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Everyone’s had one. Maybe it was a college kid home for the summer who gave you the worst lifeguard shifts at the pool, or a team lead who made you stay late on Christmas Eve, then took the credit for your work. If you’ve had a 9-to-5, chances are you’ve encountered one of the Bill Lumbergs, Miranda Priestlys or Michael Scotts of the world, the archetypal<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/15-traits-of-a-terrible-leader"> </a><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-survive-working-for-a-bad-boss/">bad bosses</a> ranging from truly nightmarish to unfortunately incompetent.



There are a lot of them out there. <a href="https://psychology.illinoisstate.edu/ktschne/psy376/Hogan_Kaiser.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A meta-analysis on leadership</a> co-authored by psychologist and leadership consultant Robert Hogan showed that “65%– 75% of the employees in any given organization report that the worst aspect of their job is their immediate boss.”



Being a 20-something<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/10-pieces-of-career-advice-for-my-21-year-old-self"> </a>navigating the early stages of my career, I think it’s fairly natural that work is a common topic of conversation—my friends are all in a similar postgraduate, pre-white picket fence stage in life where most of our time and energy is focused on our jobs. By now most of us have encountered that boss. The bully, the blamer, the manipulator, etc. We share war stories over happy hours, at backyard barbecues and sometimes via an international phone call if need be.



If you’re one of the blessed few who have only experienced the type of boss that encourages long lunches and living your best life, knock on wood and keep on doing whatever it is that’s scored you such excellent karma.



I’m lucky. My anecdotes are well-rehearsed by now, told with a levity that comes only with time, enough to take the sting off the most cringe-worthy memories. They largely revolve around my first job out of college, a “sink or swim” situation where my boss’s management style was poor at best and unprofessional at worst, that even years later still stirs the occasional<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/5-simples-strategies-for-conquering-self-doubt/"> </a><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-overcome-self-doubt-and-become-the-hero-of-your-story/">moment of self-doubt</a>.



In an effort to sound gracefully diplomatic during a grad school interview, I found myself referencing that particular experience in terms of “teachable moments,” a buzzy phrase I’d never used before in my life that suddenly made a lot of sense. I embraced the idea of the silver lining, and while I only say it out loud accompanied by a healthy dose of irony, it makes me feel a little less like losing it when a situation is less than ideal.



In an equally valiant effort not to be the friend preaching about “teachable moments” while they’re supposed to be commiserating and getting the bartender to bring another round, I keep the self-help jargon largely to myself. But even if it’s not explicitly stated, most of my friends’ and colleagues’ stories end with the same takeaway: I don’t ever want to be that person. In cases like these, a bad boss can teach just as much, if not more, than a great one about what you should avoid doing.



<h2>1. Hiding from responsibility</h2>



My boss’s nonexistent <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/6-communication-skills-that-will-make-you-a-better-leader/">interpersonal communication skills</a> and mastery of passive aggression made her ill-suited for a job in, well, communications. She regularly avoided all forms of interaction with her team, holing herself up in her office without talking to anyone except during meetings. Whenever she did pay attention to anyone, it was usually to criticize and patronize one particular co-worker, whom she would blame for her own mistakes.



Teachable moment: Your team will know if you don’t want to be there, or if you’re not interested in being a strong leader. When it comes to leadership and maximizing the potential of your team, a healthy, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/8-tips-to-improve-team-collaboration/">collaborative environment</a> is always going to be more effective than isolation or condescension.



<h2 id="h-2-playing-favorites">2. Playing favorites</h2>



I worked very well with one of my first managers, but I was definitely one of her favorites. We would go to long lunches, she wouldn't question if I left early, and she would share office gossip that I knew was unprofessional. The obvious favoritism created tension on the team between her “favorites” and those who weren’t treated in the same way.



Teachable moment: I might have preferences within my team, but I’m more discreet. I recognize that there will be individuals I prefer to work and engage with. But I do my best to not let that interfere with judgments, evaluations or daily activities.



<h2 id="h-3-shifting-the-blame">3. Shifting the blame</h2>



I had a manager who would purposefully send altered email summaries of conversations to avoid any blame for issues in the office. My co-workers and I began to document conversations ourselves and eventually had to speak directly with the manager’s supervisor to deal with the situation.



Teachable moment: Thorough documentation can save your job (I keep all correspondence, including texts, in organized folders), and if you feel like circumstances warrant it, consider reaching out to upper management for help.



<h2 id="h-4-lacking-leadership">4. Lacking leadership</h2>



My boss’s lackluster interest in my projects and work made me realize I needed to manage myself. He might be the boss on paper, but I had to take control organizing my projects and meeting the deadlines I set for myself.



Teachable moment: Some supervisors have no interest in managing, and you have to <a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-management-and-how-can-you-improve-it" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">learn to manage yourself</a>. Occasionally, this even involves managing them to some extent.



<h2 id="h-5-ignoring-feedback">5. Ignoring feedback</h2>



For the first year, my manager was like a best friend to me. I loved going to work until I was promoted into a management position, which didn’t come naturally to me. I felt unsuccessful for the first time in my life. Our relationship disintegrated the moment I requested formal training—she told me that I didn’t need training, and every manager at the company just learned by “doing.” I felt ignored and devalued, and I never trusted her again.



Teachable moment: That was an acutely lonely moment that I’ve never wanted any of my team members to experience. I work hard to hold myself accountable to my team’s feedback and provide as much enrichment as possible—I believe the greatest feeling of validation comes from<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-makes-a-leader/"> </a><a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-speak-well-and-listen-better/">truly being heard</a>.



This article was published in July 2016 and has been updated. Photo by Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

Seventy-five percent of employees report their immediate boss as the worst part of their job. Here's what you can learn from that experience.

Seventy-five percent of employees report their immediate boss as the worst part of their job. Here's what you can learn from that experience. | SUCCESS

5 Good Lessons from Bad Bosses

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5 Good Lessons from Bad Bosses | SUCCESS

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Karin Vandraiss is a Seattle-based writer and editor with a background in food and travel. She spends off-hours scouting new restaurants and hiking her way through the Pacific Northwest.

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Karin Vandraiss

Personal Development

Personal Development Archives

Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

As someone who can’t resist righting an off-kilter picture frame and will reread an email 12 times to make sure it’s error-free, I’ll be the first to admit that occasionally, perfectionism can be more of a vice than a virtue. While there’s nothing wrong with high standards, constantly striving for “perfect” can have a negative affect on your work, personal relationships and even your health.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/the-secret-to-ending-perfection-paralysis">The Secret to Ending Perfection Paralysis</a>

Signs your perfectionism is doing more harm than good:&nbsp;

<h3>It’s hindering your productivity.</h3>

Perfectionism is often linked with a <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/how-to-handle-fear-and-failure-like-a-boss">fear of failure</a>, which can heighten procrastination. Maybe you’ve missed a work deadline because you can’t get the finished product just right, or you find yourself putting off tasks that you anticipate will be difficult to execute.

<h3>It’s hurting your personal relationships.&nbsp;</h3>

Perfectionists can be highly critical of others, which at home could mean a blow up over incorrectly loading the dishwasher, or overeacting to a friend being late to coffee. In turn, you may be excessively defensive of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-deal-with-critics-and-rejection">any critism pointed your way</a>.

<h3>It’s affecting you physically.</h3>

Constant fixation on achievement and conditional self-worth can take a serious mental and physical toll, leading to feelings of anxiety, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-simples-strategies-for-conquering-self-doubt">self-doubt</a> and depression.

Take these steps to overcome your perfectionist tendencies.

<h2>1. <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-how-to-stop-listening-to-the-negative-voice-in-your-head">Recognize negative thought patterns.</a></h2>

If you find yourself obsessing over a mistake at work or beating yourself up because you didn’t go to the gym, consciously choose to cut yourself a break.

<h2>2. Eliminate the word perfect from your vocabulary.</h2>

This can help avoid the “all or nothing” mindset that prompts setting impossibly high standards.

<h2>3. Keep perspective.</h2>

Think about how the issue at hand will affect you in the big picture.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/relishing-an-imperfect-life">Relishing an Imperfect Life</a>

&nbsp;

This article originally appeared in the <a href="https://store.successcom.wpenginepowered.com/by-media/magazines/success-magazine-march-2017-travis-kalanick.html" target="_blank">March 2017 issue of SUCCESS magazine</a>.

Plus, 3 ways to overcome perfectionism | SUCCESS

How Perfectionism Hurts You

How Perfectionism Hurts You | SUCCESS

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A few minutes into <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/6-ways-to-make-your-commute-less-stressful">my morning commute</a>, I glanced up from my book and inwardly groaned. When I should have been looking out across the water to the Seattle skyline, I was headed down an unfamiliar side street toward a neighborhood nowhere near my downtown office.

I pulled out my phone to send my boss a quick email: “Good morning, just wanted to let you know I’ll be in a few minutes late. Bus trouble!” She shot back a cheery, “No problem, see you soon!” I then sent my co-worker a text with a few choice words and emojis about my inability to master public transportation.

After nearly a year at my current job, I know it’s customary to send a note if you’ll be arriving significantly later than usual, as a courtesy. And although my boss and I are on very friendly terms, a quick email is more appropriate than texting. But I have friends who wouldn’t think twice about sending their boss a text, emojis and all, or wouldn’t have sent an update in the first place because that would be considered overkill in their office.

No company culture is quite the same, and figuring out what “professional” means for your office, or even just your immediate team, isn’t always easy to gauge right off the bat. It will of course differ depending on your line of work as well (my internal emails laden with Full House gifs probably wouldn’t fly at my best friend’s law firm).

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/10-pieces-of-career-advice-for-my-21-year-old-self">10 Pieces of Career Advice for My 21-Year-Old Self</a>

It took me a few weeks of careful observation to get the lay of the land at <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/13-simple-steps-to-land-the-job-you-want">my new job</a>, from what my new co-workers were wearing to whether they took lunch or ate at their desks. I took mental notes (more trendy jeans than traditional business casual wear; same went for going out versus working through lunch). This seemed to apply to communication style as well, which leaned toward casual rather than overly formal.

I took particular note of the emails I was receiving, because today there is such a thing as being “too professional.” Although there’s still a time and place for formalities, most people I work with have adopted a more <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-communication-mistakes-youre-making-at-work">“business casual” approach to communication</a> (both in person and from behind a computer), one that makes it seem like you’re actually interacting with another human being rather than a robot.

But pinning down that perfect combination of personable-yet-consummate professional is a learned skill. Luckily, I happen to work with a few people who seem to have mastered the concept, and I’ve picked up a few things.

<h2>The Art of the Email</h2>

Navigating the subtle nuances of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-quick-tips-to-write-better-emails">email is an art form</a>; one punctuation misstep and things can go downhill quickly. I’ve spent a full day agonizing over a five-line email, my finger hovering over send like the free world depended on my message being executed perfectly.

<h3>1. Watch your tone.</h3>

Although you shouldn’t give any email that much thought, some should go into the tone you’re going for in your message and what level of formality is appropriate. When first writing someone, I aim for conversational, letting my personal voice show through while retaining the basic elements of formality, like a proper greeting, punctuation, spelling, etc. Depending on the response, I’ll adjust my correspondence accordingly—in my experience, matching tone can often make for better communication. (But don’t feel the need to sacrifice your intellectual integrity for someone intent on spelling it “u” instead of “you.”)

<h3>2. The period is no longer neutral.</h3>

You can feel the chill from across the office when someone sends you a sentence purposefully cut short with a period. Once unthreatening, it can now convey a healthy dose of snark, sternness or even <a href="https://www.american.edu/cas/lfs/faculty-docs/upload/text-messaging-and-im.pdf" target="_blank">aggression</a>. Take a second glance at your next message to make sure that period doesn’t make your correct punctuation sound unintentionally menacing or uptight.

<h3>3. It’s OK to use exclamation points (sparingly).</h3>

Exclamation points can be effective to express enthusiasm (or give an otherwise flat email a sense of levity) if used with restraint. I try to stick to one per email, and I draw a firm line at emoticons.

<h3>4. Your signoff can say a lot.</h3>

A few years ago I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but today ending an email with “Thanks” can come off as inadvertently curt. I usually use “Best” or “All the best” if I’m feeling fancy. I don’t see “Sincerely” too often anymore, unless it’s on a college intern’s application.

<h2>But Don’t Get Too Comfortable</h2>

Whether it’s via email or face to face, there are still a few areas where you can never be “too” professional, no matter how it’s defined in your workplace. At the end of the day, it’s still your job, and being able to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/8-tips-to-keep-professional-relationships-from-fizzling">preserve working relationships</a> should always be high on your priority list.

<h3>5. Be tactful.</h3>

Even if your office has a laid-back vibe, it’s pretty hard to come back from an uncomfortably flippant or politically incorrect remark—so use your filter. Whether it’s in a brainstorming session or just chatting in the break room, you’re in a work environment and there’s a level of professional respect implied; you never know what might offend another person.

<h3>6. Be constructive.</h3>

If there’s an issue, offer a solution, don’t just continue the negativity. It makes people uncomfortable and detracts focus from solving the problem. Avoid comments that could come off as belittling or condescending, especially in group settings.

<h3>7. Keep your cool.</h3>

Throwing a temper tantrum at work will instantly land you a glowing neon sign above your head that reads “Can’t keep it together like an adult.” This includes slamming drawers, stomping around, sighing loudly and aggressively muttering to yourself. If you have an issue with someone or something, take a walk, count to 10, or do whatever it is you need to do not to lose it. If you feel the need to raise the concern with a superior, collect your thoughts beforehand and head into the room with a cool head.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-best-career-advice-from-successful-people-who-made-it-to-the-top">The Best Career Advice, From Successful People Who Made It to the Top</a>

&nbsp;

Pinning down that perfect combination of personable-yet-poised professional is a learned skill.

Pinning down that perfect combination of personable-yet-poised professional is a learned skill. | SUCCESS

7 Tips to Be the Right Kind of Professional at Work

7 Tips to Be the Right Kind of Professional at Work | SUCCESS

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I’ve never met a personality test I didn’t want to take. Be it on BuzzFeed, in a crumpled magazine in the waiting room of the dentist’s office or of the Myers-Briggs variety, I’ll roll up my sleeves and get to work filling out those multiple choice questions with equal to greater seriousness than I had taking the SAT. Trivial at best and narcissistic at worst, these erroneous evaluators of identity are my longest-running guilty pleasure. (That, and faithfully tuning in to The Bachelor every Monday night since 2002).

My fascination with personality—my own, in particular—began in elementary school, where I would use our 10 minutes of free browsing time to scour the web for articles with titles like “What Your Zodiac Sign Says About You” that detailed the virtues and vices of my astrological designation. I would copy and paste the descriptions I liked best into a Word document, carefully curating a profile of the person I could one day expect to be.

Although I still checked my horoscope from time to time and took the occasional online quiz, in my first semester of college I graduated to the big leagues of those with an avid interest in identity, leaving star signs behind in favor of Psych 101.

One day, written in large letters on either end of the whiteboard were the words: “Introvert” and “Extrovert.” Although vaguely familiar with the Swiss psychiatrist <a href="https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/c-g-jungs-theory.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Carl Jung’s theory of psychological types</a>, I had never given them much thought. Extroverts are loud, introverts are quiet. What else was there to know?

But as the lecture progressed, I began mentally checking off the more nuanced <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/videos/youtube/the-power-of-introverts-in-a-world-that-cant-stop-talking">traits associated with introversion</a> that seemed to match my personality remarkably well.

<ul>
	<li style="margin-left: 0.5in;">Mentally “recharge” by being alone? Check. Not many people I know share my deep love of a solo grocery shop or movie date.</li>
	<li style="margin-left: 0.5in;">Have a constantly running internal monologue? Check. I often have to remind myself to contribute to conversation in group settings rather than just listen and observe.</li>
	<li style="margin-left: 0.5in;">Dread prolonged social interaction? God, yes. I’ve hidden in my fair share of bathrooms at parties and artfully avoided co-workers in public to circumvent small talk, I screen calls like it’s my job, and the words “<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-introverts-guide-to-networking">networking event</a>” make my blood run cold.</li>
</ul>

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-tips-for-introverts-to-survive-in-an-office-of-extroverts">5 Tips for Introverts to Survive in an Office of Extroverts</a>

Although I did have my outgoing moments, I wrote them off as a collective fluke, and by the end of class had self-diagnosed myself as an introvert. I left with a bounce in my step, all too happy to embrace this new definition of what it meant to be me.

But a few months ago, I stumbled across a third group. Looking back, perhaps I should have taken note that the words on the whiteboard were purposely spaced with plenty of room in between.

Ambivert: an individual who exhibits a combination of extroverted and introverted behaviors.

I spent the next few hours reading everything I could find online (my first stop admittedly being all four of BuzzFeed’s quizzes dedicated to the term, like <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukebailey/ambiverts-for-the-silver?utm_term=.fjPp03jK1#.boZRV14mX" target="_blank" rel="noopener">this one</a>). Though less prominent than the polarizing classifications of introvert and extrovert, the designation isn’t “new,” having been originally introduced in 1927 by social scientist Kimball Young. The concept of ambiversion gained traction in 2013 after Adam Grant, a professor of psychology at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, published a study in Psychological Science <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2013/04/10/move-over-extroverts-here-come-the-ambiverts/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">suggesting that ambiverts make for better salespeople</a> than extroverts, given their adaptive personality.

A piece published in 2015 in The Wall Street Journal lists <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/not-an-introvert-not-an-extrovert-you-may-be-an-ambivert-1438013534" target="_blank" rel="noopener">defining characteristics of ambiversion</a> as social flexibility, situational adaptability, intuitive communication and moderate mood.

I found myself identifying with all the hallmark traits of an ambivert, but this time around I didn’t see the discovery as a potential change in identity. I saw it as freedom from a label that I’d let dictate my actions—or inactions, in many cases—far too often. Hindsight being 20-20, introversion had become a catchall justification to avoid <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/why-stepping-outside-your-comfort-zone-is-worth-it-even-when-its-uncomfortable">doing things outside of my comfort zone</a>, from applying for leadership roles (introverts prefer to work alone) to social and professional events (introverts don’t like small talk). Now, I welcomed the idea of a middle ground, and accepted that perhaps I wasn’t just adept as passing for extroverted when the need arose.

While 6 times out of 10 I’m hiding out in the bathroom, the other four I’m the life of the party. I usually prefer to people-watch while traveling, but often find myself thoroughly enjoying a conversation with the stranger sitting next to me at the gate. I tend to prefer working alone, but enjoy <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/5-collaboration-tools-to-bring-your-next-great-idea-to-life">collaborating with the right group of individuals.</a> I’ve even had fun playing an icebreaker game (but that was just the one time).

It’s not always easy to know which side to lead with. The ability to read a situation and be self-aware enough to know what will make me happiest in that moment is a work in progress I doubt will end anytime soon. But the uncertainty about where I stand on this formerly rigid spectrum has sparked a rush of empowerment I hadn’t realized was missing.

At home, I’m more comfortable communicating whether I’m in the mood to decompress or be social—I can’t expect anyone to magically interpret my energy level. I also make sure my weekends are a good <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/6-tips-to-create-a-balanced-life">balance of alone time and activities.</a> Too much of one or the other leaves me feeling either a Cast Away-level of isolation, or like I’d better start paddling toward that island to avoid any further “small talk.”

At work, it’s all about knowing my limits. Some days I don’t mind the constant stream of co-workers stopping by my desk to chat on their way to the kitchen; others it’s my personal version of hell. On the latter, I wear headphones (with or without music). I won’t automatically say no to post-work happy hour, but will politely excuse myself if by 5 p.m. I feel an intense need to go immediately home and binge watch The West Wing.

Wherever I am, I now consider the words introvert and extrovert verbs rather than adjectives, and only call on my ambivert affiliation when I need a reminder to trust in my own adaptability. Because the real advantage to being an ambivert is not being defined by anything at all.

Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-understand-peoples-personality-types">How to Understand People's Personality Types</a>

It’s probably not what you think. | SUCCESS

The Ambivert Advantage

The Ambivert Advantage | SUCCESS

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Karin Vandraiss

Latest Articles

5 Good Lessons from Bad Bosses

How Perfectionism Hurts You

7 Tips to Be the Right Kind of Professional at Work

The Ambivert Advantage