Every single human has a unique definition for success based on how they grew up, but there are definitely some common behaviors that prevent each of us from fully transforming our lives.
This week, money and sales strategist Allyson Byrd joins In the Details host Karen Allen to help listeners get closer to their dreams and desires by using patterns to their advantage, incorporating self-integrity into manifestation and determining how to give your power and energy to things that really serve you.
First, define what success means to you.
Byrd’s definition of success changes every single day based on the people she encounters and the lessons she takes from their success. She thinks we need to have the freedom to evolve our vision as we become more aligned with the truth. While it’s important to accept and identify where you currently are, you must also give yourself permission to dream beyond.
Your parents/culture play a role in your definition of success.
Ask yourself what your parents did for a career, and what success meant to them. Unlocking the answers to these questions can unlock understanding about what you want, and perhaps why your parents’ definition of success might be considered mild compared to your own.
If you don’t have access to your roots, look at what the culture you grew up in told you about what the parameters of success were or should be for people of your gender, race, age, etc. Doing all this can help you get honest about where you are and where you want to go. You may have felt stifled if you didn’t see an example of success growing up, or if you don’t feel worthy of it. But answering these questions and getting to your true desires will help create clarity so you can get into a state of intentionality.
If we don’t have clarity in ourselves, we’ll feel like any opportunity is the next or best thing rather than being on a purposeful path to success.
Don’t break patterns: use them to your advantage.
It’s very difficult to break a pattern, so instead, take a page from Byrd’s book. When she wanted to lose weight, she identified a pattern in herself—she was obsessive about eating the same thing several days in a row. She therefore duplicated the pattern with a healthier food choice. Or when she notices her micromanaging pattern beginning to emerge, she avoids projecting it onto her team or relationship. Instead, she comes to herself with loving kindness and tries to determine what inside of herself she needs to control or deal with. So instead of focusing on something not being helpful to you as it currently stands, ask yourself how you can use this habit or pattern for good.
The missing element of manifestation: self-integrity.
Byrd believes that the majority of humans who are trying to manifest things in their lives and saying they want a certain thing are not being honest with themselves on the why or the deeper issue with their goal. For example, if you’re trying to manifest a car, you’re perhaps ignoring the issue that your ability to purchase a vehicle just isn’t there. Therefore, perhaps you need to pay more attention to why your credit score is bad.
Give yourself permission.
Before you manifest something for yourself, you need to do two things. First, manifest a place to belong and a family dedicated to your success. Most of us don’t want to commit the crime of outshining others, but perhaps you need to find a tribe that dreams big. Secondly, give yourself permission to receive ease. Many people believe hard work and grit is the evidence that they’re doing good for themselves, and that ease is synonymous with laziness. Learning how to say yes to help can be an enlightened gift you give yourself.
Where are you giving your power away?
Perhaps every day you wake up feeling frustrated, and that’s interfering with your path to success. Ask yourself what you’re giving most of that power and frustration to—are there things you can do to alleviate that? Then identify the flip side of that question—where am I esteeming, uplifting and cherishing my power? Whatever it is, do more of that.
Maybe you feel very powerful at the gym; you’re self-led, you enjoy people watching, etc., but at work you’re in a silo at your kitchen table, which doesn’t work for you. Perhaps you could join a co-working space where you’d enjoy that gym-like atmosphere. In areas of life where you feel powerless, try to incorporate the recipe from a time where you felt like you were winning.
If you can transform one moment, then you can transform one day, one week, one month—and then you’re transforming your entire life.
Jill McDonnell is a Chicago-based content writer and communications professional. She has a bachelor's degree in magazine journalism from the University of Missouri-Columbia and a master's degree in public relations and advertising from DePaul University. She is currently at work on a psychological thriller novel.