Get real—with your spouse. According to Phillip C. McGraw, aka Dr. Phil, that “go with the flow” free-spirit thing probably isn't working. Instead, it's time to put goal management to work at home. McGraw says to create a goal plan to strengthen your relationship, couples should evaluate what’s already good about their relationship and deal with what’s not. A happy and successful relationship is about talking over decisions and ideas, and boarding the same train to a shared future with shared goals and expectations. You must learn to value each other’s needs and wants, as well as your connection as a couple.
In his 2001 classic, Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner, Dr. Phil discusses what he calls personal relationship values. Here are three:
1. Own Your Relationship: “Owning your relationship means that you accept responsibility for creating your own experience. You are the architect of your thoughts. You choose the attitudes that you bring into the relationship.… And you choose how you act and how you react to your partner in your relationship.”
2. Accept Your Partner: “The need for acceptance is so profound that I would venture to say that most, if not all, issues that cause conflict in a relationship ultimately come down to one or both partners feeling rejected—and, in turn, wanting to feel accepted.”
3. Promote Your Partner’s Self-Esteem: “Now, you must resolve to interact with your partner in a way that protects or enhances their self-esteem. This is about bringing the spirit of acceptance into affirmative, interactive action.”
You can link the above to the business world, too. Accept responsibility for your business and office performance. Encourage a positive office atmosphere where employees feel valued and accepted. And promote positive engagement and inspire employees to excel in their skills.
To sum it up, shared values and shared goals will push you to success—in relationships and business.