hasn’t been the ideal testing ground, but it’s the one we have. Resilient people make sure their actions align with their intentions. You might say your family is your number one priority, but do your behaviors reflect that?&nbsp;



We have become efficient at prioritizing our schedules. Scheduling our priorities seems to have taken a back seat. The goal is to be deliberate and intentional about how you invest your time. This is the time to reconnect with family and friends. This is the time to do things that support your physical and mental health. This is the time to establish new business goals. This is the time.



Your résumé and your eulogy should not be the same thing. Use this time productively to get back to what is truly important.



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<h3>NO. 3: FIND UNLIKELY GRATITUDE.</h3>



The most resilient people proactively cultivate positive emotions like gratitude and optimism. This offsets the negativity bias and primes your brain to start scanning for the good things.



Gratitude has been proven to be the single best predictor of well-being and a strong determinant of resilience. People who practice gratitude have improved sleep, mood, decision-making, relationships, lower blood pressure, fewer aches and pains and fewer bouts of depression. The benefits are almost immediate.&nbsp;



Optimism does not mean you see the world through rose-colored glasses. It means you are deliberate about the way you interpret the adversity in your life. Every situation, especially the cruddy ones, provides an opportunity to choose your interpretation.&nbsp;



Plus, when we attune our attention to the good things, we find more of them because we find what we’re looking for.



<h3>NO. 4: SWIM TOWARD YOUR LIGHTHOUSE.</h3>



When you learn to swim in the ocean, you are taught to aim for an immovable object, like a buoy or a lighthouse so that regardless of where the current moves you, there is something steady to aim for.



In my work consulting with organizations of all shapes and sizes, providing professional development for leaders and teams, and speaking for thousands of people around the world, I often hear people say something along the lines of, “If I just keep my head down and work hard, everything will fall into place.”&nbsp;



Unfortunately, I see many people who have lost their way, simply reacting to the waves and tides.&nbsp;



A lighthouse is the calm in the storm that keeps you moving in the right direction. You can have little lighthouses that you look forward to, like a vacation or date night. Other lighthouses are bigger. These can guide you, your decisions, and your daily behavior. It can be your purpose, your “why” or your North Star.



Life is like the ocean. Some days are beautiful with calm seas. Other days are torrential storms with crashing waves that will suck you under. Having a lighthouse will keep you swimming in the right direction.



<h3>NO. 5: PRACTICE MIND OVER MOMENT.</h3>



Mind Over Moment is a science-based strategy I developed that utilizes mindfulness to help you become aware of your thoughts, feelings, habits, and behaviors in the moment, in order to steer yourself toward better responses and outcomes. It means being proactive and deliberate about the choices you make and the habits you practice, throughout your day, week, month, year, and your entire life.&nbsp;



Our levels of anxiety and depression have sky-rocketed, and people are anxious and overwhelmed. I own a small business and felt my own anxiety this spring as I watched one speaking engagement after another get postponed or canceled altogether. I had a choice. I could stay in a place of fear, wondering how I will support my team and my family, or I could practice Mind Over Moment.&nbsp;



Most of us don’t like uncomfortable emotions like stress and anxiety, so we rush to numb them, usually with an unhealthy vice. Those feelings may be uncomfortable, but research has shown that avoiding them increases their intensity and duration.



Instead of trying to push those feelings away, observe how you are feeling right now. Are you feeling relaxed or are you multitasking? What do you feel in your body? Are your shoulders tight?&nbsp;



Just observe, notice the emotion, notice the feeling, and let it float by. Feelings and emotions are simply information. You don’t have to act on them. You can bring yourself back to this moment because in this moment, you are safe. You can observe the emotion without judgment, knowing that it’s normal to feel or think whatever you are feeling or thinking. You can propel yourself to action by refusing to operate out of a place of fear.



If I let my anxiety get the best of me, I could have watched my business crumble. Instead, I let myself feel it and then moved forward. My team and I took the virtual sessions we were already offering and amplified them. I have presented virtual keynotes and training and development sessions for our clients. And I have used this time to build even more free resources for our community.&nbsp;



Building your resilience muscle means living purposefully rather than drifting into automatic—life’s screensaver mode.



It’s time to delve into your automatic thought patterns, belief systems and daily habits to identify which ones are serving you. Resilience is built by deliberately cultivating productive beliefs, behaviors, and habits to intentionally break out of reactivity and live purposefully. If you have found yourself in the Penelope Syndrome either before this pandemic or during it, remember to reset, practice Mind Over Moment, and purposefully build the life you deserve. It’s about what you do starting now that matters.



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<a href="https://store.success.com/patchworks-imported-products/success-magazine-july-aug-2020.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">This article originally appeared in the July/August 2020 issue of SUCCESS magazine.</a> Photo courtesy of Anne Grady

The global pandemic has shifted the way we live and work. But now we have a unique resilience building opportunity.

The global pandemic has shifted the way we live and work. But now we have a unique resilience building opportunity. | SUCCESS

5 Strategies to Help You Build Resilience in Uncertain Times

5 Strategies to Help You Build Resilience in Uncertain Times | SUCCESS

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It’s a new year—and a new decade! If you feel inspired to use the new year to help you reset or change habits, that’s great; but next time you resolve to work on the “new you,” remember that the “old you” has survived every hard thing, every tragic circumstance and any despair you have ever felt. The old you is a fighter, and that’s worth celebrating. This year is your chance to be kind to yourself, practice gratitude and live your life on purpose. Here are five habits you can proactively cultivate to embrace your past, learn from your mistakes and bask in the triumph of just how tough you really are:



<h3>1. Stop listening to your negative inner voice.</h3>



That voice. You know, the one that’s always playing in the background of your mind. The one that says, What is wrong with me? or Why did I say that? or How come I’m not moving ahead faster in my career? It’s time to give it a name (I named mine <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVAK_MSNsbQ&amp;feature=youtu.be" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">Helga</a>). Why? Because if we don’t realize that that voice is not the truth, then we just start operating as if it is. We end up defaulting to what has become our habit. Once you name it, you take some of that power away and you can start paying attention to whether it’s really the truth or just that little voice playing dirty tricks on you.



Here’s
the thing: You are enough. And it
doesn’t matter what that voice says because you have a choice of whether you
listen to it or not. 



<h3>2. Practice Mind Over Moment. </h3>



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/mind-over-moment-6-tools-to-build-resilience-happiness-and-success/">Mind Over Moment</a> is a science-based tool that utilizes the idea of <a href="https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2019/10/mindfulness-meditation-study-shows-changes-in-neural-responses-to-pain-and-fear/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">mindfulness</a> to help you become aware of your thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviors in the moment, in order to steer yourself toward better responses and outcomes. It means being proactive and deliberate about the choices you make and the habits you practice, throughout your day, your week, your month and your life. It is deliberately choosing what you want to achieve and creating a path to get there. 



Practicing
mindfulness restores our connection to the present moment and reminds us that
we are alive and in charge of the choices we make. Remember, this is called a
“practice” for a reason and there is no perfect. All you can do is take one day
at a time, giving yourself grace to do the best you can, and forgiving yourself
when you fall short. All you can do is all you can do (that’s one of my
favorite mantras).



<h3>3. Build resilience proactively.</h3>



When we first go through something horrible, it seems like we’ll never be able to bounce back. We are overwhelmed with grief, fear or some other emotion. Slowly it dawns on us that there’s no going back. We must find the strength and the will to go forward. We may not be able to make big strides at first, but we begin taking small steps to work toward a solution and find ways to carry on. 



I
used to think <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/11-resilience-quotes-that-will-give-you-the-strength/">resilience</a>
was in your genetics, like skinny thighs. You either have it or you don’t. But
what I’ve come to appreciate is that resilience is a set of habits and skills
that can be cultivated, practiced and honed, so that we cannot only make it
through hard times, but become stronger as a result. You are full of strengths,
accomplishments and goodness. You are strong and capable of handling anything
that is thrown your way. You have done it before and you will do it again.



<h3>4. Don’t waste failure.</h3>



I don’t know any highly successful people who haven’t suffered setbacks throughout their life and career. All of them, including me, can name numerous failures. It’s a fact. Successful people fail more than unsuccessful people. Successful people take risks, they view <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/12-empowering-lessons-about-failure/">failure</a> as a learning tool, and they practice resilience. They have their initial feelings, process them, and then look at the problem and say, “What is this teaching me? What can I learn from this?” They choose to use failure and adversity as learning opportunities. Recently I was reading an interview with <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">J.K. Rowling</a>, author of the much-loved and critically acclaimed Harry Potter series, in Time magazine, and she said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something. Unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case, you fail by default.” She was rejected by 12 publishers and had no idea that her path to failure would one day prove so successful. Failure is scary, but recovering from failure (and doing it often) accelerates our ability to grow from our experiences.



<h3>5. Realize your courage.</h3>



So many of us live out fantasies in our heads about good or bad things that might happen—most of which never do. It is said that 95% of what we’re afraid of never even happens, and the other 5% are things we can’t control. We spend an inordinate amount of energy focusing on the what ifs. Have you ever paid attention to how much time you spend worrying about things that might happen? 



There have been multiple <a href="https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-mindfulness/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">studies</a> about the emotional and physical health benefits of mindfulness; that is, living very consciously in what’s really happening right now. Remember, courage is not the absence of fear. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-courageous-people-have-figured-out/">Courage</a> is being afraid and working through the discomfort. Courage means you allow challenge and adversity to be a catalyst to help you grow strong enough to face whatever life throws at you. You’ve got everything it takes to make this year everything you want it to be and more. Celebrate everything that you’ve already accomplished and believe in the person that you are capable of becoming. Make this the year you realize that you are courageous, you are resilient, and you are <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ-bCUXZaEI" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)">strong enough</a>!



 This article originally appeared on <a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="AnneGradyGroup.com (opens in a new tab)" href="https://www.annegradygroup.com/a-toast-to-the-old-you/" target="_blank">AnneGradyGroup.com</a>. Image by Aniwhite/Shutterstock.com

This year is your chance to be kind to yourself, practice gratitude and live your life on purpose. Here are 5 habits you can proactively cultivate to embrace your past, learn from your mistakes and bask in the triumph of just how tough you really are.

This year is your chance to be kind to yourself, practice gratitude and live your life on purpose. Here are 5 habits you can proactively cultivate to embrace your past, learn from your mistakes and bask in the triumph of just how tough you really are. | SUCCESS

A Toast to the Old You!

A Toast to the Old You! | SUCCESS

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As a business owner and the mom of two kids, one with severe special needs, I love the word <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/podcast/ep-28-the-best-ways-to-find-your-inner-courage">courage</a>. It means I have to make the decision every day to do something that I know will be difficult, and might even be dangerous. And I need all of the mental and moral strength I can muster to persevere.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/10-ways-to-build-your-mental-strength">10 Ways to Build Your Mental Strength</a>

Not too long ago I found myself suffering from a raging headache as I prepared to give a speech. So I found a chair massage place at the airport and paid an exorbitant amount of money for some relief. The massage therapist was incredible; she shared with me that she had a special needs child, too, and we had an instant connection. While massaging my neck, she pointed out a lump behind my right ear. That lump turned out to be a tumor in my salivary gland.

I underwent six hours of surgery, and it left the right side of my face completely paralyzed. No one was sure for how long or if it would be permanent. I couldn’t smile, blink or close my right eye, and I had a speech impediment. Half of my face was smiling and the other half looked mad.

To make matters worse, I had to have a second surgery to repair a scratch on my cornea (because I couldn’t close my eye) before I could have radiation therapy to make sure the tumor didn’t come back! I had to wear an eye patch and I closely resembled a pirate.

I cringed every time I looked in the mirror. Everywhere I went, I was so focused on how people looked at me; that’s all I saw.

That summer, I was scheduled to go to India for a five-day speaking engagement, but my doctor told me to cancel the trip because radiation would take its toll, and I wouldn’t be able to work. For me as a professional speaker, I saw my career nosedive.

But one day a meeting planner at a conference called and asked me to speak about <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-handle-adversity-dont-whine-dont-complain-dont-make-excuses">overcoming adversity</a>. Ironically, she had no idea that any of this had happened. When I explained everything with the tumor and facial paralysis, she said, “That’s an even better message!”

&nbsp;

<h3 class="rtecenter">It occurred to me in that moment that having courage didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid—I was petrified. Courage meant I did it anyway.</h3>

&nbsp;

My initial instinct was to say no. I was about to start radiation and I was still recovering from surgery. I certainly wasn’t up for travel. I didn’t even want pictures taken of me with my face looking like it did, let alone show it to an audience of a few thousand people.

As I started to write the email declining the engagement, though, I was overtaken by sadness. I just sat there and cried. In part because of everything that had happened, but also out of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-3-ways-to-face-your-fears-with-courage">pure fear</a>. After I wiped my tears away, I decided that I couldn’t tell other people to find their courage if I wasn’t willing to find my own. It occurred to me in that moment that having courage didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid—I was petrified. Courage meant I did it anyway.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-build-your-courage-to-achieve-anything">How to Build Your Courage to Achieve Anything</a>

So I picked up the phone and called the event planner. I explained that physically, I really wasn’t able to travel yet, so I asked if she would be willing to let me make a video. She was thrilled at the idea and told me she thought I was brave.

Being courageous isn’t hard when you’re happy and everything is hunky-dory. It’s when you’re exhausted, emotional, angry and life is far away from what you had planned, that <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/videos/youtube/4-risks-you-need-to-take-to-find-your-courage">finding your courage</a> gets hard. Courage is how we choose to act during these times.

Here are three lessons I’ve learned to help you choose to think and act courageously:

<ol>
	<li>Courage makes the difference. The main difference between those who courageously act and those who stay stuck amounts to how we view fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is being afraid and working through the discomfort. Courage means you allow challenge and adversity to be a catalyst to help you grow strong enough to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-7-traits-of-the-most-resilient-people">face whatever life throws at you</a>.</li>
	<li value="2">Courage is unique to each of us. Courage is highly individual to each person. So is suffering. Don’t compare your pain and fear to the experiences of others. What is scary to one person may be exhilarating to the next. We see things differently and we experience different types of courage. Neither is better or worse than any other. I know people who are fearless when it comes to travel or sports, but they refuse to fall in love because they may get hurt. There is no one size fits all when it comes to courage.</li>
	<li value="3">There are many different ways to practice courage. To care for a disabled family member requires you to be courageous to face an unending series of daily challenges. To be a successful business owner, you must be bold and have courage to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/top-of-mind-6-tips-for-smart-risk-taking">take calculated risks</a>. To be a loving friend, parent or spouse, you must be courageous to forgive.</li>
</ol>

I’ve identified at least seven distinct kinds of courage. Chances are you are already practicing many of these without even thinking of it as courageous:

<ol>
	<li>Intuitive Courage, such as reaching out to help others or challenge injustice.</li>
	<li>Creative Courage, including transforming bold ideas into reality.</li>
	<li>Physical Courage, such as <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-why-you-need-discipline-to-achieve-the-good-life">committing to discipline</a> and training to build your strength and fitness.</li>
	<li>Moral Courage, including doing the right thing despite the consequences, making sure your words and actions match your principles, and standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.</li>
	<li>Emotional Courage, such as asking for forgiveness and forgiving others, being open to your emotions both positive and negative, and seeking help, feedback, guidance, coaching or therapy.</li>
	<li>Intellectual Courage includes questioning your thinking, risking <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-break-the-pattern-of-dwelling-on-past-mistakes">making mistakes</a>, discerning and telling the truth, and thoughtfully dealing with difficult situations.</li>
	<li>Social Courage such as expressing your opinions respectfully, even when it is not popular to do so, and being comfortable in your own skin even at the risk of social disapproval.</li>
</ol>

What types of courage come easily for you? Which ones are more difficult? And what blocks you from behaving courageously in the circumstances you face? Take a few minutes and write down the answers to these questions. When you identify how you are courageous and where you struggle, you’ll be able to take the steps you need to think and behave boldly.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/top-of-mind-6-courage-building-tips-from-bold-achievers">Top of Mind: 6 Courage-Building Tips From Bold Achievers</a>

3 keys to help you think and act boldly | SUCCESS

What Courageous People Have Figured Out

What Courageous People Have Figured Out | SUCCESS

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Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

Managers are taught that holding employees accountable is the key to getting results, yet they often fail to clearly communicate their expectations. Rather than getting frustrated, try these steps:

<h2>1. Know what you want first.</h2>

We may assume others are being thoughtless or selfish when they don’t satisfy our needs, but we haven’t clarified in our own minds what we want. Get clear on this first.

<h2>2. Clearly communicate expectations and ensure understanding. </h2>

Ask the person to summarize or re-explain. This helps make sure you’re on the same page.

<h2>3. Define your desired outcome.</h2>

What do you want the end product or behavior to look like? Rather than telling an employee, “I need this ASAP,” say, “I need this by 10 a.m.”

<h2>4. Explain what you do want rather than what you don’t.</h2>

Rather than saying, “Stop emailing me about urgent issues,” try, “When an issue is urgent, I&nbsp;would really appreciate it if you could call me or stop by my desk.”

<h2>5. Reward the positive and coach the negative.</h2>

If your expectations are met, make sure to show appreciation. If not, before assuming the person intentionally disappointed you, clearly communicate what you wanted.

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-7-personality-traits-of-a-great-leader" target="_self">Rohn: 7 Personality Traits of a Great Leader</a>

[node:summary] - How to effectively communicate your expectations as a leader

Managers are taught that holding employees accountable is the key to getting results, yet they often fail to clearly communicate their expectations. | SUCCESS

5 Pointers for Getting More from Your Team

5 Pointers for Getting More from Your Team | SUCCESS

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We all want to motivate someone. Parents struggle to motivate their kids. Wives try to motivate their husbands, and vice versa. And organizations attempt all the time to come up with something that will motivate their employees, from giving out company coffee mugs to bonuses.

But you can’t motivate another person.

Why? Because different people have different motivators. One person might be motivated most by the opportunity to contribute while a co-worker is motivated by the freedom to choose how to contribute.

What you can do, and what will bring lasting results, is figure out what already motivates a person and tap into that. But managers don’t often do this.

I once worked for a fancy resort and country club. Every time I would do something really well, my boss would give me a sleeve of very expensive golf balls. Guess what she forgot to ask me? “Do you play golf?”

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/do-these-7-things-to-get-and-stay-motivated" target="_self" rel="noopener">Do These 7 Things to Get (and Stay) Motivated</a>

One time I approached her and told her the CEO had given me great feedback about a leadership development session I offered. She condescendingly said to me, “Oh, Anne, he says that to everyone. But here are some golf balls. Great job, kiddo.” I am <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/not-getting-any-feedback-at-work-give-your-own" target="_self" title="Not Getting Any Feedback at Work? Give Your Own | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">motivated by feedback</a>, recognition and appreciation. She assumed that what would motivate her would motivate me, but she was wrong. So she didn’t motivate me—she completely deflated me.

Sometimes supervisors try to motivate employees with perks—“carrots” like a gift card, paid time off, a great parking spot. These might initially work, but people will start wanting and feeling entitled to more. And to continue improving performance, bigger and better incentives become unnecessarily mandatory.

Negative motivators are a go-to, too—“sticks” like <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-ways-to-reframe-failure" target="_self" title="5 Ways to Reframe Failure | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">fear of failure</a>, fear of no respect, fear of losing money. Some people are able to motivate others in the short term by using the stick of fear, but it never lasts… and it never produces the best results.

The problem with all these motivators is that they wear off. The carrot and the stick are the old ways of “motivating others.” And they are the ones managers, parents and other would-be motivators usually try first.

Helping someone find the inner motivation to do something is really about <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/what-kind-of-leader-are-you" target="_self" title="What Kind of Leader Are You? | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">personal leadership and influence</a>. The true question is not, “How can I motivate someone?” It’s, “How do I create a climate that taps into what already motivates this person?”

My former golf ball-giving boss might not have understood this, but I recently coached a senior-level executive at a Fortune 100 company on how to do it right. She had been struggling with her team’s performance. While they were meeting the bare minimum, they rarely strived to achieve more. I asked how she currently approached motivation. She said that she gave them gift cards to restaurants. What she didn’t understand was that eating great food was what motivated her, but it might not be the case for her team.

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/top-of-mind-how-do-you-find-motivation-when-youre-not-feeling-it" target="_self" rel="noopener">Top of Mind: How Do You Find Motivation When You're Not Feeling It?</a>

Motivation happens one person at a time. So she began to invest time in <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-big-egos-get-in-the-way-of-professional-relationships-and-success" target="_self" title="How Big Egos Get in the Way of Professional Relationships... and Success | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">building relationships</a> with the people on her team and learned that while some craved opportunities for advancement, others sought paid time off and some just wanted more recognition for a job well done. When she took the time to identify what already motivated her staff, she was able to provide a climate that supported it.

It’s important to be aware of the most common motivators, too—ones that stick, that can spur people to work harder, take risks and change behaviors. People universally crave respect, peace of mind, success, recognition, financial stability, admiration and love.

Whatever situation you’re in, at work or at home, you’re more likely to get what you need and have win-win outcomes if you are able to understand both what motivates you and others. If you want to create an environment where people want to help you and do things for you, where they’re growing and improving, you have to find out what drives their behavior.

The bottom line is this: WIIFM, or What’s in it for me? And discovering this is the secret to motivation.

So how do you find out people’s WIIFM? Try these strategies:

<h2>1. Pay attention: </h2>

If you pay attention to what people talk about, what they are interested in and what they focus on, you can often get a sense of what naturally motivates them.

<h2>2. Ask:</h2>

It may seem fairly simple, but when was the last time you asked people what you could do to help them stay motivated?

<h2>3. Figure out what de-motivates someone and stop doing it:</h2>

It’s not rocket science. If you know someone hates to be nagged, talk with them about the way they would like to be approached when there are things to do. If you know that someone gets embarrassed easily, make a concerted effort not to put the person in uncomfortable situations.

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/7-motivational-quotes-to-help-you-face-your-fears-because-worry-never-fixes-anything" target="_self" rel="noopener">7 Motivational Quotes to Help You Face Your Fears (Because Worry Never Fixes Anything)&nbsp;</a>

We all want to motivate someone. Parents struggle to motivate their kids. Wives try to motivate their husbands, and vice versa. And organizations attempt

We all want to motivate someone. Parents struggle to motivate their kids. Wives try to motivate their husbands, and vice versa. And organizations attempt | SUCCESS

Stop Trying to Motivate People—It Won’t Work

Stop Trying to Motivate People—It Won’t Work | SUCCESS

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Professional Growth

Professional Growth Archives

Professional Growth | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Office conflict causes stress, cuts productivity and sabotages the teamwork companies need to succeed. In fact, American workers spend more than two and a half hours each week resolving it&mdash;or at least trying to. That&rsquo;s costing U.S. companies $359 billion every year, according to AtTask, a task management software firm.But before you chalk up workplace conflict to the overdramatic one, the gossipy one, or the one who never pulls his weight, consider someone else first&mdash;you. You can help conquer office drama by <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/dealing-with-your-own-stress-soup" target="_blank" title="Dealing with Your Own Stress Soup | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">becoming acutely aware of your own reactions in potentially stressful situations</a>.As a corporate leadership consultant, I lead workshops on professional development, covering topics like communication, conflict resolution and team building. One of my recent participants complained to me that every time she had a one-on-one with her supervisor, it was only a matter of time before emotions ran high and the conversation went downhill. She felt it was his responsibility to keep the conversation productive and resented having to walk on eggshells.I suggested she step back and think about her own triggers, reactions and emotions. Just as she felt her boss could turn their conversation sour with one wayward comment, she could keep interactions with her boss positive and professional. But she had to be willing to own the communication and be deliberate about the way she approached her boss.The truth is we&rsquo;re emotional human beings who react to certain triggers. It&rsquo;s in our human nature, but there are ways to get out of that reaction mode. Here&rsquo;s how:1. Stop reacting.Realize that when we react, we relinquish control. We let our emotions override our intentions, and we become emotionally hijacked. You know your cranky boss is a source of drama, so don&rsquo;t let him or her have that control over your actions and your emotions. Learn to stop yourself from reacting.2. Identify your triggers.Triggers are those things that provoke you to have knee-jerk reactions. If you know you are going into a meeting with a difficult co-worker, take time beforehand to think about your likely triggers. If you expect them, you can plan the best way to approach the situation. Once you know what tends to set you off&mdash;certain people, topics&mdash;you can figure out how to best manage your emotions.3. Understand your EQ.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-reasons-to-beef-up-your-emotional-intelligence" target="_blank" title="5 Reasons to Beef Up Your Emotional Intelligence | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">Your emotional intelligence quotient</a> determines the way you manage conflict, build relationships and how you are perceived.&nbsp;Here&rsquo;s the good news. While your IQ, or intelligent quotient is more static, EQ may be developed and strengthened over time as a powerful source to draw from. Carve out some time to assess your EQ; it&rsquo;s as easy as searching the term &ldquo;emotional intelligence test&rdquo; to find one.4. Discover your blind spots.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/dont-let-your-blind-spots-distort-reality" target="_blank" title="Don't Let Your Blind Spots Distort Reality | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">Your blind spots</a> are the areas of your personality and behavior that you&rsquo;re unaware of. For example, you might think you are perceived as professional, but your co-workers might perceive you as standoffish. Ask for feedback from trusted friends, family and colleagues about your strengths and areas in which you can improve.5. Pay attention to your emotions.Think about emotions that detract from your effectiveness (annoyed, angry, gloomy, anxious, fearful, nervous) versus ones that enhance it (joyful, playful, inspired, adventurous, grateful, amazed, imaginative, cheerful). What percentage of the day are you in a &ldquo;good mood&rdquo; versus a &ldquo;bad mood&rdquo;? What percentage of your day are you happy or down? Make conscious decisions about how you&rsquo;re going to show up&mdash;because it matters. You get to decide the kind of mood you are in, and that will translate to the people you work with.As you become more self-aware and learn to master your emotions in the moment, your professional relationships will flourish and you&rsquo;ll become more effective and productive at your job.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/why-good-leaders-love-office-conflict" target="_self" title="Why Good Leaders Love Office Conflict | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">Good leaders love office conflict. Wait, what? Find out why, plus how to channel disagreement&mdash;tactics to encourage and harness healthy conflict&mdash;so it fuels innovation, growth and problem-solving.</a>

[node:summary] - 5 strategies managers and employees can use to defuse conflict and strengthen work relationships

Office conflict causes stress, cuts productivity and sabotages the teamwork companies need to succeed. In fact, American workers spend more than two and a | SUCCESS

Hate Office Drama? Stop Reacting to It

Hate Office Drama? Stop Reacting to It | SUCCESS

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