The True Success Formula for Achieving Your Goals

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Personal Development | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

Success

Success Archives

Success | SUCCESS | What Achievers Read

January 17: The day most people <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-your-new-years-resolutions-are-absolutely-failing/">give up</a> on their New Year’s Resolutions



As the new year—and new
decade!—quickly approach, you might be considering what goals you would like to
achieve. But how can you make progress and not become a sad statistic,
succumbing to the January 17 “Give Up Day”?



Success in any field, in any
area of your life, starts from the inside out. Whatever changes you want to see
in your life (relationships, health, business), you must first begin with what
you are saying to yourself. Your internal dialogue will always determine your
external success. Thoughts such as, I am
stuck in this bad situation, for example, will elicit not only feelings of
helplessness but also an avoidance of taking any steps to make changes.



Luckily you can <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/how-to-cultivate-a-growth-mindset/">govern what goes in inside your mind</a>. Rest assured, I am not talking about superficial affirmations. I mean, have you ever tried to convince yourself something like, I can do this or I believe in myself, only to have your inner critic tell you, “BS!”?



Having said that, controlling your internal environment allows you to transform your external world. And one way to do that is by applying the <a href="https://elizabethlombardo.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="True Success Formula (opens in a new tab)">True Success Formula</a>.



The True Success Formula is
something I devised after working with clients for over two decades. As a
psychologist and coach who works with executives, entrepreneurs and sports
figures, my clients tend to be successful “on paper” and yet they feel like they
are missing something. Sure, they have created a significant amount of wealth
and they have achieved impressive milestones, but when asked if they are
successful, they point to needing to accomplish more before feeling fulfilled.




<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-is-success/">What Is Success?</a></blockquote>



That is where the True
Success Formula comes in. It entails three pillars that are paramount to
creating and enjoying real success in your life:



<ol><li>Passion: positive
energy even during tough times</li><li>Purpose: having
meaning in your life</li><li>People: optimizing
your relationships</li></ol>



How can the True Success
Formula help you with your goals? 



<h3>Passion: Boosting Your Positive Energy</h3>



When I say passion, I’m not talking about romantic love. I’m talking about <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/3-reasons-productive-passion-is-the-tool-you-need-to-succeed/">positive energy:</a> being in a place of gratitude for what’s going on, while at the same time being excited to make positive changes in your life. When you are motivated by passion, you are appreciative for what is happening and empowered to make things even better.



This is in sharp contrast to
victimhood. When we are in a place of victimhood, we feel helpless to make
changes. Victimhood can come in many forms: blaming external circumstances (if only I didn’t have so much work),
other people (if only my partner were
more supportive), and the past (I
tried in the past and it didn’t work, so I am stuck). While we cannot
always change the situation, we can always change our reaction to it.



Fear in the form of perfectionism
(it needs to be perfect or else why
bother) and procrastination (it will
be horrible to do, so I am going to put it off) can also rob us of our
passion.



One way to apply passion in your
life to help you achieve your goals is to stop beating yourself up. Consider how
often you replay over and over again mistakes you made. Maybe you gave a
presentation and flubbed over your words. Or maybe you had a heated
conversation with someone and, afterwards, you thought of a great comment you should
have made. How often are you berating yourself for the past?



An executive coaching client of
mine wanted to be a better leader—at the office and at home. When he was stressed,
he had a tendency to be short-tempered and irritable with those around him. “My
father was like this, too. It’s in my genes,” he told me. (Hear the victim mentality?)
When we explored how he might be able to achieve his goal, the topic of
meditation came up. “I tried that before; it didn’t work.” His frustration with
the past “failures” was preventing him from continuing to press forward to make
positive changes.



I have a saying: “It’s not
failure; it’s data.” By data, I mean information you can use to learn and grow.
In theory, meditation can be a great way to reduce stress and irritability,
stay focused, and be more optimistic. However, his past attempts had not
yielded the results he wanted. So, rather than beat himself up, I recommended
we look at what went into the outcome of not sticking with it.



The major obstacles that we uncovered included time and getting bored. To address these, we scheduled in his calendar daily five-minute breaks where he would meditate, and we downloaded an app on his phone that provide guided meditations that were more interesting to him.



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How can you learn from your past to make positive changes today and in the future?



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<h3>Purpose: Finding Your ‘Why’</h3>



It is often easy to be
motivated when you start out. The “rah-rah” of achieving your goal is high. If
you have ever gone to the gym during the first few weeks of January, you know
what I mean.



What happens, though, when
the honeymoon of making a resolution wears off? That is, when life “gets in the
way”? That’s when mindsets of I’m too
busy, there’s not enough time, or
I can never really do that can take
over.



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-is-my-purpose-in-life/">Purpose</a> can prevent this from happening. Your purpose is your “why,” or the meaning behind the changes you want to make. We have all heard the stories about grandmothers who lifted a car off their grandchild after they unexpectedly got caught underneath it. While those are extreme cases, they are a great reminder of the power of purpose. 



Hopefully you will never be put
in such a dire situation. However, focusing on your “why” can help you be a
superhero in your own life.



A client of mine was told by
her doctor that she was nearing the criteria for obesity with a BMI approaching
30. She decided to focus on working out, but as time progressed, she came up
with multiple reasons why she could not get to the gym.



When I asked her why she
wanted to lose weight, she said, “Because I don’t want to be fat.” When I asked
her to explore that desire even more, she came to the realization that, “What I
really want is to be a good role model for my children.” Her kiddos were
showing signs of following in her mother’s footsteps.&nbsp; 



This mother’s purpose—be a positive role model for her children so they would develop lasting healthy habits—was a strong motivator to her and propelled her to stick with her exercise program. The result? She achieved and ultimately maintained a healthy weight. Something that, when she focused on “not wanting to be fat,” she was not able to achieve. 



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What is your “why”? It is usually something deeper than “more money” or “looking good.” While there is nothing wrong with either of those things, a motivating purpose is often something more profound and meaningful. 



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<h3>People: Getting Great People Around You </h3>



We are social beings. As such,
optimizing your relationships with others is an important component of True Success.
When it comes to achieving your goals, this pillar is a great opportunity to
elicit assistance. This could mean making sure your partner is willing to
support your desired change, having an <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/10-steps-to-achieve-any-goal/">accountability
partner</a>, hiring a coach or joining a group of like-minded individuals.



<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/what-happened-when-i-tried-to-cut-the-negative-people-out-of-my-life/">We
are the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time.</a> If you
are hanging out with Negative Nellys (people who have every reason in the book
as to why they cannot achieve their goals, those who focus on the past as a
reason for their current situation), you are more likely to be in a state of
victimhood. The result of this is not achieving your goals and maintaining the
status quo.



Unfortunately, maintaining
the status quo can often lead to more problems. One client of mine wanted to
get ahold of her finances, but her husband was encouraging her to “enjoy life.”
Of course, one can enjoy life without spending a dime, but that was not how her
partner defined this state.



Not only did his
discouragement stop her from implementing smart saving principles, it also
resulted in them both spending a lot more money than they had. The result? When
it came time for her oldest to go to college, they could not afford to pay for it.
While this is not the end of the world (many families cannot afford the
astronomical tuition fees), had they been wiser in their saving, their son
would have had more options when it came to this next chapter of his life. It
also resulted in stress and tension between my client and her husband.



Find people in your life who can support you—the best version of you. Seek them out as friends, colleagues, co-workers and community members. It does not mean you have to get rid of all non-supportive people in your life. While it may be helpful, that is not always feasible. So look for ways to create a network that helps empower you—and where you may empower others.&nbsp; 



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What is the cost to you if you don't make your desired change? Whose support can you elicit to make that change?



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Use the True Success Formula to help you make the changes you want to make this year, this decade and forever.



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/rohn-4-tips-for-setting-powerful-goals/">4 Tips for Setting Powerful Goals</a></blockquote>



Image by Boszud / Shutterstock

There are three pillars that are paramount to creating and enjoying real success in your life: passion, purpose and people. Find out how each one can help you with your goals.

There are three pillars that are paramount to creating and enjoying real success in your life: passion, purpose and people. Find out how each one can help you with your goals. | SUCCESS

The True Success Formula: 3 Strategies for Achieving Your Goals

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The True Success Formula: 3 Strategies for Achieving Your Goals | SUCCESS

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Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., is a wealth psychologist helping entrepreneurs get out of their own way so they can have the successful businesses they want. Her newest book Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love is now available. How can you crush your inner critic? Learn more at www.ElizabethLombardo.com  

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Elizabeth Lombardo

What’s wrong with wanting something to be perfect? Nothing, unless it’s <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-why-some-people-fail-and-others-succeed">leading to your failure</a>. And that is exactly what can happen to perfectionists.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-perfectionism-hurts-you">How Perfectionism Hurts You</a>
Perfectionism refers to an all-or-nothing mentality: Something is either perfect or a failure; there is one right way and the rest are wrong.

Here are nine ways perfectionism may be leading to failure for you.
<h2>1. You are never done.</h2>
For perfectionists with such high standards, a project is never done because it doesn’t meet the criteria for “perfect.” As a result, you keep working on a task but never complete it. When I was writing my first book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Happy-You-Ultimate-Prescription-Happiness/dp/1600375324/ref=as_li_ss_tl?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1489504904&amp;sr=8-1&amp;linkCode=ll1&amp;tag=sm0fe-20&amp;linkId=2e2023ec6c2b2536d21a668feb903530" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness</a>, it took me more than two years to complete it because I was focused on making it perfect before getting it published. Maybe for you it’s a new website, an email to a new client or an article that would help market your business. All that avoidance of sharing your ideas, products or services is delaying and even preventing you and your business from growing.
<h2>2. You are stressed and discontent. </h2>
Perfectionism is extremely <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">stressful</a> because you’re constantly worrying about making everything perfect. Nothing is ever good enough, and that mindset robs you of ever feeling satisfied and fulfilled from your work.
<h2>3. You don’t take risks.</h2>
Although ostensibly about wanting things to be perfect, perfectionism is actually fueled by an intense fear of failure. As a result, you often adopt a mindset of, If I can’t do it perfectly, then I won’t even try. So you don’t go for the new job, apply to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/the-anatomy-of-a-simple-beautiful-tedx-talk">give a TEDx Talk</a> or pitch a media outlet that could help market your business. In essence, your fear of failure actually makes you fail.
<h2>4. Your creativity is suffocated. &nbsp;</h2>
If you are constantly stressed about doing something perfectly (and not failing), then <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/a-4-question-guide-to-unlock-your-creativity">your imagination and creativity</a> are squashed. And innovation, which is necessary for positive change and success, is hindered for a perfectionist.
<h2>5. You strive to keep everyone happy. </h2>
As a perfectionist, you are often a people pleaser, wanting others to think highly of you. With your all-or-nothing thinking, you see yourself as “good” if people like you and “bad” if they don’t. And with people pleasing comes a lot of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/4-steps-to-make-decisions-with-confidence">difficulty making decisions</a> and avoiding important conversations, for fear that you’ll upset someone else. As such, your work is often crippled.
<h2>6. You’re highly critical of others.</h2>
Perfectionists are constantly judging themselves. And because <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/if-you-want-to-change-your-life-change-what-you-think">what we say to ourselves</a> is often reflected in how we interact with other people, you’re probably judging other people, too. You might overtly point out what other people do wrong or be more passive aggressive, saying things like, “It must’ve been nice to be able to go home at 5 p.m. instead of finishing your work.” Being highly critical of others reduces the productivity of your team, and that can lead to your failure.
<h2>7. You can’t delegate.</h2>
Being a perfectionist often means you have a hard time delegating tasks to others. With an all-or-nothing mentality, you most likely believe that there is a right way to do something and that everything else is wrong. And because other people don’t always have the same understanding, you might not approve of their way. So you think, It's just easier to do it myself. But not delegating when you need to can cause all kinds of problems for your business and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/7-thoughtful-ways-to-stress-less">stress on yourself</a>.
<h2>8. You personalize everything.</h2>
A perfectionist has conditional self-worth, meaning you believe in yourself—if things go perfectly, if people like you, if you do a good job. Hearing any kind of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/how-to-overcome-the-fear-of-feedback">negative feedback</a> is pretty tough because you tend to personalize it, thinking something is either perfect or it’s a failure. And then you take it a step further: If I failed, then I'm a failure. This personalizing prevents you from getting the feedback you need to become better, which can ultimately lead to real failure.
<h2>9. You never rest.</h2>
Perfectionists often have the belief that I will rest (or play) when the job is done. Of course, the job is never done because it's never perfect enough. As such, you are at increased risk for <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/6-signs-of-job-burnout">burnout</a>, which is a surefire way to have your business or career fail.
Related: <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/the-secret-to-ending-perfection-paralysis">The Secret to Ending Perfection Paralysis</a>

You’ve stopped taking risks, trusting your creativity and trying new things.

You’ve stopped taking risks, trusting your creativity and trying new things. | SUCCESS

9 Reasons Perfectionism Is a Bad Thing

9 Reasons Perfectionism Is a Bad Thing | SUCCESS

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man using tips to speak better in conversation with colleague

You have great ideas and are on a mission to change the world—or at least part of the world. You want to make an impact on others. And you want people to take you seriously. So, how can you achieve these goals? While you can’t always control what others do, you can control yourself. And to optimize your effect, consider the virtues of using vocal influence to better speak to people.



To understand the importance of voice, let’s look at the research. One study published in <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fcomm.2022.909427/full" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Frontiers in Communication</a> found that, when comparing four vocal qualities—“modal, creaky, breathy (natural and artificial), (hyper-)nasalization and smiling (natural and extreme)”—both smiling vocal qualities resulted in higher listener ratings. On the other hand, researchers found that “the creaky vocal quality was consistently and significantly rated lower for all personality traits for all participants, and thus perceived more negatively overall.”



Among the findings of another study, this one published in the <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1747021819865833" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology</a>, was the evidence that listener ratings of speaker believability “were modulated by both the speaker’s vocal confidence level and their perceived in-group status.” Researchers found that “accent-based social categorization [appeared] to interfere with and delay critical operations for registering the significance of vocal expressions based on the acoustic features provided by the speaker.” However, researchers also found that “differences at the neurocognitive level do not always translate into obvious differences in how different speaker groups are judged... For example, Canadian listeners rated Canadian (in-group) and Australian (out-group/regional) speakers as equally believable when they used a confident voice...”



The take-home? People are judging you by your voice, potentially without even realizing it.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-to-speak-better-by-controlling-your-voice">How to speak better by controlling your voice</h2>



The good news is that you can make a few changes to optimize the impact of your voice. Here are nine tips to take control of your voice so you can speak better and <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/master-these-5-attributes-to-successfully-influence-others/">more powerfully influence others</a>:



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-use-a-deeper-voice">1. Use a deeper voice.</h3>



Studies have shown that a deeper voice is associated with being perceived as a leader, as well as more authoritative, knowledgeable and extroverted.



If you don’t naturally have a deep voice, though, be careful. A study published in the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199717305258" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Journal of Voice</a> asked graduate students in the field of speech communication disorders to “[rate] the desirability of 25 adjectives used to describe perceived speaker's affect,” which they then used to describe how they perceived eight vocal qualities displayed in the voices of female speakers, including vocal fry. While the majority of participants (64%) “used a mixture of desirable, in-between and undesirable” adjectives to describe vocal fry, 32% described it as only undesirable and just 5% described it as desirable. Additionally, when researchers created a “vocal quality profile” for the adjectives, they found that “vocal fry was the primary vocal quality associated with the adjectives vain (56%), apathetic/disinterested (48%), sleepy (38%), relaxed/chill (38%) and bored/unengaged (36%).”



However, lowering your voice to speak better may not always go wrong. A study published in the <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10919-019-00307-0" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Journal of Nonverbal Behavior</a> found that, when looking at male and female scientists who were engaged as faculty members at a university, both genders “[lowered] their vocal fundamental and formant frequencies when asked to provide their expert opinion compared to when giving easy campus directions,” with the female participants doing so with significantly greater frequency. Additionally, according to the study, “a playback experiment further indicated that foreign-speaking listeners judged the voices of faculty members as relatively more competent and more authoritative based on authority speech than control speech.”



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-change-your-inner-dialogue">2. Change your inner dialogue.</h3>



The other day I was working with a woman who I had hired to assist me with a specific project. It became immediately apparent that she felt some resentment toward me, despite me never having met her before. Her insecurities were inadvertently coming through in her voice—not in what she said but how she said it.



To prevent this from happening to you, address what you are saying to yourself by <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/changing-the-narrative-how-to-silence-your-inner-critic-in-the-new-year/">crushing your inner critic</a> in order to develop a confident and positive voice inside and out.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-smile-to-speak-better">3. Smile to speak better.</h3>



Smiling can actually <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/10-clever-tricks-to-trigger-positive-emotions/">cause you to feel happier</a>. And that positive mood may spread—research shows our own moods have the potential to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/the-science-of-changing-other-people/">influence the moods of others</a>. What’s more, smiling can influence the tone you produce, potentially helping you to sound more friendly and approachable.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-use-a-dynamic-tone">4. Use a dynamic tone.</h3>



Monotone, or a flat voice, conveys that you are boring—something that is unlikely to help you influence others. Instead, try to vary your tone with some higher and lower pitches. As mentioned earlier, a lower pitch may help you sound more compelling and engaging.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-speak-better-by-using-speed-wisely">5. Speak better by using speed wisely.</h3>



Slow speakers are judged as being less honest and less connected in conversation than those who speak more quickly. Faster-paced speakers are deemed more reliable and attentive—though make sure you avoid speaking too fast. Speaking quickly does not mean you should talk like an auctioneer. Rather, you should use speed in a manner that allows the listener to feel your excitement and still comprehend what you are saying.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-don-t-be-afraid-of-a-pause">6. Don’t be afraid of a pause.</h3>



While this may seem like a contradiction to the tip above, using pauses wisely can also help you be impactful. For example, pausing after a statement can help enhance its sense of importance and give audiences time to think through your point. A brief delay in speech can also help you gather your thoughts without <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/why-we-say-uh-and-um-when-speaking-in-public/">utilizing the dreaded “um”</a> or “you know” that can damage your effectiveness as a speaker when used too often.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-speak-in-their-accent">7. Speak in their accent.</h3>



Research finds that people tend to judge those with an accent or language that differs from theirs. While you may not be able to control your native tongue, you may want to consider taking steps to change your accent.



A friend of mine is a well-known TV personality who grew up with a thick Boston accent. When he moved, he realized how important it was to viewership to drop his Northeastern intonation.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-8-breathe-to-speak-better">8. Breathe to speak better.</h3>



Shallow, anxious breaths can negatively impact the quality of your voice. On the other hand, deep, belly breaths can reduce anxiety and improve vocal quality.



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-9-inflect-down">9. Inflect down.</h3>



Inflection refers to changes in tone and emphasis when speaking. Those who tend to use a rising inflection (starting with a lower pitch and ending higher, causing the sentence to end like a question) may irritate those around them or stop themselves from being taken seriously. Instead, use a downward inflection (going from a higher tone to lower) to convey confidence.



This article was updated August 2023. Photo by fizkes/Shutterstock

When you speak, people are judging you by your voice, potentially without even realizing it. Use these simple tips to speak better.

When you speak, people are judging you by your voice, potentially without even realizing it. Use these simple tips to speak better. | SUCCESS

9 Tips to Control Your Voice and Speak Better

How to Speak Better: 9 Tips to Control Your Voice | SUCCESS

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9 Tips to Say It Better

Can personal and professional success make you depressed? It actually can, depending on how you define it.As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in helping entrepreneurs get out of their own way so they can have the success they want. A lot of clients come in to see me with definitions of the word that, frankly, aren&rsquo;t working for them. The result? Perpetual disappointment, strained relationships, burnout, businesses that are not as profitable as they want, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/11-strategies-for-managing-stress" target="_blank" title="11 Strategies for Managing Stress | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">overwhelming stress</a> and even depression.What about you? Are your definitions of success causing you more pain and less prosperity? Here are five common ways people define success&mdash;definitions that, in reality, could be leading to significant distress:1. Success means making more and more money.People often think, If I had millions of dollars, life would be great. That would be true success. In reality, when your primary motivator is money, you lose focus on what&rsquo;s truly important to you. And having a sense of meaning and purpose is critical to your psychological well-being. There is a type of depression called existential depression that is caused by a lack of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/answer-6-questions-to-reveal-your-life-purpose" target="_blank" title="Answer 6 Questions to Reveal Your Life Purpose | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">true passion and meaning in your life</a>&mdash;focusing on money over meaning is a great way to feel empty and down.2. Success means having a certain title.So often, I see people getting on what I call the Self-Worth Treadmill. They think, When I get to a director level, then I&rsquo;ll be successful. Then once they achieve that title, they search for the next way to determine their self-worth: When I become an executive, then I will be successful. And if it&rsquo;s not a title, it could be some other arbitrary criteria.Like being on a treadmill, you feel the need to keep going for the next step, never feeling fully satisfied for what you have accomplished. Once you achieve one goal, you are looking for the next thing. By continuing to define your success&mdash;and worth&mdash;by superficial external measures, you will fail to feel fully satisfied. And that can cause a plummet in your mood.3. Success means that I put certain things on hold (like my relationships or my own health) in order to achieve it.If I had a dollar for every client who told me, &ldquo;I will take care of that (relationships, health, stress) when things calm down,&rdquo; I would be a rich woman.People often put their heart and soul into their work. In this day and age when the lines of professional and personal time are so blurred, I often find clients working excessive hours. They justify it saying that achieving success requires that they focus on their business. The result? Social isolation, lack of exercise, sleep deprivation and poor eating habits, all of which can contribute to depression.The real secret to success is to <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/10-steps-to-a-healthier-you" target="_blank" title="10 Steps to a Healthier You | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">include time for yourself</a> and your relationships. World-class athletes know the importance of intense training and intense rest. Apply that in your life&mdash;and it doesn&rsquo;t have to be perfect. Don&rsquo;t have an hour to work out? Drop the all-or-nothing perfectionistic thinking. A walk around the block is better than perfect.4. Success means not making a mistake.The fear of failure can be paralyzing for many. It can lead to working for hours on one small, insignificant detail. For others, it can cause procrastination and avoidance. In order to be successful, many believe, my work must be perfect. So they hold off on publishing that book, releasing a new product or giving a speech until it&rsquo;s perfect.The result? Lack of productivity, as well as depression. In fact, <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-ways-perfectionism-is-getting-in-your-way" target="_blank" title="5 Ways Perfectionism Is Getting in Your Way | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">perfectionism</a>, which entails a view that your work (and you) are either perfect or a failure, is a strong predictor of depression. In reality, success is often fueled by &ldquo;failures&rdquo; if you use them as learning opportunities.5. Success means being entitled to special privileges, experiences and services.Entitlement, or thinking you deserve something just because of who you are, is a surefire way to feel miserable. Think of the celebrity divas (male and female) who are in the news for yelling at a flight attendant for doing their job or throwing a tantrum for not getting their way. Entitlement is, ironically, caused by <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-business-of-self-esteem" target="_blank" title="The Business of Self-Esteem | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">low self-worth</a>. Those who feel entitled get upset when they don&rsquo;t receive the treatment they think they should; it is a huge blow to their ego. And such a fragile ego is a prime ingredient for depression.Instead of viewing the world as here to serve you, concentrate on how you are here to serve the world in whatever way feels right to you. This will boost your happiness and your success.Success is based not only on your profits but also on your purpose&mdash;applying your values and strengths, focusing on what is important to you. So, how do you define success?<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-definition-of-success" target="_self" title="The Definition of Success | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener">See what personal development expert Zig Ziglar says success is&mdash;and what it isn&rsquo;t.</a>

[node:summary] - 5 common definitions for success that lead to disappointment and distress

Can personal and professional success make you depressed? It actually can, depending on how you define it.As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in | SUCCESS

Is Success Making You Depressed?

Is Success Making You Depressed? | SUCCESS

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Change. It’s a scary thing, and fears associated with change often cause people to just give up.

But how scary is not making a change? Let me ask you to try this. Pick up a 50-pound rock and carry it around with you. No, not just for a few seconds, or even a few hours. Do it forever. That’s what an unexecuted change can feel like. It weighs you down, potentially adversely affecting other areas of your life.

Just how much is maintaining the status quo costing you? Like <a title="John C. Maxwell: Why John Wooden's Teams Won | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/john-maxwell-why-john-woodens-teams-won" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Coach John Wooden</a> said, “Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/john-c-maxwell-it-only-takes-6-steps-to-change-your-life" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">John C. Maxwell: It Only Takes 6 Steps to Change Your Life</a>
Here’s how a lack of change can affect seven fundamental areas of your life:
<h2>1. Psychological Wellness:</h2>
That rock that you are carrying around can cause all kinds of stress for you. You might be feeling irritable, sad, helpless or even worthless. And not making change can cause your <a title="The Business of Self-Esteem | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-business-of-self-esteem" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">self-esteem</a> to plummet.

It takes mental energy to&nbsp;not&nbsp;do something, even though you know it would be helpful. The result? Reduced focus, concentration, creativity and mental acuity.
<h2>2.&nbsp;Physical Health:</h2>
That 50-pound weight affects your physical health, too. The anxiety can cause headaches, backaches, GI issues, chest pains or even more colds (due to a suppressed immune system).

And the mental stress can also affect your physical health—think Ben &amp; Jerry’s therapy or head-hits-the-pillow-and-my-mind-takes-off syndrome.
<h2>3.&nbsp;Relationships:</h2>
If the change you are avoiding has to do with a relationship, what is that costing you? Are you settling for “comfortable” at the cost of having a <a title="8 Traits of Healthy Relationships | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/8-traits-of-healthy-relationships" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">healthy and positive relationship</a>?

A lot of successful entrepreneurs and executives who put their personal lives on hold while developing their businesses and careers rationalize their choices. They rationalize: I might not spend my time with my spouse or family, but I am working hard to give them a good lifestyle.

Yes, you&nbsp;have&nbsp;been working hard. But a lack of personal connection with loved ones, while giving them monetary support, can lead to divorce from your spouse or entitlement from your child—two ways to find yourself miserable.
Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/rohn-change-begins-with-choice" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">Rohn: Change Begins with Choice</a>

<h2>4. Work:</h2>
Is staying the same in your business making you lose money? Is&nbsp;not&nbsp;expanding preventing your company from growing?

A client who just launched her business told me she couldn’t afford an assistant so early in the process. To explore the validity of that belief, I asked her to document all the things an assistant could do for her and put a price tag to each line. The result? An estimated 150 percent return on investment. Turned out she was wrong. And when she actually did hire an assistant, her ROI was over 200 percent.
<h2>5. Fun:</h2>
Maybe you’ve been avoiding “fun.” Many entrepreneurs think, I’ll have fun&nbsp;when&nbsp;I am successful.

But research shows something quite different. Fun promotes <a title="The Science of Being Happy | SUCCESS.com" href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-science-of-being-happy" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">happiness</a>, and positive psychology shows us how important that is to our work. Sales increase 37 percent, work engagement boosts and productivity enhances by 31 percent.
<h2>6. Finances:</h2>
The changes you are&nbsp;not&nbsp;making may very well be leading to a lack of financial growth in your business or personal life.

One client was “too busy” to keep tabs on her profit and loss. When she finally did, she found more than $325 of unnecessary monthly expenses.
<h2>7. Spirituality:</h2>
It is tough to be the true you, to apply your values and strengths, when you are stressed out. And when we are not our authentic selves, we often behave in unhealthy ways: excessive shopping, substance abuse, overeating. A life of purpose and meaning is easier to achieve when you do not have stressors, like a needed change, holding you down.

When you make the changes to become the real you, an energetic shift occurs, in both you and those around you.
Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/if-you-want-to-change-your-results-you-have-to-change-your-thinking-first" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">If You Want to Change Your Results, You Have to Change Your Thinking First</a>

Change. It’s a scary thing, and fears associated with change often cause people to just give up. But how scary is not making a change? Let me ask you to

Change. It’s a scary thing, and fears associated with change often cause people to just give up. But how scary is not making a change? Let me ask you to | SUCCESS

7 Parts of Your Life That Suffer When You Fail to Change

7 Parts of Your Life That Suffer When You Fail to Change | SUCCESS

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Imagine yourself…

…messing up during a big presentation. 

…blowing the job interview. 

…watching the project you worked so hard on go up in smoke.

Just picturing any one of those scenarios can make our pulses rise and our stomachs fall. This is because we, as humans, dread failure. The anticipation of <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/11-strategies-for-managing-stress" target="_self" title="11 Strategies for Managing Stress | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">it can lead to stress</a>, anxiety, anger, shame, regret—all of which can get in the way of pursuing the lives we want to lead.

Take this: Some people might long for a career boost—a new challenge, a promotion, even starting a business—but the fear of failing keeps them from taking the risks needed to effect that change. So instead they hold back, reluctant to give 100 percent, and others are so paralyzed by fear that they never even try.

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-7-reasons-we-fail" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 7 Reasons We Fail</a>

Embarrassment about failure can bring people to dwell on the details, maybe even berate themselves over the outcome. I think of this as rubbing salt in a wound. It hurts, and it prevents healing.

So why not reframe this concept of failure?

As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in helping entrepreneurs get out of their own way so they can have the successful businesses they want. One client came in distraught that he hadn’t landed a big account he’d worked so hard to get.

“I did everything I could,” he told me. “I put hours into that presentation—even bought a new suit, spent time and money I didn’t have. Now I’m back at square one.”

I asked him why he thought he didn’t get the account. With a look of annoyance he responded, “Because I wasn’t good enough.”

I probed him for further possible reasons. This was a bold move considering his level of frustration, but I hoped to uncover what was really at play here. “I don’t know. Because they never wanted to work with us to begin with and were just stringing me along.”

We continued this process. After imagining numerous possible explanations, my client realized, “I guess I don’t really know why they turned us down.”

Bingo.

Sure, not getting the outcome you want can be tough. I’m not pretending otherwise. The key, though, is to not let this setback keep you from moving forward.

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/why-you-need-to-stop-worrying-about-failing" target="_self" rel="noopener noreferrer">Why You Need to Stop Worrying About Failing</a>

And by the way, it’s not failure—it’s data.

Remember high school science? The scientific method is all about failure. Sometimes the findings are consistent with the hypothesis and sometimes not. So you note which ingredients or measurements didn’t produce the desired result, and you try again with different ones—taking a different approach.

It’s not failure—it’s data.

It’s from trying and failing again and again that so many things worth achieving have been accomplished, from Alexander Graham Bell trial-and-erroring his way to inventing the telephone to Ferdinand Zeppelin achieving flight, after many attempts.

So, how can you <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/failing-to-succeed" target="_self" title="Failing to Succeed | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">use “failure” to your advantage</a>? Try these five steps:

<h2>1. Stop judging.&nbsp;</h2>

Silence your inner critic. What happened happened. Forgive yourself and others—shame and resentment only hold you back. So instead of dwelling on the past, focus on what you can do in the present and the future. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Nothing is perfect. Just learn from what happened and continue to improve.

<h2>2. Focus on WHY.&nbsp;</h2>

Like a determined, unbiased detective, explore and list all the possible reasons the outcome occurred. This vital collection of data will help craft your next approach. 
 
If you can, try to determine what precise variables created the outcome. For example, when my client went through this process, he chose to swallow his pride and ask his point person why he lost the big account. What he learned helped him land his next three accounts.

<h2>3. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.&nbsp;</h2>

Fear of failure can cause paralysis—from overanalyzing but never plunging, from staying within the realm of certainty. But powerful change doesn’t usually occur in the comfort zone. So take a chance, make a calculated leap…. Allow yourself to get into a state of discomfort. That is the only way you can fulfill your potential.

<h2>4. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.&nbsp;</h2>

No one reaches the finish line on the first try. Your path will have its ups and downs, too. Don’t dwell on each 100-meter sprint; <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/learn-to-develop-extreme-focus" target="_self" title="Learn to Develop Extreme Focus | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">focus on your long-term goal</a>.

<h2>5. Acknowledge your progress.&nbsp;</h2>

Try to ditch any all-or-nothing thinking you might be guilty of. What does that mean? “I haven’t succeeded yet” is not the same as “I failed.” If you’re halfway through running a marathon, should you criticize yourself for the miles you haven’t yet covered? No! <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/attitude-adjustment-101-say-it-out-loud-with-me" target="_self" title="Attitude Adjustment 101: Say It Out Loud with Me… | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">You acknowledge the tremendous progress</a> you’ve already made—and you keep going. And before you know it, you’ll be more than halfway there.

Don’t let fear stop you from fulfilling your goals. And don’t settle for the safe plan. Learn from the past to create the present and future you desire.&nbsp;

Related:&nbsp;<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/a-success-story-of-9529-failures">A Success Story of 9,529 Failures</a>

Imagine yourself… …messing up during a big presentation. …blowing the job interview. …watching the project you worked so hard on go up in smoke. Just

Imagine yourself… …messing up during a big presentation. …blowing the job interview. …watching the project you worked so hard on go up in smoke. Just | SUCCESS

5 Ways to Reframe Failure

5 Ways to Reframe Failure | SUCCESS

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Business &amp; Branding

Business &amp; Branding Archives

Stay ahead in business: strategies and insights for success

Have you ever struggled to work with people who weren&rsquo;t team players? Maybe they refused to listen to others, dismissed feedback, behaved arrogantly or even refused to do their share of a project?Take these frustrating examples:&bull; My boss drives me crazy. He micromanages everything and never lets me work on my own. He treats me like a child. &bull; My colleague takes forever to get me her part of a project. And then she&rsquo;s always making revisions, messing up what I already spent time doing. &bull; I can&rsquo;t stand working with him. He thinks his ideas are the only ones that have merit.These crazy-making people are perfectionists. You may think that a perfectionist is someone who likes things to be neat and orderly, but there&rsquo;s much more to it than that.A perfectionist is someone who thinks in all-or-nothing terms: A presentation is either perfect or it&rsquo;s a failure. There is one way to do something, and all the others are wrong. You either like my work or you hate it. If I can&rsquo;t do it perfectly, then why bother at all?<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/blog/5-ways-perfectionism-is-getting-in-your-way" target="_blank" title="5 Ways Perfectionism Is Getting in Your Way | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">This syndrome leads not just to frustration</a>, but to real damage&mdash;for the perfectionist and the people working with them. Just one perfectionist in an office can lead to strained relationships, depression, increased stress, reduced productivity, decreased profitability and even failed businesses.Although it hides behind the mask of &ldquo;excellence,&rdquo; perfectionism is more about avoiding failure than it is about striving for success. Because perfectionists personalize outcomes, it&rsquo;s not just the work that&rsquo;s at stake&mdash;if the project is a failure, then she views herself as a failure, too.Perfectionists come in many shapes, sizes and flavors, including:&bull; The micromanager who makes sure you do things his way &bull; The &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll just do it myself&rdquo; colleague who will redo something you already completed &bull; The overachiever who goes to work early, stays late and sends email at 3 a.m. &bull; The underachiever who <a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/the-perils-of-procrastination" target="_blank" title="The Perils of Procrastination | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">procrastinates</a> or who avoids challenges and promotions &bull; The details fanatic who asks multiple questions and won&rsquo;t start until &ldquo;everything is in order&rdquo; &bull; The &ldquo;half-bridge&rdquo; builder who starts projects but never finishes them &bull; The team member who refuses feedback or who argues against constructive criticismIt&rsquo;s easy to get annoyed by these people, but take heart: You can transform your interactions with them and make things better for both of you. The key is to change your perception of perfectionism.Here&rsquo;s how:1. Reframe your opinion. Sure, all-or-nothing thinkers can be a challenge&mdash;but try imagining how stressful it would be to be one. We can certainly appreciate that they want do a good job, even if the intensity level is higher. Try to relax about it yourself.2. Don&rsquo;t personalize. A perfectionist&rsquo;s behavior is not about you. Even comments about your work or changing what you&rsquo;ve already done are not attacks on you. They&rsquo;re simply reflections of the perfectionist&rsquo;s insecurities&mdash;so try to reframe how you respond to them without getting defensive.3. Communicate. Perfectionists tend to have high standards and rules, whether they&rsquo;re about how a project should turn out or how a person should behave. The trouble is, those expectations aren&rsquo;t always shared with others. So ask them.Try saying this: &ldquo;Just so we&rsquo;re on the same page, what is it exactly you&rsquo;re looking for? What can I do to ensure this turns out as you&rsquo;d like?&rdquo; You might be pleased by the response you get.4.Be consistent and reliable. Perfectionists fear that others will drop the ball&mdash;and that fear increases their stress. So if you don&rsquo;t respond or complete a task when you said you would, that will likely add to the tension. Do your share so you don&rsquo;t add more stress to the mix.5. Encourage. Just like everyone else, perfectionists want to feel good about themselves&mdash;they just happen to put their sense of self-worth in their work. So let them know how much you appreciate them and the quality they strive for. They&rsquo;ll likely appreciate your contribution in turn.<a href="https://successcom.wpenginepowered.com/article/a-short-guide-to-taming-your-inner-perfectionist" target="_self" title="A Short Guide to Taming Your Inner Perfectionist | SUCCESS.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">But what if you&rsquo;re the one struggling with perfectionism? Check out a short guide to taming your inner perfectionist.</a>

Have you ever struggled to work with people who weren&rsquo;t team players? Maybe they refused to listen to others, dismissed feedback, behaved arrogantly

Have you ever struggled to work with people who weren&rsquo;t team players? Maybe they refused to listen to others, dismissed feedback, behaved arrogantly | SUCCESS

Is Perfectionism Bringing Down Your Business?

Is Perfectionism Bringing Down Your Business? | SUCCESS

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